Introduction – Kenny

Sometimes I wonder what it's like to be normal. I mean, I'm pretty normal compared to everyone else in this town, but I'm not normal when it comes to social standards. I'm more of an outcast, or a freak, even. I mean, I'm poor, I've worn the same fucking parka year after year, and, despite that I'm on welfare and I've got a job, I still don't eat enough to consider healthy.

Of course, I don't really mind. I got used to it long ago. I just wish Cartman wouldn't rip on me all the time. That fat fuck is always getting on my case about me being poor. He flaunts his money like it's nothing, "struts his stuff" when he gets expensive clothes, and always, always, makes sure to eat the most expensive food served in the cafeteria as slow… as… possible.

Anyways, now that my little ranting is over, maybe I ought to introduce myself to you.

My name's Kenny McCormick. I'm sure you all saw the show I was in when I was young; I was the one who 'died' all the time. I swear, I think the creators of that show just loved to off me. I even caught one of them masturbating to the thought of killing me once! Do you know how sick that is, man? I had nightmares for weeks! Jesus…

Sorry about that. I guess I'm just in a ranting mood. But anyways, back to introducing myself.

Okay… Let's see… Name: check. Show: check. Family: … Ah! We'll go there next!

My family's pretty weird. My dad's an abusive drunk and is in jail, my older brother ran away, and my mom… She died a few years ago. Dad got really drunk one night and literally beat the shit out of her. I was at Kyle's that night, so I didn't know anything had happened until the next day when I went home and found Mom in a puddle of blood. I've had to live on my own ever since. Of course, social services come out to check on me every couple months, and I get some money to support myself, but otherwise I have to fend for myself.

I work at the local coffee shop with Tweek and Craig. Though, really, I'm the one who does most of the work; Tweek and Craig seem to think that they're joined at the lips. I don't mind, though. More tips for me, less for them. Tweek's dad, Mr. Tweak, is pretty cool, too. He's sometimes gives me bonuses in my paycheck for no reason what-so-ever. I asked him about it once, and he just said, he was "trying to be a good neighbor and help me up like Tweak's coffee does on a cold, rainy morning." Whatever that means.

Stan and Kyle help me out, too. They're in a similar situation to me considering Kyle's bitch-of-mother disowned him when she found out that he was gay. ("That's a sin!") Stan's parents accepted them pretty well, though, and they even let Kyle move in with them after Sheila's overreaction. I feel jealous of them, really, since they share such an intense relationship. I've never been that close to anybody.

…

I need to tell you more about myself. I mean, I'm supposed to be introducing me to you, not my friends to you.

As you can tell, I'm pretty fair-minded. I don't usually take anything to heart; you learn to ignore things when you're poor. However, I'm quite the adventurous type. I remember when I was younger and I used cat piss to get high. Hahaha, ohh, what a great three days those were. Major boobage, dude. That world was rockin'. Anywayd, I eventually OD'd, and in the show I actually died. But, as you can tell, I'm alive and well, and have moved on to even greater drugs.

Just last year I started using heroin. Man is that shit fucked up! The places you go while hyped up on those drugs… Oh, man, you wouldn't believe all the awesome shit I did! I got to swim with fish in outer space; I found out God is actually a chick then had sex with her; I even ate the moon, dude! It's actually not cheese—it's a doughnut hole. Weird, huh?

Anyways, aside from my experimenting and weirdness, I'm actually a pretty cool dude. I'm up for just about anything—but I know when to stop; I'm not a complete and total idiot… Okay, maybe I am. But that's beside the point.

You know, talking to you, it's made me notice something:

Normal is what you are used to, it's not how someone acts. If someone says you're weird, it's because you're different from their 'normal.' So, I guess that means I would be 'normal' in that sense.

Right, so now that I've introduced myself, why don't you introduce yourself? I mean, introductions are the most important part of developing a friendship…

End.

Right, so I've started doing the 100 Themes Challenge. This is for the first theme, Introduction. Tell me what y'all think, 'kay?