Title: Keith and the Country Getaway (almost)
Author: Keith-Starbright-Exists
Genre: General/Comedy
Rating: R
Summary: Keith, Suzi, Becca, Charlotte and Wifery set off on a journey to St John's in the vale but somehow they end up at Hogwarts. Watch out for Charlotte she wants to get around!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, not Harry Potter nor Keith Starbright nor "Lithium" by Nirvana so don't sue please
Dedications: To Becca, couldn't have done it without u, Charlotte thanks for being blonde and Joe it wouldn't have been the same without the sweets that are pink with silver streaks
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One day Keith woke up and decided to go into the country on holiday. So he travelled to England on a bright orange aeroplane with his best mate Suzi (aka Satan). They got into London and decided to rent a car from the rent-a- car booth at the airport. Keith had lots of money so he payed whilst Suzi glared at the sales clerk. The petrified young man gave Suzi and Keith a black Jaguar with the license plate 'GTH GRL' on it. Suzi drove manically towards Withnell near Chorley, her old home town. On the way, Suzi and Keith picked up Becca and Charlotte and invited them along on their country getaway, they immediately agreed. After Becca and Charlotte were strapped to the back of the car with purple and black flashing rope, they set off again. Once they were in Withnell. Suzi parked the car in front of her wife's house where she barged past the iguana shaped neighbours and rescued her wife from a monkey called Dave. Dave got angry and started crying for his mate, Jennifer. A big, fat, hairy ape came and offered her services to Dave, this was Jennifer.
When Wifery climbed onto the back of the car, Keith touched her ass n then kissed it. Wifery was pleased and went back to tying herself up.
Off they went again this time towards their destination, St John's in the vale. Suddenly, they crashed into a wall, but instead of smashing up the car they flew through it and landed near the Hogwarts Express. They were on platform 9 ¾. Becca and Suzi jumped for joy and said,
"Lets go to Hogwarts!" The others agreed and they silently sneaked onto the train and found a free compartment. Keith wanted a Chocolate Frog and Charlotte wanted some Butterbeer because she was starting to feel sober. So off they went to find the snack trolley, leaving the others chattering away excitedly.
Without warning. The train lurched forward and stopped, sending the three remaining occupants into a state of despair.
"That shouldn't have happened" said Wifery.
"I know that you schnitt!" exclaimed Suzi whilst rubbing her ass which felt like she had been in the mosh pit at the gig on Saturday night.
"I can see the birdies!" Becca said whilst toppling over again.
"Uh-oh, I think she's concussed" stated Wifery "Hospital wing for her." Keith and Charlotte came back and asked whether anyone knew what was going on.
A dark shadow suddenly descended over the crowded compartment as a figure in a long black cloak swept towards them.
"Expecto Patronum!" a voice shouted from behind the figure. A silver stag came out of nowhere and chased the figure away.
As everyone caught their breath, the person who had shouted stepped out of the shadows and introduced himself.
"I'm Harry Potter and if I'm not wrong you've never been on the Hogwarts Express before?"
"Well you would be correct in your assumption, Becca and I wanted to go to Hogwarts" Suzi said whilst indicating herself and Becca "This is Keith Starbright, Charlotte, Wifery, Becca and I'm Suzi"
"Nice to meet...." His sentence trailed off as three new voices joined the conversation.
"Harry! We're so glad that your still alive, did you see those dementors?" exclaimed a girl with shocking red hair.
"Yes I did! Had to frighten one off of these lot" he said indicating the brat pack. After Ron, Hermione and Ginny had been introduced to the brat pack, the train had started to move towards Hogwarts once again.
Once they had reached Hogwarts they all climbed into a carriage and sat having a light conversation until they finally reached the castle.
The brat pack set off to find Professor Dumbledore in his office after dropping Becca off at the hospital wing where she had started a rather interesting conversation with Luna Lovegood about trying to get singing lessons with Sirius Black.
Later on, Neville Longbottom walked in trying to hide some flowers behind his back. He walked up to Luna and said
"Here, these are for you" all the while he was blushing like a big beetroot. Becca in her state of unsubtlenessnessnessnessisingly said
"Awwwwwwwww Luna give Neville a big kiss its obvious he likes you" all the time dancing around her bed until Madame Pomfrey caught Becca by the scruff of her t-shirt and dragged her back to her hospital bed.
Meanwhile in other parts of the castle, Charlotte had finally found Dumbledore's office with the help of a very scared 5th year student. She said the password (firewhiskey) and climbed the stairs only stopping to knock briefly on the door. A deep voice told her to enter. The man in front of her looked just like Brad Pitt with an ass like Orlando Bloom (Drink clouds judgement). Her first words were
"Dumbledore, you sexy beast!" before she forced herself on him.
"Will you marry me, intoxicated blonde girl?" he asked after a lot of naughty things. She agreed after finding out that Dumbledore owned a lot of land and many bank accounts full of galleons. They used a portkey and travelled to a church in Mianus where they got married whilst having hot monkey sex.
Back at the castle the remaining members of the brat pack teamed up with the trio plus one and went to the Griffindor common room where Hermione and Ron went up to his dorm room to do naughty things and Ginny and Keith went to a dark corner to "talk". Leaving Harry, Wifery and Suzi sitting rather uncomfortably on the floor near the fire.
After a while of boredom, Wifery decided to go find the kitchens whilst Harry and Suzi went to visit Becca and Luna in the hospital wing.
When they reached the hospital wing, they heard manic giggling coming from inside. Madame Pomfrey was lying on her back fast asleep whilst Becca and Luna were jumping around to Nirvana's "Lithium".
After settling them both in their own beds and laying Madame Pomfrey in a spare one. Becca suddenly grabbed hold of Harry's cloak and snogged him senseless, well she was senseless because she had collapsed, he looked very perturbed.
Whilst Harry and Suzi walked back to the Griffindor tower, Wifery had found someone to show her how to put two golden snitches and a wand in her mouth, this was Draco Malfoy.
Dumbledore and Charlotte were back from their honeymoon (apparently he was a 30 second kinda guy) and Charlotte got bored so she wanted something different. She walked down the corridor and towards the dungeons where she met Pansy Parkinson, now this was someone who could give her something different. After a bit of fooling in the broom closet, Charlotte caught sight of Harry and Suzi heading her way, she decided to rape Harry. Step one knock out Suzi, step two rape Harry. Simple? I think not. As she went to knock Suzi out, Dumbledore came behind her and asked
"Charlotte sweetie what are you doing out of bed?" She didn't know how to react so she followed him back to his bed where she dreamed of one day capturing Harry Potter in her grasps and of course the most important bit, knocking out Suzi.
The next morning on their way to breakfast, Suzi, Keith and Becca (who was feeling better) saw Cho Chang walking their way. With only a furtive glance between them they crowded round Cho and brought out their hidden llamas from under their cloaks and hit her over the head with them. Once she was unconscious they brought out machetes and chopped her to pieces, scattering her remains all over the castle walls.
At breakfast, Becca was having a rapid conversation with Luna about something or other who, by the way was holding Neville's hand and every so often looked up suggestively. Wifery was sitting under the Slytherin table doing *something*, Ginny and Keith were completely oblivious to the world as hands and mouths went everywhere. Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be seen and Charlotte was sitting under the teachers table. Let's just hope that she got the right chair.
"Everyone is so into each other at the moment, Ron and Hermione, Ginny and Keith, Neville and Luna, even Snape looks like he's getting some." Harry said as he and Suzi were walking back to the Gryffindor tower to get a forgotten book before going back to breakfast.
"I know, maybe there's some new drug going round that we haven't got out hands on yet!" said Suzi "or maybe we're just loners with no one to have fun with"
"I'm thinking we're not the latter" he said as he reached over and pinned Suzi to the couch. (You can guess what happened next) 15 minutes later, Suzi and Harry came out of the portrait hole and into the great hall just in time to hear Dumbledore's last statement.
"Voldermort is at Hogwarts!" Many screamed at this revelation, heads of houses were told to escort students back to their dorms, whilst the brat pack and trio + Neville, Luna, Ginny and Draco went to Dumbledore, who had beckoned them over.
"All of you together have the ability to defeat our poor lil Voldie, with Harry's powerful wand, Hermione's books, Ron and Ginny's blinding hair, Draco's gay monkeys (Crabbe and Goyle), Keith's ability to rape people, Becca's pegs, Suzi's evilness, Wifery's ability to make nee nor noises and Charlotte's drunkenessness and Joe Taylor's addiction to sweets that are pink with sliver streaks in them you can defeat him" Dumbledore explained pointing to a new and very interesting character who waves weirdly "Oh yes one more thing that will enable your survival, all loose ends must be cleared up" he reaches into the pocket of his cloak and pulls out a mobile phone into which he shouts
"Freddy!!!" after which a small green person climbs out of the phone and does a little dance.
"Freddy!!!" Becca and Suzi shout running over to the phone "You found him!!!" After this shocking revelation that Freddy was indeed in Dumbledore's phone, they set out to kill Voldie.
Voldermort was riding a giant chocolate milkshake, giggling whilst shaking his jelly tots at everyone. Joe Taylor walks in and pushes Voldermort off his giant chocolate milkshake and nicks all the jelly tots that are pink with silver streaks. He then runs off to stalk Wifery. Becca pegs Voldie to the floor, whilst Harry sticks his wand in his face (dirty minds), Ginny and Ron aim their hair at him, Hermione throws books at him, Suzi calls him a girl and other such nasty comments, Wifery deafens him by making nee nor noises, Keith rapes him many times, Draco sets his gay monkeys on him (they hump him and other such nasty things) and Charlotte throws up all over him. He screams in pain and turns to ash. Voldie is dead!!!
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Many may think that since they've now killed him that this is the end of their story, they will live happily ever after, you could not be any more wrong. They will go on doing naughty things, killing people, raping people and getting into some pretty bad situations. Look out for the sequel!
Ciao
Suzi xxx
Author: Keith-Starbright-Exists
Genre: General/Comedy
Rating: R
Summary: Keith, Suzi, Becca, Charlotte and Wifery set off on a journey to St John's in the vale but somehow they end up at Hogwarts. Watch out for Charlotte she wants to get around!!!!
Disclaimer: I don't own nothing, not Harry Potter nor Keith Starbright nor "Lithium" by Nirvana so don't sue please
Dedications: To Becca, couldn't have done it without u, Charlotte thanks for being blonde and Joe it wouldn't have been the same without the sweets that are pink with silver streaks
-------------------------------------------------------------------
One day Keith woke up and decided to go into the country on holiday. So he travelled to England on a bright orange aeroplane with his best mate Suzi (aka Satan). They got into London and decided to rent a car from the rent-a- car booth at the airport. Keith had lots of money so he payed whilst Suzi glared at the sales clerk. The petrified young man gave Suzi and Keith a black Jaguar with the license plate 'GTH GRL' on it. Suzi drove manically towards Withnell near Chorley, her old home town. On the way, Suzi and Keith picked up Becca and Charlotte and invited them along on their country getaway, they immediately agreed. After Becca and Charlotte were strapped to the back of the car with purple and black flashing rope, they set off again. Once they were in Withnell. Suzi parked the car in front of her wife's house where she barged past the iguana shaped neighbours and rescued her wife from a monkey called Dave. Dave got angry and started crying for his mate, Jennifer. A big, fat, hairy ape came and offered her services to Dave, this was Jennifer.
When Wifery climbed onto the back of the car, Keith touched her ass n then kissed it. Wifery was pleased and went back to tying herself up.
Off they went again this time towards their destination, St John's in the vale. Suddenly, they crashed into a wall, but instead of smashing up the car they flew through it and landed near the Hogwarts Express. They were on platform 9 ¾. Becca and Suzi jumped for joy and said,
"Lets go to Hogwarts!" The others agreed and they silently sneaked onto the train and found a free compartment. Keith wanted a Chocolate Frog and Charlotte wanted some Butterbeer because she was starting to feel sober. So off they went to find the snack trolley, leaving the others chattering away excitedly.
Without warning. The train lurched forward and stopped, sending the three remaining occupants into a state of despair.
"That shouldn't have happened" said Wifery.
"I know that you schnitt!" exclaimed Suzi whilst rubbing her ass which felt like she had been in the mosh pit at the gig on Saturday night.
"I can see the birdies!" Becca said whilst toppling over again.
"Uh-oh, I think she's concussed" stated Wifery "Hospital wing for her." Keith and Charlotte came back and asked whether anyone knew what was going on.
A dark shadow suddenly descended over the crowded compartment as a figure in a long black cloak swept towards them.
"Expecto Patronum!" a voice shouted from behind the figure. A silver stag came out of nowhere and chased the figure away.
As everyone caught their breath, the person who had shouted stepped out of the shadows and introduced himself.
"I'm Harry Potter and if I'm not wrong you've never been on the Hogwarts Express before?"
"Well you would be correct in your assumption, Becca and I wanted to go to Hogwarts" Suzi said whilst indicating herself and Becca "This is Keith Starbright, Charlotte, Wifery, Becca and I'm Suzi"
"Nice to meet...." His sentence trailed off as three new voices joined the conversation.
"Harry! We're so glad that your still alive, did you see those dementors?" exclaimed a girl with shocking red hair.
"Yes I did! Had to frighten one off of these lot" he said indicating the brat pack. After Ron, Hermione and Ginny had been introduced to the brat pack, the train had started to move towards Hogwarts once again.
Once they had reached Hogwarts they all climbed into a carriage and sat having a light conversation until they finally reached the castle.
The brat pack set off to find Professor Dumbledore in his office after dropping Becca off at the hospital wing where she had started a rather interesting conversation with Luna Lovegood about trying to get singing lessons with Sirius Black.
Later on, Neville Longbottom walked in trying to hide some flowers behind his back. He walked up to Luna and said
"Here, these are for you" all the while he was blushing like a big beetroot. Becca in her state of unsubtlenessnessnessnessisingly said
"Awwwwwwwww Luna give Neville a big kiss its obvious he likes you" all the time dancing around her bed until Madame Pomfrey caught Becca by the scruff of her t-shirt and dragged her back to her hospital bed.
Meanwhile in other parts of the castle, Charlotte had finally found Dumbledore's office with the help of a very scared 5th year student. She said the password (firewhiskey) and climbed the stairs only stopping to knock briefly on the door. A deep voice told her to enter. The man in front of her looked just like Brad Pitt with an ass like Orlando Bloom (Drink clouds judgement). Her first words were
"Dumbledore, you sexy beast!" before she forced herself on him.
"Will you marry me, intoxicated blonde girl?" he asked after a lot of naughty things. She agreed after finding out that Dumbledore owned a lot of land and many bank accounts full of galleons. They used a portkey and travelled to a church in Mianus where they got married whilst having hot monkey sex.
Back at the castle the remaining members of the brat pack teamed up with the trio plus one and went to the Griffindor common room where Hermione and Ron went up to his dorm room to do naughty things and Ginny and Keith went to a dark corner to "talk". Leaving Harry, Wifery and Suzi sitting rather uncomfortably on the floor near the fire.
After a while of boredom, Wifery decided to go find the kitchens whilst Harry and Suzi went to visit Becca and Luna in the hospital wing.
When they reached the hospital wing, they heard manic giggling coming from inside. Madame Pomfrey was lying on her back fast asleep whilst Becca and Luna were jumping around to Nirvana's "Lithium".
After settling them both in their own beds and laying Madame Pomfrey in a spare one. Becca suddenly grabbed hold of Harry's cloak and snogged him senseless, well she was senseless because she had collapsed, he looked very perturbed.
Whilst Harry and Suzi walked back to the Griffindor tower, Wifery had found someone to show her how to put two golden snitches and a wand in her mouth, this was Draco Malfoy.
Dumbledore and Charlotte were back from their honeymoon (apparently he was a 30 second kinda guy) and Charlotte got bored so she wanted something different. She walked down the corridor and towards the dungeons where she met Pansy Parkinson, now this was someone who could give her something different. After a bit of fooling in the broom closet, Charlotte caught sight of Harry and Suzi heading her way, she decided to rape Harry. Step one knock out Suzi, step two rape Harry. Simple? I think not. As she went to knock Suzi out, Dumbledore came behind her and asked
"Charlotte sweetie what are you doing out of bed?" She didn't know how to react so she followed him back to his bed where she dreamed of one day capturing Harry Potter in her grasps and of course the most important bit, knocking out Suzi.
The next morning on their way to breakfast, Suzi, Keith and Becca (who was feeling better) saw Cho Chang walking their way. With only a furtive glance between them they crowded round Cho and brought out their hidden llamas from under their cloaks and hit her over the head with them. Once she was unconscious they brought out machetes and chopped her to pieces, scattering her remains all over the castle walls.
At breakfast, Becca was having a rapid conversation with Luna about something or other who, by the way was holding Neville's hand and every so often looked up suggestively. Wifery was sitting under the Slytherin table doing *something*, Ginny and Keith were completely oblivious to the world as hands and mouths went everywhere. Ron and Hermione were nowhere to be seen and Charlotte was sitting under the teachers table. Let's just hope that she got the right chair.
"Everyone is so into each other at the moment, Ron and Hermione, Ginny and Keith, Neville and Luna, even Snape looks like he's getting some." Harry said as he and Suzi were walking back to the Gryffindor tower to get a forgotten book before going back to breakfast.
"I know, maybe there's some new drug going round that we haven't got out hands on yet!" said Suzi "or maybe we're just loners with no one to have fun with"
"I'm thinking we're not the latter" he said as he reached over and pinned Suzi to the couch. (You can guess what happened next) 15 minutes later, Suzi and Harry came out of the portrait hole and into the great hall just in time to hear Dumbledore's last statement.
"Voldermort is at Hogwarts!" Many screamed at this revelation, heads of houses were told to escort students back to their dorms, whilst the brat pack and trio + Neville, Luna, Ginny and Draco went to Dumbledore, who had beckoned them over.
"All of you together have the ability to defeat our poor lil Voldie, with Harry's powerful wand, Hermione's books, Ron and Ginny's blinding hair, Draco's gay monkeys (Crabbe and Goyle), Keith's ability to rape people, Becca's pegs, Suzi's evilness, Wifery's ability to make nee nor noises and Charlotte's drunkenessness and Joe Taylor's addiction to sweets that are pink with sliver streaks in them you can defeat him" Dumbledore explained pointing to a new and very interesting character who waves weirdly "Oh yes one more thing that will enable your survival, all loose ends must be cleared up" he reaches into the pocket of his cloak and pulls out a mobile phone into which he shouts
"Freddy!!!" after which a small green person climbs out of the phone and does a little dance.
"Freddy!!!" Becca and Suzi shout running over to the phone "You found him!!!" After this shocking revelation that Freddy was indeed in Dumbledore's phone, they set out to kill Voldie.
Voldermort was riding a giant chocolate milkshake, giggling whilst shaking his jelly tots at everyone. Joe Taylor walks in and pushes Voldermort off his giant chocolate milkshake and nicks all the jelly tots that are pink with silver streaks. He then runs off to stalk Wifery. Becca pegs Voldie to the floor, whilst Harry sticks his wand in his face (dirty minds), Ginny and Ron aim their hair at him, Hermione throws books at him, Suzi calls him a girl and other such nasty comments, Wifery deafens him by making nee nor noises, Keith rapes him many times, Draco sets his gay monkeys on him (they hump him and other such nasty things) and Charlotte throws up all over him. He screams in pain and turns to ash. Voldie is dead!!!
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Many may think that since they've now killed him that this is the end of their story, they will live happily ever after, you could not be any more wrong. They will go on doing naughty things, killing people, raping people and getting into some pretty bad situations. Look out for the sequel!
Ciao
Suzi xxx