Wolf's Bane Duty by Yofune-Nushi
Summary: Link watches and ponders through the days. //Gen
Disclaimer: Hoshino owns the series.
Kind of a slice of life thing I'm going for here.
Warnings: Character Death at the end.
When he was, he remembered a sunflower field. It was tall and he appreciated the thought that the plants cared for him to by providing shade and seeds to chew.
He left the place, because he knew it would be blessing to do so.
Do you not want to save this world?
He had a duty.
I want to create this world anew from such godless vile
He had found someone to believe in. Someone who could actually make something from his thoughts, like God, and he thought that was worth something.
~~~*
Howard Link notices things; the clock within the Supervisor's office is five minutes ahead of the cafeteria's room - probably on purpose. Bookman and his junior have far more secrets and cares then any would allow as they flutter away when they know one cares to stop them for whatever alien language they whisper for only the other. How Inspector Leverrier favors cakes over pies (for him it was the opposite) and offers only when he knows no one will take them. For even he knows the sweetness cannot hide the bitterness that was mixed within the creations that were made for other purposes that would not have the taste of glory.
Because the term glory is one whose definition means so much differently then what it used to in the days of new and perhaps even dreaming.
The young blonde set the ink flooding pen upon a handkerchief with a restrained hassle look as a frown for his ink blobbed covered papers spread neatly before him.
"Sometimes -" A young voice with a growing depth of deepness to it spoke to the blonde Crow. "Mana used to say that when life looked so clean, was when everyone was really just so messy."
"What happens when life looks messy then?" Link answers on passing the ball. He was, by now, rather used to his charge's sometimes random sayings when the two were alone. It was better to move along with it after all. He could provide that much.
"Then they were being honest, because life is messy and not perfect. Because the ugly things we make should never overshadow the rare genuine things that do get widely acknowledged."
"That sounds rather harsh, chaos and disorder being better then being clean and living with some sense of order." He knows this conversation is not over. Walker always had more to say, but rarely left things finished when it concerned certain topics. But the way he nods to rain stained window as if he were indifferently staring at a third unspoken party member and how he ignores his golems nipping for attention, the other male only needs one remark to continue on.
With a shrug of the shoulders Allen continues on with a far away tone that belonged to a time and person that no longer exist.
"Mana always said, logic was in everything, except in the perceptions of humans; because no one wants logic, because logic wants responsibility, and no one wants to be responsible; truly."
The Inspector's face does not change though he does feel a thick sensation in his mouth and does not even assume he could pop in a chocolate candy he had been saving for tonight as no room would exist for another sensation he thinks.
He barely notices how Timcampy settles next to his neck as he looks towards Allen, who gives a slight smile without careless ness or much reserve.
"Was Mana responsible?" He asks, because he usually does and this is how it usually is between them.
Allen turns more to him, and Link sees lips moving especially when the room becomes briefly illuminated by the light of thunder and lightning, but no words are understood due to the cracking applause that follows.
~~*
Hero is a strange word for him these days. Not because he is unsure of what it means anymore, but rather now he thinks he finally understands the true meanings behind such a word.
"The tea will probably be a little tasteless, but it's still suitable for your thirst." Tevak set the porcelain cup down in front of him before sitting down with her own. He offered to pour the tea in faint gratitude for her hospitality, though it may have more to do with both having nothing else to do with waiting for their exorcist companions to awake from their sleep. The Inn was old, but not without goods that could be used to relax aching bones and restless waiting.
He sniffed, and then drank a small portion into his mouth before and waited a few seconds before swallowing.
It was different from before, more watery, as if it lacked substance or real value. The thought of her taste buds or any other normal human senses being affected by her new nature comes into his mind, but he does not wish to dwell on it.
Tevak took no notice and sipped a long drink from her cup without the same care for taste.
She looked both so old and young to him. As if life was granted either too much or too little to her. It was almost difficult to see the shy girl who refused to leave her brother's side for anything with the woman before him whose pupil less eyes looked through him instead of at him.
He ducked his head a little, and tried not to purse his lips together to much when she focused on him again.
"Our faith is strong, we will win, because our actions are much more devoted then ever before."
She is talking more then usual. This means something, for in this regard she is similar to Allen Walker. Link is very good at reading people when he desires.
Tevak almost robotically sipped and stared at him as if she were taking turns after a schedule period of time.
"Devotion is all we need…"
"Are you considering that we need more?" It's too early to accuse him of lacking in faith. Though now they may be on different paths so to speak, once they together were Crows and such a history can't be thrown out so easily yet.
His chest twists like someone's hand is melting into it to pull and mix with things he was before unaware of or closed himself far from.
"We do not have God's blessing, but we must still do what we can." The volume of his lowers, without his knowing at first.
"What we must." She whispers, with perhaps some dye of care for her words with him.
"Our sacrifice," She continues after a small pause. "Is our way of giving our devotion."
I would prefer to have your obedience then your sacrifice.
He recalls this, for the first time in years. Just a passing passage he remembers from the scriptures when he had become slightly restless with hunger when of the daily sermons had become longer than usual.
Was there a difference between obedience and sacrifice? Tevak didn't seem to know or care. Nor did she seem to care of her loss of taste that would keep her from ever making her gorgeous sweet tea the way she used to, the softness of her small hands now feeling colder, or her eyes that saw nothing but rejection for the innocence of God she followed.
"Howard Link. Your sacrifices, though different from ours is also known." She pours more tea into her cup, despite how lukewarm it has become. "We…remember you still. Even know."
Heroes are needed. Sacrifice to make heroes is needed. When he was so young and naïve he had once always wanted to be a hero. Someone who could do things and make things right, but as he grew and became aware of reality that dawned on this world, he knew that in order to have heroes one must first wait for tragedy. And asking for or to be a hero was the same as asking or hoping for catastrophe.
It was so selfish of him.
When I was a child I thought like a child and spoke like a child, but when I became a man I put away such childish things.
She begins to collect the silverware for cleaning, he tries to soften his facial expression that he realizes is a bit tight, her expression does not waver and he finds himself not wanting to let his waver as well.
He really can't bring himself to judge her right now.
~~*
When he was young he remembers a large hand stroking his back in one smooth motion and bringing him back to his reality and out of his uncontrolled fantasies of decay wonder.
Somehow he knew there was no point in being scared or lost. Because a hand that strong, especially compared to his own, leading him he did not think he could be lost.
"All that is happening must not be repeated, for the sake of not losing this war we must do what we can, all of us."
Do what we can, the voice had said, not what we should. He wonders why that was important to him now. Those chose of words.
"Inspector Leverrier… you're cold."
"So I've been told." A chuckle without mirth escapes from the older man as he straitens a little more in his chair when he starts to notice his body slouching more.
"Ah, no you look cold Sir."
"Ah, Howard so you are right, I had noticed. This body of mine is more then capable of alerting me of such discomforts. But I suppose one could argue that I've spent too much time noticing the cold that I do not always bother with huddling myself into warmer places."
Link wordlessly hands his superior a coat and despite not asking for it the elder man takes it silently and uses it as Link hopes he would to keep warm.
"But I could also say that the cold has not suffocated me to the point where I remain frozen in place. I know the cold, I see the cold, but I don't always run from it. What would you say young Link?"
He's asking not as a one man to another, (though arguably Link was not a man yet) but rather as a Superior to his subordinate. Link can always tell by what he calls him.
"We all feel the cold Sir, and we all want to make heat to stay alive."
"What if the way we make heat is not to the liking of others?"
"As long as the heat does not engulf us and keeps burning away the wolves that dwell in the dark."
"Decisive." The older man does not grin, nor does he frown. He looks at Link with shadows shying by his brow and Link finds he is glad for this. "Howard Link, the cold is not coming, it has been here always. But no one is aware, because they are used to its grip and how much it conquers the whole world. It's like a wolf licking our blood as we dumbly sit and wait for life to carry us."
The elder man stands up with grace and Link thinks as he was looks up to the towering man, how much this man must be carrying let alone the whole world.
"Do you want to create heat Howard?"
Howard Link is not an idealistic individual, at least he has never seen himself as one. Dreams where steps of logic and error have no room should never be given any attention. The idealistic that shouts but never moves must never overshadow the pragmatic that dreams but actually dares to make a reality of it.
This man can is someone he can believe in, because he is one with ideas that can become reality for them all.
"Yes Sir, I know very well, that the fires of heaven can be pulled down by our hands to engulf the unjust and wicked."
The young boy with a back still small takes his hand and lays it on his beating chest.
Leverrier nods after a pause, and begins to walk off to his meeting that Link is still too young to join. But before he exits he turns to provide one last answer, though it looks more like he is answering a voice that only he can hear. "The heat we make will be bleeding from the beasts of the damn themselves that not even the angels can stand by our side without acknowledgement."
Leverrier smiles but Link is unaware of the impact of those words will have on him until many years later.
~~~*
Link keeps up until he sees the motions turn back and forth before he slows down to a still as a thud resounds.
He calmly begins his work, not even waiting for a pause as a presence he is nearly always aware of settles near his side.
"What was he?"
Not who, just what.
"I think it should be obvious, unless you think I have been picking up unseemly habits from others."
Walker doesn't even bother to show irate over the jab with more then just an eye roll as he slides a little farther up. He stares at the mass of blood seeping and does not even bat an eye.
The boy is so contrary, he'll bleed from the sockets for akuma and yet for a human just killed in front of him he can stay reserve as a bystander who obverse a casual scene. Not that Link did not feel relief for that as he will probably turn gray faster from all the times both have butted heads over certain issues. Most of the time a more childish thought sneaks in to impress upon him that Walker does it solely to annoy him.
Walker does not move, but he does itch a little as his cursed eye deepens a little as if like a hissing cat and the boy takes his hood off as he flexes his Innocence infused hand.
Why this is different for you, Link wants to ask but…it's not exactly mandatory for his job to know. Also, somehow he just has the feeling now is not the time. It's a certain sensitivity he's grown for the boy, somehow as strong as the boy is, he just seems fragile as well. It's something that stirs perhaps if not a feeling then a memory that causes attention.
Perhaps someday Link will ask, even if he probably most likely will not understand and be left even more confused.
Well anyway now is the time for focus, not ponderings of the unknown and unreachable.
He diligently gathers information and keeps record of the sinner's identity.
"How many have you killed?"
Somehow he knew he wouldn't work in silence for long. Give the right ingredients for a moment Walker could surprisingly turn into a chatterbox when he couldn't walk away. Something Link just knows he wants to do, if not to get away from the scene then to destroy the remaining akuma in the area before the other exorcists somewhere else do.
"How many have you?" He repeats back, an annoying habit he is only subconsciously aware of having picked up.
The white haired boy just shrugs his shoulders as if used to such a question before he answers. "I don't keep track."
"Neither do I."
"That's…surprising. I would think you would be just like Lavi and record everything with order and such.
Link actually wants to snort at that, being compared to bookman junior. "No…rest assured I am nothing like young bookman junior." Thank God. "I don't normally see people in numbers as young bookman probably would. Numbers are predictable and constant, people are not. "
Link almost barely notices Walker's remaining silver eye and holds back a shudder that is not from discomfort. It's a fleeting thing that only lasts for a few seconds, but when it does leave Link knows only he will be able to tell that residue has fallen behind.
What are you getting at, he wants to ask, and usually he does. But when Allen is like this, he knows there is no winning unless a subtle approach is taken.
"What do you see…when you kill them?"
An itching or perhaps a pulling like feeling swells in the Inspector's chest and he feels he is beginning to understand where this is going without actually knowing where. Something that makes him feel a little hassled as the unknown, especially when it involves something he must go to or do is something that agitates him. But he is supposes he is getting better for he instead of frowning or cutting Walker off, he pauses thinks before he answers.
"Sinners."
"What of these sinners that causes you to choose this?"
No one has ever asked him before.
"This is the path I've chosen, for every action there must be a reaction. I prefer to take action then to just simply let myself react to everyone or everything around me."
What of you, he wants to ask, but somehow the answer he gives to Walker floats back into his mind like the waves back upon a beach and he thinks of something.
You see them, their insides, and their souls. Nothing is hidden from you when you kill. You are basically giving them what they want if we have anything to go by of what you have said. In your eyes, you see black and white, no grays interfere. Perhaps killing those akuma gives you pleasure in knowing you are doing nothing wrong, others may judge you, but those who you will not. Or perhaps you really only care what Mana would think? What must you think of a world where one must rely on something other then sight to live like this…?
But he does not voice this, for Allen Walker has wordlessly fled and left him alone with his own bloody hands as he goes to dirty his own.
What a selfish human being… and so sad as well.
Link finishes his investigation, as what he has uncovered may be useful for finding others not so unlike this man, he leaves the body in the care of two Finders who will burn it away to nothing as he once again chases off to find his endlessly charging charge.
He just has to follow the screams.
~~~*
Lenalee Lee is a peculiar one. She is most likely the one exorcist who everyone finds most agreeable. But to the young Inspector, he just finds her disturbing.
She is by his side politely waiting with him, though he can tell she probably desires to be elsewhere, as Walker is across the street speaking with a loose French tongue as he exchanges slang with a common errand boy for information to a certain destination.
Goushi is also by her side and unlike the others; she has shown no visible reaction to his or even the third exorcists nature whatsoever. She is not smiling just as she is not frowning. She just seems neutral. Perhaps she just feels unbalanced by having comrades who are more loyal to another then her Brother. Either way she works with them without verbal complaints to their faces and does her duty.
As Link watches her now, he wonders of his sense of balance lately and can not help but have both grudge admiration and unsettlement by her in this way. She is not bothered to care for anything but her friends it seems, and as long as she has her stability of her own philosophy, she can deal with anything.
But then he wonders of himself and he becomes unsettle which makes him feel a little stab of unfair irate towards her. Her feelings are plastic like a doll it seems and they only become animate during certain conditions. Somehow the thought of him not being able to do the same in this situation internally as well, surprises him. Maybe because he has never thought something like this would happen. Least of all to people he knows and who are not unlike himself. Which really shouldn't surprise him as they are people who of course would do it and if things had been different he too would be a third exorcist by now.
But somehow seeing it gnaws at his surface and while he will not object or voice an opinion if he can help it, for he does see the logic, he knows he can not feel a hundred percent professional over this. Somehow he has never been this bothered before, experiments have always been around. He was never unaware of them, bur now that he sees what is and could have been in front of his eyes of people he knew, somehow an epiphany that is still clouded by fog despite embracing him whispers touches into his ear and he can not make his subconscious quiet despite his mind telling it to not make noise.
He is thankful when Lenalee Lee leaves his side when Walker waves them over for he finds being around her to be difficult.
She talks to Walker and he wants to tell her to be quiet. Because he does not want to hear that tone in this situation right now and he only feels more irate at how reckless he sounds to himself despite always trying to be cool and collected on both the outside and inside.
He lets it go though, during an earlier time he would have reprimanded her, and it would be a lie to say he does not have the temptation to do so now. But she has been soldier longer then she has been a child. And such a truth for someone like her leaves a constricting feeling that gives him a headache. Because he is the same way also and somehow it's just to sour when it should be a certain kind of sweet.
~~*
The bookman junior smiles, but something is just sinister about it.
"I too have a duty to perform. Please indulge me a little."
This boy is no idiot, he is smarter and more experienced in watcher others then anyone Link knows.
"I want people to think some ways, and I can very easily get them to think a certain way without even meaning to."
"Why do you care to let me know this now?" He is surprised at first, but remembers his lessons and recollects himself as fast as he can after a minute. After all he is not completely ignorant of such lost stories in time. The Bookman, are not allies of humanity, just the vultures that prey upon them for whatever scraps they desire. But they are useful and thus tolerated.
"You know, I know. I'm all for subtle but what's the point of beating the dead horse hoping it will walk again when I could just go get a new one." The red head smiles as if at a private joke that should still be s obvious to everyone else.
Call Link stiff, but he does not share humor.
"I know you desire knowledge."
"And I know you desire knowledge as well. For you observe as well, one different from a bookman sort, but one who still watches none of the less."
"What are you getting at?" He is growing quickly tired of this, game the junior has introduced and wants it to end now so he can return to his room. It's not like he has any say in whatever the Bookman and his junior does anyway, Link may not know the full details, but he does know enough that they came like the wind which would only suggest they would blow in any other manner eventually when a guide became rusty.
"What is your philosophy?"
"Wha-"
"Don't tell me it's something corny like, the unjust will always be vanquished, or cleanliness is a sine of holiness. Cause that's kind of lame. Not the last one so much, cause I do appreciate good smell in company. Bu it's all just so vague in this world that I want some more substance."
Clicking his tongue over the assumptions, the Crow Inspector raised an eyebrow over the path the interrogation was taking. "Why do you need to know my beliefs bookman? They have nothing to do with your duty nor do you have any need to ask of them."
"Perhaps…" Answers the teen after a pause. In all honesty you should be just a speck of ink in history. Your name may appear in some documents that may survive, but in the end you probably won't go down in history, at least you are not supposed to."
Somehow he thinks with the way Junior is saying those words he is purposely implying one thing while saying another.
"….What are you babbling about I do not care for your opinions bookman junior. Tell me what you want so I can go back to doing my job in peace."
"Doubt you'll ever get that with beansprout and the rest of us in your life incase you hadn't noticed."
"It's my job. I do it no matter what because I believe in the cause.
"…So you say…"
The blond Crow is about to answer more until he shuts his mouth. It's not that the answer he gave bothers him. But the calculating look in the red haired man's eye glimmers like a star's shadow on the water keeps him still.
He can manipulate someone so easily; one would not even expect it. I'm surprised I knew, perhaps he wanted me to see it.
No, know was not the time to be paranoid. Cautious yes, paranoid never.
The red haired man smiles a little more easily. "Eh don't worry, I don't bite much." He grins widely showing off his canines as if his point will be proven. "I just want to know your… opinion. Does your job satisfy you always?"
Link thinks of not answering, just walk away and ignore the shadowing of the other male as he had been doing before. But something tells him he will not be left alone and should just get it over with. It's aggravating and something he is still not used to, but he taps his foot and stills himself.
"My duty is my life, I would do anything in my power to uphold it because I believe in my actions for the cause that created the need for this duty I have now." It is not the most in-depth answer he could give, as he has no desire to go any further with this type of person of all people. But it's enough he believes at least for the bookman to let sleeping dogs rest enough for the moment. He hopes anyway, the younger bookman has shown a restless drive when his curiosity is piqued. Perhaps he will become bored if Link keeps giving normal answers that sound right.
Instead the bookman lingers, as if tasting the words like a new cuisine.
And for one second the Crow foolishly feels like a hare cornered by a contemplating fox.
"I was not asking for that, though I think I've found your answer." Bookman junior just shakes his head, giving an unreadable air before he silently melted into the shadows as if Link was never even there to begin with instead of the other way around.
~~*
In the end that disappears right before the next beginning, Howard Link stands before the corpse of a boy who is more man then anything Howard has seen despite it not being true yet.
A boy…He was just a boy…only a few years younger then himself.
He himself is barely a man and yet both have burdened the world in ways no one else had ever chosen to.
Link kneels on blood soaked ground that is blacker then the depths of the murky ocean. The miraculously stainless white hair of the creature appears ethereal amongst it all and the air that is horribly pushed and sucked in and out as eyes of colors mixing and blending of golden sun and silver lining completely trap Link with a wild calm.
Be it prophecy, Innocence bound, or Noah enthralled. Allen Walker had been a soldier of the same path to the very end.
I pray, I plead, I ask, I…want this…child to be able to sent to the high heavens oh mighty Lord. Please, please accept this Noah through your gates; whether he desired it or not, I truly believe he has been a mightier follower of your ways then any one else that I can recall.
As Link watches and hopes Allen Walker would accept salvation, something one must always accept in order to truly know, and curse it that entire boy has never leaned to value such a thing for his own sake as far as Link knows.
The fire flickers and for the first time in as long as the young Inspector knows the sun is dyed a more holy yellow like the sunflowers he loved so much as a child then like the red of bloodstained innocents.
Silence draws nearer and the blond rests his hand over the beating heart that winds down like a grandfather clock nearing the final quarters of its use.
For once, I will think, oh let so many others have mercy on this sinner soul as we suffer and change this life.
Humans have mercy, salvation, and love. They just need to accept it, from both within and outside themselves.
He burns the body, despite there not being a need to anymore when silence becomes golden because he does not care for a moment what the ramifications could be for doing so.
Because Allen Walker deserves this much at least, a peace of privacy and honor of being scattered in the place where he learned, lost, and preserved so much. Because he knows that this was both an irreplaceable tragedy and a miracle all in one and right now Howard Link rightfully believes he is the only one who can understand this right now because he was the last one who saw the smile that held it all for how far this path had stretched.
Sacrifice is needed, but I won't see people who die like this as heroes.
Heroes are such tragic figures, if not for the life they lead, then for the way others think they lead and gain.
Unnoticed time passes and Howard Link walks despite the chaos and loss that has happened and may happen again. He embraces the peace that will always exist afterward, forever and ever despite how cold he feels from the windy air he feels blowing.
There is duty, there is life, and in life and duty there is always dying
But in life duty is never over despite whatever turns and evolutions it takes.
~~*
Howard Link likes the sunflowers; they are tall and strong and smell of golden soul.
He touches the petals and strokes the textures of the plant.
Yes, the plants are still here and so is he, he likes the significance only he can know.
He breathes in the scent, then goes back to the place where he has work to do.
Perhaps I can keep living without having regrets...
Notes*
Not sure where this came from. Just some moments here and there of Link thinking over things while doing his job. It was spurring of the moment thing whenever I wrote this. I'm not confident about the characterizations of Link in some places but I hope nothing seemed to OOC. I just wanted to write a serious Link fic since I love the guy so much.
We know so little about Tevak that it felt awkward using her. But I wanted to write her in and so took a stab at her.
For the record I don't have such a depressing view on heroes, but it is another way to look at it and I believe in some of it. (Not all heroes are depressing. They all come in different forms and areas.)
I hope the ending wasn't to off feeling. I've kept this fic for awhile just because of it but I haven't been able to think of anything else that seemed better.