Hi every one! For this story to work, Bella has to be 3 years older than Edward. She's 30, so she lived longer than Edward, and therefore have more experiences, which will be revealed in the further chapters...

Enjoy reading! =)

Chapter 1

Christmas Eve

BPOV

December 24, 2008

Here I am, dressed like the men in black, with a full on black coat, black stocking, a scarf around my head, and sunglasses to cover my eyes. Although the sunglasses doesn't really help my sight, since I'm currently stalking on the 11th floor of the hotel where I landed after following my dearest boyfriend – without him knowing.

Lurking around, I made sure nobody can see me. Not that I didn't like my attire. I don't really care. I just don't want people to see me.

Standing right in front of the door where I saw him walking in. I just feel so shocked. He isn't supposed to be here.

"Without hesitation, you cheat on me?! I'll show you how horrifying it is to be mess around with Isabella Swan.. Today, you'll die and I'll live." I said loudly and threateningly, talking to myself. I can never get rid of my habit of speaking my thoughts out loud.

I knocked, and suddenly the door opened.

I was faced with a very astonished, wide-eyed James, who seemed to be scared of me. Of course, who wouldn't be scared. I had my pocket knife ready in front of me, threatening him.

He continued to walk backwards, looking around, while he blurted out, stuttering, "Why.. why are you here?"

"Last year, Christmas, were you with another woman?" I pressed.

"No... That day was my father's company's anniversary party." He continued backing away from me.

"Then how about the Christmas the year before that?"

"That day was also my father's company's…. You know that it was…."

"Then how about today? What are you doing here, in a hotel room., instead of being at your father's party? Wouldn't he be missing you? After all, you never bailed out on his party, why start now?"

He looked me, his eyes widening more. I continued. "Oh what do we do? Today is December 24, memory loss is so popular these days. You're the one that said that green tea is good for the memory. From now on, drink a lot of green tea, you bastard!!"

"What's wrong with you? Are you drunk?!"

"Don't ask me what's wrong with me. Tell me what you did!"

He suddenly regained his composure. "Bella, your something is wrong with your mind. Deal with it or else you will never heal.. Now let's breathe. Inhale…" He inhales as if demonstrating a kindergarten child how to inhale. "Exhale… Now deeply.."

"Stop talking bull shit."

"Hey. How can you say such harsh words?! The way you talk shows what kind of person you really are, Bella, if you continue talking like that – "

"Stop kidding around!" I yelled.

"What happened to you? Who is it? Who made you like this? " He gripped my shoulder, shaking me as if to wake me up from a dream.

"I'm going to break you apart!!" With that, I flailed my arms, posing as to stab him.

"Excuse me" a loud voice said behind my back. I turned around quickly, the room service waiter destructing my daydream. "If you're not going in, please move" he continued. I realized I've just been imagining the whole exchange. I was standing here the whole time. For how long, that I don't know.

The guy pressed the doorbell, while a familiar voice from the room asked who it was. I panicked. I started running away when suddenly; I found my face meeting one of my best friends – the floor. I did my best to hide myself, to no avail. After all, how can I hide myself, just 5 meters away from the very spot I was standing a while ago. I crawled, trying to recover my bag without attracting attention.

Before I knew it, the door opened. I just laid down face down on the floor, hoping that he won't notice me. I felt footsteps coming my way. Damn it! Why does my klutziness decides to appear now, of all freaking times?!

I felt his presence, kneeling beside me. "Bella" He tapped my back. "Stand up. Or do you want to spend the night here?"

I didn't move.

"Hurry… Get up. We have something to talk about." He said calmly, not even shocked that I was here, lying in the middle of the hallway of a hotel, where I wasn't supposed to be.

"How can I get up?" I said without lifting my head, my voice teary, wailing.

"Do you want me to help you?"

I lifted my face to look his face. "How can I get up when I'm so embarrassed?!!" I sobbed.

**********

We are now sitting in the elegant restaurant of the hotel, Christmas carols filling the air. Of course, this hotel is one of the best. A 5-star hotel. Why would he settle for less?

"How long have you known?" He asked looking at me.

I can't look at his eyes so I just stared on the round, coffee like table while I answered "A month ago."

"How?"

"I saw the text messages in your phone."

"Did you perhaps use a GPS to locate where I was?"

I just nodded.

He sighed. "Then how come you didn't say anything for a month?"

"I didn't know what to do."

"For a month, you lied to me." I can't stop myself from looking him in the eyes. He continued "You even looked through my phone and even stalked me with a GPS and now you come to my hotel?"

"My man has changed. If I don't do all those things, would I be your girlfriend? It's been a while since you've changed. If I called you, you hang up in second. You wouldn't reply to my texts and you made excuses all the time, saying that you're busy, just because you didn't want to meet me. Because I went to your place without me telling you beforehand… Do you remember how mad you got? And today is Christmas eve and you left me by myself so what am I supposed to do?! Should I just wait until you call me?"

"So… do you feel betrayed?"

"Yes."

"Do you resent me?"

"Yes."

"You lost faith in me too?"

"Yes."

"So it can't be the same as before."

"Of course not."

"Then let's break up."

I looked at him like he was crazy.

He continued. "I didn't want to break up like this but I guess there is nothing I can do about it. During the time we were together, I apologize for not paying attention to you. I'm sorry. I won't explain everything to you."

"Then do you love the other girl?"

"No."

"Don't you like me anymore?

"No."

"Then why?" I yelled. My voice getting louder enough for the surrounding table to hear me. But at this point, I don't care anymore.

"Tell me you fool! What is your reason?"

"Just because we broke up, I don't think its necessary that you act that way." He was still calm, like we're talking about the weather and nothing serious that will change our lives completely.

"A long time ago, you said you like it when I say insults. Every time I said insults you said it was fun, you douche bag!"

A man behind me broke into a fit of laughter, but to he also stopped immediately. But who cares about him? I'm having the most important conversation of my life now.

"This isn't a stadium. Lower your voice an octave."

"There's nothing else I care about right now. There is nothing else I can see. What is your reason? Hurry up and tell me!! Everyone knows you dumped me James so say it short and simple so I can understand! Don't say words in a hard way, just say it simply so I can understand.

He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, while massaging his forehead like he was the one experiencing discomfort.

"You know what, let's talk when you've cooled down. Sorry, I can't take you home."

He stood up and started walking away from me. The tears I repressed the whole time started pouring. I stood up, and yelled at him, willing him to answer me. "Did you even love me?"

He stopped walking and turned around to look in my eyes. I continued sobbing "The three years we've been together, you've never told me you loved me. Did you love me?"

He walked back slowly. "I loved you." He paused. "I love you, the girl with blushing cheeks. The one who said she would become the world's best party chef. The girl who searched all over Paris for a bakery – I loved her. She had lots of dreams, was outgoing and determined who always carried a sweet sugary scent with her – I loved her. But – my love stops here. What am I suppose to do? I'm sorry. It's only up to here." He then walked away.

We had all the people's attention, and one customer even clapped her hands. When she realized she was the only one, she stopped.

He left me there on my own, crying to myself, staring after him.

I found myself on the rooftop of the hotel, staring in the beautiful view of Seattle at night.

"James, don't forget me. I don't mind dying. But not being in your mind, I can't handle it. You have to be happy." With this, I dived off the building. "I love you James". Somehow I managed to stop in front of a window of the 11th floor, hanging upside down, as if I was being held by the feet. I was staring at James' naked form making love to another woman, when glanced up and saw me outside the window.

He was shocked for the lack of a better word. "You thought I'd say this!" He backed off the mystery woman. I continued speaking " With these eyes I'm going to follow you forever. Every night I'm going to appear in your dreams. When I found out you were cheating on me, do you know how much I cried? Now it's your turn. Try suffering for once and see how painful it is. And think to yourself – Why did I leave this girl? You will regret it forever. You call this love? I'm not sorry. Goodbye. I loved you until I was about to go crazy. You bastard!"

With that, the hidden force that seemed to hold me up on the same level as his window let me go and I fell.

What good will this do? Even if my parents die, I will be too busy working and living. And if his girlfriend leaves him, we will be like the same. Whatever I do… what will make him remember me forever.

I realized I was sitting again at the same spot where we were talking before, crying my eyes out. I ran to the toilet as fast as I can and hid myself in one of the stalls. I took my coat of, and my white blouse, leaving me with a think beige tank top. I hung my bag on the hook on the door but it kept on falling, pissing me more than I already am.

I just sat down on the toilet bowl and started crying out loud.

There was once a time where in this world, I was the main character. It felt as if I was walking on clouds, my heart always pounding. That feeling was good. As if our love reached up the skies. One man came who gave me that happiness, but just like that, he left. The reason why I'm crying right now is not because I lost him. Love… the thing that was once burning now lost and gone was unbelievable.

I heard two knocks on my door. I was still crying very loudly. The knocking continued.

"Knock. Knock"

"There's someone here." I sobbed.

"Knock. Knock"

"There's someone here." I repeated.

"There's someone here I said." I yelled, crying.

"Knock. Knock"

"Are you deaf?! There's someone in here!! I just got dumped so there's nothing I see!" I screamed now, really angry to whoever inconsiderate woman it is disturbing me while I'm still in this condition. I continued wailing.

"Knock. Knock"

"Go away".

"Knock. Knock"

"What the hell –" I opened the door, pissed with this person, but as I opened the door, instead of telling off this person as I have planned to, I was faced with a man, instead of the woman I was expecting. Mind you, not just an ordinary man - an extremely gorgeous bronzed haired guy with the greenest sparking eyes I've ever seen. His coat was wet from what I could see.

I tried to look around him, as he was blocking my view of the rest of the room.

"What are you, a pervert? He asked me, his face masked with indifference. His gaze went down my breasts, but quickly reverted back to my eyes.

"or… are you just resting for a little while in the men restroom?"

I looked down my half exposed breasts, tried to block it with my hands, stepped back and slammed the door shut.

Oh. My. Gosh. What had I gotten myself into??

**********

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