Authors Note: There are two timelines going on here. They are all time stamped with ATP- After Terra Prime and BTP-Before Terra Prime. I'm trying to make it less confusing this time.

Chapter 1

=/\=

Present- On Enterprise October 24, 2154 (ATP)

Hoshi sat on her bed, motionless, hands grasping the edges of the mattress in an attempt to keep her grounded to reality. She had woken up that morning hoping beyond hope that all of the things that had happened the day before were just a dream. However, she knew they weren't.

The look on Trip's face - haunted and sick - when he left the sickbay.

She got up from the bed and took a black dress from her closet. It had been years since she had worn the dress. The last time she could remember was to her grandmother's funeral. Hoshi felt the soft fabric of the dress, she had always loved satin.

There had been so much blood. He had been so young. Hoshi could understand why he had done it, but it wasn't Marsaro's fault.

She put it on, arranging it carefully so that it sat neatly against her frame. The black fabric matched Hoshi's raven hair and made her skin look pearly white. Then she picked up the black Vulcan sash T'Pol had given to her. "Trip considers you a close friend, as do I; your presence at our daughter's funeral would be welcome." she trusted Hoshi. Attached to the sash were two pendants. One was the Vulcan symbol for "death", the other was for "child". As she tied the sash around her waist a single tear slid down her cheek.

Phlox had felt so guilty, as if he was sure there was something he could have done. It was the only time she had seen him cry.

She quickly brushed the moisture away. Hoshi took one last glance in the mirror then hurried out the door to the funeral of her friends' little girl.

The child she had killed.

=/\=

San Francisco, Earth August 12, 2153 (BTP)

Hoshi wrapped herself tightly in her sweater, as she watched the sun begin to set behind the trees. The street lamp above her flickered to life as the sensor detected the waning light. It was colder on Earth than she remembered it being last time she was here. But that had been over a year ago. It felt weird that the time here had come and gone without her. The colored leaves and chilly wind told her that it was now well into fall. Hoshi kind of liked it. The temperature was always the same on the Enterprise, she missed having seasons. Hoshi looked at her watch. It was almost 1930, Phlox would be here soon. She smiled to herself as she realized that she'd never seen him out of uniform. As soon as the thought past her mind, she saw his cheerful face come around the corner. She quickened her pace to meet up with him. As soon as he was close enough, she wrapped him in an exaggerated hug.

"Hi," she lilted, "I never thought I would miss everyone this much. It's only been two days since we all took leave. I guess it's just been awhile since I've been on Earth," she laughed to herself. "Where are you staying?"

"In a hotel a few blocks away."

"You know, I have an extra room, if you like. I wouldn't mind the company," Hoshi offered warmly.

"No, I'm comfortable where I am. Besides, I wouldn't want to intrude. And it's only for a few more days."

"It doesn't really seem fair. T'Pol got to go back to Vulcan for leave. I guess Denobula is too far away though."

"Yes, I'm afraid that by the time I got there I would have to turn around and come back. Do you know where everyone else has scurried off to?"

"I think Trip stayed on Vulcan with T'Pol. It probably would have been hard for him to come back and not see his sister. Then Malcolm went back home, and I think Travis is still in San Francisco. I haven't been able to get a hold of the Captain."

"Well then, it seems that everyone has been enjoying their leave. What have you been doing?"

"Yesterday I spent most of the day cleaning. It's amazing the amount of dust that accumulated. I think before we leave I'll try to find someone to lease it. Today I just went to a movie."

"What did you see?"

"It was called Destruction, another world war three epic. I thought it was kind of depressing. It had a good ending though."

Phlox chuckled.

"There's a park we could walk around not too far from here. I feel weird standing in the middle of the sidewalk."

Phlox nodded then walked silently alongside Hoshi for a while. "So, you've been having nightmares?" he finally prompted.

Hoshi's smile faded and she nodded her head. "It's the same dream every night, ever since we stopped the weapon."

"What happens in these dreams?"

"I'm with the Xindi again. They want me to decode the lockout."

Phlox nodded his head.

"At first I won't do it. But then the Captain is there, and they say they'll kill him, so I try… but I just can't….and then they shoot him. The same thing happens over and over and over with Travis and Malcolm… and Liz and Trip and… then I'm alone."

"That is a very disturbing dream." Phlox agreed, Hoshi didn't say anything. "Do feel responsible for the deaths of your crewmates?"

"That's kind of beside the point, isn't it?" Hoshi said softly, "It's just a dream."

Phlox shook his head. "And the friends you lost on the mission?"

"You mean like Major Hayes." Hoshi thought for a moment. "I feel sad that he's gone, but mostly, I just feel afraid… all the time. What if the Xindi come back? Or what if someone else decides that humans should be exterminated? I mean what if next time they don't fail? What if their methods had worked? What if I had been able to decode that lock?"

"But you didn't. Everything is fine now." He comforted, gently patting her arm, "Your crewmates are safe and so is your world. We accomplished the mission, Hoshi."

Hoshi gave him a small smile. Phlox could always make her feel better.

"Things will be as they were; it will just take some time.

A gust of wind rushed past them and Hoshi shivered. "It's getting kind of cold. Do you want to go get a cup of tea? I know a great place not too far from here."

Phlox smiled, "That sounds wonderful. T'Pol has gotten me quite attached to chamomile tea."

"Really? T'Pol? I didn't even know…" Hoshi, not paying attention to where she was going, bumped into to a large man. When she turned around to apologize, her heart caught in her throat as she uttered a startled yip. Phlox turned around to see what had startled her.

"Hoshi?" Then he understood. He took her shoulders and sat her down on a sidewalk bench. "Hoshi that was a Kreetasean."

She looked again. "In the dark… I could have sworn…" She put her face in her hands and slowed her breathing. "I did the same thing yesterday…"

"It's alright, Hoshi," he said gently.

Hoshi looked up from her hands. "I'm sorry, Phlox, but I think I'm just going to go home. If you're not busy, maybe we could have lunch tomorrow."

"I would like that. Would you like some company on your walk back?"

Hoshi gave him a small smile, but shook her head. "No, I think I just want some time alone."

"Alright then, I'll see you tomorrow for lunch."

Hoshi nodded. She said goodbye then turned to walk back to her apartment.

This wasn't fair. She shouldn't feel afraid all the time. She finally reached her door and was about to go inside when something caught her eye.

A yellow flier.

It read: EARTH BELONGS TO TERRANS.

She pulled the flier off the door and put it in her pocket.

=/\=

TBC