Shiver

An Until Dawn Fanfiction

Synopsis: They'd all survived the night…all except for one. But was he really even worth saving at that point? Sam sure thought so. In the aftermath, Sam reflects upon her perceived connection with Josh, her grief, and her incessant guilt from not being able to save him.

Ending: All Survive, +Josh

Rating: T/M; Cursing, Sensuality, Sexual Innuendo, Gore, Horror

Character Pairings: [Sam, Josh]

A/N: Hey everyone. Like a lot of you, I don't think the ending was quite fair to our favorite psychopath, and I hate that we never got to explore his and Sam's past relationship, or lack-thereof. This is a story that takes place directly after the events of the game, and although so far I've read a lot of great Sam/Josh fics on this site, I thought I'd take my own crack at his redemption arc. Thanks for reading. Review if you want more, otherwise this may be a one-shot.

CHAPTER 1:

From the Ashes

7:00 a.m. - Dawn

Flames engulfed the massive lodge, sending ash and hot embers into the awakening sky. After what had felt like forever, the sun was finally beginning to peak up over the evergreens like a searchlight. The fire was a beacon, signaling up to the hovering helicopter the whereabouts of the tired and battered teenagers. They looked back and forth from one another, taking note of their bruised and bloodied faces, their broken bodies.

It was finally, truly over.

"Please clear the area for landing," the pilot's garbled, disembodied voice called out from the helicopter's sound system. The group of friends parted, although not too much, as the fear of losing one another was still too prominent in their minds.

Sam took in a sharp breath, and it felt like the first one of her life - like she was coming up for air. She glanced around from face to face, thankful to see them all there; Mike, Jessica, Emily, Matt, Chris, Ashley, Josh…

Wait.

She suddenly remembered what Mike had said about the Wendigo taking Josh and carrying him away further into those mines. She hadn't had the time to really process it before, especially since at the time she was certain they were all doomed to a similar fate. But now that they were on the brink of rescue, she felt her stomach swirl, and if there had been any food in it she may have expelled it all right there. His face flashed in her mind for only an instant but it squeezed gently on her heart as she reluctantly began to imagine just what he was going through.

If you'd asked her only hours ago, before she'd looked into the dead, white eyes of those…those things…the only monster she'd been made aware of was Josh, himself.

Josh and his stupid, sadistic prank.

If only he'd confided in her about it like he'd confided in her over the last year since losing his sisters, maybe she could have stopped it all from happening.

But, it did happen. And now the Washington's would have to mourn yet another child, and Sam and her friends would have to find a way to cope, yet again.

Only this time, she knew exactly where he was.

"What about Josh!?" Sam called out, her hair nearly being whipped free from her bun in the high winds of the helicopter blades.

"What?" Mike yelled back over the noise.

"Josh!" she tried again, slower, so loud that her throat felt hoarse. Mike's face fell as the look of realization spread across it. His eyes darted from Sam's face to the lowering helicopter, and Sam felt a punch to the gut. He wasn't going to go with her.

"He's…he's gone, Sam," Mike tried desperately to assure. "You saw those things, there's no way-" Sam grimaced; she didn't want to hear the end of that sentence.

"We can't just leave him!" Even over the loudness of the helicopter, Sam could hear the sound of snow crunching behind her from her own foot, gearing up to take her back towards the mines. Mike's eyes fell back to her, he began shaking his head.

"Don't, Sam! It's too late for him-"

"Let the creep go! After all he did to us-" Emily began to interject.

"I don't care what he did to us! He's still our friend!" Sam found Chris in the sea of faces. "Right, Chris?" she tried. If anyone would help her get Josh, Sam would have figured it would be his best friend. But, Sam knew when Chris' eyes shifted from her over to his peers, all of which stared back at her uncomfortably - - They were going to leave him. She couldn't blame them; over the course of the last few hours they'd gone through hell and back, much of which was Josh's fault in the first place. Chris sheepishly gazed down at the ground and it was clear this was the hardest decision he'd ever had to make in his life.

"Chris?" Sam tried again, her voice shaking and her eyes brimming with involuntary tears.

"He's too far gone, Sam…it's too dangerous," Chris said, unable to meet her gaze. Sam felt her jaw clench, holding back the tears that so badly wanted to spill out. In front of them, the helicopter finally began to touch down.

"Fine," Sam hissed, bringing her arm up to wipe her eyes dry quickly. "I'll go by myself," she muttered before turning quickly and sprinting back into the Blackwood Pines.

"Sam, get back here!" Mike called to her back, fading further and further. He knew it would take more than words to bring her back this time. Paramedics were spilling out now, hurrying over towards the battered teens. "Damnit!" Mike groaned before taking off after her on foot.

"Mike! Where are you going!?" Emily shouted out after him. "Are you insane?!" Mike turned back, never stopping his feet.

"Wait for us! We'll be right back!" He tried to sound sure of himself, but in all honesty, he knew that this was the stupidest thing he could ever do. Help was there, finally! And what was he doing? Running after Sam on her suicide mission. He would never understand her, nor her incessant need to do the right thing. Sure, Josh was their friend, but he dug his own grave...

Still...

Mike couldn't help but feel a tinge of guilt for tying Josh up in the shed in the first place – they should have just stuck together until help arrived. Yes, Josh was unstable and falling more and more into his descent of madness and YES, Mike was completely and utterly convinced that Josh was solely responsible for Jess' death at that time but... after seeing those monsters...No. He knew that no one deserved that kind of ending.

Mike closed in on Sam. The athletic blonde was slowing down, for even the most fit person would have a hard time keeping up her stamina after a night they'd had. When he reached her she was hunched over with her hands on her knees, taking in deep, frantic breaths. She hadn't made it that far; Mike could still hear the chopper in the distance, still felt the wind cutting against his back.

"We'll tell the rescuers where he is," Mike gasped, out of breath, his hand finding her back comfortingly. "W-we'll even draw them a map, Sam, I don't care! You need to come back to the medics, we can't save him-"

"He's all alone," Sam said, and Mike could tell she was crying now. "Just like Hannah was," she added. Mike swallowed hard. "I couldn't save her, but I can save him!" she cried. Mike grabbed a hold of her, and she was far too weak to fight him off now. He pulled her in for an embrace and she obliged, sobbing into his chest. He didn't say anything now, there was nothing he could say. This was far deeper and complex than he could even begin to comprehend. "Josh..." he faintly heard her cry into his shirt. Mike felt his own tears forming as well, although he'd never let her see that.

"We have to go, now," he said, softer now. She shook her head feverishly into him, but still couldn't bring herself to pull away. Mike grabbed onto her, beginning to force her away from her spot in the woods.

"We can't leave him," she continued to ramble, continued to cry.

When they got back to the helicopter, the medics were helping the last of them into their seats. Sam kept glancing over her shoulder, praying to see Josh running up through the woods, making it to them just in time... instead there was only cold, quiet forest staring back at her, menacingly.

"Get in," Mike ordered, a firm grip on her arm to keep her from trying to run off again. Sam took in another sharp breath, her heart simply aching, as Josh never came running up the trail.

March, 2014 – 4 weeks after the twins' disappearance

Sam hadn't been able to sleep again; this was nothing new. In the weeks since Hannah and Beth went missing, she'd barely slept at all. She couldn't get them out of her head, couldn't stop thinking about them. She knew that every week that passed just cemented the fact that they were never going to find the girls alive, and she couldn't stop wondering if they'd suffered... if they'd at least had one another to comfort each other as the end came.

She rolled to her side, staring out the window at the early spring rain rolling down the glass and washing everything clean. Below her window was her writing desk, a thick stack of books and papers piling up as she couldn't bring herself to attend classes. She'd been skipping more and more, and she knew it was just a matter of time before she was put on academic probation, maybe even sent home. Her adviser said she could apply for an emotional hardship pardon but she simply hadn't had the energy to as of yet.

How long can you go without eating and still survive?

Sam pulled a pillow over her head, hoping to drown out these thoughts. They weren't constructive, they weren't healthy. But how did one mourn someone who was only missing? Only presumed dead?

Through the muffled-ness of the pillow, Sam heard a low buzz. She reached onto her nightstand and picked up her phone, flashing one new text message. She didn't have to read the name to know who it was.

you up?

Sam glanced at the time. 1:31 a.m. She briefly considered not writing back and trying to sleep, but she knew that never worked.

Sam: of course. U ok?

Sam had barely sent the text when he responded, almost instantaneously.

Josh: no.

Sam: Another nightmare?

Josh: the same one.

Over the course of the last few weeks, Josh had confided in Sam that he'd been having a recurring nightmare about Hannah and Beth starving and freezing to death, their skin becoming gray and cold, their eyes sunken in. And in the dream they called for him, over and over and over again but he could never get to them. It had woken him in a cold sweat on a regular basis at this point, and he hadn't gotten solid sleep in weeks... she could relate.

Sam tapped the top of her phone with her index finger, softly biting her lip and pondering what to respond. What could she respond? Before she got a chance, another text came through.

Josh: Can I come over?

Sam swallowed. This wouldn't be the first time she'd spent time with him in person since that night, but it was certainly the first time after midnight.

Josh: Open the door.

Sam felt her stomach drop. He was here? Already? She felt slightly indignant, offended that he would invite himself over to her dorm room in the middle of the night. She glanced down at her shorts and tank top, suddenly feeling exposed. She stood from her bed, quickly reaching onto her chair to pull a gray, zip-up hoodie from a pile and throwing it on.

"Samantha," she heard a harsh whisper from the door. She walked over, the floorboards creaking beneath her feet as she quietly cracked the door open. She peeked out at him, taken aback by what she saw. Josh was soaked from the rain, his gray eyes tired and somber...more-so than usual. He looked horrible, slightly leaning in towards the door as though his body was too exhausted to hold himself upright any longer. She opened the door more.

"What are you doing here? What if I had said no?" Sam whispered, only slightly huffy at this point. It was hard to be mad at him when he looked so vulnerable. A wry, tight smile spread across his lips.

"I knew you wouldn't," he responded. Sam sighed and opened the door the rest of the way, gesturing for Josh to enter. He glanced around the room, his hands shoved into his pockets. "So, this is where you sleep," Josh observed. "Or don't sleep, I guess."

"Josh, what are you doing here?" Sam asked, wrapping her arms around herself as she neared him.

"I didn't know where else to go," he retorted, rather vacantly. "I've been staying, you know, with my parents. And that house is so big and so...empty. They are barely present when they're around... always crying..." He paused, as if recollecting his thoughts and trying to figure out the answer to her question. What was he doing here? "I don't want to freak you out or anything but... I don't really remember coming here," he chuckled. He looked so disoriented. Sam neared him, placing her hand on his shoulder.

"Josh, you're soaked. You need to take off that sweater," Sam insisted, walking over to her closet and pulling out a man's sweater to replace his. "Here, you can wear this one." Josh took the sweater in his hands, holding it up. It was a black men's sweater with a University of Calgary emblem on it. He tossed it aside on the bed, sitting down beside it.

"I don't want to wear your boyfriend's sweater," he said, a slight sulk in his voice. Sam chuckled, picking it back up and handing it back to him.

"Good, since it's my brother's," she replied. Josh smirked, pulling his wet sweater up and over his head, replacing it with the dry one. "Isn't that better?"

"Much," he admitted. Sam reached down and picked his wet sweater up, draping it over her desk chair to dry.

"Anything else I can do for you?" she asked, rhetorically. Her smile faded as her eyes met his, the heaviness beginning to weigh down upon them once more.

"Just...hang out with me?" he asked. It felt slightly desperate, as though the prospect of being alone was killing him. "Sam, I really can't be alone right now." Something in his eyes was more insistent, more urgent than she'd seen before. She nodded, sitting down beside him on the end of her bed.

"I'm here," she said quietly, and Josh leaned down, his head resting on her shoulder. Sam reached up, her hand finding his back once more as she began to rub comfortingly. "Have you been seeing your therapist?"

"It's not helping."

"It can't help if you don't go," Sam said, scolding. Josh didn't respond.

"Sam?"

"Yes Josh?"

"I wanted to...to thank you. Not just for being there for me recently but...for always being a good friend to Hannah. I know you tried to help her that night." It was a relief to Sam that Josh at least knew that she wasn't in on the horrible joke that the others had played on his sister. He'd barely spoken to any of them since it'd happened.

"I should have done more," Sam swallowed, her throat closing up and feeling tight, she knew she was near-tears at the mere mention of Hannah's name. She'd had her own anger towards the group, she could only imagine how betrayed and angry Josh had felt since that night.

"We all could have," Josh finally said after a pause, his voice growing cold. Sam reached up her fingers grazing against his rain-slicked hair. He peered up again with those eyes, the ones that seemed to pull her in more and more lately. "Sam?"

"Yes Josh?" The repetitiveness of their exchange had become almost habitual for them.

Sam?

Yes, Josh?

He sat his head up slowly, his eyes darkening. There was something behind them now, something she'd never seen before. He suddenly looked so intense, so in control of himself.

"I want to try something," he murmured slowly, his hand reaching up for her cheek. It was hot, she could feel the blood rushing to it as she began to blush and her heartbeat quickened. It was suddenly very apparent what was happening, and it made her stomach do a flip flop. He began to slowly lean in towards her, his gaze never leaving hers.

"Josh," she tried, her voice low and warning. He hesitated, but only for a moment, before he ventured onward, his lips soon finding hers and pressing, lightly at first, and then more intensely as she sank into it. Sam tried hard to find the will to break the kiss, but the more it happened, the more she realized that she'd wanted this to happen. Josh matched her in her pain, and she in his. It made sense that they would find solace in one another after...after...

Hannah's face flashed in Sam's mind, and it was shocking enough to jolt her away from him. Sam's hand snapped up to her freshly-kissed lips, her fingertips brazing over them.

"Sam, please," Josh said, his body still leaned in towards her. "I need to feel something, anything, other than this pain." He took her hands in his, turning her back towards him. "I know you need it, too. I want to be here for you, be here for each other," he plead, his eyes full of tears. "I miss them so much," he finally choked, his head falling into her chest as a sob erupted from him. Sam shushed him, hugging onto him and pulling him close. He was broken, and Sam wasn't so sure anything would ever put Josh back together again.

"Shh, Josh, it's okay." Of course, she knew it wasn't. Nothing was okay. She reached down, cupping his cheeks in her hand and bringing his face to hers, planting a kiss upon his forehead, his teared cheek, his lips. His eyes popped open again, as did hers, both surprised at her sudden lack of inhibition. He fell into her once more, his lips finding hers feverishly as his hands quickly became entangled in his hair, her hands gripping onto him and pulling him closer. His lips found her neck, and Sam felt like she was falling. She was dizzy, intoxicated on the ability to feel something again, since she'd felt so numb, so bad, for so long. Even still, she knew it wasn't the most constructive solution to their grief.

"I don't know if this is a good idea," Sam tried to say in breathless whispers. She felt Josh's frantic movements begin to slow, the cease altogether.

When they parted, they both seemed to be speechless this time, unsure if they should continue on to something they may regret or stop before everything changed. Josh sighed, scooting away from her a bit on the bed, suddenly looking very sheepish. He cleared his throat.

"You're right," Josh admitted, running an exasperated hand through his hair. "Uh, sorry." Sam smiled, chuckling a bit at his sudden timidity.

"I'm not," she retorted. Josh let a smile spread across his face, bigger than she'd seen in some time. It felt good to be responsible for it.

"So, you think we can do that again sometime?" he teased.

"I'd say you have a pretty good shot." Sam stretched, turning over and crawling towards the head of her bed, Josh watching after her. She leaned against the headboard, reaching a hand out towards him, beckoning him. "Come here," she insisted, her voice soft, low. Josh silently did as she said, crawling up beside her. Sam pulled him close, and Josh relished in the feeling of being held, laying his head on her chest and finally feeling like he could close his eyes. "Are you tired?" she asked through a yawn. A subtle snore was his response. And that was the first time in weeks that Josh had a dreamless sleep.

9:00 a.m. Present Day

The Blackwood County Police Station was quiet now as opposed to the frantic chaos of before, the waiting room draped with the sleeping teenagers after they'd been taken in one-by-one for questioning. They were almost free to go, but there was no way they could hold sleep off any longer. Emily snored, curled up in a chair, Matt hunched over in another nearby. Chris and Ashley lay snuggled up in an emergency blanket against the wall, and Jessica was still sleeping in a ball on the floor next to Mike, who mindlessly petted down her hair and stared off at nothing in particular.

The quiet light poured through the sole window, all the way at the end of a corridor that was lined with waiting chairs. Sam stood at the end, peering out at the red, morning sky stretched high above the pink snow and thick forest of trees. She still couldn't get Josh out of her head, the same way Beth and Hannah haunted her all this time.

It was different, this time. Losing Josh was like admitting her herself that Hannah and Beth were really gone. It made this last year seem like waking up from a horrible nightmare just to realize that it had come true.

Sam shivered, pulling the blanket snugly around her. Her eyes hurt from the tears, her throat felt raw. She was relieved that the authorities seemed to take her seriously, arranging a search party almost immediately after she told them to look in the mines. Her hope, however, was fading fast as she began to accept the fact that they would never find Josh alive.

"I'm surprised you're still awake." Sam was startled from her thoughts, but recognized the voice instantly as Mike handed her a paper cup of hot coffee. She stared down at the undissolved instant coffee grounds floating in a whirlpool across the top. She felt the faintest beginning of a polite smile on her lips, but she wasn't sure she had the energy to smile anymore.

"There's no way I could sleep," she mumbled softly. She relished in feeling of the hot cup in her hand.

"Me neither," Mike admitted, taking a sip of his coffee, wincing at the taste, then taking another.

"Thanks, by the way," Sam said, holding up the cup. Mike shrugged wordlessly. "Do you think they'll find him?" Sam asked before she had a chance to filter herself. Mike's brow furrowed, once again reminded of his crazy friend still out there...as if he could forget.

"I don't know," he said honestly. The question was, would they find him alive? And if so, in what state? He glanced over at Sam, who continued to stare out the window. He wished he could read her thoughts just so he knew how to help her. Sure, they were all sad about Josh, but it had become increasingly clear that his prank had made it hard for the others to feel so deeply moved by his demise. Sam, on the other hand, was truly mourning. Even Chris, who'd been Josh's very best friend, could sleep.

So, why couldn't she?

"I don't mean to sound flippant, and I'm sorry if this seems cold but... why do you care so much? Josh was insane. He could have killed all of us with his game. I didn't even know you guys were that close," Mike said, trying his best to not sound completely heartless. Sam understood. She turned towards an empty chair.

"We weren't," she spit out, then sighed, closing her eyes. "Then... we were," she added as she sat, embarrassment painting her face. "We never really told anyone...it was between him and I. But...after Hannah and Beth disappeared Josh and I...we got close."

"You mean..." Mike trailed off, assuming something romantic in nature between the two.

"No, not like that. Well, not really..."

"What?" Mike chuckled. "You and Josh?"

"It was complicated. Hannah was my best friend. When I was around Josh I guess I just felt close to her. And he really needed me...he told me that I was the only one who understood him. And I think in a lot of ways...I was."

"Did you know..."

"About the prank? God no," Sam scoffed, her shoulders lowering. She brought a hand to her head; it was still warm from the coffee. "No, of course not. If I knew I would have stopped it," she assured. Mike sat beside Sam, his body aching as his muscles began to heal from all the excursion. He reached over, draping his arm over Sam's shoulder. She leaned her head down against him, her eyes finally fluttering closed.

"Did you love him?" she heard Mike ask, his voice suddenly feeling very far away. A small, weak smile parted her lips.

"Yeah," she said in almost a whisper. "In a way, I think I did."

To be Continued...?