Kakashi's Survival Guide For Bratty Students
Summary: Kakashi's students fall back onto old habits. Unfortunately for him, three adorable twelve year olds trying to look behind his mask is quite different to the second coming of the Sannin doing the same.
Kakashi's first clue of his impending doom was also the only one he needed. No matter how he looked at it, there wasn't a whole lot left to deduce when his masks started to randomly disappear, sometimes straight out of his closet.
Not long after it had started, a bunch of snot nosed brats – not his regular sized ones, but the tiny ones, fresh from the academy – attempting to ambush him. He could only suspect that they had been bribed, or otherwise "encouraged" to do so.
They were being smart about it, Kakashi had to give them that. After all, being the responsible adult that he was (shut up, Tenzō) how could he have ignored a little girl on the street crying her eyes out?
The expectant glances of nearby civilians might have had something to do with it as well. The joys of being a jōnin: Being looked up to as a reliable member of society by people who had never seen him ditch his team just for the fun of it.
"Hey, kid," he asked, giving off an air of obliviousness. "What's wrong?"
The girl looked up at him with tearful eyes, and Kakashi had to admit that he was mildly impressed. She would make a splendid shinobi, one day.
"A-Are you a shinobi?"
"Yes. What's the matter?"
"My s-sister said you could help me." At once, her gaze grew sharper. "She's over there!" She threw herself at Kakashi to restrain him while an older girl leaped out of her hiding place, going for his mask.
Kakashi disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the little girl was left hugging a tree log. Academy students were so adorable. Kakashi would have found them endearing, had it not been the foresign of something much worse.
Kakashi had suspected from the beginning that his own, grown up brats had something to do with it, even though they'd never had the idea of using academy students as their pawns before. Kakashi had to admire their creativity, if nothing else.
He got his confirmation when his students were the next ones to try. Or rather, one of them. What surprised Kakashi, was that it was Sasuke who tried first.
What tipped him off was Sasuke initiating a conversation on his own. Even though Sasuke had left behind his troubling phase of wanting to burn Konoha to the ground (mostly), he wasn't any more socially capable without his teammates there to pick up the slack.
If nothing else, he was at least a better liar than the academy girl. "I'm worried about Naruto." While that sentence set off alarm bells, it was for the entirely wrong reasons.
"Why so?" Kakashi asked. He made a show of staring ahead thoughtfully, as if Sasuke's words were taking up all of his attention.
"He feels off," Sasuke said. "I think our last mission to Ame set him off."
Something coiled around Kakashi's ankles while he wasn't looking, making him stumble. Sasuke leaped into action right away, grasping for his mask lighting fast.
How adorable of him to think Kakashi hadn't been prepared. He dispelled the snake summon with a senbon, ducking under Sasuke's hand. He continued walking like nothing had happened.
"Careful there, Sasuke. You could hurt yourself, tripping like that."
Sasuke pierced him with a scowl that wouldn't have felt out of place being directed at his big brother back during Sasuke's phase as an avenger. It would have had more of an effect, had it not been his standard expression in the first place.
"Right. I tripped."
Kakashi beamed at him cheerfully, and Sasuke left with one last, moody frown.
Naruto and Sakura were not far behind in their own attempts, and try as he might, Kakashi still didn't know what had caused their sudden interest. He would have thought that with several years of experience, they would have at least improved their methods since their childish attempts as twelve year olds.
Then again, he had also thought they'd left their obsession behind back when the three of them couldn't reach higher than his collarbone.
Naruto won the title of the the worst attempt so far by pretending to drown. Or rather, by gurgling ridiculously while flopping next to the river like a fish and going limp dramatically sprawled out on the ground.
Kakashi waited, staring at his "dead" student in disbelief.
Eventually Naruto blinked and sat up, piercing Kakashi with an accusing glare. "Do you love me so little that you'd let me drown?!"
Kakashi did not deign that sentence with an answer and left with a pat on Naruto's head, earning one last indignant yell.
Kakashi drew the line when Sakura broke into his apartment in the middle of the night. He barely registered the form looming over him before he launched his hidden stash of kunai, causing a yelp as his assailant leaped behind his bed for cover.
"Sakura!" Kakashi looked at his student incredulously. "It's the middle of the night!"
Sakura had the nerve to act offended. "You nearly hit me with those!"
"You broke into my apartment!"
"And you nearly killed me!"
If that wasn't a shameless exaggeration if he'd heard one. They stared at each other, and Kakashi realized then and there that he would not get any more sleep if he pursued the matter.
"Out. Now."
Sakura huffed. "Fine. If this is how you treat your guests."
She disappeared through the window, and Kakashi fell back into his pillows. Enough was enough.
"Alright," he said the next day, confronting his reluctant students. "Spill. What has gotten into you?"
"What do you mean?" Naruto asked, entirely unconvincing as he cringed under Kakashi's unamused glare. "... We may or may not have gotten drunk."
Kakashi waited. His students stayed silent. "And? How does that translate to you three harassing me?"
"Now you're just overreacting," Sakura said at the same time as Naruto burst out, "We made a bet."
Both Sakura and Sasuke glared at Naruto.
"A bet." Kakashi deadpanned. "You got drunk and made a bet over who of you first manages to look behind my mask. And now that you're sober all of you are too stubborn to back out."
"I'm going to win," Sasuke muttered, thus confirming what Naruto had already given away.
Naruto opened his mouth to snark back and Kakashi decided to break up the fight before it could even begin. "As much fun as it sounds to be stalked and attacked by you three, I'll have to decline. Leave it."
Naruto, that little brat, snorted. "Like you have a choice there."
Kakashi raised an eyebrow. "Don't I?"
If by the end of the day Naruto's clothes had been dunked in glitter, Sasuke's sword had taken on a magnificent hot pink color and Sakura found her bed frozen solid, Kakashi wouldn't know. He was too busy bribing Tsunade into giving the three of them the longest, most tedious mission outside of Konoha that she could find.
Fortunately, it was enough to make his students give up on their bet. Unfortunately, they did so in favor of banding together.
They ambushed him in broad daylight, causing an incident that left behind scorch marks on the market place and several dozen complaints filled out for the Hokage.
They laid enough traps in and around Kakashi's house to make it resemble a mindfield, forcing him to sleep over at Tenzō's or Gai's instead.
On one memorable occasion they followed him on a mission and returned five days later, after finally seeing through his false track marks and finding him enjoying his short-lived freedom back in Konoha.
It got to the point where Kakashi found himself seriously considering taking off his mask just to end it. What better way to escape the madness than to give his team what they wanted? But was he really that desperate?
He paused, an idea forming. What if…? Yes. Behind his mask, his mouth twisted into a grin.
Kakashi wasn't desperate. He was petty.
"We could try another ambush at his apartment–"
"He's not sleeping there anymore," Sakura reminded him.
"Right, Gai's apartment then." Naruto hummed thoughtfully. "We could try to rope Lee and his team into it, too."
"He'll expect us to do that. There's no way we'll get the moment of surprise." Sakura leaned back, a frustrated sigh on her lips. "I might be able to pull some strings with Tsunade and Shizune–"
"No way, they already helped out Kakashi. Remember?"
"We should just wait," Sasuke chimed in, finally taking part in the brainstorming, too. "He'll start to think we've given up. Then we'll strike."
Naruto huffed, crossing his arms. "This has been going on for far too long already! We just have to keep at it. He's gotta slip up eventually!"
"What if–"
They were interrupted by two children running up to them, jumping up and down in excitement. "You did it!"
"Did what?"
"Who are you?"
Naruto and Sasuke had spoken at the same time, and Sakura leaned closer to them to whisper, "That's the kids I bribed into jumping Kakashi the first time around."
The girls ignored all of them. "I'm glad you won!"
"Yeah, congrats!"
Before either of them could muster an answer, the two headed off in a sprint. Naruto stared after them incredulously. "Won what?"
"No idea." Sakura shrugged.
They'd barely made it down the street before Gai was next.
"Ahh, my eternal rival's most treasured students!"
Naruto and Sasuke tensed defensively – one could never be sure what to expect from Gai – but Sakura made an effort to smile politely. "Hello, Gai-sensei."
"Word of your achievement has already reached my ears! I couldn't believe it! To think that somebody could stride forward and melt his cold exterior for everyone to see!" He leaped forward before any of them could react, dragging them into a tight – and tearful – embrace. "You are truly the most wonderful students one could wish for!"
He left them behind speechlessly, wiping his eyes and audibly sniffling. They took a moment to process what had happened.
"No way."
"No. Way."
They shared a glance, then jumped into action to hunt down their wayward teacher.
On their way through the village people kept stopping them, expressing congratulations or declaring their amazement. Even Neji was among them, eyeing them stoically before offering a simple "Impressive."
They ended up finding him at a dango stand, an empty plate in front of him and just about to pay. His mask was in place, and a small crowd was slowly dispersing, some of the people still chattering excitedly.
"Kakashi-sensei!" Sakura called as soon as they had reached him.
Naruto didn't even try to dampen his voice. "What the hell?!"
"Hmm? Oh, my cute little students." He gave them a sickly sweet smile. "I was looking for you, you know? I'd decided to give in and give you what you want. I went through the whole village to look for you, too." He turned his back to them with a shrug. "Such a shame that I couldn't find you. Looks like you weren't serious about it, after all."
Naruto's mouth was agape. Sakura's eyes widened. Sasuke's lips pressed together in a thin line.
"Oh, look how late it is. I'm sure you'll find something to pass the time with. See ya." He waved cheerfully, disappearing in a puff of smoke.
Team 7 was left behind, stunned.
A/N: For the prompt:
Kakashi debates whether he should walk around with his mask off from now on.
Feel free to send me a prompt on tumblr! Just send an ask to xxgwenstacyxx.
Thanks for reading, and please leave a review!
~Gwen