Overall Series Rating: R
Pairings: 2xR, other side pairings
Category: Fluff/Humor, Fake Marriage Trope, Cruise Ship AU
Warnings: Explicit content (yes, that means lemons). Side relationships that are not heterosexual. Mild angst. Mutual pining. That's about it.
Summary: Relena's mother is pressuring her to get married, so when she meets a handsome and charming man on a cruise, she can't help but think that he could be the solution to all her problems.
Feedback: MUCH appreciated. Comments, constructive criticism, confusion, questions, all welcome!
The cruise was not turning out how Relena had wanted. Well, that wasn't entirely true. It was wonderful to spend the days sunbathing with Dorothy on the deck or racing against Quatre in the huge endless swimming pool they had on board, even if he did win most of the time. Dorothy, who had never swum competitively, refused to participate in the races, electing instead to tease the loser mercilessly.
No, the time spent with her two best friends was even better than she could have hoped for. The problem was her mother.
Margaret Anne Darlian, or Maggie to her friends, had promised to lay off over the vacation, and had probably even meant it. Relena had to admit, she had been better than usual, but she just couldn't seem to help herself from bringing up this or that cousin or family friend who had just gotten married or just had a baby. Maybe she thought she was being subtle because she'd stopped asking Relena straight out when she was going to find a man and get hitched. If so, she was terribly mistaken.
"Relena, darling," her mother began, and Relena managed to smile sweetly in response only by sheer force of will. Those words always prefaced marriage talk. Given that her mother was now three drinks in, Relena just knew it was going to be worse than usual.
"Yes, Mother?"
Across the dinner table, Dorothy rolled her eyes dramatically while Quatre just looked sympathetic.
"All this time I've been pushing you to find someone to settle down with, well, I've been totally blind, haven't I?"
What was this? Could it be that she was finally going to let this go?
"Why you felt the need to keep it a secret I'll never know–"
"A secret? What secret?" Relena asked, confused.
"–but seeing you two together this week has made it more than clear."
"Us two? What two–"
Maggie turned to Quatre.
"You're just perfect for Relena, Quatre dear. Tell me you're going to propose soon?"
Quatre choked on his steak.
"Quatre? Me and Quatre?!" Relena hadn't meant for her voice to sound so shrill. "Mother, you've got the wrong idea–"
"Nonsense, Relena. You can't hide it any longer. I know you two are seeing each other."
Relena just gaped. How could she think...? But when Relena thought about it, it wasn't very surprising. Her mother was desperate for her to get married, and she and Quatre were very close. And of course, Maggie had no idea that Quatre was gay. Nobody did, aside from Relena and Dorothy, and as tempting as it was to blurt that out just to prove to her mother that she was completely off base, Relena would never betray his confidence that way.
"Father?" she pleaded, looking at him beseechingly.
"Maggie, dear," he interjected. "That's enough. No need to embarrass them. Now, what was that activity you wanted to attend tonight?"
"Oh yes! There's a small circus troupe here and tonight they're doing a knife-throwing act. It sounds thrilling!"
"That sounds delightful!" her father agreed. "Relena, will you and your friends be joining us?"
"Thank you for inviting us, but no. We already have plans." Across the table, Dorothy raised her eyebrow in challenge, but thankfully remained silent. They definitely had not made plans, but there was no way Relena was spending any more time with her mother than absolutely necessary, especially after this debacle of a dinner.
"Very well then. You kids have fun, whatever you're getting up to," her father said with a wink. Relena rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't help but grin at his antics.
"Don't worry, Father. We always do."
"Two shots of Patrón Silver with salt and lime, please," Relena told the bartender. [insert cool description of the bar/bartender]
"Starting off slowly, I see," Dorothy observed with a smirk.
"After that dinner, I'm with Relena," Quatre said, then turned to the bartender. "I'll have the same."
"Oh why not? Me too," Dorothy said.
The barkeep promptly placed six shots on the bar with a small plate of lime slices and a salt shaker before moving down the bar to help another customer.
"So what are we toasting?" Dorothy asked as they each got their salt ready.
"How about the absence of my mother?" Relena said bitingly.
"That's a bit harsh, Relena," Quatre admonished. "How about to being young and single?"
"If you insist," Relena said. If she were honest with herself, she didn't really want to be single – she just had no interest in marriage, at least for now. Sure, she wanted to get married someday, but not until she was ready, and she was far from ready.
"To being young and single," they said in unison, clinking their shot glasses before licking the salt off their hands and knocking back the first round of shots.
As Quatre and Dorothy bit into their lime slices, Relena grabbed her second shot and knocked it back as well.
Quatre and Dorothy shared a look.
"She really got to you this time, didn't she?" Quatre asked.
Relena sighed. She really didn't want to talk about it right then, didn't even want to think about it, but she owed it to Quatre to at least apologize for her mother's behavior.
"She did," Relena admitted. "Mostly I'm pissed that she's dragging you into it, Quatre. I'm so sorry."
"Not your fault. Honestly, we probably should have seen this coming. After all, I'm male, available and have the kind of credentials your mother wants for a 'suitable husband,' by her definition."
"If only you weren't repulsed by vaginas, Quatre, then everybody could be happy!" Dorothy quipped with a smirk.
"Hey! I'm not repulsed by them, I just have no interest in ever seeing or touching one."
"Your loss," Dorothy rejoined. "I'm telling you, there's nothing quite as satisfying as the taste of pussy. You're really missing out."
"Must you be vulgar, Dorothy?" Relena asked, exasperated.
"I'll be as vulgar as I please, thank you very much."
Quatre and Relena just rolled their eyes.
"So what's next?" Dorothy asked. "More shots?"
"Tempting," Relena said, "but I'd rather not puke tonight." She flagged down the bartender again. "Long Island Iced Tea, please. Make it strong."
"Sure thing," he said, then turned to Quatre. "And for you?"
"Vodka martini, two olives."
"I'll have whiskey, neat," Dorothy said. "Best you've got."
"We have a Glenfiddich 40 year. Will that do?"
"Make it a double."
"Coming right up."
"So," Dorothy began, turning to Relena. "Long Island? I thought you said you didn't want to puke tonight."
"Oh, shut up. That was one time!"
"Two, actually," Quatre chimed in. "But I'm not surprised that you don't remember."
"Alright, two. But it's only because I had a second one!"
"So you'll stick to just one tonight?" Quatre teased.
"Just one," Relena grumbled. Then the drinks arrived, and Relena was grateful to have the spotlight taken off her for a moment.
"Come, friends, let's grab a booth and drown your sorrows," Dorothy said.
"Our sorrows?" Quatre asked.
"Your sorrows. I'm not the one getting engaged."
"I hate you," Quatre and Relena said at the same time, then looked at each other and burst out laughing.
Dorothy just grinned.