Dinner Ladies: Episode 17.
Ecclefechan Bed & Breakfast run by Brenda Furlong and Tony Martin.
Kitchen
Tony:
Morning Bren, get a brew on. Just sorted bread and milk. What is it about these delivery people, it used to be an injured back from a diving board in Guernsey and now it is a hernia from an over enthusiastic session of curling.
Bren:
Brew on. They must all be….. hypo? Hypodermic, no hypochondriacs.
Can't concentrate, keep thinking about the visit today from that blithering Social Worker who was involved with my mother. What can she want?
Tony:
Hurry up with that brew, Bren, my mouth feels like the Sahara. Didn't really understand her call. Prattling on about complaints procedure, data protection and missing files.
Bren:
Here's your brew, stop grouching. Keep thinking about the factory in Manchester and all our friends, well most of them, except for whiffy Christine and her smelly aura and Harry from Packing but the rest, really miss them sometimes and keep thinking they are going to turn up here.
Tony:
Stop wittering Bren and sort out the breakfast orders.
Dining Room
Bren:
Morning everyone. Any special orders?
Young blonde with short, spiky hair:
Twelve rounds of white please, Bren
Bren does double take and stutters:
Sorry, what did you say?
Young blonde:
Two brown with marmalade.
Bren:
Must be hearing things. Confuddled or what.
Two elderly ladies sitting at table together. One asks:
Do you have Daily Mail, we are swingers from Mobberley, don't you know?
Bren: open mouthed and eventually says:
Dolly and Jean?
Second lady:
No, my dear, we are Polly and Jane and we are swimmers from Amberley and we wanted to check weather forecast.
Bren:
Sorry, not sure what is wrong. I'm all ….. dish-washer….. no, distracted. Need a brew.
Kitchen
Bren wanders into the kitchen looking bemused.
Tony is in conversation with tall man in work dungarees by industrial toaster.
Tony:
We need it sorted, pressure is on.
Tall Man:
Don't talk to me about pressure my Dad was a Desert Rat. Used to fry eggs on a shovel.
Bren looks like she is about to burst into tears and rushes into garden.
Tony:
See what you can do Jock, I envy you, much easier working with inanimate machines than blinking women.
Garden.
Tony:
What's up Bren, can't be that difficult getting a few breakfast orders.
Bren: fighting back the tears.
I'm sorry Tony. All I can think about is the factory. I'll be ok when that blithering social worker is gone. Can't believe Twink now a lawyer and Sunita a district nurse.
Tony:
Look Bren, I love this place and more importantly I love you and whatever it is it doesn't matter.
Tony: Gives Bren a hug and peck on the cheek.
Fine, that's the soppy stuff done with.
Who the hell ordered all those boxes of Magnums?
Bren:
Sorry Tony, thanks.
Magnums, no idea, but who doesn't like a choc ice on a stick.
Kitchen
Tony:
That's breakfast sorted, just going out the back for a fag. Get brew on, Bren.
Bren:
Brew coming up.
Tony:
These Magnums….. Aha! looks like a Social Worker at door, all flowery dress, dyed hair and sensible shoes. I'll stick her in office.
Office
Bren:
Hello, do you want a gin or brandy, I mean coffee or tea.
Hermione, Social Worker. Looks like twin of Phillipa- Human Resources.
Thanks, will have Lapsang Souchong.
Bren: Shouts order. Tony snorts with derision.
Yes?
Hermione:
I am here about your mother, Brenda Furlong aka Petula Gordino. I am apologising as some old files have turned up with information you should have had when you were in care.
Bren:
What's the point, I know that I was dumped in care and left to rot. She turned up now and again with wild and wonderful stories. Absolute poppycock.
Hermione:
Well, we found some old reports and letters from Petula which should have been passed on. Your mother was working in America during your childhood was employed at film studios particularly in Hollywood and there are letters addressed to you with lots of big stars pictured with your Petula.
Bren: looks stunned.
Always thought this was moonshine.
Hermione:
There is also information regarding your father. Petula stated it was a Keith or Kevin but this was a ruse to protect his identity. The hospital case notes say that the day before she died she had a visitor who the nurse in charge of the ward described as being famous and that Petula said they had a child together. We are not able to give a name due to data protection.
Bren:
But, this man didn't care about me.
Hermione:
Not actually true, it appears that Petula only told him of your existence just before she passed. This man has also recently passed and his solicitor contacted to say you have been left a legacy in his will but that he will remain anonymous.
Bren:
This is all a bit of a shower… no, a bit of a shock. But what about the money that was found in her belongings, where and who was that from?
Hermione:
That is not clear but it appears she did have a fling with one of the Great Train Robbers for a while. But coming back to your legacy left you by this major celebrity you should have received the first instalment today.
Bren: Opens door, Tony falls in.
Tony, did you hear that, I have a legacy. It appears my father was a saint.
Tony:
Bren, what the hell and how much?
Hermione:
Please, calm down, there is no money, this legacy is a life time supply of a confectionary product he helped develop.
Bren:
We haven't received anything, have we Tony?
Tony:
No except those damned Magnums! Bren, you were a star on Totally Trivial with Henry Kelly, surely you know who this is?
Bren:
Roger de Courcey, no, Roy Rogers, no Roger Moore…. Saints alive, Tony, James Bond was my Dad!