WARNING: This will be extremely angst filled and if one can not stomach such a story then one should not read it. Bella and Edward will NOT come together. Here he returns after his absence in New Moon and Bella is not so forgiving. (Darker side to both characters)
"You … don't… want me?"
"No."
He was gone.
Those words were a prelude to the life that I would later come to know. They were a mere shadowing of what was to come for me. Months had passed when the only thing that I could push myself to do was curl into a ball at the base of my window and cry. And sob. And scream. And whimper. How pathetic… I became nothing, a body void of the very essence of life and soul, something pit less and ever falling; for I was falling and I would never be able to climb back up.
I disregarded everyone and everything. There was no need for family, for friends, what could they ever accomplish in my life? The entire world lost its meaning to me. The multi-colored leaves that floated from the branches of trees, separating seamlessly from their resting places, became my envy. The cold winds that whispered across the lands that traveled far and wide without restraints became my anger. The shrill cries of the birds in the morning hours reminded me only of the screams building within my own throat. The murmur of voices shot through me in pangs of pain, in remembrance of times I had spent in my lovers' arms, his sweet words caressing my senses.
But all things, even nothingness, must come to an end, and eventually so did my torture. Numbness took its place, the kind that only came from feeling too many things over such a short period of time. I wondered in many moments, why thoughts of taking my own life had never crossed my mind. I didn't have the answer then, I only knew that for some strange reason self destruction was the farthest thing from my thoughts.
After decades passed though, it became clearer to me, as did my future. His rejection was my human flaws, his scorn was my human weaknesses, and his absence was my own blunder. I realize now that I could not kill myself then because death would mean the end of my sufferings and I could not have that. I needed to suffer, it gave me a purpose in his life, however indirect, it gave me a place in his past. I longed then to suffer eternally, to somehow repent for my imperfections. I thought that if I faced the numbing pain, that someday he may return to me and relieve it, that it would be better if I waited in a situation that was anything but contentment, he would one day appear just to set me straight again.
One more glimpse was all I craved.
He had wanted me to live out my life, be human, be… happy. I cringe at that word now. It is no longer familiar to me, none of those words are. His absence somehow, dislodged the dam that was built to protect me. After he left, danger from all directions rushed at me with the force of an army. I tried to avoid them, tried to avoid Laurent, then Victoria, and even the Wolves, but it was as if my fate wished to have me boxed in from all sides. I was trapped and eventually Turned, by the fiery red headed monster. My Turning was torture. I was ripped and torn, then pushed back together with acidic glue that melted and reshaped my skin and bones. My nerve endings were tested to their limits and the unbearable fire licked at my innards. Ironic, how I received what I had so wanted from him at one time.
Then of course came years of murder, of thirst, of unbearable loneliness, of hostility, and the oppressing darkness. But control came and more years passed, I joined the guard in Volterra and spent my time murdering and assassinating those who displeased the Volturi. I gained a very coveted position among their ranks and began to welcome the darkness: my savior. Soon I was going out on my own again, just to escape from the monotony of it all and from the blood that constantly plagued my waking dreams.
That was what had eventually led me here to the very people who had caused my end. I no longer felt love, no longer felt any sadness, or even resentment towards them, but here I stood gazing at a white stone house, so very similar to the one they had left behind. I was waiting for something, what exactly that was I wasn't sure. Did I want them to see me? See what I had become?
Yes.
I wanted them to know what they had caused, what they had created.
A gasp sounded from my left and my eyes flashed to and from the figure in quick succession.
"Alice."
"Be…Bella?"
"Yes."
"What… happened? Bella, what happened to you? Why are you … how are you… but it's been 70 years!"
"I became what destiny intended me to become." I turned towards her then eliciting another gasp.
"Your eyes are red Bella! How could you?!" How could I?
"Simple. I chose to. How are you Alice and all the others? Jasper must be fairing better now with human scents?"
"Ye…Yes. He's doing well," a sigh escaped her dainty lips and she quivered as if the cold of the night affected her. After her encounter with my eyes she wouldn't look at me. I disgusted her. "Will you come inside?"
"No." My voice was final.
"Are you going to leave? I can't see your future, is that part of your power? Bella… won't you see us? See him? He's been a mess without you. We searched for you after a year, you know? But… you were gone."
I nodded at her earlier question, and then sighed, the first emotion to escape my control in a long while. "No Alice, I can not go inside. I will not intrude upon your lives, this even, was a mistake, but what's done I can not reverse. I will see them though, but not inside. I no longer belong to the light."
She nodded her tiny head and moved closer hesitantly, a silent sob escaped her lips. A brief sense of pity crossed me. Then three large crashes came from inside the house and light flooded the shadowed front lawn. Figures raced out and froze in silent terror. I merely smirked minutely.
"Carlisle, it's been so long. You have not changed."
"Bella? Bella what happened?" Ahh the ultimate question.
"I was turned by Victoria and Laurent before the werewolf pack destroyed them." He stood in utter horror.
"Oh my god Bella!" The cry of anguish came from Edward.
"Edward, I don't think you should approach her." He was being held back by Emmett and Jasper, who had identical looks of shock and disgust.
"You haven't changed Rosalie. You still do not trust my intentions and I am no longer human." I watched with a small bit of amusement as she recoiled from my even stare.
Jasper spoke next. "Bella, why can't I read you? And why do you have red eyes?"
He was calm, but there was an underlying hint of desperation in his voice. "Jasper, I don't know if you'll ever get answers to all your questions, but I've already answered those particular ones. Just ask Alice."
"Bella sweetie, why won't you come inside and talk?"
"I can not. I'm sorry. "I wasn't. Esme however, still prompted some affection from me, no matter how twisted, so I bothered with an apology for my behavior.
She looked beyond upset at the current state of my appearance and my answer only seemed to push her over the edge. She began to sob into Carlisle's side and Emmett looked torn between defending his mother and attacking me.
"I should not have come, but I needed to speak to Edward. If you will let him go Emmett?" Edward dashed across the lawn as soon as he was released, albeit reluctantly, from his brothers. He stood directly in front of me and it still unnerved me a bit when his deep golden eyes bored into my crimson ones. For some reason, I still did not want to disappoint him, but I knew I had, the minute his face crumbled.
"You're not her are you? Your no longer my Bella, you don't love me any more." I smiled, but it felt more like a grimace on my face, at the mention of the word love.
" Edward, isn't this the pot calling the kettle black?" He flinched violently and I quirked a brow.
"I lied Bella! Don't you understand that I could never not love you? I could never be with anyone but you! I lied because we wanted to protect you, because I wanted to protect you, from what we are! After what happened that night on your birthday…" His jaw was clenched in pain of remembrance and I was angry. I was beyond angry, I was raging. My eyes darkened and I raised my hand and sent him flying into Jasper on the other side of the lawn with a thundering smack against his face.
He crashed and then laid there, supported by Jasper as he stared in shock at my actions. They were all shocked and Rosalie was angry, but if she made one wrong move I would tear her apart. I knew I was more then capable of destroying each and every one of them.
"Is that what you wanted to talk to him for?! …To hurt him as much as he hurt you? You're pathetic if you think revenge is going to get you anywhere." Rosalie was sputtering and hissing with each word that left her perfect lips and they made me laugh darkly. The seductive ring of my own voice stopped hers.
"My dear Rose, revenge was never my intention for coming here tonight, nor was with it any other ill will against your coven that I stepped on your property."
Before I could finish though Emmett finally spoke up, "Bella, he still loves you, don't you understand? We thought you were dead, we went back, but after not finding you after years of searching we had to think you were no longer part of this earth. We wanted you back in our family Bella, we wanted to come back to you."
"Then you never should have left." My voice was harsh, no longer retaining the velvet quality of calm. "You should not have tried to make decisions for me. If I had been willing to risk my life to be with you, then you should have had enough common sense to realize that it wasn't in your hands to just up and leave. My safety was of little importance to the amount of emotional attachment I had linked to my second family. None of you even thought to explain the truth, to talk it out more rationally with me, you only thought to lie. Edward, you say you still love me, but I can no longer love you, what you did was unforgivable, it changed me to the point where I could no longer retain any amount of humanity in me. But I digress. As soon as I deliver my message I will be on my way."
Carlisle swallowed nervously and it was a first for me to see such a man uncomfortable. He then regained his composer although the hurt in his eyes did not leave, and nodded for me to continue.
" The Volturi, specifically Aro, wishes to meet with your family again. He has another proposition I assume and this is his sick way of reuniting us. You are expected in Volterra within two weeks time."
"You work for the Volturi?" This same question came from several directions and I saw Edward tense. He let loose a low growl.
"Are they forcing you Bella?" I shook my head at Edward, and ignored the other question.
Alice stepped towards me as I turned to leave. "Will we see you there? Will we see you ever again?" She seemed hopeful and I derived a strange joy from crushing her hopes.
"No. I no longer reside there. As for 'ever again', I do not know. It is not likely, but eternity is a very long span of time. Our paths may cross someday, but do not expect any friendly gesture of recognition. It is more likely that I will simply ignore you, if you do not somehow invoke the displeasure of the Volturi. And in that case, I may have to kill you." I spoke without emotion or depth; only let the words float where they may. I had gotten my last glimpse of Edward and I had accomplished the task handed to me. I had no reason to linger here any longer.
"Goodbye." The parting words fell wistfully from my lips, as sluggish images of past memories drifted to the forefront of my mind and then I turned my back on the seven familiar faces filled with trepidation and horror, intending to completely disappear from their lives, but Edward's voice stopped me one last time.
"Would you really destroy us Bella? Are we not worthy of at least your friendship?" His voice was filled with sorrow and although I could not see his face I knew it was torn. I remembered how his golden eyes would flicker with pain and the strong muscles of his handsome face would clench involuntarily.
I turned sharply and finally set them in there place. Finally spoke out to the open the relationship we had formed over 70 years of their absence, over 70 years of my wilting soul.
"Enemies, that is what we are now Edward. Friendship is not something I have a need for, friendship is an ideal of humanity and that is something I no longer have." He collapsed gripping his stomach onto the grassy lawn and dry sobs escaped his beautiful lips.
"Enemies then, but even so I will always love you, and you will come back to me." There was no determination in his words. He was forcing them out between dry sobs and I only sent him and his family a last look of pity before disappearing into the thick shadows of the forest. The echoes of their voices lingered in my mind and I pushed them all into a category box labeled with the word past and locked it shut with a resounding permanence.
I was finally free, I had finally gotten my closure and no matter over how many years my life would stretch, I knew with a certainty that I would never see them again.