Disclaimer : I don't own anything, just the idea I suppose. I don't own the song, Chantel Kreviazuk and who ever wrote it does!
A/N : I haven't written anything for absolutely ages I know, but I've had problems with my pc, and still do, but I was desperate to write something so I thought a quick one shot would satisfy me lol, hope you all enjoy.
Feels like home!
I grabbed my bag, from the edge of the bed, swinging it onto my shoulder, my legs shaking rapidly, my palms sweaty, heart beating wildly, eyes on stalks. There was no looking back for me now. It was now or never. For 6 months I'd been promising myself he'd had his last chance. I'd packed my bags on more than one occasion, only to quickly unpack moments before he arrived home, scared of him catching me.
For the past year I'd lived a practically non existent life, hiding in the shadows, hiding behind my lies. I kept a low profile everywhere I went, sinking into the background, hoping to go un-noticed.
It was the same old story I suppose, things had been great when we'd first started out, my friends liked him, he got on well with them, he'd treat me like a princess, taking me out to dinner, wining and dining me at every opportunity. Then one day it suddenly changed. With one quick punch, our relationship changed forever.
I suppose it's easy to say now, I should have walked away then, but I suppose I was blinded by love, and after what I thought were heart felt apologies and promises that it'd never happen again. I know now that I was being gullible, but back then I had believed every promise he'd made.
3 months later, I had become distant from work colleagues and friends, even the ducks fell onto the back burner. I knew people talked about me behind my back, commenting that now I had a boyfriend, I thought I was too good for them, if only they had known the truth.
With each slap, punch and kick, my self-confidence fell lower and lower until any chance I had of speaking up had been demolished. I became somewhat of an expert at hiding my pain, grateful that he never seemed to focus on visible parts of my body. But slowly that changed, the first bruise I had been able to explain, but each time it got harder and harder.
I can't explain why after a year, of slowly being beaten to what would ultimately be my death if I stayed, how I found the courage to leave, but the latest beating had been the most brutal. I was now sporting a hugely swollen black eye, a busted lip and a gash on my forehead from where I'd fallen into the desk, amongst the other usual bruises, aches and pains throughout the rest of my body.
So here I was, finally fighting back. I pulled the door too behind me, and headed downstairs to where I had a cab waiting for me. I swear the driver could have heard my heart beating loudly in my chest. I'd never been so scared in my life. My voice quivered as I told the driver where I wanted to go.
As he drove, he kept stealing glances in the rear view mirror at me, his eyes held a quizzical gaze. I was very tempted to blurt out "Yes, me Connie Moreau, I'm fighting back". When he pulled up at the curb side, I passed him my fare, clutching my bag in my free hand. He turned fully in his seat, looking directly at me. His eyes sympathetic.
"Good luck, I hope everything works out for you". He told me, pushing my hand back toward me, without accepting my fare.
"Thank you". I immediately teared up, climbing out of the cab, smiling gratefully at the stranger that had been so kind.
Without looking back a 2nd time, I headed into the maze of people, noticing some turn to look at me, but most too busy in their own worlds to bother. There was a quickness to my step, fear again kicking in slowly, knowing all too well, that I wasn't free of him just yet.
The moment I saw the gate I wanted, my heart leapt in relief, and disbelief. I had actually done what weeks ago seemed the impossible. The gate attendant looked at me oddly, as she checked my boarding pass, allowing me my escape. I was after a year of beatings, finally home free.
The flight was surprisingly short, and before I knew it, I was disembarking the plane that had brought me to safety. I followed most of the other passengers through the terminal to the taxi ranks, awaiting my turn patiently. It was now I realized how little I'd actually thought my plan through. I had no-where to go now I was here. Yes I may be a safe distance from him, but I had little money in my bank account.
As my turn neared, there really was only one person I could think of to go to. He probably wouldn't be ecstatic to see me, after all I'd spent the last year ignoring and blanking him and the other ducks, I wouldn't be surprised if he turned me away, I wouldn't blame him either, but I had to try.
The streets I'd grown up on, were a welcoming relief to the hustle and bustle of Chicago. The closer I got to my destination, the more my stomach lurched. I felt sick, nervously so. I was beginning to think I was more nervous about what would happen next, than I had been about leaving.
"C'mon Con, you've got this far". I hissed to myself as the cab drove off, leaving me stood hesitatingly outside an apartment building.
Taking a deep breath, I headed inside. Checking the mail boxes, I found out the number of his apartment, and began climbing the stairs, the whole time willing myself from turning around and dashing away. Before I knew it, I was there, right outside his door. Closing my eyes, I raised my hand and gently tapped on the door. Part of me hoping he was home, the other half unsure whether I was doing the right thing. I heard someone unlocking the latches, and suddenly my feet became that much more interesting.
"Can I help you"? His voice asked gently.
"Hi Guy"! I replied, forcing myself to look up at him.
Somethin'
in your eyes, makes me wanna lose myself
Makes me wanna lose
myself, in your arms
There's somethin' in your voice, makes my
heart beat fast
Hope this feeling lasts, the rest of my life
"Conn"… He began, then obviously noticing my facial injuries. "What the fuck"! His eyes wide.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have come". I backed away.
I had gotten half way down the stairs before I heard my name being called, I didn't stop though. It was a mistake my coming here. It was wrong of me to just expect him or any of them to welcome me back with open arms, after having frozen them out of my life over the past 6 months.
"Connie, what the hell happened to you"? A hand gripped my arm, and I involuntarily hissed, wincing in pain. He hadn't squeezed tightly, but had touched a bruise, hidden easily by my long sleeves. He reeled away from me as though I was a fine piece of china. "Who did this"? He managed to mumble, his eyes softening.
I had no idea how to tell him. I mean what do you say. I was stood in front of the man who had known me for much of my life, and would find it hard to believe how weak I had become.
"He
did it, didn't he"? He asked, after watching me chew on my lip
for a few seconds. "C'mon, lets go back upstairs". He gestured
toward the stairs. I nodded gently, and he reached to take my bag
from my shoulder. If you knew how lonely my life has
been
And how long I've been so alone
And if you knew how I
wanted someone to come along
And change my life the way you've
done
"Here, take a seat". He moved a few papers from the couch creating some room for me.
He pushed the papers on the coffee table to one side, and sat opposite me, gazing at me gently, taking in my appearance. I could tell by the look on his face, he was unsure of what to say or do. I couldn't blame him, I had no idea either.
"How, um how long"? He asked me, stuttering slightly, as though he really didn't want to know.
"Long enough". I replied quietly. "I'm sorry, I didn't really know where else to go, I shouldn't have"… I began, regretting my decision to come here.
"No, Con, I'm glad you did. Don't worry about a thing". He reached over and touched my hand reassuringly. "Do you need any um , any"… He gestured toward my cuts and bruises.
"Oh no um, I cleaned myself up before I left". I told him.
I sat there awkwardly. I knew I had dropped a bombshell on him, and he was unsure of how to react. His eyes continued almost assessing me, full of sympathy, and worry. I knew he was wondering what to do next.
"Con,
have you been to the cops"? He asked, and I lowered my gaze to the
floor. It feels like home to me, it feels like home to
me
It feels like I'm all the way back where I come from
It
feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It feels like I'm
all the way back where I belong
"Con, why didn't you say anything, he could have killed you".
"I… I couldn't, I was, I was too ashamed". I mumbled, tears filling my eyes at how stupid I had been.
"You have nothing to be ashamed of Con, you did nothing wrong". Guy squeezed my hand reassuringly. "Listen, you're gonna stay here with me, you can't go back to him".
"Guy, I can't impose on you like that. I didn't come back here to do that". I shook my head, blinking my tears away.
"I know you didn't, but you're here now, and I want you to stay. You're gunna be safe here, and I won't let you get hurt. You need to be around your friends and people who love you". his words pulled strings in my heart, and soon more tears followed. "You belong here". He told me firmly, sandwiching my hand between mine. I nodded tears spilling more easily, as I leant forward into a hug.
Even
after all these years, his arms still felt safe. I now realized the
reason why I subconsciously headed back here, it was for the love and
protection I felt in his arms. A window breaks, down a
long, dark street
And a siren wails in the night
But I'm
alright, 'cause I have you here with me
And I can almost see,
through the dark there is light
A few hours later, Guy had shown me his spare room and left me to my devices, before I excused myself to have a shower. My cuts stung as the hot water ran over them, but the pain was nothing I couldn't handle, after all I'd had 6 months. It felt like all my problems were being washed away, headed straight down the drain.
"Feel better"? Guy asked me as I walked back into the living room, dying my hair on a hand towel.
"Much, thanks". I replied, as I returned to the bathroom tossing the towel in the laundry basket. "And thanks for this", I told him sitting down beside him on the sofa.
"Con, will you stop thanking me, there's no need really".
"There is Guy, you have no idea how much this means to me, and once I've sorted myself out, I'll be out of your hair".
"There's no rush, you're welcome to stay as long as you want".
We fell into a comfortable silence. I couldn't remember the last time I'd been comfortable in silence. With him, I'd always felt the need to fill them. I suppose sitting here thinking about it, it was easy to say, I probably had never been comfortable around him, even in the beginning.
"So, c'mon catch me up on gossip, what's been going on"? I asked eventually.
"Um, not much has changed since the last time we spoke, I'm guessing you know Julie and Charlie have bought a house, Portman's got a new girlfriend who might I add seems to think she'll tame him, Goldberg and Averman are starting to expand the deli and um Tammy's pregnant".
"Wow, Tammy's pregnant, that's um wow". A wave of guilt spread over me. I should have known that, Tammy had been one of my closest friends for many years, and here she was going through the biggest experience in her life, and I had no idea.
"Before you start feeling guilty, she's only known a few weeks". Guy told me almost immediately.
"It's my fault, I'm the one who backed away from you guys. I mean how many messages did you leave me, and I probably never got back to you once. I deserve to be left in the dark".
"Yeah, but look what you've been through. It's understandable, I mean"… Guy began, when suddenly my phone began ringing.
I tensed immediately. There was only one person who it could be, no-one hardly ever rang me anymore, because most of my friends had nothing in common with me anymore. I reached into my bag and pulled my cell out, glancing quickly at the screen.
"It's him, isn't it"? Guy looked at me, and I nodded. "Here". I took the phone out of my hand. "Hello, Connie Moreau's phone". He spoke confidently. "No I'm afraid she's unable to come to the phone at the moment, she's actually come to her senses and realized exactly what you are, have a nice life". He said, a smug grin crossing his features, as he put the phone down.
"Guy, how could you do that"! I yelped, snatching the phone back from him. "He's gunna be even more pissed than he was". I told him, heading to collect my things from the spare room.
"Connie, he can't hurt you anymore". Guy began following me. "Where the hell are you going"? His brow raised upon seeing me exit the room with my lone bag.
"He'll know where I am, I have to leave". I replied, panic stricken, tears filling my eyes.
"Let
him come". He pulled on my arm. "I swear to God, Con, I will not
let him anywhere near you". He told me pulling me to face him.
"He'd hurt you again over my dead body. You're safe now ok".
His hands trailed up to my face, forcing me to look at him, tears
rolling down my cheeks, as I looked into soft green eyes. Well,
if you knew how much this moment means to me
And how long I've
waited for your touch
And if you knew how happy you are making
me
I never thought that I'd love anyone so much
Guy stayed true to his words, even though there was really no need. Henry never even tried to get in touch again, though there was still that fear that kept popping into my mind. Guy was great, he helped me find a new job, and even re-decorated the spare room, declaring his flat my new home.
I was soon reacquainted with the ducks, and those 6 months I had lost with them, began to feel as though they never existed, and our relationship began to feel as though we were 12 years old again.
After
living in hell, I was now amazed at why I hadn't turned to them
sooner, Though I was far from ready to be having relationship, I
couldn't help but feel closer to him as the days past. He'd
always been there for me, and as he told me often enough, that wasn't
about to change now. It feels like home to me, it feels
like home to me
It feels like I'm all the way the back where I
come from
It feels like home to me, it feels like home to me
It
feels like I'm all the way back where I belong
It feels like I'm
all the way back where I belong
Right so what did you think. I think I kinda lost sight of the story toward the end, and didn't really know how else to end it to keep in-line with the song. So anyways please R&R and let me know what you think!!!