i•ri•di•um /ɪˈrɪdɪəm/ n. • 1 a very hard inert yellowish-white transition element that is the most corrosion-resistant metal known. it occurs in platinum ores and is used as an alloy with platinum. 2 a precious metallic element resembling platinum: used in alloys.
sa•tu•rn /ˈsæt.ən/ n. • 1 the planet sixth in order of distance from the sun, after jupiter and before uranus. 2 associated with restriction and limitation. brings structure and meaning to our world. saturn reminds us of our boundaries, our responsibilities, and our commitments. It brings definition to our lives. saturn makes us aware of the need for self-control and of boundaries and our limits.
de•ni•al /dɪˈnʌɪəl/ n. • refusal to acknowledge an unacceptable truth or emotion or to admit it into consciousness, used as a defence mechanism.
/chemical symbol: Ir/
Oikawa was a very dedicated person — once he grew attached to something, Oikawa would do his utmost to be good at it, to excel at it.
He'd always felt the need to work hard on the things he likes, to always give 120%.
If he's perfect yet, that just meant there was more that could be done, more room for improvement. Oikawa was one of those people who would never dare to rest until they felt like they'd really done everything they possibly could — and even then, if it wasn't perfect yet, Oikawa would still find ways to further improve, to further work on himself.
Maybe the reason for this particular personality trait lies in the fact that he's always felt like doing his best wasn't good enough. People had always told him that just being himself wouldn't get him very far, that he wasn't a genius or born athlete — just being himself would only ever be average, nothing more. But Oikawa didn't want to be just that — average. He wanted to be more, he wanted to be special, he wanted to be perfect.
[people who are naturally better than you have been different from you ever since they were born. it's impossible to turn that around no matter how hard you work […]. you can complain about that once you've actually done everything you possibly can.]
/most corrosion-resistant metal/
Instead of giving up and living with the fact that his body and mind may not have been destined for greater things, Oikawa took it as challenge to fight. In fact, he turned it into this main driving force, constantly telling him to keep moving forward, to keep pushing because if it isn't good enough yet, there's still more to be done.
Not once in his life has Oikawa ever let people and their opinions get him down in any way; he had a clear goal and he would do whatever was necessary to achieve that goal.
/melting point: 2447°C/
But, even Oikawa had bad days.
After all, a person can only do so much until their body gives in — humans aren't machines, no matter how many times Oikawa tries to tell himself otherwise; that 'just one more hour won't hurt' or that 'just one more repetition will finally be enough to memorise it'.
You see, Oikawa believed that he had little to no natural talent, whatsoever. It wasn't like he was moping about that fact, but rather the opposite. The (alleged) fact, however, remains and Oikawa held the strong belief that the only way to improve his body and mind, was to keep challenging them. For him in order to achieve greatness, he needed to push to 120% of his potential.
/white, resembling platinum, but with a slight yellowish cast/
Oikawa would always have to deal with people to whom the things he's worked so hard far would seem like nothing. People who had everything thrown at them, who never really had to work for anything in their life. People who would never understand why Oikawa would work almost every day until late into the night, exhausting his body and tiring his mind.
Somehow, he'd managed to get on one level with the 'naturally talented' people but if you compared the effort given, Oikawa would be way further up the scale. It wasn't noticeable from the outside but in truth, Oikawa wasn't like them and he knew it.
/stars in his bloodstream and constellations in his mind/
Oikawa loved the stars.
He loved the stars and the moon and the planets — the universe fascinated him in a way even he couldn't quite understand.
Perhaps because there was some kind of effortless beauty in the way the stars twinkled at night, every single one radiating such beauty and simplicity, it intrigued him. Perhaps because of the way each planet had it's own special meaning, complimenting each other in just the right way.
One the rare occasions where Oikawa took some time off, he always sat outside his house, looking up at the night sky, taking in as much of the the calming atmosphere he could. It never failed so surprise him how incredibly beautiful the universe seemed to him.
/often called the most beautiful planet/
If Oikawa had to choose, his favourite planet would probably be Saturn. He couldn't quite pinpoint the reason as to why he liked Saturn the most.
In fact, sometimes it would almost even scare him, the way he felt somehow drawn to this particular planet and the way his heart would start beating rapidly at the though of it.
It was not uncommon for Saturn to be described as the most beautiful out of all the planets. People would marvel at its unique colour and the way its rings would perfectly compliment the spherical shape of the planet itself. Perhaps that was what made Saturn so aesthetically pleasing, they way it seemed so otherworldly, yet so familiar.
Oikawa, however, wasn't quite certain that this was his personal reason for liking Saturn the most.
/brings structure and meaning/
Each of the planets held its own special meaning and purpose.
Maybe the reason why Oikawa liked Saturn the most was because of the things it represented. Saturn was supposed to be grounding and stabilising.
Oikawa would often find himself lost in his work, getting carried away by dreams and ideas and conceptions, working relentlessly until his body and mind collapsed.
He may determined and strong, but he was only human after all.
Maybe the reason why he liked Saturn the most was because, in a way, Saturn represented the things Oikawa lacked the most.
Oikawa, however, wasn't quite certain if Saturn was the only thing representing these things in his life right now.
/brings definition to our lives/
If Oikawa's lacked structure, he had the unnerving tendency to get lost in an endless stream of thoughts and actions; his days would jumble together, forming one singular long string of working until he could physically no longer keep his eyes open any longer and sleeping as little just barely enough to be able to go again.
Oikawa tended to forget about the concept of day and night, about the fact that a human needs a regular sleeping pattern and three meals a day; or maybe he just didn't care enough.
Definition and structure were possibly two of the things that were missing the most in the life of the striving force that was Oikawa Tōru.
Recently however, a certain silver-haired setter would remind Oikawa of these things should he forget them again.
Somehow, he seemed to know when Oikawa needed reminding and somehow, just his simple presence would be enough to remind Oikawa of the fact that maybe, just maybe, his body and mind could do with a break.
In a way, Sugawara Koushi was his own personal Saturn.
Oikawa, however, wasn't quite sure how to feel about that fact.
/makes us aware of the need for self-control and of boundaries and our limits/
They weren't kids any more, Oikawa knew that, and yet he often found himself in the situation of being told when to take a break, when to eat and when to sleep.
Sugawara was the epitome of responsibility and wisdom. He was calming and reassuring and liberating.
That didn't mean he was weak, though. Quite the opposite, actually, he was rather persistent.
Sometimes it seemed like he knew Oikawa's body and mind better than he did himself, always turning up at the right time, saying the right things and looking at him in just the right way.
Somehow it had gotten to the point where Oikawa felt like Sugawara was more capable of controlling this driving force inside of him than he himself had ever been. He would always remind him of the fact that was, in fact, very much human.
Oikawa, however, was quite sure that he didn't like the way Sugawara had occupied such a large part in his personal universe, so easily.
It was ridiculous the way Oikawa had come to rely on Sugawara for the simplest of things. He had been perfectly fine before he meeting him; in fact, Oikawa thought, he may even have been better before meeting him.
Essentially, all Sugawara did was distracting him from his dreams, his goal.
His body and mind would tell him themselves when it became too much, he didn't need Sugawara to remind him. Listening to Sugawara would only result in time wasted and chances missed.
Precisely that was the reason why he needed to get away from Sugawara; he was very much a destructive force in his life, he got in the way of his goals, his future, his purpose.
/but I hate the way how I keep on finding you, in every little thing that surrounds me, even if I tried to erase you and your beautiful name in my memory/
Getting away from him didn't turn out to be that easy, though, and Oikawa was once again reminded of the fact that he might love Saturn a little bit too much.
As Saturn occupied a large part of the solar system, Sugawara occupied an equally large part of Oikawa's universe.
Whenever Sugawara's eyes met his, sparkling with determination and certainty, Oikawa would think of the stars twinkling in the night sky.
Whenever Sugawara's lips would turn into that radiant smile of his and the skin around his eyes would crinkle just the tiniest bit, Oikawa would think of the sunrise illuminating the world.
Whenever Sugawara spoke, each word resembling a melody, Oikawa would think of the moon lulling the world to sleep.
Regardless of much much Oikawa tried to get away from Sugawara, he would always find himself caught in his orbit again, drawn to this particular person, this particular human, this universe in human form called Sugawara Koushi.
/and then I fell for you again/
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