'All clear, sir. Radiation levels in the chamber have diminished. All grids showing minimum spikes in activity. It's safe to go in. Be ready chaps.' The crackled voice of Group B captain came along the battered electronics and buzzed out of the old radio that Clara had been left with. Group B had left for the site of the main reactor where they would rendezvous with the relief taskforce sent from the home world. That was the last message she had from the group for a long time.
They had heard no word from Group A since the radiation spike that had affected all communications devices. Distorting the signals and making everything fuzzy. After the creature's power lines had been severed and the monsters taken care of, Group A had gone to the reactor to check on any damage that may have been caused by the creatures when they fused their power couplings to the main reactor. It was the first opportunity they had been given since they first landed on the terra-formed planet.
-x-x-x-
Group A and B had been sent to the planet to check the stability of the main reactor, to see if it was still functioning normally. It had just been an annual check-up. When they reached the planet, however, there had been no one to greet them. Nobody at all. Then the creatures had reared their ugly heads, having killed the colonising population, they had started to drain the reactor at the heart of the terra-forming machinery. They had needed the power to fuel their crashed ship and they would have been on their way. But something had got to them. Contaminated their supplies. They had become rabid and torn the occupied world to shreds, leaving the reactor clamps open for them to power their ship, but the radiation had begun to cause mutations. They were even worse.
The Doctor and Clara had landed on the planet, hoping to find it several thousand years further on when the planet was a thriving mass of people. They had fallen into the fight between the home world groups and the mutated creatures. After a fire fight, the groups had captured the main control room of the base and the Doctor had managed to divert the energy away from the creatures. The groups had gone in and killed every last one. It had been brutal, but effective.
Once all had settled and the Doctor had given his speech about how wrong it had been to kill the creatures, Group A had gone to diagnose any problems there might have been in the reactor. The Doctor had gone with them. He insisted that his knowledge of terraforming apparatus would come in handy. Over two hours had passed when suddenly an energy spike was registered on the radiation grid. The reactor had gone critical but, due to the base design, the blast had been contained within the reactors main hub. With no word from Group A, Group B had set off to find out what had happened. Clara had been told to sit in the operations room. The Doctor wanted her safe and despite her complaining, the captain of Group B had convinced her to say to keep in contact with the relief team who were flying to the planet. Just in case.
-x-x-x-
Twenty minutes after the message had come through, the doors to the room in which Clara sat burst open. A huge mass of people poured into the room. Their faces sour and dejected. Group B and the taskforce had melded to form one unit. The taskforce was twice the size of the little groups that had originally set out for the planet. There were a lot of faces that she didn't recognise. None of them were of the Group A consignment and there was no sign of the Doctor. Clara jumped up from the table and addressed the Group B captain.
'The radio cut out. What happened?' Clara asked nervously, knowing that the answer would not be a good one.
'The creatures left one last surprise for us. In the event that anything went to disconnect their power lines, the whole system was booby-trapped to release the radiation in the nearby cables into the main chamber and kill everything within.' It didn't need saying. Clara knew what had happened. All of Group A were dead.
'I'm so sorry.'
'They were all good soldiers. Out here to do a routine job. They died a senseless death.' The Group B captain shouted. Some in the room flinched at his outburst, but most would have done the same in his position. They had lost good people that day and now all they had to do was clean up the mess.
'I…I…know this is a hard time. What has happened here is…well, there's no other word for it than unnecessary. But I need to know…' She stuttered.
'Where's your little Doctor?' There was contempt spread across every syllable. Clara nodded nervously. Trying not to catch the eyes of any of the soldiers in the room. There had been a lot of death that day and she was worried about the Doctor. She could understand that the dead were their concern. But the Doctor was hers. 'He's in the TARDIS. Waiting for you.' Clara acknowledged what she had been told.
'Thank you.' She whispered. 'I'm so sorry.'
'Please, Clara, we have work to begin.' The Captain turned from her and started counting the group he had acquired. They would be split off into smaller sections and they would start bringing the dead from the reactor chamber and disposing of the bodies. Clara understood.
'Captain?' The man turned back to her. Clara saluted sincerely, trying not to let a tear fall from her eye. 'They were the best of men.' She turned to face all the soldiers in the room who all, in turn, saluted back. Clara flashed her smile at them all before making her way through the crowd to the door. She turned back and looked at them all. 'They will not be forgotten.' And with that, she left.
The Captain of Group B sighed with relief. One of those who didn't belong had gone, just one more to deal with. A typical group will contain twelve members and a relief taskforce will contain fifteen. After Clara's departure, there were twenty eight people left in the room. The one who did not belong stepped forward. His radiation suit was mucky and had bore the brunt of a raging inferno of pure radioactive energy. This man had been in the chamber when the reactor had blown. This man had survived it, but only just. This man was the Doctor. Newly regenerated into an older body and looking at the Captain with complete consternation.
'That was not necessary.' The Doctor uttered, his new Scottish accent coating every word with judgment.
'I didn't see you jumping in to correct me.' The Captain called back to him, not wanting to look at the man who had survived. He was a living reminder of what had happened. He was unwanted.
'You're hurting an innocent. You've built up her hopes for something that won't be there to greet her. That's not being fair. That's cruelty.' The Captain snapped round and marched over to the Doctor. He stopped, face to face with the living dead.
'I thought that if a Time Lord knew anything, it was that life isn't fair.' The Captain and the Doctor stood in silence, staring with anger into one another's eyes. The Doctor was the first to relinquish. He couldn't look into that kind of hatred and judgment for long. It was too painful because he knew that he was the cause. 'Leave here Doctor.' The Captain barked. 'You're not welcome. Fly away in your magical box and let us clean up our dead.'
The Doctor wasn't going to answer. He removed the radiation suit only to realise for the first time that his old clothes no longer fit. They were a little too big for him. He handed the suit over to one of the soldiers who snatched it from his grasp. The Doctor wasn't going to say any goodbyes like Clara. He wouldn't get away with it. He simply brushed down his old suit and left the room. Those poor people…
-x-x-x-
The Doctor walked back to the room in which he and Clara had first landed. The TARDIS was sat quietly waiting for him. She always knew when he changed and she always made him feel welcome, but this time he felt like he was crossing into a danger zone. The other side of the door was a girl waiting for his bouncy, young, carefree self. She would get him. An older man who would not live up to anybody's expectations of what the Doctor was. He could hear Clara calling for him. Well, the old him. This was going to be difficult. With all the will he could muster, he pushed the doors to the TARDIS open. He watched as Clara came down one of the staircases that led to the labyrinth beyond the console room. She spotted him at the safe time and worked her way down to the main console.
'Excuse me. Can I help you?' Clara recognised the man that had just burst into the TARDIS. She'd seen him in the room just now. She had presumed he was one of the relief taskforce. Maybe he had gotten lost. The Doctor hadn't noticed what she said. He was too mesmerised by the TARDIS console room. This was the first time these eyes had seen it and he couldn't think of anything more beautiful. He couldn't believe it was his. He didn't feel like he deserved it. After a few seconds of losing himself in awe of his beautiful machine, he walked up the main gangplank and started examining the controls. He'd have to relearn a lot of this. It was so technical and his new hands didn't yet feel comfortable with them. It would take time. It always did.
'Oh you are beautiful.' The Doctor muttered, he thought under his breath, but Clara's suspicious frown proved otherwise. The Doctor began to circle the console, trying to avoid Clara. The longer he did so, the more likely it was that she'd work out what had happened and he
'Excuse me who do you think you are?' Clara asked. The Doctor didn't respond. He was ready. He reached his hand down and felt the buzz of the console against his skin. It was enlivening. A spark of pure energy running through him. He knew this was right. He began to gain confidence and caressed each control with the love and care that felt so familiar. He could get used to this. As the Doctor danced around the console, the whole room began to light up. He laughed as he ran around flicking switches that bleeped at him and pulling levers that probably did nothing but felt satisfying to pull at all the same. The central gallopiter began to rise as the controls set in motion the little blue box. They were leaving the little terra-formed world for good.
'Thank you dear.' The Doctor whispered to the TARDIS, stroking the central column. He stepped back from the console and admired his handy work. Not bad for first time. Take offs would get smoother with practice but for a first run, he was quite pleased. In his excitement, he hadn't noticed Clara as she became more suspicious of the interloper who had barged into the TARDIS. But he had seen it in her eyes, the spark of recognition, as the TARDIS had begun to wend her way through time and space. Clara was catching on.
Clara had her ideas, and started to move closer to him. She needed to prove her suspicions right and the only way to do so, for her at least, was to hear his hearts beat. The Doctor, however, realised what she was trying to do and, not feeling ready for contact with the impossible girl, tried to slip around to the other side of the console pretending there was another switch that needed seeing to.
'Stay still!' She called as the man in front of her danced mockingly around the TARDIS console. 'I said stay still!' Clara shouted. The demand in her voice overruled him. She knew who he was. The Doctor stopped in his tracks and leaned forward over the console. Clara walked hesitantly closer to the now still form of the man she thought was the Doctor. She stood next to him for what seemed like the longest of times. The urge to run was pulling at the Doctor's hearts but he knew that if he did, he would just be delaying the inevitable. After what seemed like forever, Clara had mustered up enough courage and leaned in for the hug. The Doctor didn't know what to do and concentrated on keeping his breathing quiet and calm. He didn't hug her back. He didn't know if this man could or ever would. The many problems with the unknown. Clara pulled in tighter and pushed her ear against his chest. There they were. His hearts beating erratically Clara gasped quietly before assimilating the newly gained knowledge with her suspicions. She had been right. This was him, but how? 'Doctor?' It had been long enough and the Doctor pulled away with some relief. It has been difficult and now that he knew they were about to have this age old conversation, he needed his space. 'What happened?' Clara asked, tears forming in her eyes as she dropped her arms from the hugging position which she had been left in and down to her side.
'They died, Clara. Every single one of them.' The Doctor said, concentrating on a control which, he knew did nothing spectacular and wouldn't make this conversation go away, but he needed something else to focus on. He couldn't quite look Clara in the eyes.
'Group A? Yeah, I know.' Clara whispered.
'And the Doctor. The Doctor died with them.' That man had died with those good people. He remembered every last gruelling second.
'But you…'
'Yes, I am the Doctor, but I am not that man.' The new Doctor pointed out of the TARDIS as if she were still on the terra-formed planet. As if he was pointing in the direction in which he had died. His head snapped up and he stared right at Clara. 'I'm not that young fool anymore.' The Doctor spat at her. He was trying to distance himself from the feeling of wanting to hold her. If he did that then she wouldn't want to know him. It would be kinder in the long run.
'Fool?' Clara coughed surprised. She was trying so hard not to cry. He said it like it was a bad thing. The old Doctor had always revelled in that word. How was this the same man?
'He was there when it happened and he got caught in the blast. He died, Clara.' Silence descended over the console room. The Doctor kept his eyes on Clara, but had to snap his attention back to the console. Her eyes pierced into him.
'I'm…I'm so sorry.' Clara breathed heavily. He was being irascible on purpose. She knew what he was trying to do. It wasn't going to work. She was sorry, genuinely, that she had not been there to say goodbye to him. Maybe if she had, things would be better.
'I woke up surrounded by the dead and the first thing I saw was disgust and disappointment.' The Doctor felt like he had fallen back to his first moments of life. He could see the anger and hatred in the eyes of those who had found him still breathing.
'Disgust?' Clara was shocked. She understood now what this man was being so brash.
'They knew what I was and they knew of regeneration. They spotted me and knew exactly what I was. Undeserving.' The Doctor was running around the console, putting in co-ordinates and pressing every button in sight. The TARDIS was spinning away into the past. It would take them where he needed to go.
'What did you do?'
'I lived.' This Doctor was very good at forcing Clara into silence. The past one had let her witter on and she could find endless things to talk about, but this, this was different. After a few seconds of silence and deep thought, Clara spoke.
'We need to go back.' She suggested. If they went back and helped with the clean-up operation, maybe this new Doctor would feel better about what happened. It might make things fair.
'We're not going back, Clara. Their lives have already been changed for the worse.' The Doctor stated as he tugged at the last control and stood back from the console, admiring his handy work. This was getting easier.
'But you didn't do anything. You…he died along with everyone else in that room.'
'Yeah and here I am now running away. Every person in that room was dead in seconds. The time lord biology could withhold the damage for a while longer and allowed him a few extra seconds to watch every single person die. Then if that wasn't enough, it kicked into gear again and I woke up, in sheer pain and agony, after a regeneration that not only had to alter the body but had to rebuild a lot of it. The radiation had already started to eat away at the flesh. A regeneration under radioactive conditions is not a clever or easy thing to do. I woke up, being dragged out of the chamber and all I could see in the eyes of those men was hatred. Why did I, someone they didn't know, survive when all those who they had fought with died? It's only natural that they should loathe everything I stand for. And I don't blame them. We're leaving before I can do anymore damage. We're going where this whole sorry affair can be forgotten. Okay?.' The Doctor announced. His word was final.
'Where? Where are we going?' Clara asked, leaning forward across the console. The ride was getting bumpier and she could hear the TARDIS wheezing under some sort of high octane pressure. She didn't want to go wherever the Doctor was sending them.
'Oh you'll see.' The Doctor said as they both watched the TARDIS gallopiter rise and fall. Wherever they were going, it wasn't good.