My Heart Is Too Hard To Break
"Never have I ever" Maureen slurred, demonstrating the early signs of drunkenness. This is what long boughs of boredom and lack of energy to go out resulted in at the loft, drinking games lasting late into the night and often forgotten the next morning, their pointless nature lacking the importance to be remembered. The tight knit circle of companions had gathered, in hopes of creating the façade of an exhilarating atmosphere, an illusion that convinced each one that particular day hadn't been wasted. They were seated on the ground, weighted down heavily by large amounts of alcohol consummation, and battling on the strenuous edge of 'still lucid/ sober enough to maintain the ability to understand and recollected' and 'trashed beyond repair' struggling with the desire to remember at least a few occurrences of the night by the time morning breaks, preferably under the circumstances something important happened.
Although no one expected it to.
"Never have I ever…" She seemed to be contemplating, to a very unnecessary extent, what she should ask, and what she wanted to know most. Even in her teetering state, she was aware of the fact that alcohol, when the amount was generous enough, provided a fake confidence, and fake sense of security, or a lack of better judgment, leaving one very vulnerable to the world and the cold and truths and lies.
"eaten a dog" and yet she wasted her opportunity, knowing under the haze clouding her thought process that a question had been nagging her for years, a question she desperately wanted an answer to and could probably uptain through this game. But she couldn't recall what that was, the chemicals that had entered through her mouth and were currently flowing throughout her having stolen many aspects of her right mind and her ability to function and recall well. So she simply rambled something pointless off, well aware she would be intrigued and amused by the varying reactions that would erect from the diverse group before her.
"Well that was fucking dumb" Roger commented lazily rolling his eyes and slouching back against the foot of the couch brushing up against his girlfriend. Mimi laughed, making some sort of comment about Chinese food and taking a long drink from her bottle, uncaring if the preceding had been a reasonable excuse to drink or not.
"Was not!" Maureen yelped, more so for the sake of disagreeing with Roger than anything. Collins snorted retorting that they were both 'assholes for arguing, since neither was going to win' and Angel murmured a vague agreement, now far more interested in her lover than the game unfolding before her.
"You're a dumbass" Roger assaulted Maureen, still weighted to the same spot on the ground he had remained in for some time now.
"You're a fuck wad" Maureen shot back, her mind struggling to formulate witty comebacks under her current condition.
" I swear to fucking god, Maureen is just Roger with a vagina and vice versa" Mark chimed in receiving glares and inanimate objects flying at him curtsey of the two in question. He flipped them both the bird, a response that was usually linked to Roger, and announced with agreement from Joanne, that Maureen had to ask a different question because that was, in fact, the dumbest one they had heard all night ( and they had been playing for while). The diva glanced apprehensively between the filmmaker rocker and laywer debating with herself once more what it was that she wanted to desperately to know the answer to. Her strenuous thinking was to no prevail though, and she settled with the first question that her slowing mind could form.
"Never have I ever, had sex with Roger" She stated proudly fully aware Mimi would be the only to drink, but didn't mind taking an extra swig in the least. The dancer smiled and downed some more of the alcohol, meeting other eyes of the group as she did so, gazes searching hopefully to find something interesting.
And in the end all were fixated on Mark, who looked around quizzically, frantically, and apprehensively before he too, brought a bottle to his lips and tipped his head back.
And now it was silent.
And now the laughter stopped and the smiles faded
And now the light atmosphere drifted away and was replaced by a crashing heavy silence.
And now it was Collins turn to ask and he took his chances, knowing that it could result in complications and heart ach
" Never have I ever" he began, training his eyes on Roger who seemed in such a state of shock he had ceased functioning. "Had sex with Roger more than once"
Mimi, as expected, consumed some more of the drink grasped tightly in the fist.
And Mark did as well.
And now Roger sported a guilty look, while Mark's remained blank and raw and cold
And hard.
The silence weighed heavier
"Never have I ever" Angel cut in, heeding the fact it wasn't her turn "Had sex with Roger against my will"
And now only one took a swig
And all eyes remained fixated on that one, the last one they had ever expected
"Never have I ever" Joanne chimed, examining Mimi's mixture of utter astonishment and building rage "had sex with Roger because I desperately wanted or needed to"
And Mark took another drink.
"Never have I ever" Maureen joined the 'game' once more, aware of her heart beating heavily in her head " had sex with Roger over 10 times"
And the earlier two both drank once more " I meant more than 30 times"
And now the same unlikely one tipped the bottle back
No longer diverting the truth
Silence
Shaky breaths and darting eyes
Down casts gazes and astonished features
Distorted unknowing and stern truth
Silence
Deafening
Roaring
Screaming
Silence
"I am not" Mimi's voice penetrated the heavy atmosphere for the first time, although she was defying the rules of the game. "unconditionally and madly in love with Roger"
And Mark's face remained like stone
And the scars and bags and wrinkles that shouldn't be there were more prominent than ever.
He brought a fresh bottle to his lips, tipped his head back, and drank violently.
He finished the whole bottle.
And then stood up,
And walked away.