A Change in Partners
By
M. Klindt
I don't own the characters of MFU, but borrow them to play with the ones I've created. Thank you for reading. Part of my Lexi series.
Napoleon Solo walked into his Section Two partner's, Illya Kuryakin, lab and sat on one of the stools at the main, black Formica table. A heavy sigh escaped his lips as he readjusted the ice pack covering his right eye while using his good one to search for his friend.
"Napoleon," a soft, deep voice came up behind the disgruntled man. "Back so soon?"
A soft rustle of papers attached on a clipboard finished the question as the bent-head blond rounded the tired man while pocketing his pen and snaking a seat beside the CEA. A touch of amusement peppered his face. He was trying to remain serious to Napoleon's over dramatic frustrations. Lexi had warned him to expect a colorful debriefing from their last mission together.
"You know damn well that Section Two Agent, Monica Lane, and I are back," Napoleon said in a lack-luster growl. "You can have her back."
"I told you she's a piece of work. It was a fair switch. I got George to work in my lab and you got Lexi." Illya snorted playfully and tossed his scientific notes onto the table. "What happened this time? I'd heard that the mission was a success…"
"Oh, it was a success, but if she had clued me in, I wouldn't have this shiner. And she wouldn't have gotten one either."
"Spill and don't leave out the details." Even with just the smallest change in tone, Napoleon knew he had his partner's full attention.
When Lexi had called Illya, she hadn't told him the specifics of the case or that she was hurt. She only told him what she felt the Section Two, Number Two enforcement agent should know. Many times, Illya had to find out from others what was really going on with her.
"It all started when Waverly called me to pick up Janice Smyth from Veridian Industries main building that houses the labs."
"The same personality she used in her first mission for UNCLE, the brilliant chemist from Boston." Illya filled in, crossing his legs, and leaning on one elbow.
"Yes, that's the one," Napoleon agreed. "I thought it was funny that Waverly emphasized that I must bring her back no matter how she protests. Well, I didn't know then.
"I parked in the building's lot and started to walk to the main entrance. There she spotted me and promptly avoided me. First with her eyes when I saw that Lexi had noticed me and then trying to physically move behind several people leaving work as I tried to get close to her."
"Odd," Illya interjected. "But, go on."
"So, given a task by the boss to retrieve her no matter what, I got to thinking that she was supposed to act like she didn't want to talk to me. Because, I think that if THRUSH was involved, they would've remembered that I had been at that conference with you and Lexi. So, I went with it and forcibly confronted her. I had stopped her by the corner of the building.
"I greeted her formally, calling her 'Miss Smyth', but she told me rather loudly to make sure others could hear, 'No! Go away Napoleon Solo of UNCLE. I'll have nothing to do with your Mr. Waverly. I will not be your pawn again!'Under her breath while she publically screamed at me she signaled me to hit her."
"Hit her?" Illya parroted him with a raised eyebrow.
"Yes!" Napoleon affirms his statement by lowering the ice pack and smacking it on the counter. "She ranted like a wild woman; pushing me away when I tried to talk to her, so I grabbed her arms. Lexi kept quietly pleading me to be forceful with her to hit her over and over again. She was getting louder and shriller as only a woman's voice can get. I wanted to slap her just to get her to stop. She knows how I hate female hysterics.
"I knew that Waverly told me, 'to bring her back, kicking and screaming if need be', but I didn't know she was going to kick me in the shin. As I started to rub my leg, I grabbed one of Lexi's arms to yank her forward when I heard something behind me. 'Let my Fiancé go!' I quickly swung around to see a fist coming right at me and ducked. Lexi was caught right in the kisser and she staggered back.
"A Fiancé?" Illya thoughtfully asked. "Finally, someone else to pawn her off to, but continue."
"'Adam! What the hell are you doing here? You were to wait for me at the restaurant.' Lexi yelled out to the young, awkward man who was trying to keep himself upright between me and his true love. He was so torn by guilt for hitting Lexi that he couldn't decide what to do; protect her from me or ask for her forgiveness. Henpecked already, just like you…"
"Charming to the last, Napoleon," Illya grunted out as he rolled his eyes at his partner's rude remarks. "I'd watch what you say, Caitlin and I have a lunch date tomorrow to talk computers, but I could bring up more…"
"You're no fun today." Napoleon stuck out his tongue at his partner before he continued on. "'Adam, let's go and leave Mr. Solo…Edgar, I've got this handled…' Lexi says in a huff while holding her hand over her swollen eye, but straightened when another man with two security guards standing slightly behind him joined us and said 'Let's go back inside before this little misunderstanding gets anymore more attention and someone calls the police.'"
"So you have Lexi, her boyfriend, Adam…" Illya started as he pointed to each of his fingers on his right hand.
"Not boyfriend, but her intended." Napoleon corrected his partner with a grin.
"Fine, Lexi's Fiancée, her boss, Edgar Wilson at Veridian Industries, and two security guards are taking you two into the building to talk about this 'little misunderstanding out.' Okay, so far, the two of you aren't too outnumbered…"
"Until…" Napoleon jumped in, dropping his spent ice pack into the trash can by the table. "We barely got past the receptionist and I was darted. As I was losing consciousness, the two burly guards began to carry me, but I didn't know where they were taking us until I woke up hanging from the ceiling in the some secret interrogation cell with a window peering into another room at one end. Lexi was nowhere to be found.
"I didn't know if Lexi was still playing the game or being tortured." The CEA grumbled as he brought up his arms into the awkward position they were in while detained in that cell. "I didn't until I saw her arguing with Wilson through the window. I couldn't hear what was said, but I was pointed at frequently. And then…"
"And then?" Illya asked, trying to keep the smirk from his face because of his partner's animated story telling.
"Sweet, innocent Adam Jackson came into my cell." Napoleon sighed while be brought his hands back down to the table. "He slowly circled me while keeping his distance. I'd noticed that Lexi and her boss had left the other room rather hastily."
"'I'm to keep an eye on you,' the scared rabbit said. 'I heard Janice say to Mr. Wilson how you and you group, UNCLE, treated her after she was rescued from a mad man trying to use her for her formulas. She wanted Wilson to help her get away from your organization and be protected to make her own formulas. All she wants is to get married and work with me in this lab.'
"I looked at the young man," Napoleon said as he described him. "Very neat, orderly, medium height and build with brown hair, and handsome; not like you at all. I can see why she likes him better than you."
"Always the gentleman, eh Napoleon," Illya said in a mock tortured tone to their usual banter. "But, continue on with your fairy tale. You still haven't told me how you got a black eye for your troubles."
"Oh, it gets better." Napoleon shook his finger at his partner. "After young Mr. Adam Jackson declared his love for Janice or our Lexi, if you like, sat there watching me; promising not to say another word. I asked him what he did in the lab. Was he a lab tech or something? He told me that he was a scientist in his own right. Another Idiot Savant like Janice, I could tell because, he was oblivious to what was really going on around him and began to try to explain to me some chemical mumbo jumbo. Way above my head…"
"Everything is above your head…" Illya started to interrupt.
"Do you want to hear this or not?" Napoleon challenged the other man and Illya put his hands up to indicate that he's stopping. "Well, after that the science whiz kid tells me of his dreams and aspirations. He gave me a look of guarded fear of who to trust. That's when I pounced and pitched my offer to flip him. He nodded when I told him to open his eyes about what was really going on around here and how he could save him and Janice from Wilson and those who were trying to use them. Janice had been a pawn by these men before and was trying to protect him and his work by brokering a deal for them.
"I almost got Adam to unlock my cuffs on sheer charm and charisma when…they came in."
"They?" Illya asked. He noticed someone coming up behind Napoleon, but she gestured for him not to say or do anything to give her away.
"Why don't you tell them who 'they' were, Lexi?" Solo turned and knew who was standing behind him just by the subtle smell of her intoxicating perfume. "After you tell me how you got out of Medical so quickly first."
Section Two agent, Monica Lane smirked before playfully blowing out a kiss to Napoleon who tried to remain serious. Both men noticed the shiner and that her right arm was strap tightly to her side tied in elaborate knots. Her face was slightly paler than usual to reflect the unstated discomfort she felt.
"Nappy..," Lexi started in her sexy French accent to goat Solo. "A good spy doesn't reveal her secrets so easily…"
"She will if that spy doesn't want to be sent back to Medical and not allowed out of bed for the next three days; strapped down if I have to order it…" Napoleon raised the ante and threat along with his eyebrow. He was face hurt and he wasn't in the mood to have her ignore his commands after the day they had together.
"That's not fair!" Lexi exclaimed and tried to cross her arms, forgetting one was immobile. A flash of pain ran across her face from the unconscious movement.
"Tell me what happened next." Illya interrupted, trying to get the conversation on track. "You two can continue to argue with each other later. I have George coming back to help me in a few minutes before he's gone for the weekend and back to his own lab with his wayward partner."
"Jealous?" Lexi asked with a devilish smile.
"Jealous that I got time in the labs and missed a milk-run mission, no," Illya countered. "Now others can feel my pain in having to work with the great Napoleon Solo."
"Well, if the task is too difficult for you, boy-yo, I can always get April or Mark to replace you. Hell, I might even keep this one." Napoleon suggested as he flamboyantly waved his hand toward Lexi.
"Hey! I thought the last mission went fine." Lexi retorted. "You barely got your hair ruffled."
"And this from a woman that has a nasty black eye to match mine and an arm in a sling."
"Okay, you got your black eye when Napoleon was smart enough to duck and you weren't," Illya pointed to the female agent and then turned to point at his partner. "And what you're telling me, so far, was that you were tied up, talking boy wonder into helping you out of your chains when Janice Smyth and her boss, Edgar Wilson, came into where they had you chain to the ceiling and…"
"And they were looking me over like goods to be sold to THRUSH." Napoleon groused.
"Do you know what you're worth to THRUSH? More than my yearly salary Mr. Waverly would pay me in a month of Sundays." Lexi added in very serious tone.
"I'm not for sale."
"I know that, "Lexi put her good hand on her hip. "But, I had to stall for time. I hadn't got the formula I was looking for. Adam was going to show me what he was working once I got him to trust me, but Edgar wasn't so easy to manipulate. I tried to contact Waverly to tell him wait before sending me reinforcements. To give me another day, but there you were, standing at the door. I was stuck with the original timeframe, so I created a diversion."
"Now, I was a diversion?" The disgruntled CEA threw his hands up in the air like signaling a touchdown.
"Yes, because, what I didn't know until then was that someone near and dear to my heart was reroute to meet up with Edgar to formally invite Janice Smyth to be part of THRUSH and their plan to take over the world. Together with Dr. Jackson, Edgar wanted to use us to improve his status at Central; attempting to woo me while still trying to find out if I was for real or not. I had to think fast and say that I was in hiding from UNCLE because of a formula that I'd made up."
"Wait," Illya straightened up. "You were willing to give up one of your formulas? Which one?"
"Oh, Janice thought of a new one." Lexi brightened about what one of her altered personalities was doing. "I real nasty one…"
"Okay, stop." Napoleon forcibly slaps the Formica table to distract Illya and Lexi's excitement over chemistry and formula makings. "We're not here to play doctor, we're having a debriefing."
"Yes, Mr. Solo…" Both humbled Section Two agents mumbled to their CEA while madly grinning at each other. They would play mad scientist later tonight.
"Now Lexi, please continue to tell your superiors why you were offering up your Chief Enforcement Agent to THRUSH, I'm getting hungry and need an aspirin."
"Well," the petite, mousey, brown-haired woman expertly swished her hair back off her shoulders. "I started to show Wilson the formula I wrote down, but with one key piece missing that I said I would give him if he promised to make me an equal partner with him and he showed me what he was working on. Oh! I got to keep my boy toy, Dr. Adam Jackson, exclusively for my own lab department which I would head.
"Old Edgar was practically salivating, but had to get permission from THRUSH Central's section of sciences leader personally first and he was on his way as we spoke, a Dr. Selch. Well, I had a history with that mad man and it wasn't a pleasant one since Mr. Waverly had me interrogate him before he escaped from one of our safe houses a little help from THRUSH.
"I was hoping that I could delay meeting the man and hoped that he couldn't recognize me with my brown contacts and hair, but it was going to be tough. I decided to throw you in the mix, Napoleon. I told Edgar that if Dr. Selch the leach was coming to meet me, we should get credit for giving Solo up to Central as well and pushed him into calling someone to get a security detail to accompany the good doctor. I tried to encourage him to let me see his hidden formulas and hope get a chance to talk with Adam into helping you out of those chains.
"What we were arguing about when we came into your holding cell was to have Dr. Selch wait for the security team from Central to be properly assembled, because of your legendary ability to escape and we didn't know where your lover, Kuryakin, might be hiding to rescue you. He just wanted to drug you, Napoleon and have his personal security guards transport you to their headquarters."
"Being in THRUSH Central wouldn't be my first choice of places to visit." Illya agreed with a small shiver down his spine.
"But you didn't have to inject me with one of your nasties." Napoleon retorted.
"Oh, yes I did!" Lexi rushed in. "Edgar would've known something was up if I didn't knock you out. At least it was a short acting one and it didn't make you sick to your stomach."
"I think you got off pretty good considering." Illya added that Lexi's actions sounded reasonable.
"And you only had to fake being knocked out for a short time." Napoleon only humped to this revelation.
"That's when that quack Selch showed up, looked me over," Solo picked up the story." And played it smooth for a time while he was trying to figure out why Lexi seemed so familiar and then there was a flash in his eyes of recognition. I had to shout to warn you or he would have broken your wrist when he twisted it back behind your back."
"He did dislocate my shoulder. It pops out easier ever since I came to work for UNCLE and hurt it." Lexi explained before getting back to the mission. "That's when dear, sweet Adam tried once again to come to my rescue and was promptly grabbed by the guards, roughed up, and placed in chains like you, Napoleon." Lexi continued and then heavily sighed. "Two handsome men in chains and all I could do was watch. Illya, remember our second summer we spent at that camp…"
Napoleon gave his partner a quick glance to see the barely noticeable ruddiness fill his cheeks on his otherwise stoic face, before turning back to Lexi. "Hey! Stay on target. No replaying past war games, at least at work. You can do that later. Now, what did you, the mad Dr. Selch, and Edgar talked about after they dragged you into the other room and left the guards with your fiancé and me?"
"You, of course," Agent Lane shrugged her shoulder in her usual non-committal stance. She didn't like to give out any more details than needed, but the looks her superiors gave her made her subconsciously straighten up, sort of. "Mad Scientist Number One told Mad Scientist Number Two that I was a true blue UNCLE agent and I should be taken by him to his lab and dealt with personally, if you know what I mean."
"Ahh, humiliation in the lowest form," Illya added with a knowing nod and crossed his arms.
"Yes, but what was really surprising was that old Edgar didn't care what the THRUSH doctor wanted. He wanted his chair at Central's table too. He didn't want to give me up for just revenge's sake and showed the doc the formula I whipped up. He said that with little "persuasive encouragement" from Adam and you, Mr. Solo, that I could be used for my talents. Especially, the formula he had on him."
"Did Dr. Selch agree with Edgar?" Illya lightly smiled at the sheer folly of a top THRUSH official giving up an object of his obsession in revenge against an UNCLE irritant.
"No," Lexi chuckled. "Mad Scientist Number One didn't care about the formula, because he could tell an ingredient was missing and that I would never tell what it was voluntarily. He could also tell by the basic structure of the coding what the formula did and was mildly interested in it, but his lust was stronger. He and Edgar argued for a few more minutes while each man had a hold of one of my arms and pulled me back and forth like a rag doll."
"Yes, I can see the bruising on your arms." Napoleon pointed to the purple finger marks peeking through her short sleeves.
"Yeah, well lucky for you, their pushing and shoving led to an all-out brawl between them with each of them getting some really good punches in. To my surprise, Edgar landed a shot that knocked out the older scum bag and I took that opportunity to kick the dazed and surprised man in the face. He went down with a thud and I quickly searched the man from the formula…"
"Did you find it?" Illya stood up and stepped closer to her, hands tightly clasps in anticipation.
"Of course," Lexi seductively said in a heavy Russian accent as she brought her hand deep between her cleavage to pull out a folded piece of paper which Illya hungrily took, opened, and turned back to the table to read the formula.
Napoleon shook his head at his long time partner who seemed oblivious to the erotic movement made by the female agent before she walked up to her immediate boss and stopped to stand less than inch from him. "I can't believe that he's more excited about that formula that what you were just now doing, Miss Lane."
"Oh, he saw, just like you did, Nappy," Lexi's warm whisper gently touched Napoleon's ear. "Can you help me out of this contraption?"
"You know I can't do that," Napoleon said back in a hushed theatrical voice. "Dr. Allen would have my hide."
"So, where did you find this formula?" Illya turned back to the others and put the bent note right in front of Solo's nose as he and Lexi broke apart. "Smells kind of funny, don't you think?"
"Kind of smells like you when you haven't showered in days, like right now…"
"Again Napoleon, charming," Illya grunted. "No, I believe it has a testicular scent to it. Not a great place to hide a formula. Even a new Section Three newbie would look there during a superficial inspection, eh Napoleon? Now, Miss Lane, after you found the formula, what then?"
"I looked at it." The female agent simply stated. "And I thought it was okay…"
"Just okay?" Illya prompted with a small wink.
"Okay, good."
"Just good?" A raised eyebrow followed Lexi's shifting in avoidance to looking at him as she circled the table, pretending to be interested in anything, but the formula she gave Illya.
"Okay, it was a very good formula and I didn't think of it yet." The frustrated woman rubs her forehead and then runs her fingers through her long hair when she finally stopped moving. "Dr. Jackson is talented and I wanted to protect him from THRUSH. He maybe even better than me, there, I said it. Are you happy?"
"Yes, but now you have the formula and…" Illya looked at his watch and signaled her to hurry with a rolling of his finger to keep going.
"I searched Dr. Selch as well and took his gun. I had nothing to tie the men up with even if I could tie the up one handed, so I locked the door after I left to get back to Napoleon and Adam," Lexi said as she awkwardly tried to adjust the straps that held her wounded arm to her side. "I made it to the detention cell to find the guards watching Napoleon and Adam hanging from the chains."
"Yes," Napoleon went on from there. "Adam had been knocked unconscious by the guards while they chained him up and then he slowly came to. First he wondered where he was and then he asked who Janice really was."
"And what did you tell him?" Lexi asked solemnly as she looked up.
"That we work for the same boss, you in the labs and me in enforcement." Napoleon smiled, remembering the illuminating and almost innocent affair Lexi had with him. "I think he still believes that you a sweet innocent chemist from the Midwest. Not the thrill seeking, multi-language speaking spy that doesn't listen to her superiors…"
"Yes, Nappy," Lexi smiled prettily instead of rise to his bait. "Tell Illya why you have a black eye so I can go. Some of us have reports to write."
"Yes, Nappy," Illya agreed and won a dirty look from his partner.
"Well, before I could get my lock pick out of my shirt cuff while talking with the distraught Dr. Jackson, the doors bust open with a one-armed UNCLE agent crashing through, shooting at the guards and threatening to make them into women if they didn't drop their guns. Then she ordered one of them to unlock our cuffs after a warning shot to show she meant business as other Section Three UNCLE agents start to pour in."
"Impressive, but it still doesn't tell me about your black eye, Napoleon." Illya waited patiently.
"All right tell him," Napoleon said with a fruitless wave of his hand. "He'll find out soon enough."
"Lexi?" Illya turned to her for the final answer to this roller coaster of a mission.
"All this is from Napoleon is, because I popped him in the eye when he set my dislocated shoulder." Lexi evilly smiled. "He forgot to duck. See, I'm not the only one who doesn't know how to get out of the way of an errant fist or two."
"An occupational hazard," Illya agreed.
The door opened and all the agents turned with their hands on their holsters when Dr. George Thompson came into the lab with files in his hand. He'd gotten used to seeing his co-workers nervous twitch to grab their weapons at any slight action and learned not to over react. Seeing his regular partner back from a mission put a smile on George's face even when he was assessing the damage.
"Hey, partner." The tall, lanky man beamed. "You seem to be in one piece mostly and strapped down. I've just got a few notes to share with Mr. Kuryakin and then we can all go to supper with the significants at home."
"Agreed, George," Lexi laughed at the man and then looked down as her arm sling. "I just need someone to get me out of this straight jacket and go take care of one more task from this mission. I just need your or Illya's help. Then I'm all yours."
"Oh, no can do on the sling." George held his hand up and back away from his partner who was walking toward him. "I'm still grounded by Dr. Allen already from the last two times I helped you out of his 'contraptions' as you call them."
Lexi turned to the only who hadn't turned her down, Illya. He had a naughty smile on his face and then produced a scissors in his hand and snipped the air in a challenge.
"Mr. Kuryakin," Mr. Waverly's voice boomed throughout the lab as everyone jumped in response. "I would not do that if I were you. I've just heard from Dr. Allen that he is missing one of his patients that left a little early from his care while the discharge paperwork was in process."
Illya immediately put the shears down and shrugged his shoulders apologetically to Lexi.
"Miss Lane, accordance to your request, I have your guest here in the main conference room to discuss possible employment in Section Eight at our Las Angles headquarters. Dr. Hoffman, head of Section Eight, said they would welcome the new addition whole heartily."
"Thank you, sir," Lane acknowledged the overhead voice. "I need assistance from Mr. Kuryakin or Dr. Thompson to talk with Dr. Jackson first."
"I could help. I know Dr. Jackson." Napoleon offered.
"Sorry, Mr. Solo," Lane said with a small head shake. "I need to have Adam think that I'm already dating someone else and he wouldn't believe it was you. That I have to go back to the one I gave up for him for profession reasons."
"And why can't that be me?" Napoleon asked with mock disappointment.
"Because, he doesn't think you're smart enough to keep me interested if you don't have at least one PhD in science behind your name." Lexi curled her lips and then winked at Illya. "You may not be worthy either, because your PhD is in Quantum Physics and not in Chemistry."
Both Section Two agents acted hurt to Lexi comments and George put his hands to his mouth to suppress a giggle.
"Miss Lane, please take Mr. Kuryakin with you and please represent UNCLE in a positive light." Waverly's voice radiated with a tired playfulness in it.
"Yes, sir." Both agents rushed happily out of the room and towards the conference room. "Mr. Solo," Mr. Waverly's voice started up again. "I want your report on my desk by tomorrow. And I want you to coordinate with Section Three on housing assignments for our repeat guess, Dr. Selch. I don't want him to get away this time. Damn embarrassing if to lose a detainee."
"Yes, sir," Napoleon forlornly said, put his hands in his pants pockets, and nodded to George as he left the lab. "I'll give you a call later George. Once I get my duties done and call Caitlin, we can all go out on the town."
"I don't know, Napoleon," George had a funny smile on his face. "I don't know if we can hang out together with you not having a PhD in science and everything…"
"Don't push it, George." Napoleon snorted and let the door shut. "See you eggheads later."