I Want My Belov-ED to be Happy
By Ninetails2000
AN: Alright, here's a fic that I've had laying around for a bit. It's an EEnE shipping fic! I did say I do a lot of slash fiction on my profile so I'm starting off as I mean to continue on.
This one I wrote to appeal to the most obvious OT3 that's criminally under-utilized. We have a cartoon that involve three guys who are thick as theives with lots of shipping fuel and the most popular slash ship is between one of them and some jock? That's UNACCEPTABLE!
I'm kinda ech about this one. It's kinda all over the place tone-wise and I feel like it spins it's wheels a bit near the middle. But hey, it's already done so please enjoy and be sure to tell me what you think.
The doors to the gym burst open with a mighty slam, the music and chattering inside continuing on, ignorant to the commotion. Out of the doors huffed a stocky seventeen year old boy. He was at his wits end with the situation and with himself. His dishelved blue hair and ruined 70's style disco suit only hinting at a small part of the emotions he felt. He growled swears to himself with every step he took away from the gym. Before the gym doors closed, two more boys ran out.
"Eddy!" The blue haired teen looked up from his grumbling to see the cause of his problems running straight at him. A lanky, effeminate teen with long flowing black hair wearing a meticulously assembled three-piece suit with an oddly mismatched beanie on top.
"Please wait for us Eddy!" Following behind was a simply massive gorilla of a teenager. With bright orange hair styled into a buzz-cut wearing a mismatched and ill-fitting green and orange ensemble.
"Fuck...Can't you two just..." Eddy held back, not sure if a sob or a yell would come out of his mouth. "Go on without me?"
"Eddy, that is absolutely ludicrous!" Edd huffed at Eddy's unreasonable behavior. "Now you've been upset and crabby all month at me and Ed. Ever since we told you about our arrangement." Edd blushed a little bit at mentioning it.
"Eddy, you said you were okay with us being together!" Ed pleaded, fat tears unbecoming of a man of his size gushing from his eyes. "Ed didn't mean to make you mad! Neither did Double-Dee! Oh please won't you tell us why you changed!?"
"FINE!" Eddy stopped and turned on his heels, pointing to both of his friends with an angry face. "You want to know why I'm so pissed off!? I'll TELL YOU why I'm so god damned pissed off!" Using his rage as courage, he took a deep breath and then continued. "IT'S BECAUSE I LOVE YOU! BOTH OF YOU!"
"Wh-what?" Double Dee stuttered at Eddy's proclamation.
"Eddy? We love you too." Ed calmed down at hearing his friend still cared for him.
"No, you dolts! I'm IN LOVE with you two!" Eddy growled, at his wits end. "I have been for years! I love both of you! I want to be with both of you! But I just couldn't pick one to set my sights on and now it's too late!"
"Eddy...I had..." Double Dee was speechless. He hadn't even suspected. "I didn't..."
"Yeah, you didn't. Because I kept it hidden behind that same old asshole persona. The one I thought I had lost after what happened with my brother." Eddy calmed down a little bit and continued. "Double-Dee, You're always so fucking annoying. Constantly looking out for me and Ed, constantly getting up my ass about my grades, and pissing me off!"
Double Dee interjected. "Eddy, I do that because-"
"SHUT THE FUCK UP AND LET ME TALK!" Eddy snapped at his friend. "OR ELSE I'LL PROBABLY NEVER GET IT OUT AGAIN!"
"S-Sorry..." Double Dee shushed himself.
"Yeah, you're a real pain in the ass and I know what you're gonna say. It's for my own good; you're just looking out for me. I know...You're like a wife sometimes...But you're like the kind of wife that I'd love to have." Eddy looked away. "That's the kind of shit that keeps a guy going, you know. When I feel like shit and I wanna quit on something, you're always there to pick me up again. And then you flounce on by looking cute as fuck...you got that movie star hair...and those insane hips...And that incredible smile...And that ass...Ooooh fuck, that curvy, sexy ass!" Eddy's mouth was running without his control. "I'd be a lucky bastard if I was ever able to take you to bed..."
"Eddy...I..." Double Dee was absolutely frozen by Eddy's blunt confessions. Millions of things ran through his head to say, but none of it sounded like something he could put into words.
"And don't think I forgot about YOU, Lumpy!" Eddy pointed an accusatory finger at Ed.
"Yikes! Ed didn't do anything wrong, Eddy!" Ed shrunk down and hid behind Double Dee as best as he could.
"Damn right, you didn't do anything wrong!" Eddy growled. "You're always doing right by me no matter how I fuck up! People may think you're dumb, but you're the smartest, sweetest, hardest working motherfucker in the entire world! And you don't ask for nothin' in return outside of a hug and somethin' covered in gravy! You're a fucking saint!"
Eddy heaved out a few breaths to cool off his hot head a bit. "And don't think I don't know what's under there...I was supposed to be the big swole one between us, but you're like a fucking bodybuilder and you don't do shit!" Eddy blushed a bit. "And I've seen you a few times in the locker room too. Dude, you are fucking HUNG! It's like you're hiding cobra in there!" He hid away his face as he continued. "I busted way too many nuts in my life wondering what it'd feel like to have that thing inside me..."
"Eddy..." Ed blushed and swooned at the kind, erotic words. "Daww, that's sweeeet..."
"No it's not! IT FUCKING SUCKS!" Eddy was back to ten. "BECAUSE I WAITED AROUND AND DIDN'T SAY SHIT AND NOW I'M STUCK HERE SPILLING MY GUTS AND TELLING YOU GUYS HOW MUCH I WANNA FUCK BOTH OF YOU LIKE SOME FUCKING STOOGE!" Eddy finally ran out of steam and caught his breath. "So that's it. That's why I've been such a cunt lately...I love you both and I'm happy for you guys...I just wish...I could have been a part of it...And I understand if you two never wanna hear from me again..." Eddy looked at his two friends, completely exhausted both emotionally and physically.
"Hmmm..." Double Dee looked Eddy up and down. "Eddy, please hold on while me and Ed consult about this..." With that Double Dee pulled Ed aside and they began talking to each other in hushed voices. What Eddy thought would be a long drawn out process was over quickly and the two faced back to him. "Well Eddy...I and Ed have come to a conclusion."
"W-what is it?" Eddy felt his blood go cold and his heart stop as he waited for the verdict of his surely soon-to-be-ex-friends.
"We have decided..." Edd smiled warmly. "That we would be nothing...if we weren't the three Eds."
"R-really!?" Eddy's eyes shimmered with hope. He ran up to his confirmed-to-still-be-friends and excitedly looked between them. "S-so we can forget all of this and move on?"
"WRONG Eddy." Double Dee stopped Eddy's joy. "This is an important matter that Ed and I will NOT overlook. However, we have decided upon an adequate change of operations that will allow us to continue on associating with you."
Eddy went right back to worry, wondering what changes could be in store. "L-Like what?"
"The conditions are as such, Eddy." Double Dee had a professional look about him while Ed stood behind him with a serious expression. "In order to properly accommodate what has been revealed here tonight, Ed and I propose that we allocate you within the paradigm of our relationship." Double Dee gave Eddy a sly look, knowing his statement was like a stealth bomber soaring over Eddy's head.
"...Wait, you're relocating some dimes where with what now?" Eddy's eyes went crossed as he tried to follow behind.
"To put it in simpler words..." Double-Dee slowly stepped up to Eddy, raised his hands up to cup Eddy's face and then leaned in to plant a soft kiss on his lips before pulling back. "We love you too. And we would love for you to be part of our relationship..."
Eddy's face went through several shades of red. "W-what? You guys...Want to be boyfriends? With ME? At the SAME TIME?" Eddy was half excited and half confused.
"We are a trio after all." Double Dee smirked. "Why to have us three together would be like breathing air." He mused to himself. "Though if we were to reach the level of marriage, we'd have polygamy laws to deal with, but we'll cross that bridge when it comes up, I supposed."
"For REAL!? You!" He pointed to Double Dee. "And YOU!" He pointed to Ed. "And ME!?" He pointed to himself. "TOGETHER!?"
"Hehehehe" Ed smirked as he emerged from behind Double Dee. In a flash, he grabbed Eddy by the hips, spun him around and dipped him low, like the end of a spicy tango. He stared into Eddy's eyes with what Eddy could only describe as unquenchable lust. "Seal it with a kiss, my dear." With that, Ed plunged into Eddy's mouth with a hard, forceful kiss. Immediately forcing Eddy's mouth open, his lounge engaged in a complex wrestling hold with Eddy's that made the confused teen melt into the barbarian of a man above him. Just as soon as it stared, Ed pulled back, giving Eddy's lips a final tantalizing suck and then beaming down with pride.
"...Holy shit, that was the best kiss I've ever got..." Eddy was beside himself.
"Hehehe, I learned from romantic monster movies, Eddy." Ed wiggled his monobrow. "Hehe, I am a monstrous werewolf vampire cyclops and you are my delicious, supple, nubile prey."
"Hehe, Ed is quite the lover when he gets going." Double Dee joined Ed's side and held out a hand to Eddy. "Think you can handle him? And me?"
The reality of the situation hit Eddy like a stack of bricks. He was REALLY being asked into a threesome by his two oldest friends. He couldn't help but smirk wide. "Hmph, more like can YOU TWO handle ME!" Eddy grabbed Double Dee's hand and shook hard. "Because I'm gonna love the shit out of the BOTH of you." The three stared into each other's eyes for a brief moment before they finally came together for a group hug. "Thanks guys...I love you both...so much...You have no idea..."
"Oh Eddy, we know..." Double Dee rubbed Eddy's back. "We wouldn't have asked you to be part of us if we didn't feel the same."
"Boyfriends for Ed!" Ed was excited. "I promise I will be the bratwurst within your hotdog bun of love, Eddy!" He leaned in close and whispered to the two. "I love you both more than I love chickens. More than a tub of gravy! You are my favorite things in the world!"
"Well then gentlemen...shall we return to the dance?" Double Dee offered his two boyfriends as they broke the hug.
"Baah, that shit was cramping my style anyway." Eddy brushed his shoulders off. "Let's get some burritos and hang out?"
"Aah, a sensible idea for once, Eddy." Double Dee smirked at Eddy. "Perhaps Ed would be able to come up with some entertainment for us?" He winked at his huge boyfriend.
"Hehehe, yeah Eddy..." Ed moved in and pulled Eddy into a tight, possessive hug. "You know, kissing isn't ALL I learned from those movies, Eddy..." He moved his hand down to Eddy's butt and gripped it tight. "And I'm sure the monster hidden in my forbidden cave would love to..." With a swift, lewd motion, Ed pulled Eddy's hand into his pants and forced him to grab hold of what to Eddy felt like a hot, fleshy baseball bat. "Consume you whole..."
"F-fuck..." Eddy groaned, lust bubbling up from his loins. "How the HELL did you learn all this behind my back Ed?"
"He had a lot of practice, I admit..." Double Dee moved in close to Eddy. "He was quite the teacher when it comes to spontaneous displays of love. I'm absolutely blown away with his knowledge." Double Dee blushed hard and grabbed Eddy's hand. "Perhaps I can..." He led Eddy's hand to his ass and squirmed in pleasure as he felt Eddy take a hold of it. "Pass on some of his lessons?"
"Well...we can always get burritos AFTER..." With a cock in one hand and an ass in the other, Eddy walked with his newly christened boyfriends into the darkness of the night back to the cul-de-sack. "Let's go do some learning, boys!"
The three of them laughed and smiled and walked the absolute fastest they could while holding on to each other for dear life. None of them had any real idea what would come next or how they'd even begin to explain themselves to their parents when the time came, but that didn't really matter to them. At the moment, all that mattered was the love growing in their hearts...and their pants.
END
Rate, review, do whatever you like. Hopefully things work out.