Pride and Psychicness
Written by Magewriter
Chapter 1:
I
Okay, so if you read the preview, which you should have, you know that this is a modified Raz/Lili version of Pride and Prejudice. I have a reason to live with her parents as an adult because the story wouldn't work that well otherwise, and I have reasons for Raz to snub her, so it's all set. I hope.
Disclaimer: Use common sense. I don't own Psychonauts, Jane Austin books, or anything else you might find in here, just the plotline. Oh, and in case you were thinking too much about the story, I don't own any I Love Lucy stuff, either, meaning that I had to put that in there to have the gossipy friend named Ethel.
Oh, and it is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of good fortune, must be in want of a wife.
She drifted down from the top of the wall, holding her levi-ball with one hand and the seven hundredth issue of True Psychic Tales in the other. She always liked to look at how exaggerated the cases were. There had been no life-or-death situations, and she and Amy had broken out of the bindings in a matter of seconds. It was especially fun to read issues with her or her friends in them. Ah, well. Good marketing is good marketing, and nothing can change that, so she ought to just acknowledge how cool it was that little kids all over America knew her name by now.
She finally touched ground, and, still reading, walked in the door and to her father's study. Or, near it. Her four sisters were at the door, eavesdropping. As usual. Her mother and father were arguing about some guy. Her mom didn't stop trying to get Lili or her four sisters to date high-class men, and her father couldn't care less.
She didn't even have to use her psychic powers to hear what her mom and dad were saying.
"Truman, have you heard that that big room down the street has been rented?"
"No, Julia, I haven't."
"Well, it has! Ethel was just here, and she told me all about it."
Truman Zanotto remained silent.
As is characteristic of anyone with five chatty daughters who isn't willing to yell to get a word in edgewise.
"Don't you want to know who rented it? I mean, it's a big place."
"You clearly want to tell me, and I couldn't care less whether or not you tell me."
Of course, she took the invitation to say what she wanted to say.
"Well, you have to know,"
"Somehow, I doubt that I do."
"Well, then you should know, that Ethel says that big building was rented out by a young, non-psychic man, just within range for any of our daughters to marry, and he had an English accent, and he makes a lot of money. Marrying any of our girls to him would be a wonderful thing."
"…Says the woman who wanted to choose her own path in life."
"Well, it would be! I'm not saying they have to, just that it might be nice to get to know him!"
Truman was still not convinced; however, his curiosity got the better of him.
"Does this fellow have a name?"
"Yes, and it is Julius Krelton."
"Julius is still used as a name?"
"Yes, they do."
"What does he do to make a living?"
"I think it's something with computers… I'm pretty sure he's a manager of some kind."
"And you're absolutely sure he's comfortable with the idea of marrying a psychic? Do you even know if he's looking for a wife?"
"It can't hurt to find out."
"Yes it can. Remember the last time we went to one of those social functions? If any of our girls starts crying, it's your fault."
"Ethel says he's open-minded."
"Yes, but often open-minded excludes psychics for some reason. It doesn't make any sense, but it's entirely true."
"Well, if you talk to him, you can find out."
"Why me?"
"Because of tradition. The man goes to represent the household, talks to the person in question, and tells his family about it."
"And they say women and men are equal now. Well, I'm sure you won't have any problem when you talk to him yourself, but make sure you say something good about Lili."
"Why do you like Lili so much! She isn't as pretty as Jane, she doesn't have as good of a sense of humor as Lydia, and she isn't nearly as clever as Mary! Why do you always favor her?"
"Because she thinks freely. She's certainly not as pretty as Jane, but then, who is? She doesn't have the best sense of humor, and she's not that optimistic, and she certainly isn't as much of a bookworm as Mary, but she has a blend of all of those qualities that makes her unique. Actually, I don't know why I like her the best, but she's definitely preferable to her sisters because they only have one quality that best describes them."
"How can you be so mean to your own daughters? You just like teasing me, don't you? You have no respect for my feelings."
"Yes, I do, Julia. Your feelings have been my friends for years. You just never notice when I compliment them."
"You don't know how hard it is, trying to find good matches for five psychic daughters."
"Yes, but I believe that if you stopped trying, they would all lose incentive and you'd be even more upset because none of your daughters were married yet."
At that point, Truman took the opportunity to tell all of his daughters telepathically that they should work on their mind-blocks. He, being their father, could worm his way through any of theirs in half a second.
He had known the whole time that they were behind the door.
II
Truman was one of the first people to visit Mr. Krelton. Hey had a nice chat, and some tea, then he was on his way back, but he didn't tell anyone about it until that afternoon, when Lili was knitting the sleeve of a shirt while watching TV upside-down. Her hair, which was in the same kind of pigtails as when she was ten, stood up as though she were upside-up.
"I hope Mr. Krelton will like that, Lili. I certainly think those are nice colors."
"That's because you're halfway colorblind. This is for Mary. It'll look way better on her because it's the right color for someone with dark brown hair, not dark red."
"Oh. Well, it's a nice green."
"Oh, yeah, and mom says she's mad at you for not talking to Mr. Krelton."
"You can tell her that I talked to him this morning."
Mrs. Zanotto, who was just across the room, ran up to Truman and hugged him.
"Oh! I knew you would! Thank you! And so quickly, too! I knew you were playing a joke on me."
"No, you didn't. You never know what I'm going to do. I remember you saying once that that was what you liked about me."
"Whatever."
Lili, who by that time was back to knitting, just watched her program. She noticed she'd dropped a stitch, and went back to get it. Her parents, meanwhile, were having a conversation.
"The party's going to be in two weeks, and he's going to invite a bunch of important people. He has good manners, and he's handsome."
"What other things can you tell us about him?"
Every one of the girls had, by that time, crowded around Mr. Zanotto, hoping to get juicy details about him.
"For a non-psychic, his mind is extremely well-guarded. Have a nice day." He levitated out of the circle of girls, and walked down the hall to his study, where, as always, he had paperwork to do. None of the women could get anything more than that out of him, and all of them knew it, but Julia persisted in trying to find out more things about him.
How do you like it? It's a lot like Pride and Prejudice. That line at the beginning, "It is a truth, universally acknowledged…" is the very first sentence of Pride and Prejudice, which any Jane Austen fan would know. Next comes the party, where Raz snubs Lili for I-already-know-why-and-you-don't-so-HA! Acknowledged is a weird word. You're getting into Know" after three letters, and it feels like you're starting a new word too soon.
And you'll find out why Lili, who is now 28, would be living with her parents, and why all four of her sisters are. It's a weird and dumb reason, but then, most of the things in Psychonauts are weird and dumb, which just makes it a really cool game.