A/N: Just a quick drabble. No rhyme or reason, really. I may add more, but I'm working on a bigger fic for these three. ;)
Enjoy!
~Nevermind, I'll find someone like you.~
XXX
Addison is lonely.
Derek is indifferent.
He's not indifferent to her loneliness. He is just… indifferent. In general.
It's not as if she never tries to ask what's wrong. Every time she notices the drooping of his eyes, or an exasperated huff, she'll ask. But the problem with indifference is that there isn't really anything wrong.
She knows there is, though. She knows it's more than apathy, because she's never seen her Derek like this, until recently.
On the nights that she gets persistent, he'll simply say, "It is what it is…"
XXX
Sometimes they take naps together in the on-call room. During these moments is when she is happiest.
Sure, she misses the days when they'd burst through the closest door while ripping each other's clothes off, clearing out the room, should anyone be present.
But all she really wants is to feel close to him. She just doesn't want to be alone.
Most of the time she doesn't sleep. Derek will wrap his arm around her and she'll bring her face to his chest, breathing in his scent while she watches him sleep.
And she's truly happy, until one of their pagers goes off.
XXX
"Addie!" He bursts through the front door, nearly running past her, where she's seated at the dining room table.
Hearing his voice like that makes her happy, because he actually sounds happy.
"Addison!" He takes her hand, lifting her up from her seat and holds her face. "I heard! I heard about the surgery. Why didn't you tell me?"
"Oh…" she says, smiling weakly, shaking her head. "It just didn't seem like a huge deal, at the time."
"Of course it is! It's amazing. You are amazing," he insists, giving her cheeks a light pat before pressing a firm kiss to her lips. "I'm going to draw us a bath, okay? And you can tell me all about it."
She sighs gently, watching him head upstairs. Addison loves her job, but she loves Derek more. And sometimes, she wishes the latter came without the other.
XXX
Derek's in an emergency surgery, but Addison is literally falling over. She figures it is better that he's not there, because she hates sleeping during the rare time they spend together during work hours.
When she opens the door, she finds Mark in bed. "Oh, sorry…" she mumbles, before realizing that he is clearly without clothes, and she rolls her eyes. "Which nurse was it this time, Mark?"
He returns the eyeroll while shifting his boxers back up his legs, beneath the blankets. "C'mere, Addie…" he says softly, outstretching his arms.
She should just go find a different room, but the bed is right there, tempting her. And she's always slept better with someone else, and since Mark is no reason for her to stay awake, she thinks she'll sleep.
And she needs the sleep.
She quickly crawls into bed, immediately feeling the exhaustion transfer to relaxation as she settles into his embrace and closes her eyes.
She and Mark cuddle all the time, anyway. That's just how it works. That's how it's always worked. Mark and Derek came as a packaged deal. They'd spent countless nights during med school, all tangled up together in Derek's twin-sized bed.
Mark came with Derek.
Derek came with Mark.
And then there was Addison.
XXX
In her own surgeries, she wonders about how Derek would react if she messed up. Because when he is indifferent about all else, he does still get excited about her surgeries.
It makes her wonder that if something should go wrong, if he'd hold her in his arms and tell her that everything was going to be alright.
But Addison never messes up.
She looks at the scalpel. For one single moment, the most unforgiving part of her mind considers the possible outcome of the tiniest slip of her hand.
XXX
Everything had gone wrong for Addison that day. Standing on her porch, being drenched by the rain, she decides that she's going to curl up with Derek and calm herself, regardless of how much or little he decides to acknowledge her mood.
After fiddling with the keys for what feels like an hour to her, she finds that the door is unlocked, already.
But it's Mark, sitting on the couch. Not Derek.
He greets her with, "You're not Derek."
"Well, neither are you…" she answers, hanging her coat.
They have a conversation, regarding Mark needing to see Derek, and Addison informing him that she apparently has no idea when he'll be back, since she was expecting him home, already.
"No, no," she mutters, looking up at him. She doesn't want him 'out of her hair.' She needs something other than lonely isolation. She just needs someone to be there. "Do you wanna go lay down upstairs?"
XXX
When the door opens, Addison finds herself willing to give anything to go back to the moment that Derek shoved her out of it.
Because as he pulls her into his arms, she can feel it already.
Indifference.
XXX
They were Addison and Derek.
Mark came with Derek.
Addison was lonely.
Derek was indifferent.
And then there was Mark.