135 days
So this is a story I thought up after pretty late at night and is completely outside of my comfort zone but I thought I'd give it a go anyway. It is very sad and may induce tears so have tissues at the ready and let me know what you think, it semi inspired by a true story that I have experienced through work and of other influencing factors in life. I'd really appreciate feedback.
O, here
Will I set up my everlasting rest,
And shake the yoke of mine inauspicious stars
From the world wearied flesh. Eyes, look you last!
Arms, take you last embrace! and, lips, O you
The doors of breath, seal with a righteous kiss
A dateless bargain to engrossing death!
~William Shakespeare – Romeo and Juliet Act 5 scene 3~
We were told to expect no more than 135 days.
4.435 months.
19 weeks.
How do you go on knowing that as each second passes you are getting ever closer to the inevitable? Feeling like you have so much that you need to do and say but not enough time to do it in. Worrying that the little time you have left will be plagued with sickness leaving no time for everything you have planned.
The once in a lifetime trips, the walks in the park, the eating out to dinner, the nights spent together in fear that tomorrow may separate you forever.
How can you possibly fit a lifetime in to just 135 days?
Gabriella Bolton looked down at her little brother, he was a whole fourteen years younger than her and she had spent her later teenage years devoting herself to him following the death of their mother to a rare genetic form of skin cancer.
She wondered to herself how destiny made the fateful life and death decisions that seemed to pass others by and how they were ever fair.
How could it be fair that she remained unharmed as her twelve year old brother lay dying in his bed?
At the age of twenty six she had so many unanswered questions about the world, she wondered if they would ever be answered...whether they ever could be answered or whether the answers would remain unknown forever.
How could it be fair that her family was falling apart around her, while everybody else enjoyed a seemingly normal existence?
They had been tested, the doctors had insisted on it following the death of their mother but Gabriella had always viewed it as a death sentence. Who could possibly want to know that they had a gene that would inevitably mean developing a disease that would kill them?
None the less, blood was taken, DNA was analyzed and results were received. Gabriella was free from the death row but three year old Nyle Montez had the gene that had killed his mother shortly after his birth.
Gabriella had been devastated where opened the results and read them to her boyfriend, Troy Bolton, who had since the death of her mother help raised the brother she cherished so dearly. At seventeen life should be about parties, hanging out with friends and getting good grades in school but for Gabriella life had come to revolve around cancer. She knew that she shouldn't let it control her life but it was difficult to see clearly when each day was just another step closer to the horrible fate that awaited them.
She wished she had insisted against the tests, she wished so hard that her aunt, who had been enlisted to take care of them until Gabriella reach eighteen, had paid more attention to her desperate pleas to halt the process.
Gabriella's aunt, her absent father's sister, lived in Santa Fe and was asked to make the journey to nearby Albuquerque to care for Gabriella and Nyle. Like Gabriella's father, she had never been interested in family and stayed for only a few short weeks before returning to Santa Fe and returning only on a Monday and Friday to make sure everything was okay. Gabriella had heavily relied on the Bolton's for support, love and care and could never be thankful enough for the time and love that Lucille Bolton, her boyfriend's mother, had put into helping her bring up baby Nyle.
As soon as she turned sixteen Gabriella applied to be emancipated from her family, she was living in the house the belonged to her mother, caring for household bills with money her mother had left her along with life insurance money and was working as a waitress at a small family run restaurant when she could. The court granted her emancipation from her aunt and she was finally free to live her own life with baby Nyle.
By the time he reached sixteen Troy was spending six nights a week at Gabriella's and one night with his parents. He had thrown himself into helping her raise Nyle and couldn't get enough of the baby who was fast growing into a bouncing toddler. Gabriella was keen for Nyle to grow up with the most normal life as possible, she feared that any life he did have would be tainted by bullying and cruelty. For this reason neither Troy nor Gabriella had corrected Nyle when he uttered his first 'mama' and 'dada'.
Every child needs parents and Troy and Gabriella were determined to give him that. They would tell him the truth when he was old enough to understand.
Life has a horrible habit of running away from you when you don't even realize. Months passed like minutes and years passed like days and before anybody knew it Troy and Gabriella were graduating from the University of Albuquerque where, even with everything against them, they both managed to secure degrees that would ensure their futures.
Troy moved into Gabriella's house full time and reveled in spending time with Nyle as he grew into an intelligent and active boy. They played basketball together, watched baseball games and shared moments exclusive to father and son. It warmed Gabriella's heart to watch the man she loved caring for the brother she had raised as her own child.
The guilt that had mounted within her eased knowing that whatever was to happen in the future, the life she had built for him would be surrounded in love with never an unhappy moment reflecting in his young mind.
On the eve of Nyle's ninth birthday Troy had pulled Gabriella aside from her frantic party planning and kissed her. He had had a huge speech planned to tell her how much she and Nyle meant to him and how they had filled the seemingly empty space in his life, but as he watched her busily hanging banners and decorating cupcakes his heart couldn't help but just say the special words.
'Will you marry me?' He had whispered against her lips, relishing in the feeling of her warm lips smiling widely against his. She had had no need to answer; he knew from the smile on her face what the answer had been. It was a beautiful moment that, no matter how ugly the future was to become, would always be savored.
The wedding was beautiful; it was everything that Gabriella had ever wished for and more. The flowers were a deep shade of red and matched her ivory gown perfectly.
The weather was warm and the sun shining brightly as she stepped into the church to face the smiles and cheers of friends and family members alike.
Troy had been nervous but as he saw her walking down the aisle with a smile on her face all of his fears disappeared.
The couple didn't have a honeymoon; they had never been separated from Nyle for more than a couple of days and couldn't bear the thought of being away from him for two weeks.
Life was so perfect that Gabriella almost forgot the terrible fate that lay before them. Soon after the wedding she found out that she was pregnant and eight months later gave birth to the little sister Nyle had so desperately wanted.
Alexa Grace was everything that Nyle had ever wanted, not only could he now say he was a big brother to all of his friends at school but he had someone who, once she was old enough, would be able to share the toys he had grown up to love.
Life would not remain perfect forever.
It had been three days after Nyle's twelfth birthday that Gabriella noticed something was not right.
There was a small area on Nyle's leg that she had noticed while he had been playing with an eighteen month old Alexa. She hadn't mentioned anything to Nyle but as soon as Troy had arrived home from work she broke down in the confines of their bedroom.
She had phoned Alexa's pediatrician and asked for an appointment as soon as possible. She knew it would be difficult to convince them to see Nyle because he was not their patient, but she desperately described the situation and they finally agreed.
The appointment was the next day; Gabriella had tearfully explained everything to Nyle. He had been angry that she hadn't told him sooner, screaming that she couldn't keep such a huge thing from him for so long, proceeding to tell her that he wished she would just disappear.
Troy had tried to convince her that every teenager says that at one point but Gabriella had taken it to heart. She had never wanted anything but the best for her precious brother and his remark forced her to feel like a failure.
The doctor had seen Nyle and quickly referred him to the hospital for tests. The day had been long and stressful, with scans, blood tests, x-rays and biopsies consuming their thoughts.
Now all they had to do was wait to the results.
Gabriella had become withdrawn, she couldn't bear to look into the future and see Nyle suffering because of her. Troy had tried time and time again to wipe the guilt that she felt but all she could say was 'it should have been me'.
The relationship between Nyle and Gabriella continued to be fractious, Gabriella couldn't bring herself to speak to Nyle out of guilt and Nyle chose not to speak to Gabriella out of anger.
He could not believe that Gabriella, the woman who he called mommy, had kept something so huge from him. As he thought more about it he could understand the position she was in, he had known his real mother had died from cancer but the rest of the story had remained a mystery. The thought entered his mind, how would he tell a twelve year old that sometime in their life they would get cancer?
'Dad?' He had spoken quietly as he walked into Troy and Gabriella's bedroom, he couldn't face Gabriella but he knew that no matter what happened Troy would always be there for him.
'Yeah buddy?' Troy had replied, looking up at Nyle as he sat down slowly on the edge of the bed. Troy had never seen him looking so forlorn, so down and broken.
Slowly they talked through the issues that were plaguing Nyle's young mind, issues that should not have to be thought about by a child who was still deep in blissful naivety.
Gabriella had listened from outside the room, her heart breaking as she listened to the pain that Nyle expressed through his words.
There was just five more days until they would know the truth, five more days and her worst fears could be forgotten.
How she wished they could be forgotten.
But the results never came.
Dutifully the mail man handed Gabriella the mail every day, watching as she rifled through it for the one letter she was looking for but that she could not find.
The phone had rung late on a Wednesday evening; Gabriella had always fear late evening phone calls. The nurse had phoned to say her mother had died at 9:29pm, the hospital phoned to inform Gabriella's mother of the death of her father late on a Saturday evening. Gabriella desperately feared the bad news that she knew was awaiting her.
Her fears were realized.
The office of the pediatrician had asked for them to come first thing the next morning, she knew the news would be bad. If it had been good, they would have asked them to come at the next available appointment time; she had spent enough time around doctors to know the next day is never a good thing.
Nervously Troy, Gabriella, Nyle and a sleeping Alexa sat in the waiting room of the pediatrician. Gabriella's mind remained hopeful in its doubt. By the time her mother had received her definitive diagnosis the fast metastasizing cancer had already spread deep into many of her vital organs.
Gabriella prayed with everything that she had that Nyle would be different, she begged a God she wasn't even sure existed to save him from the suffering she had watched her mother endure.
Finally they were called into the office.
Troy and Gabriella had been called in first, leaving Nyle to take care of his sleeping sister.
The doctor would talk with Nyle later.
'I will be honest with you because I know you have been through enough.' The doctors words cut Gabriella like a knife, they had been the words she had been fearing, she knew this was going to be bad but her mind was now sinking into a bottomless hole of uncertainty that forced her thoughts to race.
'It's not looking good.'
Troy's hand tightened around the shaking hand of his wife, his eyes closed tightly as he listened to sobs racking her body.
He knew that she knew.
The doctor didn't need to confirm his diagnosis with words; his simple introduction had been enough for a fragile Gabriella.
'Can you do anything?' Troy had asked quietly, conscious that it would be something Gabriella would want to know but knowing that she didn't possess the strength and composure to ask.
The doctor sighed slowly, looking down at the paper in his lap and composing an answered that would break the devastating news lightly.
There was never an easy way, he had learnt that but it didn't change the fact that he wished with all his heart he could work miracles for the broken families that came through his door.
'I'm so sorry; the scans show Nyle has small but wide spread metastases in his liver, kidney and bladder. We also believe he will have lymphatic involvement. I have discussed his case with one of New Mexico's leading pediatric oncologists and she does not feel that surgery would be a viable option nor does she feel chemotherapy will gain anything but lengthening his life for a short time." For Gabriella the doctor's words were like a déjà vu, Gabriella had hoped that with Nyle being so young his body would have been more resilient to the rouge gene than that of their mother…her wishes had not been granted.
'How long?' she whispered, fearing the answer so much that she wished the whole world would disappear around her.
She couldn't bear to think of Nyle's life being cut short by such a devastating and destructive disease. She hated to think he would never get the chance to live out his ambitions, never get to see Alexa grow up, never get to graduate and never experience true love.
'We believe no more than one hundred and thirty five days.' Sobs chocked Gabriella once more as she thought of the miniscule amount of time that her precious brother had left on the earth, she couldn't imagine life without him.
The room began to feel suffocating; she couldn't breathe for the thoughts that were going through her mind.
Troy escorted Gabriella from the office and reunited her with a nervous looking Nyle and a now wide awake Alexa. Quickly Gabriella grasped hold of Nyle and held him tightly, not caring that he still hated her for keeping such a huge secret but desperately needing to spend every available second they had left together.
The office door opened once again and the doctor asked for Nyle to come through, Gabriella unclasped her arms from around his small body and allowed Troy to lead him into the office. She looked down at her daughter, a mirror image of baby Gabriella, as she sat quietly playing with the toys on the waiting room floor.
She picked up her daughter and held her snugly to her chest, relishing in the feeling of the infant getting comfortable in her arms.
'Oh Lexi…what are we going to do?' Gabriella's emotions puzzled the toddler who was blissfully unaware of the events unfolding around her. She snuggled her face into her mothers and wrapped her arms tightly around Gabriella's neck, unaware that she was providing her distraught mother with the strength she needed to go on.
The atmosphere had been tense in the Bolton household that evening. Troy had made dinner, fed the children and was now bathing Alexa while Nyle watched some TV before bed and Gabriella had some time alone to collect her thoughts.
After the children were tucked up in bed, Nyle with his radio on and Alexa sound asleep after having sleeping beauty read to her for what seemed like the hundredth time, Troy wondered into the bedroom that he shared with his precious wife.
He found her sat on the bed, a calendar and a red pen in hand.
One hundred and thirty five days would never be enough.
November 23rd had been circled in red.
Troy sighed; he hated to watch the woman he had adored for so many years fall to pieces.
This had to be the final straw.
'You cannot do this to yourself Gabriella, counting down the days is just going to tear you apart and you know that. We need to live everyday as it comes because we never know which day will be the last one, can you please give me the calendar?' Troy pleaded with his wife, he pleaded for her sanity, for his own and for that of his children.
Later, he had removed every calendar in the house reminding the whole family that dates didn't matter but it was the memories you make on those days that did.
The next three days past slowly, with the whole family barely holding themselves together.
Nyle had asked to speak to Gabriella, they had talked for hours about the reasons why she had kept such a huge secret, what would happen to him, what would happen to her and Gabriella spoke of their mother who would have adored the handsome young man that Nyle had become.
They lay on the large bed together in silence for hours, taking comfort from each other's arms and preserving the memories for after the inevitable.
Troy dared not disturb them; he knew that Gabriella needed the time to start accepting the loss of the little brother whom she had cared for like a son.
That was one hundred and twenty days ago.
Gabriella looked down at her sleeping little brother. His skin pale and clammy, his eyes sunken and his lips bone dry. She hated that the end of his short life was riddled with such suffering.
Nyle opened his eyes slowly; conscious of Gabriella's presence and smiled up at her slightly.
"You don't have to be sad mommy, everything will be ok in the end." Tears continued to pour down Gabriella's cheeks as she listened to the wise words of the twelve year old in front of her. He never failed to amaze her with his words of encouragement and comfort even while he was suffering so much.
"Shh baby, don't talk too much. Don't worry about anybody else okay? I just want you to rest" Gabriella whispered against Nyle's clammy forehead, pressing a kiss to his skin before brushing a stray strand of hair from his eyes.
She couldn't believe how much he had grown, how much he looked like the mother he had never had the change to know. She hoped that wherever the next life sent him, they would find each other again.
"Can you get Dad? I just want to talk to him for a while," Nyle's husky voice requested quietly, Gabriella smiled down at him and nodded before pressing a final kiss to his forehead and leaving the room.
Troy entered soon after Gabriella's departure, he sat down in the chair next to the special bed that had been placed in Nyle's bedroom where he had chosen to be.
"What's up buddy?" Troy asked, hoping that there was nothing troubling Nyle enough for worry and fear to be added to his list of stresses.
The shrunken figure moved slowly in bed and turned to face Troy, his face serious and a frown lacing his sunken features.
"I want you to tell mom not to be scared, I'm not scared. Do you promise?" Troy was taken aback by the courage that Nyle had shown, Troy thought about himself in that situation and the fear that he would be feeling.
He gently ruffled the thin hair on top of Nyle's head, smiling down at him and holding his hand out for their ritual high five which was slowly and weakly returned.
"I promise buddy, you're so brave do you know that? Braver than I'll ever be, I can't imagine how you are feeling right now Champ, but I want you to know how proud of you we all are and how much we all love you. I'm so proud of you." Troy could feel tears welling up in his eyes, he willed them away knowing that allowing them to fall would ignite the concerns that he had just managed to put to rest.
Nyle smiled and turned onto his back, grasping hold of Troy's hand as tightly as he could.
"I love you too Dad." He closed his eyes tightly and allowed sleep to overcome him.
Four more days passed with Gabriella keeping a firm vigil at Nyle's cozy bedside, whispering how much she loved him and how proud of him she was in his ears every now and again.
They had had a long talk together, much like the one he had shared with Troy just days before. His words had filled Gabriella with comfort and pride for the boy that she had raised.
Gabriella shuffled slowly into the kitchen at 3am on day one hundred and twenty five.
During the night Gabriella had called the doctor, Nyle's breathing had changed and he had become unresponsive. She knew from experience that they were close to the end.
Troy looked up from the coffee he had been drinking; he had awoken when Gabriella had shaken him from his sleep, panic written across her face and incoherent rambles flowing from her mouth.
He had been awake ever since.
Gabriella's tear stained cheeks, red sunken eyes and drawn features spoke more than a thousand words ever could.
"Oh babe…" Troy whispered as he rushed over to meet Gabriella half way, wrapping his arms tightly around her and pressing her head into his neck.
He knew the inevitable had occurred.
Tears rushed from his own eyes as he allowed grief to overcome him. Memories of the past twelve years rushed through his mind. He remembered the bouncing baby boy that had the most infectious giggle, he remembered the first steps and the first words…he never imagined he would be remembering last.
"I can't believe it." Gabriella whispered slowly, "He told me last night how much he loved me and how he didn't want me to be afraid or sad and now he's just gone. My baby boy is gone and I have no idea what I should do." Troy pulled Gabriella away from his slightly, observing the vulnerability of her features that only made her look more beautiful.
Slowly, he pressed a gentle loving kiss to her lips.
"I know that it's hard beautiful, but he wouldn't want you to be sad, he told you that himself. He's not hurting anymore, he's not suffering anymore and you know, he'll be with your mom and they'll be looking down on us smiling as we carry on and have lots more beautiful babies that all look just like you." Gabriella giggled at Troy's statement; she had never felt luckier to have such a strong and loving man as her husband, a man who never failed to bring a smile to her face as the world crashed around her.
One hundred and thirty five days would never be enough.
Time is precious and should never be taken for granted. Each day should be lived like you will never see tomorrow.
No matter what the past throws at you and the images that haunt you forever, the future should never be wasted on the past, because pretty soon those days will be gone and won't ever be coming back.
Gabriella looked around her at her remaining family, her wonderful husband and perfect daughter, and smiled at what the future would hold for them. Grief had overcome her body just hours earlier but she tried desperately to honor the wishes of the brother she had loved more than anything.
Nyle would forever remain in their hearts, but Gabriella knew that as each second went by the grief that had struck her precious family would become easier.
The future cannot be wasted on the past. Honor those who have passed before your eyes, but never let grief destroy you.
~Death leaves heartache no one can heal, love leaves a memory no one can steal~ - Unknown.
So there it is, all finished! It has been quite an emotional journey writing this so I hope that you have all read and enjoyed (if that is the right word) and taken something away from it. I'd really appreciate your feedback, I've worked super hard so show me some love haha! Peace out!