Disclaimer: Inuyasha, Owner; see Takahashi Rumiko
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She never knew if he was with her because of Kikyo or if he was there because of her. The only reason she never knew was because if she had asked she would hate the answer. This she knew.
She knew also it was unfair. She knew that he had been faithful for more than ten years. She knew that she had no place to question in the face of a provider who never faltered in his duties.
But that was what she was afraid she knew she was, a duty.
She had seen it in his eyes, when they were normally impassive they seemed to gain a quality that they lacked when looking at her directly. When he looked at their children he seemed be seeing something else entirely.
He was seeing her.
His and her children. Their looks, their features. They would be exactly same in almost every way.
Except for her, because she would never have been there in his imaginings.
No, she would never bring this to his attention, never in private and certainly never around their children.
She knew that her accusations were true though and she would never voice them aloud. When he looked at his family, at her, he was seeing what could have been. After ten years, over sixty for him, he was still imagining what could have been.
It hurt her that he could not find peace with his present. She had tried so hard over the years, hoping that he could move on. She could have accepted him moving on and grieving for her, but she could not be take being superimposed with someone else's image.
That was more degrading than anything else she could conjure in her mind.
But, damn her. Damn herself. She would take this over nothing. Because she knew, she knew that if she did not resemble her past self she would never have received this opportunity with him.
She would never have received the chance to her own imagining and could have beens.
She would take this, as she had for a decade or more. Her children deserved a façade of normality and peace. In this she would deliver. If nothing else their lives would be assured as long as she lived.
The only price was her happiness and her dignity. An easy choice made long ago.
She would leave behind Kagome, if only to be his Kikyo.
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AN: Yeah sorry. No good at this writing thing, so I'm working on trying to be 'expressive' because I'm a very verbal person but suck when I have to write something down. Hope this makes some sort of sense but it was inspired by reading some summaries where it was all 'kikyo died. inuyasha turned to kagome. Everyone was happy'. There was something psychologically wrong with these summaries. I'm typing it out if only to make myself happy.
Feel free to read, and especially to review. Have any plot bunnies for me to try? Drop them on me and see what happens, maybe I'll explode. Who knows. Check my other story/blurb things.