"Teal'C, it's called 'Pyramid.' Did you never see Will & Grace? It's a
game! Don't you want to play?"
Pause
"I will observe, Major Carter."
"You do that, Teal'C. Carter here and I will show you how it's meant to be done!"
"Hey!" (Daniel stands up) "We've been through this. It's you and Teal'C versus me and Sam!"
"Excuse me, Space Monkey, we're showing Teal'C how it's supposed to be done, not how never to do it."
"What?"
"Face it, Danny, Pyramid is not your strong point."
"I'm an archaeologist!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now, Carter." (takes card) "Um… egg yolks… lemons… bananas…"
"Things that are yellow!"
"Yes! Um… ice cream… snow… wormholes…"
"Things that are cold!"
"Yeah! Balls… javelins… tantrums…"
"Things that you throw!"
"Yeah! Um… cream… raw egg whites… come on!"
"Things that you eat?"
"You may eat raw egg whites, Carter, but I don't!"
"I'm sorry, Colonel, but I don't know."
"Ah, come on! Um… meringues… horses… I know…Daniel!"
"Things that are whipped!"
"Yes!" (they exchange high fives, while Daniel looks indignant)
"Um… planets with trees…debriefings… "
"Things that happen every day?"
"No! Um… learning Latin… the Aschen…"
"Things that are boring!"
"Yes! How long was that, Teal'C?"
"That was three minutes and fifty seconds, Colonel O'Neill."
"Ah, yes! We are the champions!"
1 Pause
"Well, aren't we the champions? Space Monkey?"
"Sorry, Jack, Sam and I would have done better."
"Damn you, Daniel! You wouldn't."
"Would."
"Wouldn't."
"Would."
"Wouldn't."
"Would."
"Shut up! I'm sorry, Colonel, but he's right. We would have done better."
"Oh, for crying out loud! No, you wouldn't. In fact, you can try right now."
"All right." (Sam and Daniel exchange glances) "We will. Are you timing us, Teal'C?"
"Indeed I am."
"Right." (takes card) "Books… newspapers… notices…"
"Things that you read!"
"Yes! Um… olives… Athens… most things to Jack…"
"Things that are Greek!"
"Yeah! The Ancients' time machine…"
"Things that don't work!"
"Yes! Zat guns… caffeine…"
"Things we can't do without!"
"Yes! Bottomless pits… traps… love…"
"Things you fall into!"
"Yes! Ra… me…"
"Things and people that were consorts to Hathor! Yes! We win!"
"How long was that, Teal'C?"
"That was two minutes and thirty-three seconds."
"We win! We're better than you, Jack!"
"Hey! No way is there a Pyramid card that says 'Things and people that were consorts to Hathor!'"
"Actually, you're right. It just says 'Things that were consorts to Hathor,' but I'm a person, not a thing, so Sam…"
"Daniel!"
"All right! We made our own cards." (tries not to laugh)
Pause, as Jack tries not to kill them and Teal'C looks thoughtful.
"I have observed this game, and I wish to participate."
"You do? I hope you're good at it, Teal'C, seeing as we have two geniuses on the other team." (Sam and Daniel look smug) "Right. Give me a card." (takes a card)
"I am ready, O'Neill."
"Good! Um… the Tok'ra… the Goa'uld… Bra'tac calling me 'human'… Maybourne… Senator Kinsey… archaeologists… astrophysicists… planets with trees… writing reports… cell phones in Minnesota… playing Pyramid with scientists!"
"I believe you are referring to things that displease you, O'Neill."
"No, Teal'C! Things… that… drive… me… crazy!"
*fin*
Pause
"I will observe, Major Carter."
"You do that, Teal'C. Carter here and I will show you how it's meant to be done!"
"Hey!" (Daniel stands up) "We've been through this. It's you and Teal'C versus me and Sam!"
"Excuse me, Space Monkey, we're showing Teal'C how it's supposed to be done, not how never to do it."
"What?"
"Face it, Danny, Pyramid is not your strong point."
"I'm an archaeologist!"
"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Now, Carter." (takes card) "Um… egg yolks… lemons… bananas…"
"Things that are yellow!"
"Yes! Um… ice cream… snow… wormholes…"
"Things that are cold!"
"Yeah! Balls… javelins… tantrums…"
"Things that you throw!"
"Yeah! Um… cream… raw egg whites… come on!"
"Things that you eat?"
"You may eat raw egg whites, Carter, but I don't!"
"I'm sorry, Colonel, but I don't know."
"Ah, come on! Um… meringues… horses… I know…Daniel!"
"Things that are whipped!"
"Yes!" (they exchange high fives, while Daniel looks indignant)
"Um… planets with trees…debriefings… "
"Things that happen every day?"
"No! Um… learning Latin… the Aschen…"
"Things that are boring!"
"Yes! How long was that, Teal'C?"
"That was three minutes and fifty seconds, Colonel O'Neill."
"Ah, yes! We are the champions!"
1 Pause
"Well, aren't we the champions? Space Monkey?"
"Sorry, Jack, Sam and I would have done better."
"Damn you, Daniel! You wouldn't."
"Would."
"Wouldn't."
"Would."
"Wouldn't."
"Would."
"Shut up! I'm sorry, Colonel, but he's right. We would have done better."
"Oh, for crying out loud! No, you wouldn't. In fact, you can try right now."
"All right." (Sam and Daniel exchange glances) "We will. Are you timing us, Teal'C?"
"Indeed I am."
"Right." (takes card) "Books… newspapers… notices…"
"Things that you read!"
"Yes! Um… olives… Athens… most things to Jack…"
"Things that are Greek!"
"Yeah! The Ancients' time machine…"
"Things that don't work!"
"Yes! Zat guns… caffeine…"
"Things we can't do without!"
"Yes! Bottomless pits… traps… love…"
"Things you fall into!"
"Yes! Ra… me…"
"Things and people that were consorts to Hathor! Yes! We win!"
"How long was that, Teal'C?"
"That was two minutes and thirty-three seconds."
"We win! We're better than you, Jack!"
"Hey! No way is there a Pyramid card that says 'Things and people that were consorts to Hathor!'"
"Actually, you're right. It just says 'Things that were consorts to Hathor,' but I'm a person, not a thing, so Sam…"
"Daniel!"
"All right! We made our own cards." (tries not to laugh)
Pause, as Jack tries not to kill them and Teal'C looks thoughtful.
"I have observed this game, and I wish to participate."
"You do? I hope you're good at it, Teal'C, seeing as we have two geniuses on the other team." (Sam and Daniel look smug) "Right. Give me a card." (takes a card)
"I am ready, O'Neill."
"Good! Um… the Tok'ra… the Goa'uld… Bra'tac calling me 'human'… Maybourne… Senator Kinsey… archaeologists… astrophysicists… planets with trees… writing reports… cell phones in Minnesota… playing Pyramid with scientists!"
"I believe you are referring to things that displease you, O'Neill."
"No, Teal'C! Things… that… drive… me… crazy!"
*fin*