This is my first story, I hope you will enjoy it !

I apologize for any spelling/grammar mistakes.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto.

Chapter 1: I wish I could be someone else

"It's over, Tsuky. You won't go back to the ninja academy anymore, being a ninja is too dangerous. Your father died because of it, I don't want to lose you. If he wasn't able to protect himself, there's no way you'll be able to handle it. The place of a woman is in the house, to take care of her children, not on the battlefield"

"She is right, Tsuky. Girls shouldn't become shinobi, that's too dangerous."

" Besides, you need to concentrate on your painting career. You're talented; do you really want to waste it ? I don't think so."

Her mother's and brother's words echoed through her mind. Alone in her bed, Tsuky turned her head on the pillow, unable to sleep. Why ? Why did her father had to die ? He was the one who let her attend to the academy. In the Nowhara clan, the girls weren't supposed to become Kunoichi. They had to stay at home, learn to run a house and be a good wife. What kind of life is that ?

Now she was all alone, and her dreams to follow her father in the ninja path were completely broken. That's true she liked painting, but she'd rather be a ninja than a painter. And since she was an heiress of the Nowhara clan, most likely that was never going to happen. She was doomed to be a pawn on the political chessboard. That was all. She couldn't do anything.

The eight-year old began to cry. Alone. She was alone. She could never fulfil her dream to protect the village…

Five years later

Tsuky awoke to the sound of her alarm clock. She groaned in annoyance and put her head under the pillow, trying not to listen to the disturbing noise. Someone knocked softly on the door.

"Tsuky-sama, you should wake up. You're going to be late if you lay in bed for too long."

Tsuky sighed. She got out of bed and went to the bathroom to take a short shower. After she was dressed, she headed for the living room, greeted by the servants' voices.

"Good morning, Tsuky-sama"

"Did you sleep well ?"

"Breakfast is in the kitchen"

She didn't bother to answer, since it was the same thing each morning, and they actually never cared for an answer. She could have said she slept horribly, no one would have noticed. Only because she was an heiress of the Nowahra clan, one of the most powerful in all Konoha. No one cared about her well-being, not even her mother. She was just a pawn. Nothing else.

She sighed and rose from her bed, heading toward the bathroom to get ready. As she looked into the mirror, she paused and frowned slightly; her cheeks were wet and her eyes puffy. I have cried again in my sleep, she realised. Her long black hair stuck to her face, her beautiful sea-blue eyes seemed lifeless and desperate; she was paler than usual. It happened often; even though she didn't always remember her dreams, she could always tell what she was dreaming about: her father's death, the day all of her dreams got shattered. She never truly got used not to be a shinobi anymore; her ninjas friends were genin since a few weeks now, and each time she would saw them it would take everything she had not to cry. If only I could join them… She sighed again as she brushed her hair and washed her face. It's going to haunt me until tonight. I can already tell today's gonna be a long day…

She went down and sat at the big, long wooden-table which could easily welcome a hundred people. She raised a brow at the empty spot where her mother would sat; usually she would give her the boring speech about 'The clan's reputation' and 'How being a skilled painter would benefit the clan' and such. She knew it almost by heart, as she heard it almost every morning, and was pretty tired of hearing it. The clan, the clan, the clan… What's so great about this stupid clan ? Why should I fight to keep it strong when all it ever gave me is sorrow and shattered dreams..? She would often think, but never say it out loud. Her mother would probably forbid her to leave the house for months if she were to say that. The clan was everything, the clan was absolute. No one is to contest it.

However, this morning, her mother wasn't there; she somewhat felt relieved. She wouldn't have to face her cold eyes and demeanor. Slight hope rose into her; was she away ? For how much time ? Before she could voice her thoughts, a maid's voice answered her:

"Your mother said she would be out for a week; she has important meetings"

She nodded quietly, keeping her emotionless face, but inside she was beaming. Two months ! Which means…I'll be able to train ! She won't be there to keep an eye on me ! Yess ! And I thought it was a bad day…

She ate her breakfast quickly and walked to the school, her mood high for the first time in months. Every time her mother was not around, she could train on her own, secretly. She wasn't progressing really fast, but it was still better than nothing. She liked painting, but training was something much funnier, even though she knew without sensei she wouldn't become a skilled ninja. What she truly wanted was to help her ninja friends protect Konoha. Even if that was dangerous. She liked painting but she knew she wouldn't be able to bear the dullness of this life. She knew her mother would never let her become a kunoichi; she had tried several times in the past to make her comply with her wishes, in vain. So she was training in secret. She had attended a few ninja classes and had the basics, like using chakra and hand signs. But that was all.

She sighed as she walked down the street. Some people smiled at her, and she smiled back. A fake smile. She wasn't happy, and couldn't possibly ever be, at least not without leaving the village and her friends she loved so much. She wouldn't be able to. A loud greeting snapped her out of her thoughts as a bright, grinning blond-haired boy came running toward her.

"Tsuky-chan ! Good morning !"

"Good morning, Naruto-kun. What makes you so excited so early ?"

She had known him in the little time she had spent in the academy, and they had made good friends, along with the others, except Sakura and Ino, because Sasuke was kind to Tsuky, and not to them. She wasn't a fangirl.

"We've finally got a C-ranked mission ! We're to escort a guy to the land of waves !" Naruto said with happiness written all over his face.

"I'm pretty sure you begged the Hokkage for it…" Tsuky smiled.

"Hehehe you're right ! And I'll be better than Sasuke-Teme ! Believe it !" He grinned.

"You'll never beat Sasuke-kun ! Get over it already !" Said a familiar pink-haired girl, punching his head.

"Ow ! That hurts, Sakura-chan !" He screamed in pain.

"You deserved it !" Sakura snarled.

"I didn't !"

"You did !"

"Did not !"

"Did !"

"Did not !"

Sakura began chasing after him, while Kakashi was reading his perverted book. Tsuky watched them quietly, wishing she could, too, be on a team, go on missions and have gentle fights with them.

"Yo, Tsuky, Kakashi said, waving at her. How's school ?"

He had been on the same genin team as her father, and had often came to watch after her while her father was on missions. She gave him a small smile.

"It's fine, thank you, Kakashi-san. I wish I could train with you, though"

Kakashi smiled sadly behind his mask.

"I'm sorry, Tsuky. I know how important it is for you, yet I can't do anything"

"Don't worry. I'm fine"

She didn't try to fake happiness; Kakashi could always see through her lies. He nodded softly, and turned to watch his two fighting students (It was more like Naruto was getting completely beaten up by a very pissed Sakura, though).

She lowered her gaze to the ground, her bangs covering her face as a single tear roll down her cheek. She needed to leave. Or else she would break down in front of them, and that was the last thing she wanted to happen.

"I have to go, or I'll be late for school" She whispered softly, her back to them so that they wouldn't see her crying.

"Yeah ! See you after we come back !"Naruto beamed.

"Take care of yourself, Tsuky, and don't do anything reckless." Kakashi patted her head.

"See you." Sasuke said, already walking away.

As they disappeared, Tsuky started walking again, letting her tears fall freely. She looked up to the sky with desperate eyes. Why…? Why is fate so cruel ? Why did father have to die…? Why am I denied happiness...?

she thought, as she entered her class and started to work. Her face was dry by the time she had entered the class. She waved at a few classmates and went to her desk, right before their teacher came in. As he began the lesson, Tsuky shut all of her feelings deep inside her heart, knowing no one would ever truly understand.

Hours later

School was finally over; Tsuky sighed in relief as she gathered her belongings. She wasn't half proud of her work; they had to draw a snowy landscape, and hers was definitely the best, the teacher had praised her. In a few years she'd be able to live from her paintings, and leave the house of the Nowhara clan; then she'd be free. But I would still not be a Kunoichi.

She shrugged it off; now was not the time to be depressed. She forced herself to walk 'home' in order to take the few kunais and shurikens she kept from when she was at the academy. Then she would train.

She smiled at the thought of training, and pushed her dark future in the back of her mind. She won't let her few moments of happiness be destroyed by the thought of her sad future. She opened the door of her home, and went straight to her room, ignoring the greetings of the maids. She muttered a quick 'don't disturb me' and locked her door. She put her pencils and drawings down and retrieved her weapons from under the bed. She suddenly froze as someone knocked at her door; panicked, she throw them back into place before opening the door to see…her brother. What the hell is he doing here !?

"What are you doing here ?"

"Mother asked me to watch after you for the week of her absence."

"I do not need a baby-sitter !" She growled.

"I know. I will merely make sure you don't do anything bringing shame to the clan. We worked hard enough, I don't want everything to go to waste because a pathetic little girl do not wish to follow the rules."

Tsuky bit her lips, knowing perfectly well what he meant. Two years after her father's death, she had talked back to her and screamed in public that she didn't care about the clan and wanted to be a ninja. She had openly defied her mother's authority and there had been fleers about the Head of the clan being contested by a ten-year old; she had created quite a fuss. Ever since, the clan's power had been questioned, and they had somewhat lost a bit of their prestige. Now, the other clan's members disliked her because she was rebellious, and had ruined years of hard work.

She avoided his eyes; he still resented her.

"I know, she whispered softly. I won't do anything."

"I'm not speaking of this incident four years ago. I'm speaking of what you're doing behind everyone's back."

Her eyes widened slightly, but she quickly recomposed herself.

"What are you talking about ?"

"Your secret 'training'. I know you do train in secret, Tsuky. I won't tell Mother, but you have to stop it. Otherwise I will tell her. I won't let you disrespect the clan again." He snarled.

"Stay there and work on your paintings; I'll come to check on you soon." He uttered icily, leaving her alone.

As she locked the door again, she felt her tears flow again; even her own brother didn't care for her. He just ruined the moment of happiness she had been looking forward to the whole day.

She felt a familiar pang in her chest: her dream got shattered again. She lay on her bed, crying quietly. She wasn't going anywhere tonight and wouldn't be able to ever again. She knew training secretly wouldn't take her anywhere, but these trainings were the only times she could forget who she was, and act as if she was a genin who would one day fight to protect the village. Even if she knew that was never going to happen; most likely she would get married at 18, leave the main house and be a kind, quiet and obedient wife, painting on her free time and giving heirs to the clan. What a pitiful life.

She tried to imagine herself, living with her husband (who she would probably not love), seeing her friends leaving on missions, maybe dying, and then coming at their funerals; she would see them die one after the other while she would stay safely at her home.

She clenched her fists. No. I can't accept such a life !

Her will grow silently. I won't let the clan decide what my future shall be ! Even if it means I'll have to leave the village in order to be free… Can I really do it ? Can I really leave my friends behind ? Yeah. Once I turn eighteen, I'll leave, find someone who can teach me and when I'm strong enough, I'll come back and confront the clan. But until then, I have to make them think my will to fight is broken, and obey their orders.

She dried her tears and went to sleep. Tomorrow is the day my new life starts. But still, it would be damn easier if I were someone else…