How We Screwed Up Hogwarts
Philosopher's Stone
Chapter 1: "Big and Tall and some geek"
The night was silent, nothing could be heard but the sound of a small engine of a moped that seems to have the ability to fly. After the flying moped had landed, a very tall and big man with a huge beard stepped off. He clomped up to the door of a house and almost broke it off its hinges trying to knock. When he finished physically assaulting the door a voice could be heard from inside.
"HOLD YOUR ASS!!!!!"
After that comment a short skinny kid opened the door. He had short brown hair and was wearing black jeans with a Marilyn Manson T-Shirt. He then spoke out in an ominous tone.
"HOLY COCK BAG! Your a big mother fucker aren't you?"
He then turned around to get the attention of someone else in the house. As he did, the big man saw the words on the back of his shirt. The words were: "Babble, babble, bitch, bitch, rebel, rebel, party, party, sex, sex, sex, and don't forget the violence." He was a little confused as to why a kid would have that sort of language on his attire but dismissed the thought.
"YO HOPPER!!! I think your real dad is here!!"
A voice came from the basement.
"Mitch, you know I was born into this world from the darkness!"
"Yeah, I know, but if you did have a father than this guy would definitely be it!"
After he said that another kid ran up the stairs. He was a tall and big (But not as tall and big as This mysterious stranger) kid with messy black hair and wore a blue hoody with green Khaki pants and a pair of glasses. The kid looked up with a surprised look on his face when he saw the man.
"Sweet Jesus! you're right!"
The man couldn't take any more of this bickering as he was on a tight scheduel so he decided to cut them off. "Look," said the man in a heavy british accent. "I'm looking for a lad named Harry Potter, They said he lived here." The two kids looked at him weird and Hopper (What the tall one is referred to) started to think aloud. "Jerry Cotter, no never heard of him."
"No, his name is..."
"Carrie Plotter?" Interrupted Mitch (The Skinny, short one)
"No..."
"Perry Hotter?"
"Noooo..."
"Mary Snotter?"
"No!"
"Larry Totter?"
"NO!"
"Harry Twatter"
"NO!!!"
"George Lucas?"
"NO!! FOR GOD SAKES! NO! HARRY POTTER! HIS NAME IS HARRY POTTER!!"
"Hmmmm..." Mitch Thought aloud. "Harry Potter, No never heard of a Harry Potter."
"Unless," Hopper cut in, "You check next door. The nieghbors keep moving out for some reason so he could be there." After that response the man felt relieved to be 4able to leave. "Thank you very much, boys." He said as he turned to leave. "Oh by the way, my names Hagrid." The two were confused about his sudden out in the open attitude. "Yeah, I don't really care," Said Hopper as he slammed the door shut.
Hopper started to walk downstairs so he could continue what he was doing. But Mitch stopped him. "Yo, don't you want to check out what "Big and Tall" want with that Twatter guy?"
"No, not really." Hopper said as he walked downstairs. "I want to kill Sigfreid on Soul
Calibur 3, He's a dick!" Mitch, who was still curious as to what the hell Hagrid wanted with the kid, tried to peek Hoppers interest into going. "Maybe Hagrid has some sort of grudge on this Harry kid and wants to get his revenge by killing his whole family in front of his eyes before he kills the kid in a slow and painful death with his bare hands making him suffer to the fullest extent." After what Mitch had said, Hopper took it into consideration and sighed. "Alright, We can go see." So Mitch and Hopper quietly snuck over to the neighbor's house to check what Hagrid was doing. When they got to the door they looked through the windows but they were barred. "Shit!" Said Hopper "Why did they have to put bars on the windows! Now we can't eve's drop!" "Well maybe they don't want any moltov cocktails being thrown into their living room." Mitch said as she shot a glare at Hopper. "Hey! I was bored!" Hopper retaliated. That was a good enough response for Mitch so they decided to knock on the door. When they did the door collapsed onto the floor. They looked in and saw Hagrid bending a shotgun held by some old pompas ass. "Yo, Hagrid! That was kickass!" yeld Mitch "Kickass?" Said the ass "KICKASS! Are you crazy?!" "Yeah!!" Hopper agreed "What's wrong with you Mitch?!" I mean that shotgun did nothing to "Big and Tall" what he could of done was bend the Lardfest over there instead!" "You're right!" Repented Mitch "Please forgive me oh great 22!" Completely disregarding the sensless conversation, Hagrid continued what he was sent here to do. "Anyways," He began" I'm 'ere to take Harry Potter to Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry wether you like it or not!" Then he stepped over the door and walked out along with a skinny little geeky kid who they assumed was Harry. He was followed by Mitch and Hopper who got out just in time to see Hagrid and Harry get on the flying moped and leave.
"Hey Hopper?"
"What?"
"We should go with them!"
"What!?"
"We should go to Hogwarts!"
"What?!!?"
"I mean, there's nothing here we can do so lets learn magic!"
WHAT?!!"
"Oh, Come on, Hopper it'll be fun!"
"No I'm serious that shitty Moped makes a lot of noise! WHAT!??!"
"Oh, Lets go to Hogwarts and lern magic!!"
"Yeah! That's a great idea Mitch! but how are we going to get there? We need one of those flying Mopeds to get there!"
At that moment, Hopper's "Father" comes out looking really frustrated. " Stupid car dealership! I asked for a flying Chevy Moped! Not a Flying Ford Moped" He then takes it to the side of the road for the garbage people to take. "Wow!" said Mitch "Yeah!" said Hopper "My "dad" doing something to help me to accomplish something I want do." Shivers went down both of their spines. It suddenly got cold and dark around them.
Chapt. 1 End