You May Kiss the Bride

By Underlined Twice

"Severus, do you take this woman to be your wife?"

"I suppose I must."

"And Hermione, do you take this man to be your husband?"

"If he insists."

"No one's forcing you to do anything, you silly bint."

"You're the one who got me all confused then shoved a ring in my face!"

"So now you're going to plead stupidity? How incredibly mature. Not even Potter could back you up on that one."

"Hey, Professor? Don't bring me into this."

"I never made you propose, you know. I didn't even want to get married. Ever."

"That's not what you were saying last night."

"Considering what you said last night, I suppose you wouldn't mind if I went and snogged Harry!"

"You made promises and I'm keeping you to them."

"Oh, come now, sweetheart. Don't pretend that you've never lied before."

"Lies, were they? Then I suppose you had better go molest Potter."

"You are the most insufferable man I have ever had the misfortune of knowing!"

"I try."

"Um…Hermione? Severus?"

"What?"

"You have to answer the question properly."

"What question?"

"Do you want to marry him?"

"Fine! I bloody well do!"

"Severus?"

"Very well, then. After all, the ring is not returnable."

"Then I pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss the bride."

"Oh, no, he may not! He will be sleeping on the couch for the next few years."

"In my own home? I think not."

"Psst! Harry! Are they always like this?"

"Pretty much. I've gotten used to it, even with the threats of molestation."

"Why don't they just kiss and get it over with?"

"Pride. Amusement. I think they're having fun."

"That's sick. Oi! Mione! Just kiss him already!"

"I would appreciate it, Mr. Weasley, if you kept your comments to yourself and—"

"…You know, Harry, I'm starting to wish I hadn't told her to do that."

"Oh look, Ron, they're coming back up for air."

"Miss Granger, I believe that was highly inappropri—"

"Shut up, Severus. It's Mrs. Snape now."

"You do realize I will be forced to punish you."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Should we be hearing this?"

"What you shouldn't be doing is commenting, Mr. Potter. Silencio."

"You, Severus, are unbelievable."

Author's Note: I wrote this a while ago for Ashwinder (didn't get in since the "unbelievable" challenge was closed) and just came across it now. My first shot at Severus/Hermione and dialogue-only.

Reviews are always welcome. Nudge nudge wink wink, say no more, ad nauseaum.