Okay, so clearly I have an issue with starting stories and not being able to finish them in a timely fashion (or at all), lol. I'm trying to work on this problem, but for now I need to go with the flow and write what comes naturally to me without forcing it, so here is another new story. :)

This fic takes place in season 20 and will not be very long; likely only another chapter or two. Kim doesn't live with Amanda anymore.

I'm halfway through chapter 2 of "Happy Birthday, Olivia" and haven't started the second chapter of "Turbulence" yet (although that story isn't getting much interest, anyway). I've gotten a few requests to continue with "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun" and I will try to get it finished as soon as I can. My goal is to eventually complete every single story that I've started but I have no idea how long that will take (although I think it's safe to say that they won't be completed within a short span of time, lol).

Thanks so much to those of you who are still reading my fics after all this time; I really and truly appreciate it! :)

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Amanda is so used to her life being a certain way that at first she doesn't notice what is different.

The daily routine of getting Jesse up and dressed and preparing her breakfast before freshening up Frannie's food and water dishes in time for the baby-sitter/dog-walker to arrive is so ingrained into her body and brain that she finds herself going through the motions without giving them much thought most of the time. After getting her family members ready for the day and ensuring that both her daughter and pet are happy and healthy and will be okay for hours on end without her there, Amanda rushes into the precinct in preparation for another grueling shift with the worst that society has to offer and the victims they leave in their wake after the heinous offenses that are committed.

When it finally occurs to her that something isn't quite right; that in all the hustle and bustle of being a single mother and a cop and giving every ounce of passion and energy that she possesses to other people, Amanda is terrified and ashamed and chastises herself for not being the astute detective she has always been proud to be. When she begins to notice another presence in her life, a shadow that lingers on the periphery more often that not, a person who definitely doesn't belong there, she wonders how long it has been going on and why she has been too wrapped up in the usual chaos to realize that someone is following her.

Before life became so complicated; before she was a parent and the hours at work were longer and more demanding, before she had killed an innocent woman in the line of duty and dated a man who cheated on her with prostitutes, before she had begun developing such deep and confusing feelings for a woman who is her boss and should be strictly out of bounds, Amanda is sure she would have noticed that something was amiss. Not entirely convinced that it isn't just her exhausted mind jumping to conclusions, she has mentally run through a long list of people that might have a beef with her and come to the conclusion that unnerving her in the form of stalking would be a suitable revenge for whatever transgression they think she has perpetrated.

It is late Friday night after another long week at the Special Victims Unit and instead of relaxing on the couch with a bottle of beer and a cheesy reality TV show, Amanda finds herself pacing in front of the window in her bedroom, Jesse snoring softly under the covers on the queen-size mattress and Frannie sitting silent and alert at the door. The canine's ears are perked as if she is on alert for danger, Amanda throwing her dog a grateful glance before peering cautiously from behind the curtains and watching the unending flow of cars and pedestrians traveling by her building at top speed, as if everyone has somewhere very important to be when it's nearly midnight.

There is an odd feeling churning in the pit of her stomach, like she can't quite trust her instincts right now; convinced that something is wrong while at the same time doubting herself for thinking that someone might actually be out there in the darkness just watching and waiting for her. Amanda has not been feeling well lately, either physically or emotionally, all of the stress of her personal life combined with the insanity of her job slowly chipping away at her ability to get adequate rest and eat a proper diet and exercise regularly, and she wonders if her mind is playing tricks on her when she sees a shadow slink along the brick wall of the restaurant across the street.

She bites down hard on her lower lip, worrying the skin between her front teeth as she picks up her phone and scrolls carefully through the numbers, the names of family members and co-workers sliding by on the screen as she debates exactly what to do next. Her thumb stops on Olivia Benson and hovers there in mid-air for a moment, wondering if her lieutenant has gone to bed or is perhaps still awake and watching a movie while drinking a glass of wine and trying to wind down from their hectic week.

The last several days have been very tense in the squad room as they've dealt with a high-profile case involving children and the team had spent more time snapping at each other instead of getting along. Things between herself and Olivia have seemed particularly strained lately, and Amanda is overcome with a wave of sorrow and longing as she stares down at the older woman's number, wanting the brunette to assure her that nothing is wrong and she is just imagining things due to the immense amount of stress that she has been under.

The friendship she has developed with Olivia over the past several years of working together has been one of intense highs and lows, depending on what is going on at work and in their personal lives, their strong personalities still clashing quite frequently despite becoming much closer with one another. Amanda has to admit that the feelings she has for her lieutenant have always been intense, though, never actually able to pinpoint what it is that she wants with Olivia; a relationship of mere colleagues, a best friendship, or something that goes well beyond either of those options.

She finds herself swinging back and forth on an almost daily basis in terms of her desires, flying from one spectrum to the other as she contemplates what exactly she sees in her future; a platonic relationship that never strays beyond that of work hours and the occasional playdate with their children, or one that goes so far as to actually blend their two families and become one. There are definite romantic feelings that linger below the surface of all the other complicated emotions she feels for Olivia, and maybe even something that can be classified as love, but the craziness of her life in general mixed in with the fact that she and Olivia still don't get along half the time, even after all these years, often gives Amanda pause when she dares to think about what the future might hold.

Now, though, as she stands there stock-still in front of her bedroom window while her daughter slumbers behind her, palms slicked with sweat and heart hammering in her chest as her gaze fixes on that restaurant across the street and the part of the building that looks darker than the rest, as if someone is lingering there in the shadows, she only wants Olivia. Amanda swipes her thumb across the screen after deciding to call instead of text, her heart rate picking up speed as she waits for the older woman to answer and hoping she hasn't woken her up.

"Hello?"

Immediate relief floods through Amanda's system when Olivia's voice sounds concerned but still somewhat energetic and she hears the TV playing softly in the background, glad that her boss is awake enough to have a serious conversation.

"Hey, Liv."

"Amanda, it's midnight. What's going on?" Olivia asks in a low tone, getting right to the point. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't know," Amanda replies honestly, her relief becoming greater just listening to the other woman's voice.

"You don't know?" The concern has switched to confusion now, Amanda listening as Olivia turns the TV off and it grows quiet on her end of the line for a few seconds. "What do you mean, you don't know?"

"I just..." Amanda trails off for a moment, unable to find the right words to explain what's been going on lately; that perhaps nothing out of the ordinary is even happening at all and everything is just fine, other than being severely sleep-deprived and stressed out.

"Take your time and just try to explain it to me," Olivia instructs soothingly and Amanda blinks tiredly in response, the darkness outside pooling in her eyes and seeming to become thicker as she stares intently across the road and tries to spot the shadow again, realizing that she has taken quite a long pause in their short discussion.

"Something is just weird," she finally blurts out, the power of coherent speech briefly failing her as she scrubs one hand across her forehead and glances over at her daughter, Jesse curled into a tight little ball under the blankets and long blonde hair spreading out across the pillowcase. "I don't know if I'm imagining things. Maybe it's not real and I'm just losing my mind because I'm so exhausted."

"What do you mean?" Olivia repeats sternly, and Amanda can detect a faint note of alarm in her tone now. "What do you think you're imagining?"

"That someone is following me."

There is a terse silence from Olivia's end and a slight intake of breath from the older woman before she speaks again, her tone placid and measured and not displaying any previous trace of panic. "Okay, I'm going to give Lucy a call to have her stay overnight with Noah and then I'm coming over."

"What? Liv, no, don't be ridiculous!" Amanda admonishes with a groan, lowering her voice as the conversation turns more heated and a wave of guilt and shame well up inside her chest even while Olivia is doing exactly what she had hoped. "I shouldn't have called you; I'm just feeling a little out of sorts right now. I shouldn't have bothered you on the weekend."

"Amanda, you're not bothering me and you wouldn't have called if it wasn't important. If your instincts are telling you that something isn't right, you should listen to them," Olivia advises in that firm, placid tone, like she is trying to make Amanda aware of the importance of the situation while also keeping things calm. "You're alone with your little girl and I would feel more comfortable if someone was there with you right now, since you're not feeling entirely safe."

"Olivia, I've been a cop for a long time now," Amanda grouses indignantly as she strides from her bedroom and into the kitchen with Frannie trotting at her heels, not wanting to wake Jesse up if she is going to engage in a loud argument with her superior. "I think I know how to handle myself and my family. And Frannie hasn't left my side since I got home. She's a good guard dog; not that I need anyone to guard me, though. And there's probably nothing even wrong, anyway."

There is a defensive note in her tone, loathe to have Olivia thinking that she can't take care of herself and her daughter, but at the same time desperate for the company of a woman who makes her feel so secure, like nothing bad can ever happen in her presence. Her conflicting feelings for Olivia are not what's important at the moment, however, and she wipes them determinedly from her mind as she concentrates on what the older woman is saying.

"Amanda, I'm not trying to imply that you're not a good cop and you don't know what you're doing," Olivia answers in a placating way but that undercurrent of sternness still residing there, and Amanda knows that this is an argument she is not going to win; that her boss is going to leave her son with the baby-sitter in the middle of the night so she can make sure her detective isn't scared. "Whether or not you are actually being followed, I just want you to feel safe, okay? We can talk about what's been going on and then I'll stay on the couch to make sure you get a good sleep tonight. I'm worried about you and I'd rather be with you while you're going through this."

The soft statement and admission from a woman who doesn't usually reveal much in the way of her feelings begins to thaw the ice that has built up between them, and Amanda finds herself agreeing to Olivia's plan, although not voicing her urge to sleep on the couch with the other woman while Jesse remains in her bed. She chides herself vehemently for once again allowing her thoughts to stray in that direction; the simultaneous wish to push Olivia away while needing the brunette with a desperation that frightens her, and the overwhelming fear she has for Jesse's physical safety threatening to drown her.

After they say their goodbyes and Olivia promises to arrive as quickly as she can, Amanda takes up her former position at her bedroom window, Jesse shifting restlessly on the sheets as Frannie strides in to join her again and Amanda shushing the dog when she lets out a quiet yip. Her thoughts are in turmoil as she stares out into the black night, eyelids occasionally drooping closed while she waits for Olivia and wonders if she is truly losing her mind; that all the sleepless nights and horrific cases and terrible events in her personal life have finally caught up with her and she is becoming unraveled at the seams.

Amanda's elbow is propped up on the windowsill and her chin is resting in her hand, eyelids closed and her brain beginning to wander into dreamland when she hears a soft knock at the door and straightens up, completely startled by a sound that she has been fully expecting. She hurries toward the door to let Olivia inside, making sure that it is indeed her lieutenant standing out in the hallway first, Amanda feeling a gentle brush against her arm as Olivia walks into the apartment with a purse and an overnight bag slung over her shoulder.

"Hey, I got here as fast as I could," the brunette explains as she sets her belongings on the couch and runs a hand through her windblown hair. "How's it going? Are you doing okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, Liv. Thanks for coming," Amanda murmurs in response, feeling that same swell of relief that she had felt upon hearing Olivia's voice on the phone. "Everything's been very quiet. Jesse is sound asleep in my room because she kept begging to sleep in the big bed tonight, and Frannie is still glued to my side."

She gestures at the dog, Frannie's whole body quivering with excitement as she gazes up at Olivia with curiosity and a furry tail thumps rhythmically against the floor, a smile pulling at Amanda's lips when the other woman reaches down to give the canine a pat on the head and a scratch behind the ears. She is disconcerted to find tears suddenly pricking at her eyes as she watches the interplay between Olivia and Frannie, her boss obviously very fond of the animal and Frannie showing her plenty of affection in return as she inclines her head to vigorously lick Olivia's palm, the tinkling of the brunette's laughter filling the living room.

There is something about having this woman in her home in the wee hours of the morning, Olivia dressed in cozy, casual clothing and dropping absolutely everything in order to hurry over here to comfort her and make sure that she and Jesse are safe, that has Amanda dangerously close to crying. She blinks rapidly in an effort to rid herself of the offending liquid, not wanting to look any more inept than she likely already does in front of her superior, swiping an arm quickly over her eyes and pointing to the purse and bag that are sitting on the couch.

"So do you want me to help you get set up for the night? I can put some sheets and blankets on the cushions so you're a little more comfortable while you sleep."

Amanda notices that Olivia is regarding her very closely now, her attention straying away from Frannie who appears to be pleading for another head rub, the older woman taking a step toward her and laying a tender hand on her arm. "Don't worry about that right now, okay? Why don't you tell me what's been going on? Why do you think you're being followed?"

"It's nothing specific," Amanda says with a shrug, feeling foolish now that she is ensconced in her brightly lit living room with Olivia and Frannie by her side and Jesse snoozing peacefully nearby. "It's just an odd sort of sensation, like someone is there a lot but not all the time. It comes and goes. You know how sometimes there's a shadow in your peripheral vision but when you turn to look, it's gone?"

At Olivia's nod, a frown marring her tanned features, Amanda gives another shrug and continues in an offhanded manner, as if the situation is not really that big of a deal. "Well, it's like that. I swear, at times there is someone creeping behind me or hiding around the corner or standing across the street from my building, but I can never seem tell if it's my brain playing tricks on me or if someone is actually there. Nothing else is happening, like threatening phone calls or texts or someone calling and hanging up or random knocks on the door. I just don't know what to think at this point."

"How long has this been going on?" Olivia asks softly, long fingers closing around Amanda's wrist and the taller woman pulling her down onto the couch so they are sitting side by side, squished together onto one half while Olivia's belongings take up the other half.

"That's the thing; I don't really know," Amanda replies in a hushed, regretful tone, thinking of all the times she has just gone through the motions without truly paying attention to her surroundings and realizing just how much she has slipped over the past while and how much she has changed; that she has become too busy and fatigued and complacent while fervently wishing for certain things in her life to change but not doing anything about them.

A tear slips down her cheek before she can stop it as she ponders the possibility of putting Jesse's well-being at risk because she has let both the mundane and the traumatic aspects of her life rise up and consume her, enveloped in the daily grind and not paying attention to many things outside of her little bubble of work and family. At the same time, there is that persistent nagging thought that nothing is truly wrong and she is simply in need of a vacation; a break from the somewhat chaotic way that she lives her life and all of the torment she has been through both personally and professionally over the course of the past several years.

"I just want my child to be safe," Amanda gasps out around the sudden lump that has risen in her throat, a shiver running down her spine when Olivia reaches up to caress her damp cheek with a smooth hand that lingers there.

"She is safe, Amanda," the older woman assures her with a quiet fierceness, Amanda feeling herself calming down bit by bit as Olivia's soft fingertips stroke back and forth across her cheekbone. "We're both here with her and we're going to get to the bottom of things, I promise. But what you need the most right now is a good night's sleep. You look absolutely exhausted. We don't really have much to go on right now other than your suspicion that something isn't right but we can start looking into some things; just do a little investigating on our own for the time being."

"I don't care what happens to me as long as Jesse is okay," Amanda whispers as she stares imploringly at Olivia, those deep brown eyes gazing steadily at her with compassion and concern.

"I care what happens to you," Olivia whispers back as their eyes remain locked on one another, the older woman's hand sliding down to Amanda's arm and resting there like they are used to touching each other in this casual, tender way. "You're very important to me."

"Maybe this whole thing is my fault," Amanda continues in a choked tone, her heart warming with Olivia's surprising words but unable to let go of the guilt that her daughter might come to some sort of harm because of her, and choosing not to respond to the confession. "Maybe I've been neglecting Jesse's safety because I'm so busy with everything else and I've ended up putting her at risk."

"Amanda, you are an incredible mother to that little girl and she is very lucky to have you," Olivia replies firmly, her hold around Amanda's arm tightening as those penetrating dark orbs bore into her own watery blue ones. "If something is actually happening here that you need to be worried about, it's not your fault. We're going to get things figured out, okay? And Jesse will be just fine."

She nods gratefully and shifts closer to Olivia on the couch, blowing out a breath and opening her mouth to answer when the room suddenly explodes with sound, Amanda rearing back from the taller form in shock and leaping to her feet, her heart hammering wildly as she starts sprinting toward her bedroom. She has no idea what has just happened; the only thought in her head to get to her daughter when she feels Olivia's hand on her arm again, the brunette directing her attention toward the window behind the couch and Amanda whirling around in confusion.

"I think someone just threw a rock and it hit the glass," Olivia says calmly, Amanda frowning in perplexity as the noise had sounded much louder than just a stone being tossed against her window. "There were a group of teenagers goofing around out there when I got here. I heard one of them say how long it was taking for his father to pick them up, so I think they're waiting for him."

"Well, they shouldn't be throwing rocks at my apartment just because they're bored," Amanda snaps as she lunges toward the glass and throws the window open, gazing down at the darkened street and spotting the group of young people that Olivia had mentioned. "We should arrest the little shits for disturbing my peace and quiet when I feel like I'm about to explode from stress."

"Amanda, we're not going to do that," Olivia admonishes as they kneel side by side on the cushions and watch as a car pulls up to the curb, a middle-aged bearded man getting out of the driver's seat and apologizing as the teenagers pile into the vehicle, their voices rising into the air and one of them chastising his dad for being so late. "We have more important things to concentrate on besides some annoying kids who are about to leave the area."

Amanda makes eye contact with one of the teenage boys as he gets into the vehicle, shaking her head and gritting her teeth as he presents his middle finger and sticks his tongue out before tossing a handful of pebbles at the building and promptly getting yelled at by the adult of the group. They pull away from the curb and join the traffic as she hears someone on a lower floor shouting out the window, and figures her neighbors have been subjected to the rock-throwing as well, rolling her eyes as relief pierces through the panic and her heart rate begins to slow.

"Come on, Amanda, let's get settled down for the night," Olivia suggests softly, Amanda feeling the older woman's hand rubbing up and down her back and trailing through the ends of her long hair, so thankful for her lieutenant's presence in her home and relishing in her comforting touch.

"Yeah, okay, I need to calm down a bit," she agrees tiredly, dragging her gaze away from the street and preparing to turn around and sit back down on the couch with Olivia when her eyes land on the same shadowy form she had seen at the restaurant across the road earlier.

This time the shadow detatches itself from the building and strides swiftly around the corner, the distinct figure of a man passing underneath a streetlight too quickly for Amanda to make out any of his features before he disappears into the night.

Her heart is in her throat as she glances over at Olivia, the older woman's attention momentarily diverted as she pulls a pair of pajamas out of her bag, Amanda swallowing hard and wondering yet again if she is going crazy or if someone is truly stalking her.