Just Joking, Seriously – a Legion of Superheroes April Fools Fanfic.
Summary: Cartoonverse. April Fools event. "Superman explains an old tradition called "April Fools Day" to his fellow Legionnaires. The results are disasterous."
Author's Note: Happy April Fool's day, everyone. This was a project written recently, just to get myself writing again. I know I have other things I should be working on, but this is too much fun. Forgive any spelling mistakes or roughness around the edges; it's hot off the press, bearly finished in time to post on the 1st. Reviews welcomed, crits encouraged.
Dedicated to all my friends who hang out in the Legion 'About Us' Forum – this story is written for you.
7 pages long in WORD.
Just Joking, Seriously
"Just to be clear—you guys don't celebrate April Fools Day anymore, right?"
Judging by the looks his fellow Legionnaires gave him, Superman guessed his assumption was correct. Kell-El, Phantom Girl, and Duo Damsel, who were sitting around the kitchen table eating breakfast, were staring at him.
Duo Damsel looked up from her breakfast, head tilted to the side. "What's April Fools Day?" she asked.
"Oh, nothing. Never mind," Superman answered, turning to get his own breakfast. He pressed some buttons on one of the devices in the kitchen; the machine immediately shucked out a plate of hot, steaming food. Ah, the tech in the year 3000 made little things like Breakfast so much easier.
"Aw come on, don't be like that," she said, bidding Superman to give an answer. Instead, the man of steel just went to get some juice from the machine that dispensed drinks; he didn't want to be the one responsible for sowing the seeds to the Legion's first April Fools Day, which is what would happen if he explained the tradition.
Realizing Superman wasn't going to answer, Duo Damsel turned to her friend. "Bouncing Boy, what's April Fools Day?" she asked.
The pudgy superhero downed a glass of orange juice and set it on the table. "Don't know," he answered, which was unusual. Bouncing Boy was a big History junkie, who liked to watch old 2D movies and visit museums in his spare time. Whenever Superman mentioned something odd from his own time in the 2000's, BB was always the one to translate the information for the rest of the team.
"What do you mean you don't know?"
"I just don't," Bouncing Boy said. "I don't know everything. Ask Brainiac 5. Or Shrinking Violet," he told her.
As if on cue, a group of Legionnaires walked through the door. Brainiac 5 was among them. "Brainy," said Duo Damsel, "What's April Fool's day?"
The Coluan boy just blinked his purple eyes at her, confused. "Come again?" he said.
"Superman asked if we celebrate April Fools Day, but won't tell us what it is."
Lightning Lad, approaching the breakfast-machine, tapped at the buttons and shrugged. "Then ask Superman." He suggested.
"That would make more sense," Saturn Girl agreed.
"Or you could just read his mind?" Duo Damsel said to Saturn Girl hopefully. The blonde girl scowled back at her.
"You know she doesn't like reading minds," Cosmic Boy, the team leader, reminded Duo Damsel. He offered Saturn Girl a strip of bacon from his plate—her favorite. She smiled and accepted the treat.
"It's very curious that you would withhold information," Brainiac 5 said directly to his idol Superman.
"Knowledge can be dangerous," said Superman sagely as he sat down with his juice and food.
"…Uh huh." Brainiac 5 eyed the man of Steel suspiciously. "That typically only complies for forbidden secrets or in national security issues. I highly doubt that whatever you're talking about can be so devastating—especially not with a name like 'April Fools'."
Superman just shrugged, wordlessly eating a spoonful of scrambled eggs.
Everyone's eyes turned expectantly on Brainiac 5. With a sigh, the Coluan teen pressed a finger to his forehead, accessing his computer databanks remotely. His purple eyes dilated for a moment as he scanned. Everyone else sat down at the breakfast table, curiously watching Brainy as they ate, waiting for an explanation on whatever Superman was talking about.
Finally, there was a soft ping noise, and Brainiac frowned. "You've got to be kidding me." He muttered.
Several of the superheroes stopped. "What? What is it?" Cosmic boy asked, putting down his fork.
Brainiac 5 instead turned to give Superman a disbelieving stare. "You guys have an entire holiday based around hoaxes and practical jokes?" he asked.
Everyone stopped. Lightning Lad looked at Superman. "A Holiday based around pranks?" he repeated. He frowned thoughtfully.
At the moment, no one noticed it. Instead, the Legion's leader rolled his eyes. "That's the most absurd thing I've ever heard," said Cosmic boy.
Superman just shrugged. "It's a day to have fun," he explained. "Once a year, people are allowed to be creative and set up pranks for their friends and family. Big corporations make false announcements, movie stars start wild rumors as hoaxes, newspapers run fake stories." He absently ran a finger around the top of his orange juice glass. "I remember going cow tipping one year, putting fake spiders in Aunt May's casserole… Oh, and writing that Luxurious Lex Luthor article for the Daily Planet. That was fun."
"Luxurious Lex Luthor…?"
"An article about a wealthy multi-billionaire. We said that, now that Lex had reached the 30 billion mark with his fortunes, he planned to give back to the city by sponsoring a complete makeover, with moving walkways, automated crystal fountains, self-cleaning garbage bins, and bullet-train subways. And that he'd be giving away 100 dollars to anyone who called one of his agencies in the next 24 hours." Superman chuckled. "I think we broke the poor guy's phone service."
"Well, that's all well and good," said Cosmic Boy, as Saturn Girl and Bouncing Boy chuckled. "But if you can't trust any news, and if everyone's encouraged to prank one another, that sounds like it could produce real anarchy."
"That's why I didn't want to say anything," Superman shrugged. "April Fools day can be fun, but people can go overboard too. If the holiday's not practiced anymore, then it's best not to bring it up."
"It sounds like an illogical holiday that has been thankfully erased by the passage of time." Brainiac 5 muttered, standing up and going into the kitchen to mess with some of the machines.
Phantom Girl looked over Lightning Lad's shoulder and smiled at Timber Wolf, who had walked in about mid-conversation and was busy cooking as the group talked. "I think it sounds interesting," said Phantom Girl, taking a sip of her coffee. "What do you think, Timberwolf?"
Timberwolf just grunted, busy with his cooking. He didn't use the kitchen's machines to cook, instead preferred to do it himself. He didn't once look up. "Sounds stupid," he said.
"I don't know, it sounds like it would've been fun," Duo Damsel admitted.
Bouncing Boy nodded, finishing off his breakfast. "I agree. Some of the old traditions are so quirky," he commented. Superman assumed it was a compliment.
"Well, have it your way," Saturn Girl said, also finishing off her scant breakfast. She stood to take the dishes back into the kitchen. "but I prefer not being pranked every day."
"Oh no," Superman corrected her. "It's only for one day a year. April 1st. Tomorrow. That's why I asked."
"Still," Saturn Girl said, eyes flickering over her group to eye some of the more mischevious members. She could imagine getting pranked once or twice by the lot of them—that would be an irritating experience. Her eyes finally came to rest on Lightning Lad, who hadn't said a word the entire conversation. He looked like he was daydreaming. "What do you think about it, Garth?"
Lightning Lad looked up as his civillian name was called. "Think about what?" he asked.
Assuming he had spaced off the entire conversation, Saturn Girl shrugged. "Nothing, nothing."
As the rest of the superheroes stood up, finished with their breakfasts, Superman cast Lightning Lad a worried look. The guy had gone back into his deep thought, and had an impish gleam in his static-blue eyes; one that screamed mischeif. He could pretty much tell what the redhead was thinking, and dreaded what would come tomorrow.
Because then, the Legionnaires would learn just what Lightning Lad could do. Some of the Legionnaires thought April Fools Day was silly, and some saw it as either a dangerous or an interesting practice.
But Lightning Lad?
He just saw it as an opportunity.
The next morning was April 1st, 3002, and Superman awoke to anarchy.
Wary of April Fools Day pranks, Clark had locked his door the night before. Thanks to this, he didn't have any tampering in his room, but once he walked into the hallway it was another story. Immediately, as his automated door slid open, it got stuck halfway and let out an awful, searingly-loud horn call that made Superman jump, and then slammed closed.
Superman hit the 'open' button. Again, the door slid halfway open, blared a loud siren at him, then zipped shut.
He sighed. Of course.
Using his superstrength let him open the door manually, but there were more dangers beyond. As he walked down the hallway, cape silently swishing behind him, Superman noticed curiously that there was a set of large muddy footprints that started at one end of the hall and ran down its length. The shoe marks started on the floor, but soon they began scaling the walls and walking across the ceiling. It was going to be quite the mess to clean up.
Superman was so busy looking at the ceiling-footprints that he didn't notice the wax floor until his feet slipped from under him. With a loud thud, he landed unceremoniously on his back.
Another Legionnaire fell victim to the wax just as Superman was standing up. Shrinking Violet turned the corner, slipped, flailed about extravagaintly, and landed on her rump.
"Ow, not this too," she murmured.
"What?"
"The training room has wax all over too. Such a mess." She tried to stand up to no avail; she slipped again and fell to her knees. Finally she just used her flight ring to float above the floor. "Why would someone do that?"
"April Fools Day," Superman explained shortly. He motioned ot the walls. "Come on, let's go warn the others.
The small pranks Superman had seen up to this point were just the tip of the iceburg. They found Jo stranded on the rooftop; someone had lured him outside and locked him out, and he'd forgotten his flight ring. Kell-El emerged from his room—his suit had the message 'Pretty Princess' sewn to the back of it with pink thread. Cosmic Boy, in contrast, was wearing jeans and a T shirt.
"Someone sewed all my uniforms together," he explained irritably when they met in the kitchen. "And put a bunch of cups of water on my desk, on top of my paperwork. I'm afraid to move it."
"Impressive." Superman said. He cast a glance over his shoulder. Bouncing boy, whose face was doodled with permanent marker and hands still had reminents of honey smeared all over his sticky fingers, was bent over the breakfast machine to repair it. Apparently, whenever someone tried to order one plate of food, they got another type instead. Kell-El tried unsuccessfully to get orange juice, winding up with green tea instead.
"Aren't you done?" snapped the 41st century superhero. He was getting irritable from the pranks (well, he was usually irritable anyway, but the pranks and lack of food weren't helping.) "I'm starving."
"Well, don't look at me, I can't help you either," Timberwolf muttered. He was busy sorting out their refrigerator; someone had switched out all his spices into the wrong jars and wrapped several layers of saran wrap around all the food. Also, the food he'd already 'unwrapped' was all sporting an unusual color, such as purple or neon green. "Food dye."
Just then Brainiac 5 stormed in. "Which one of you touched my computers!" he demanded, surprisingly angry; the Coluan rarely showed strong emotion like that.
"Not us," Cosmic boy muttered; "Ten credits says that all this was Garth's idea."
"No duh, he'd pounce on a holiday like this one," Bouncing Boy said, fiddling with the machine. He tested it again, pressing the 'muffin' button; bacon and eggs came out. "We should've seen this coming."
"I tried to warn you guys," Superman apologized. "I figured you wouldn't like a prank-storm from Lightning Lad."
"Well, I'm going to give that child a piece of my mind!" Brainiac 5 hissed, angry.
"Why? What happened?"
"Oh nothing, Just that I've got 100 trojan horses on my hard drive and I can't run any programs because the processor is tied up and busy downloading porn!" he snapped.
Duo Damsel, who'd entered right behind Brainy, burst into laughter. "What?" she asked, gasping in a fit of giggles.
"It's not funny," muttered the green-skinned boy, turning around. Upon seeing Duo Damsel, his eyebrow quirked up. "What happened to you?"
Duo Damsel's normally-orange-and-purple costume was now sky blue and covered in sequins. She was also drenched from head to toe, had green staining her teeth, and wasn't wearing makeup.
Despite her disshevveled appearance, the girl still managed to look cheerful. She grinned, shrugging. "The girls' bathroom was rigged," she explained. "I was hoping to find Saturn Girl and Phantom Girl in here—warn them before they tried to use anything."
Just then, everyone heard a high-pitched girl's shreik. "And that must be Saturn Girl," Cosmic Boy sighed.
They all migrated to the hallway, avoiding a vasaline-covered doorknob and setting off a loud firecracker boobytrap. They reached the bathroom just in time to see Saturn Girl burst out of the room, eyes flaring. She had a two-sizes-too-small towel wrapped around her midsection, her normally-blonde hair now an electric blue.
Phantom Girl was right behind her, her dark hair powdered with flour. She was chugging glassful after glassful of water. "Wasabi. In. Toothpaste." She explained when Shrinking Violet asked if she was okay.
Not caring who saw her, Saturn Girl stomped her way down the hallway, still dripping water as walked away fuming. "I'm gonna kill him, I'm gonna KILL him—GARTH! DO YOU HEAR ME, I'M GOING TO KILL YOU!"
Somewhere down the hallway, there was a panicked squeak and movement; Superman and crew watched as Lightning Lad scrambled out of his room and made a break for it. Saturn Girl was hot on his heels.
"And that, my friends, is what I like to call Fool's Karma," Superman said smugly, motioning to the redhead as he made his escape. "I don't think we're going to see Lightning Lad around any time soon."
End
Happy April Fools day everyone! Hope you didn't get pranked too hard, and managed to pull a few pranks yourselves.
Speaking of which –
THE GAME.
(you just lost it.)
Enjoy the rest of your week, everybody! :)
~Avearia