Rae Chan: La la~ Okay. PG 13 for the boys and Blue's dirty mouth. Continued references to homosexuality. Insanity. And some light to mild Mary Jane'ing.
Sarah: I think you mean Mary Sue.
Mistress Belle: No, she had it right the first time. This is on crack.
Sarah: You're just pissed cause-
Rae Chan: Don't give it away! Have fun peeps. This isn't really a self insertion fic. This stuff really happened to me. I was a Sears Senshi in a past life and met the Yu Yu boys where I worked.
Sarah: Ehh... okay, you're right, Blue. She is on crack.
Rae Chan: If you've got an open mind, and need a laugh, proceed.
Yusuke and his three comrades stood solemnly, waiting for Koenma to finally focus his attention on them. He'd called them here only a few hours before, and Botan had rushed them there as quickly as possible. The matter was of the utmost importance, Yusuke assumed. Which of course, would lead to some fierce enemies. He couldn't wait.
Koenma swirled around in his chair.
"Ack!" The little emperor fell on the ground. "When did you get here?"
Yusuke sighed. "You didn't even notice?! We've been waiting on you! I thought this was important!"
"It is. Shut-up and I'll tell you." Koenma gave George a dirty look for not alerting him and proceeded to climb back into his chair. Yusuke rolled his eyes. "I need the four of you to go on an extremely dangerous undercover mission."
Yusuke grinned wickedly. A fight! Hiei glanced over at him. He made no other motion, but Yusuke could tell he was up for a battle. Hiei never liked to go for long without fighting a real opponent.
"You boys are going into retail."
"W- what!" Kuwabara yelled. He slammed his palms down on Koenma's desk. "Retail? We have to get jobs?"
"Undercover!" Koenma yelled back. Irreverent deadbeat brats. "We've been trying to find out the identity of some very powerful beings in America, but have yet to breach their disguise. I'd like to recruit them as Spiritual Detectives."
"Then what about us?" Kurama asked softly, mulling the idea over in his head. Koenma frowned.
"I need you for certain jobs. These prospective agents... would be for different types of jobs."
"They are weak." Hiei concluded.
"Not entirely. They have never been defeated in a battle. And as I said, we can't even find out who they are." Koenma sighed. "You aren't even the first wave of agents I've sent in to find them. Not even the fifth! If this is a mere disguise, they are second to none at camouflage."
"Or powerful tricksters." Kurama said. "It isn't uncommon for demons to have the power to shapeshift. Or even to create the illusion of such."
"Even less common among Fox youkai." Koenma remarked wryly. "You would know. And you, Yusuke, have unseen characteristics, and have proven to me in the past that you can see the unseen characteristics of others. Since you are a team, and this could get dangerous, I've arranged for all of you to become employed in the best environment to catch our prospective agents in the act."
"In some stupid mall?" Yusuke said incredulously. Koenma smiled suddenly, and more than one of the detectives shuddered.
"Ever heard of Sailor Sears and the Sears Senshi?"
"W-WHAAAAT!?" ***
Sitting calmly on the plane, Kurama reviewed the material that Koenma had given them about the Sears Senshi. After they had calmed Kurabara, that is. And since Kurama already spoke English, he didn't need to focus on learning quickly for the trip. Oddly enough... he'd been certain that Kuwabara and Yusuke had a class in that at school..
Yare yare. In any case, it gave Kurama some time to think on the mystery. Four college-aged girls who appeared out of nowhere... scantily clad as in the animated show... always in or near a Sears department store, beating off shoplifters... and other opponents. Koenma had admitted to sending an agent to attack them, a strong one, who had never returned.
We have photographs of the girls. Kurama wondered to himself. It should be no more than a simple case of identification. But if it were that simple... we wouldn't be on this case.
Kurama bit back a chuckle. Hiei was picking English up almost immediately, barking back at Kuwabara because he was learning so slowly. The human boys had right not to be happy. They'd given up their winter break for this. He himself usually made up a trip to tell Shiori about, and went to the Makai to train with Hiei. Hiei had never liked the cold of the Human world much, though Kurama had seen him face down first class ice demons.
On this trip he would be Shuiichi. He was going with some friends to visit America. He'd finally gotten to tell his mother the truth. He could never tell her the whole truth, despite how it hurt to lie to her. He loved her, and couldn't put her through the worry.
"How's the language coming?" Kurama asked in clear English. Hiei glared at him.
"They will never learn." Hiei stated in turn, with little accent. "Any ideas."
Kurama shook his head. "I think we're just going to have to play along and observe these girls ourselves. There should be no reason for this confusion."
"So something out of ordinary is going on." Kurabara said bluntly in Japanese. Hiei snarled.
"Do not speak until you can to it in English. This is a mission. Do not take it lightly."
"But-"
"This is ridiculous." Hiei said harshly, surveying the cabin of their private plane. "I could have run here faster than this."
"But Koenma say that... " Yusuke struggled. "We need paper trail."
Kurama smiled. "Yes. We need for everything to be in order when we apply for part time jobs at Sears. Koenma has everything set up. All we need to do is show up and look presentable. They need workers at this time of year, so it's the perfect time to go. We might not all get jobs any other time."
"Wh... what kinds of jobs ... will we be doing?" Yusuke asked, a little more articulately. Little did they know, Kurama had slipped them the ground powder of a seed that would make them catch on faster... he had no idea why it wasn't working for Kuwabara.
"Whatever department they give to us." Kurama answered. "Hopefully one of us will be close enough to where the women work so that we can observe them."
"Likely?" Kuwabara said hesitantly.
"I think it's possible. It'll depend on where they need help. And what Koenma put on our resumes." ***
"I'm in Home Fashions." Kuwabara said dejectedly in perfect English. Yusuke laughed loudly. Kurama bit back another chuckled.
"It's not so bad, Kuwabara." He reassured the redhead. "I got assigned to the Juniors Department."
Blank looks enveloped him.
"Clothing for teenage girls."
Yusuke and Kuwabara fell out of their seats in laughter.
"I'm gonna wet my pants!!!" Kuwabara snorted.
"Kisama." Hiei muttered. Kuwarbara calmed himself a bit.
"Speak in English or don't speak at all, Hiei." He said in mock seriousness.
Hiei eyed him. "Stupid goat-fucking bastard."
The manager who had just walked in turned completely red.
"That kind of language isn't necessary, young man." The tall balding man said firmly. A middle-aged blond woman came in behind.
"Maybe you should just say it in the other language!" She suggested, laughing gleefully. There you go, Jonathan. You needed workers, and he's not my problem!
Hiei raised a brow. "I apologize. I was discussing something with my comrade."
Jonathan continued to give him an odd look. Had he used the wrong word? Comrade implied friendship... and they were posing as a group of roommates...
"What?" Hiei finally said. Jonathan gave the woman an irritated look. Bitch, she gets all the good natured ones.
"Are you Hiei... Makai?"
"Yes." He replied flatly.
"What the Hell happened, son? What's with the bandages?"
Hiei glowered at him angrily. Foolish human. How dare he mock him?
"I... was caught in a fire." He finally said. The blond woman smacked Jonathan's arm lightly. Dumb lout! I can't believe he's so harsh with that poor child.
"Be more sensitive." She whispered, then turned to the boys. "I'm Sally Stanton and this is Jonathan Hatfield. Kazuma, Shuiichi, dear, I'll be your department manager. Yusuke and Hiei, you're under Jonathan. In a few minutes, our store trainer will get here with the other trainees and you can begin. Try to relax, dears."
Kurama smiled warmly. "I'm sure we'll all be at home soon. Hiei just gets nervous in front over strangers."
And by that I mean lethal. Kurama added to himself.
"Well, you'll have to get over that pretty quick, son. We have a lot of business in electronics this season, and you'll have to keep up." Jonathan said, wishing he didn't get all the weird looking punks. Sally gave him another hard glance, but kept silent.
"I'll keep up." Hiei said with an edge. Yusuke looked and saw a growing stain between Jonathan's legs. He looked quickly over to Hiei and noticed that his fangs were showing a little bit. Jonathan nodded silently and exited quickly. Sally moved over to the boys to do some damage control, unnoticing of her colleague's disgrace.
"Don't worry about anything, boys. I know that in a few days you'll be doing this like you've done it all your lives. Oh, you too, Shuiichi dear."
Kurama flushed and nodded amiably. Why is she singling me out? At least I haven't scared the piss out of anyone. Hiei didn't even do anything really.
"The girls will be delighted to have a boy over in Home Fashions, Kazuma. And you look like a big strong boy, too. I bet you can carry those George Foreman Rotisseries like they were nothin, huh?"
"I'll do my best." He grinned. Girls.
"Thata boy." She patted his arm. "I'll see you guys later."
Hiei was grinning for some reason.
"What is it, Hiei?" Kurama asked. A devilish smirk refused to leave the fire demon's lips.
"You'll find out." He said. Kurama frowned. It wasn't like him to play around like this.
"I guess we'd better be careful, Hiei. You practically scared that guy to death." Yusuke laughed.
"Stupid American Humans."
"Any worse than the Japanese ones? Hm?" Kuwabara poked at him. Hiei leaned back in his chair.
"Hn. Only worse than some."
"Hey!" ***
"And when it's busy in here Shuiichi, it's all we can do to keep the clothes off the floor. We have to clean up after closing."
"There you go, Kazuma. Move those grills over there. Are we having fun yet?"
"What? You don't know what a home entertainment system is?!"
"Yusuke, if you cuss one more customer, yer out of here, got it?"
Kuwabara glared at Yusuke as they went to the food court for lunch. "This assignment is gonna suck."
"Tell me about it." ***
"Who's that?" Yusuke pointed to the two young girls behind Kuwabara's register. He shrugged. They were both rather tall and slender, and one had startling purple hair. She turned around and leaned over the counter, sea green eyes sparkling merrily.
"Hi! My name is Raederle Ayre Eunico. You're Kazuma right?" Kuwabara nodded dumbly. "This is Sarah. We'll be showing you how to close."
The blond nodded. "The Sarge went home. Old ladies don't like to do nights, so that's stuck with us."
"I'd better get back to my department. Sweaty Betty tends to wander off even if no one's around."
Raederle laughed. "That's true. I'll have to tell you the Tuna Fish Story sometime."
"Tuna?"
"Damn, that was awful. What's wrong with her?" Sarah muttered.
"Senile. See ya, Yusuke."
Yusuke left the happy Kuwabara to get acquainted with his associates. The customers would be getting irritated by now. They were so impatient. Couldn't even wait a minute for him to finish with one before he was dragged to another.
Wait a minute… He stopped suddenly and took a discreet look back at the girls. Did I give them my name? ***
Yusuke straddled up to the Junior counter with a grin. "So how are you ladies today?"
Kurama promptly tossed a package of panties at him. "Just great. Sherrie... this is Yusuke."
"Hi," Sherrie said warmly. The perky girl was simply beautiful. Yusuke felt his cheeks color in a way that would get him slapped if Keiko were around.
"You mind if I talk to Shuiichi for a minute?"
Sherrie shook her head and went back to folding. Yusuke stuck his hands in his pockets and started to walk. Kurama followed closely.
"Anything?" Yusuke asked, immediately switching to Japanese. Despite the need to be able to speak the native language fluently, they'd all decided that their own was best for private discussions. There were few people in the area who would understand enough Japanese to pick up on their mission.
"Nothing so far. I did ask though, which Sherrie didn't seem to find odd at all. She said that it was getting pretty well known that Sailor Sears shows up here the most, despite the fact that she has visited other stores."
"I heard that, too. Hiei said that no one in Brand Central knows who they are either. He's finding it hard to believe that even humans could be so stupid they couldn't recognize their coworkers in pleated skirts."
"Yusuke, have you ever seen Sailor Moon?" Kurama stopped and looked at him seriously. Yusuke rolled his eyes.
"Of course not. That's a girl Anime."
"Well, I took the opportunity to watch a bit while you guys were polishing up your English. The Sailors don't even recognized each other when they're in uniform."
"But... it's just a change of clothing." Yusuke protested.
"I might be wrong, but I think it's really more than that. I think we'd better get Hiei to keep a third eye out."
"Imagine what Jonathan would say to that." Yusuke laughed. Kurama cringed.
"I know, we really need -"
Just then a crashing sound came from across the store. Kurama looked back at Sherrie, who shrugged. He and Yusuke ran over to see the commotion.
There, standing on top of a washer. Shining purple hair blowing dramatically behind her. Eyes sparkling in brilliant green fury. Fists on hips, and a short pleated skirt...
"You have defiled the sanctity of the men's room!" She called angrily spiraling her arms around. "You have traumatized the weak and the young! I will not forgive you!"
Another suited girl appeared behind her.
"I won't either, you pervert! Think what you've done to that kid's psyche." The blond yelled.
"I am Sailor Sears!" The purple haired girl said. The blond came up beside her.
"And I am Sailor Home Fashions!"
"In the name of Sears," They both called. "We will punish you!"
"What did he do?" Kurama thought aloud. A customer in a suit turned to him and pointed at some young boys... and Hiei. The little fire demon was banging his head against the washing machine.
"He was trying to molest some boys in the bathroom. And that kid with the starburst in his hair, threw him... literately, halfway across the store. Took out a wall."
"Poor Hiei." Yusuke muttered.
"You girls are really, too much." The blatantly gay man said, flipping his hand in their direction.
"It's obviously too much to think that you can let your kid go to the bathroom without some sick, undersexed faggot trying to steal their virginity!" Sailor Home Fashions screamed. Sailor Sears hopped off the washing machine and got in his face.
"You know, you're the reason homosexuality still has a bad name! You indulge your sick fantasies in public, so people think that all gays just think about sex! GET A LIFE!"
"I'm more than a sicko, bitch." The man pulled out a knife and slashed at her. Sailor Sears jumped lithely out of the way, but he kept coming.
"Should we do something?" Yusuke asked softly. Hiei walked up to them.
"They can handle this. Besides, we need to watch them." He snuck behind Kurama and removed his ward, opening his third eye with interest.
Swiftly Sailor Sears pulled a wand out of the air, which looked suspiciously like a fancy reach to get clothing from the top shelves. She nimbly deflected attack after attack.
"Desist and I won't have to hurt you!"
"Heh heh." The pervert laughed. "I plan on you being the one to get hurt, missy."
He jumped up and did a flip in the air. Before he landed, he'd turned red, with a large silver horn protruding from the top of his head. He threw his hand out and blew Sailor Sears back with a gust of energy.
"You cheat!" Sailor Home Fashions raised her arms up and glitter began to fall from the ceiling. "Home Fashions... Fluff and Fold!"
Two giant towels slammed into the creature and while still dazed, some force bent him in several directions.
"Sailor Sears!" Sailor Home Fashions said. "Now! Use your wand!"
"Okay! I know!" Sailor Sears jumped up and began to spin around. "Sears Gorgerous... Takedown!"
A spiraling rainbow of energy rushed the creature and after engulfing him, slammed him harshly on the floor. Yusuke could see that it had left a crater.
"Sexy." The creature whispered, then reverted back to his scraggily human form.
Sailor Sears narrowed her eyes in irritation and looked at her comrade. "Why do they always say that after we beat 'em up?"
"I dunno." Home Fashions shrugged. "Ja ne, peeps. We're done here."
The two girls jumped away, seemingly disappearing into thin air.
"Sears Customers," Came a voice over the intercom. "We appreciate your patience with this most unfortunate matter. Like Sailor Sears, we do not tolerate deviant behaviors. If you need to speak to a manager, we have one available in the main office. Also, we now have an additional 25% off our clearance items in Apparel and Home Fashions, thank you and have a pleasant day."
Yusuke started to laugh. Kurama looked at him oddly and wonder if retail wasn't have an affect on his sanity.
"I'd better get back to my department. I'll talk at the apartment." ***
"So, Hiei, was that really a demon?" Yusuke asked as soon as he walked into their living room. Hiei looked at him blankly.
"Hn. He seemed to be a human. Until he transformed, then he had the Reikai of a regular demon."
"How's that possible?" Kuwarbara asked. Hiei shrugged.
"This is new." Kurama said. "I've never seen a case where they actually changed species. I couldn't even follow the transformation."
"The power must come from an outside force." Hiei concluded. Yusuke nodded.
"And the powers from the girls?"
"Indefinable." Kurama sighed. "It does stem from their Reikai, though."
"Sailor Sears may not be a demon, but I do not think she is human." Hiei stated. Yusuke looked puzzled.
"What about the other one?"
"I'll look at her more closely the next time. It seemed similar though. Perhaps they have become something else through their gain of power."
"What about when they disappear and appear from thin air? Are they that fast?" Yusuke continued. "I couldn't follow it."
"I couldn't either." Kurama admitted. Hiei sat down and pried off the dress shoes that Botan had packed for him.
"They aren't that fast. They teleported."
"This assignment is going to take awhile." Yusuke concluded, sighing. "If we can't tell anything about them, even after watching a fight."
"Does anyone recognize these girls from their department?" Kurama asked.
There was a round of shaking heads.
"Damn. How can that be?" Yusuke said angrily. Kurama looked over at him.
"I'm willing to bet, we won't be able to catch them by looks. Keep an eye on your coworkers, and try to notice any oddness. Anything that might intricate powers."
"Hn." Hiei got up and headed for the shower. Kuwabara glared over at him.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm going to go to bed. I work in the morning." Hiei said with irritation. Yusuke collapsed on the couch as comically as he could.
"Me too." He groaned.