I promised everyone a special Christmas surprise, and here it is! The debut of my new series, EX-MEN Anime Edition!
Masashi Kishimoto tapped his fingers slowly on his desk, looking at the pink-haired girl sitting across from him. She met his gaze with a smile that reeked with poorly repressed fangirlism.
He shivered.
"Sakura Haruno, as you may or may not be aware, your character has been under scrutiny for quite some time, a really f##king long time, to be honest. I have been reviewing your file, and I have made the decision to fire you, effective immediately, based on the grounds that you are a worthless, whiny bitch.
Sakura's face turned as pink as her hair.
"You called me whiny"!
Masashi sweatdropped.
"That wasn't meant to be the main takeaway here, but yes. Look, a character is an investment. Time, money, and effort is put into creating him, and in return he is expected to contribute to the show, thereby justifying his existence. You, on the other hand, permanently lower the show's value and take f##king forever to give us any sort of return on said investment. You are basically the Great Depression in anime form.
"I contribute! I add emotional depth and romantic tension to the show"!
Masahi picked up the file laying in front of him.
"That is bullshit. According to your file, you spent the entirety of the original show, 220 episodes, doing nothing but whining and pining after duck butt. You did more physical damage to your teammates than your enemies, mainly because Naruto was willing to just stand there and let you whale on him when you had one of your frequent hormone attacks."
"I don't have hormone problems"!
"Oh please, Gaara was more emotionally stable than you, and that was before Naruto beat him into a productive member of society. Naruto probably should have beat the shit out of you too, then we might not be having this conversation. But as it stands, your pathetic pink presence is permanently prohibited from the premises, so piss off, posthaste.
"But what will I do?" Sakura squealed in desperation. "I'm not qualified for any kind of productive lifestyle"!
"I couldn't give less of a f##k." Masashi replied. "And neither does anybody else. I guess you'll just have to find another crazy fan community to join. I'm sure the Twilight fandom or the Justin Beiber community would welcome you with open arms, or maybe the Insane Clown Posse is looking for fresh recruits for the Juggalos."
"No!" Sakura screamed, rising from her chair. "I'm not going anywhere! You can't take me away from my beloved Sasuke"!
Masashi hit the buzzer sitting on his desk. Two men dressed in suits and wearing dark sunglasses entered the room.
"Gentlemen," He said. "Please escort the young lady from the premises. And by escort, I mean throw her ass out of here."
The men effectively hooked their arms through Sakura's and dragged the struggling pinkette towards the door.
"Let me go you haters!" She screamed. "You Naruto/Sasuke Shippers! You won't get away with this! Love conquers all! Save me Sasuke"!
Masashi raised his hand and waved his fingers at her.
"Bye bye ugly, you won't be missed."
This is only the beginning!