Chapter 1: The Reason Why

Carrion

In a moment I'm lost

Dying from the inside

Her eyes take me away

Tear me apart from the inside out

"Carrion" - Parkway Drive

Anna sat on her bed, totally engulfed in her music as she looked around and saw the various band posters that were plastered against the wall in a very neat order, almost entirely covering the area behind her headboard of her bed. Most girls her age weren't necessarily "in" to the things Anna was interested in, such as metal bands, and going to concerts where people push each other around and jump on top of one another, but Anna cared little to none. She looked preppy, her shining red hair in her signature two braids, dangling down past her freckled shoulders, stopping at her chest. Anna's eyes were a bright teal blue, but all the while in her dark room, they looked blandly grey.

She sat alone in her room, listening to the words as not only words, but as feelings that Anna could relate to. Feelings of sadness, feelings of happiness, and, in this case, feelings of want and regret. Anna's eyes twinkled slightly, causing a single tear to trickle down her freckled cheek and onto her lap. Sadness and self loathing cascaded onto her, as she burst into a volley of tears and whines. Anna fell backwards and rolled into a ball shape, clutching her own legs tightly.

What have I done?

She closed her eyes.

What have I done...?

A day ago, Elsa sat in her room, unaware of anything that is happening in the world around her as she was intertwined to her studies. Her book on leadership skills had pages upon pages of dread for Elsa, as she feared the thought of having to stand in front of a throng of people, giving them orders and controlling their lives. She sighed, putting the book down. She ran her long fingers through her blonde hair, letting out a breath that she wasn't aware she was holding. That's when she heard knocking at the door. "Elsa? Can I come in?" Anna requested.

Elsa let a small smile slide across her face, and replied, "Come on in."

Anna sat on Elsa's bed while Elsa turned on the blu-ray player and popped a movie in. Elsa then turned around and jumped onto her bed, causing Anna to bounce a little. Both girls laughed, seeing how childish they could still be together. Elsa was the one who realized that they were staring into each other's eyes, and gave a slight chuckle.

"You know, I don't feel 21 when I'm with you." Elsa blinked a few times, lost in thought. "Does that sound dumb?"

"No, not at all," Anna replied with a smile, "I feel the same way! Well, except I'm not 21 yet."

Elsa managed to smirk just so slightly as to not make her sister aware of her evident happiness that Anna was causing her. "Well, don't rush it. Once you get out of high school, you're going to miss it something fierce."

Anna smiled, "Well I've always missed seeing you in the hallways at school. When we always sat by each other at lunch, and walked home every day. You helped me with homework, and I'd cook you food," a slight smile making its way onto Anna's face, causing her freckles to dance.

Elsa closed her eyes and moaned at the thought of Anna's cooking. "Speaking of which," Elsa commented, giving Anna a pleading look, "it looks like you have some homework, and I'm starving."

Anna let a sweet smile spread across her lips. "Then let's go get some shit done."

Anna looked over from the kitchen and saw her older sister biting the stems of her reading glasses, looking intently into the homework that Anna had done, but was unsure if she was correct on her answers or not. Elsa hummed all the while, figuring out solutions in her head. Anna smiled, thinking of all the times that she shared with her sister at an earlier age, and then returning her attention to the boiling water on the stove. Anna held her face close to the steam, relaxing her almost entirely. There was something that didn't make sense to her, but wasn't about to pry when times have been so good between her and her sister.

God, there's nothing that could really make this any better. I'm finally hanging out with my sister again, and she's not shutting me out again. Now if only I could figure out why exactly she shut me out in the fir-

Anna's thought was cut short by the smell of burning chicken broth, and Elsa saying her name in a stern manner, putting her hand on Anna's freckled shoulder, close to her neck.

Anna snapped back to reality at the warm touch of her sister, shook her head, cursed, and reached over to take the chicken off of the burner. Elsa turned on the cooking vents, allowing the foul scent of burnt chicken basted in a buttery mix of ingredients to escape the kitchen without having to open up a window, which would let the chilling winter air inside.

"Man, ever since I was able to see you cook I've never seen you burn anything! Until now, that is," said Elsa as she looked down at the broth. "Is your mind somewhere else or something?"

Anna blushed, obviously disappointed in herself, but not because she burned her first meal, but because she burned Elsa's meal. "I-I'm so sorry, I can c-cook you something else..." Anna stuttered, reaching for her broth.

She couldn't find it with her hand, however, and turned around to search for it, only to see her sister back at the table, checking Anna's work, spoon in hand, savoring the meal that Anna prepared for her.

Anna couldn't help but let a smile move her lips.

I have the best sister a person could ever ask for.

"Love you, sis," Anna said through her smile.

Elsa looked up, met her sister's eyes, and smiled back. "Love you too, Anna."

Elsa then looked back down at the work she was checking, and Anna went up the stairs of the house, passing the note that their parents left on the table, stating that they were staying the night with some friends.

Anna walked past the walls of the hallway, decorated to near-perfection with pictures of relatives, as well as photographs of Anna and Elsa's childhood. She yawned, growing weary to the time of day. Wiping her eyes, she passed by her sister's room and saw something awfully peculiar. Elsa's door had been left wide open.

Usually, when Elsa would go out, she would lock her door with a key that only she carried.

Elsa's words came to mind when Anna saw the open door, stating that, "My room is my key to solitude when I need to think. It's the only place I can get away."

Anna shook her head.

"It seems like all Elsa ever wanted when she got out of high school was solitude..."

The younger sister stood staring at the door, and took the moment of opportunity to see what might have kept Elsa away from her all these years. She barely opened Elsa's bedroom door at all, and then all at once to avoid any noise the door might have made to notify the older sister of Anna's doings. Then, before she knew what to look for, she realized another reason Elsa kept her door closed.

Stacks upon stacks of books lay piling up almost halfway to the ceiling, engulfing and outnumbering anything else Elsa's room might have had to offer. Anna could barely find her way around the maze of literature, and carefully inched her way to Elsa's bed, where she does most of her reading and college work.

Or at least I think. It's been three years since I even laid eyes on this bed.

Seeing the bed made Anna sigh, thinking back to when she, Elsa and Punzel, their cousin, would have sleepovers in the exact bedroom Anna now had to sneak into to even catch a glimpse of what lied inside.

Anna's face switched emotions, when she remembered Elsa would have Anna come into her room and watch scary movies with her so they wouldn't be alone. Elsa and she would be wrapped up in a blanket, hugging each other and holding on even tighter when a jumpscare or scary part came on screen.

Anna sighed once more, but in a completely different way than the first time.

She remembered the warmth that she felt when she held her sister in her arms, not only physically, but also emotionally. Those times meant more than anything to Anna, even if it meant that she would go to bed with nightmares from watching the cheesy, underfunded horror movies from decades ago.

Why can't it be that way again? If only she could see how much it hurts me when she shuts me out, then maybe she would understand why I need her. I need my sister again.

She opened her eyes, completely unaware that she had them closed, and immediately saw a book and an opened letter on her side table by her bed. Anna turned around, making sure she wasn't being watched, and looked at the book.

"Beginners Guide to Leading Others to Success: Volume One"

Anna frowned.

This isn't like Elsa. Why is she reading books on how to become a leader when she doesn't even get out much and talk to people anyway?

Anna looked in her other hand and saw the opened letter. She sat the book down and held the envelope with both hands, a mental battle between her raged on to determine if she wanted to actually pry into her sister's personal life without her permission. A second later, without giving it a second thought, she reached into the envelope. Nothing.

"ANNA!"

Anna turned around quickly to see her sister standing in the doorway of her own room, chest puffed out and both hands clenched together to make fists. Anna, mouth agape, looked down at her left hand halfway into the empty envelope.

"What the fuck are you doing?!"

"E-Elsa! I-I-I can explain!" Anna stammered, almost unable to spit the words out. Elsa marched nimbly past the towers of books, and reached Anna, furiously yanking the envelope out of her hand and using it to point to the door. Elsa looked disgusted.

"Get out, Anna," Elsa said sternly, her head fixated on the floor below her, her chest expanding and retracting heavily with every rage-fueled breath, "just get out."

"Elsa, I just wanted to know-"

"I don't care what you wanted to know! You sneaked into my room and rummaged through my personal business! What made you think you had the right to do such a thing?"

"Maybe the fact that you shut me out for three years! I couldn't even talk to you for more than five minutes because you'd always be in your room or at Punzel's house! It's like you tried to avoid me!"

"Maybe I did!" Elsa blurted out, a tightness about her voice that Anna had come to realize as frustration, which made the statement sting even more. "Maybe I shut not just you out, but everyone out because maybe I don't want anyone to get upset about the choices I make, or the thoughts and feelings I keep inside. I don't want to keep you out Anna, but I have to keep you from getting too attached to my personal life!" Tears welled in Elsa's eyes now, as Anna felt some of her own start to build up behind her eyes.

"I miss you Elsa. I miss you!" Tears were now flowing from Anna's eyes as she was unable to hold them back any longer. "We were so close, and we can be that way again. I just want to know what's making you shut me out!"

"Please Anna! Just go!" Elsa managed to say those last few words between sniffles, and pointed to the door again, a clear indicator that this conversation is as good as over. Anna shifted around her sister and delicately made her way to the door leading to the hallway. She turned around, face still at a downwards angle to where Elsa could only see her bangs hang over her face, with a sad demeanor about her that made Elsa feel like the worst person in history.

"For what it's worth, I'm sorry," sniffled Anna, "Can... Can we just forget this happened and go back to the way it was today?" Anna looked up, a single tear falling from her left eye, "Please?"

Elsa, for a brief moment of weakness and anger at the way she had treated her sister, about returned the apology. But she shook her head, more so to clear her thoughts than to deny her sister's plea.

"I don't know how it's going to be from here on, but my trust that I had to build up for anyone is now gone, especially if I can't trust my own sister to mind her own business. Please don't come back in my room." Elsa then turned around, and sat the envelope she was still holding back down into its original place.

Anna turned, not saying a word, and closed Elsa's bedroom door shut with her back.

Anna, feeling her face contort slightly, knew that she was about to cry. She sprinted to her room and flung herself on her bed, slamming her door shut as she ran past it, out of anger and self loathing. She tried to open her eyes, but had a difficult time doing so, as the salty tears flowed out every time they opened.

She managed to find her iPhone, and plugged the earbuds that were beside it in. She flipped through her songs, having to look through thick tears and sniffles, and finally found a song that reflected her current mood. She pushed play, and laid down again, this time not holding anything back as the lyrics spoke to her on a level that caused her to almost recapture everything that was said and done in Elsa's room. Anna closed her wet eyes, and tried to find some sleep.

In a moment I'm lost, dying from the inside. Her eyes take me away; tear me apart from the inside out.