Disclaimer: I don't own Edward Cullen or Harry Potter; I'm talking the real ones here, not the cardboard cut-outs I hear that some people drag around like a beaten dog on a leash.

(A/N: So, this is from my Twilight-based story, The Weird and Wonderful Tales of the Cullen's. But I thought it had potential for a Harry Potter type spin-off. So, expect more with other various characters from the book and movies… This is just a starter.)

Holli: Hey There Charlie! This may not be Candy Mountain, but it's good enough! Welcome to another fantabulous, spine tingling episode of Hollywood with Holli! Now, before we get to the show, I would like to announce that we have received 597 Emmy Nominations! It's a huge honor! (Someone from the audience stands up and sheepishly raises a hand.) Yes, man who has the nerve to interrupt my awesomeness?

Man Who Had the Nerve to Interrupt Her Awesomeness: Umm… ya, first time talker, long time watcher here. I don't mean to insult your intelligence or anything, but I don't think there are that many different categories for the Emmy's. (Immediately the whole room falls silent.) That's just a tip for you. (He nervously sits down, looking at his feet.)

Holli: Well, for your information, you're stupid. (She snaps her fingers, and the man falls through a secret trap door.) Does anyone else think there aren't 597 Emmy categories? Because you all have those convenient little doors under your seats. That's what we call "quality control". Now, today's show brings back a HWH regular, Mr. Edward Cullen. That takes care of the Edwardians, but for all you Scarheads out there, I didn't forget you! We also have a Mr. Harry Potter on today! For a little thing I have dubbed, "Battle of the Book Boys!" (She points with both of her hands towards the two entrances, Harry Potter comes out of one, wearing a shirt that says, "Vampires Suck (and I don't mean blood)". Edward Cullen comes out of the other, wearing just a plain, everyday shirt. Holli, torn between both of her obsessions, just sits there and tries not to explode from happiness.)

Harry: (looking awkward) Well, er, Holli. Thanks for, er, having me on today.

Holli: Really, it's no problem at all. I just had to hold a couple of the interns hostage… uhm, I mean, persuade the writer's to push back our show on, "People Who Are Married To Animals". I thought this would please the majority of our watchers more. As they are 14 year old fangirls. (Harry messes with his hair nervously and sits down beside Edward, who raises an eyebrow at him.)

Edward: Are you serious? You people seriously don't know which one of us is better? I mean, look at him. (The whole audience, and Holli, stares at Harry intently.) Now, look at me. (The swivel their heads to look at him.)Now, who is the clear winner?

Harry: Well, mate; you're a little bit cocky, aren't you?

Edward: What makes you so special? Besides that stupid little scar on your forehead? It looks like you had an accident with a cow prodder.

Harry: Oh, I don't know innocent-deer-eater. Maybe the fact that I saved the world from Lord Voldemort?

Edward: (opens his mouth to offer a retort)

Random PETA Member in the Audience: You killed Bambi you (edited for your viewing enjoyment)

Edward: (acting like nothing happened) Whoa, did you poke him with your big bad stick?

Harry: I'm gonna shove my big bad stick somewhere you won't like it! (Immature fangirls giggle.) NO! Come on, not like that! Dirty minded fangirls! Get your mind out of the gutter! (Whips out wand.)

Edward: Keep it in your pants, stick boy! (Harry jumps on him, throwing every spell he can think of at Edward. But, Edward, being the super-strong vampire that he is, the spells didn't affect him.)

Harry: AAARRRGGHHH!

Edward: MWAHAHAHAHAHAOUCH! (His evil laugh was cut short by Harry shoving his almighty stick into his eye.) GOOD GOD! THAT'S LIKE THE ONLY PLACE I EVER FEEL PAIN! YOU STUPID WIZARD MOTHER (edited for your viewing enjoyment)

Harry: Sometimes I amaze myself with my freakish skills. (Pulls Invisibility Cloak out of his robes and slips it on.) I think I'll go get Ginny and buy her a Jamba Juice.

Holli: No! Harry, that's cheating! I still have 15 minutes to kill!

Edward: My eye really hurts!

(A/N: I know some people have probably already read this… But it doesn't hurt to read it again, and I think it is a good intro to some more Harry Potter Lovefest/Character Bashing/Awesomeness that will absolutely follow this up. If you did like this, there are two other "episodes" in The Weird and Wonderful Tales of the Cullen's. But they deal with Twilight. They're still a good laugh though.)