Disclaimer: With what is done to them here, I would not dare to claim them.
No Rum Today, Captain Sparrow.
Post-CotPB humorous short story. Jack hides tainted rum aboard ship. Hallucinations and hilarity ensue as the poor crew tries to get between the drink and their oddly ailing captain.
Summary: Gibbs is off to visit his pregnant granddaughter and asks, Sully McCraven, an old navy buddy, to act as first mate. Sully has heard stories about pirates, but this is not what he expected.
Part 1 – So What Is Wrong With The Captain?
'Oh, and Sully? Did I mention to you how the cap'n is a bit, er, under the weather, as it be. Ailin', you know? So don't go botherin' him 'less somethin' real important is 'bout to happen what he needs to know 'bout.'
'Right. As what be that, Josho?'
'Hmm. Lessee.' Gibbs musingly touched his forefinger to his chin. 'How 'bout a navy ship getting' close to firin' range? Or a real bad storm abrewin' out to sea?' He frowned. 'You can swim, can't you?'
'Yep. Are you expectin' bad weather, Josho?'
'No. Well, sorta, yeah,' Gibbs hedged, almost guiltily. 'You see... Well, 'tis only fair that you put in your head to heed me warnin', Sully, 'bout Jack.'
'The captain? Is he not in his cabin?'
'Aye. He's in his cabin, all right, near sick with fever as I ever seen a man. Only Jack is… well, the cap'n's a tricky sort and you can never really tell 'bout him. You see, he's got himself on this real strict kind 'o diet 'cause 'o his bad stomach and all.'
'Er, bad stomach?' This didn't sound good.
'Aye. Nothin' but water… uh, stays with him, see?'
Water. Okay. 'And he needs to be takin' this, er, remedy.' Gibbs produced a small stained leather pouch from his belt.
Sully almost gagged when his friend abruptly yanked out the stopper and held the pouch out toward him. 'Eraaagghhh!!'
'Aye.' Gibbs wrinkled his nose, hastily replacing the stopper. 'It be a wicked vile brew what smells sorely like rotted swamp roots the Creole wench's concocted from a healin' plant she be swearin' by.'
Sully swallowed, catching his breath. 'And the captain… he be drinkin' that?'
'Aye. Jus' don't let 'im near any rum. Or mark my words, Anamarie'll have your head shrunken on a belt buckle.'
Sully nodded, wincing. 'No rum for the captain. Vile brew. No problem, Josho.'
'Aye, but it is,' Mr. Gibbs chuckled in amusement to himself, as he quickly headed for the lowered gangplank, "if you truly like livin, lad.'
'You lowly coward, desertin' us,' Marty chuckled woefully, hanging from the ratlines as an outraged female shriek from the direction of the captain's doorway hastened Gibbs departure. A distressed blue-winged parrot fluttered overhead, barely beating the small man to the crow's nest and safety.
TBC
AN: You think this is crazy? Just what til you see Jack's hallucinations!!