Name: Mentem, qui dudum perii

Name Meaning:Sanity, I lost that a long time ago

Summary:'Sanity is what everyone thinks i lack, but in all honesty, the only thing i lack is...the will to live.'Ciel, age of 17 is taken to a mental hospital after trying to commit suicide. Ciel's doctor,Sebastian M. is to try to find out the reason for his course of actions.A diary is given,Words of wisdom are written, and friendship will be questioned~

Chapter one: The will is lacking

Name: Ciel Phantomhive

Age:17

Reasons to live: None

Why i write in this stupid thing:No idea.

Dear Diary,

It's been a while...My mind takes me back to that day every waking moment. The screams of agony from my parents,

the helplessness i felt as the hot flames licked at there skin burning them to the bone. For some reason...I find myself wondering why i didn't die along with them.

For some reason, im still here! Why am i here! If i could, i would go back in time and trade places with my parents.

They were to nice of people, to good to deserve that..ending! but me...Me, i deserve every kind of torture that god has in store for me.

But i must say, this life was well spent...But , everything must come to an end, and this is the day my last chapter is,I'll be able to be put down to rest,and I'll be able to stop my mind for all eternity.

So, my dearest who reads this, this is...my goodbye.

Ciel sighed as he closed his diary one last time, as his eyes wondered around his room once more. His pale hands reached for the weapon that would end this questionable game of razor blade became his closest friend, and now...it will be the cause of his death.

Come on skinny love just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

Ciel pushed the blade onto his wrist, the pressure already bringing blood towards the surface. A small sad smile spread upon his lips.

"This will only hurt a little..." a soft whisper came from his thin pale lips.

Tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right in this moment this order's tall

Ciel slowly pulled the razor towards him, a small painful whine came from him as blood spilled from his pale skin.

"Just a couple more..."

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

His arm shook from all the pain, warm crimson liquid poured from the slits. He slowly pulled the bloodied razor and cut another deep line. Old tears that never fell, fell, purifying his bloods existence.

In the morning I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

A scream echoed from his throat as he fell to his knee's. His blood being drained, his vision became blurry. His heart pounded in his ears telling him he was still alive. no..i don't deserve to live...just one more cut t-to untie me fr-from this earth...

Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in lite brassieres
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

One final cut was served as Ciel tossed the razor to the side of his room and wobbled to his fell to the floor making it look like a murder scene. Ciel closed his eyes, a small sigh bouncing from his lips. as words poured as fast as his blood fell.

"Don't you worry, ill be fine...let this be a lesson, nothing, not even sanity could lie..." his whispers became hoarse as he opened his eyes, only to be shown that his vision was fading.

"Nothing will ever be fine...not since that day..."

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

Ciel's aunt just got home from a long day at work, her lips were painted red as was her hair. A smile was pressed onto her lips as she walked into her lovely house.

"Ciel! im home sweetheart!" She called, when she didn't get an answer, she sighed and walked to towards his room.

"Ciel, come on...i know going to a new school is a pain in the ass but you gotta get used to it," she said as she walked down the hall towards his room.

"I'll tell you what, we can go get some cake at "Lee's Chocolate's" if you wish" when she got no answer to that, she got worried.

"Ciel?" she whispered as she neared the door, a shaky hand reaching for the door nob.

And now all your love is wasted
And then who the hell was I?
And I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

She quickly opened the door, what she saw made her fall to the floor.

"C...C...Ciel! no...n..nonononono not...not you too!" She sobbed as she rushed over to the pale boy.

"Ciel, Please!" her hands ran threw his hair, she saw the tinniest smiles frozen on his lips and a note by his hips.

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?
Ooh, ooh

She grabbed the note as her shaking hands dialed 911.

Her nephews note said something that could brake anyone's heart.

"Please don't cry, it's only for the night. let me fall between the star's, The pain and sorrow won't be there tomorrow, but memories will last a life time. I wasn't strong, a never shall i be, they took everything i had...and now im left with nothing...this is my final chapter, this is my final goodbye."

A sob escaped her throat as the ambulance finally came. A woman was trying to coax her sadness but it wasn't helping, all she could say was,

"Why?" Was she not good enough for him to stay, was her little nephews soul to broken to be fixed again.

"No!" her hands clashed to her hair as she paced around the wait room. Everything was going by so fast she could keep count.

Finally about an hour latter she found herself sitting in a chair half asleep when the doctor came in.

"Madam Red?"

Her head shot up "Yes, Is my nephew alright, is he okay?!" she said frantically.

The doctor smiled sadly "Yes, he is just fine, but he did lose alot of blood, he will have to stay here for a week...and he will have to be transported to Inter mountain the mental hospital just down the block for attempted suicide, just give us all his information and then you may go see him." the doctor said as he handed her a writing bored with a piece of paper with questions attached to it.

Relief flushed over her as tears spilled from her eyes once more.

"Thank you..." she whispered as she sat down and wrote out Ciel's information.

The doctor nodded and as he turned around and started to walk off he stopped and turned his head with a friendly smile.

"By the way madam, my name is Lou." he said and continued off back to where another patient stayed.

Quite, is all that reached her now, and right now she doesn't seem to mind.

Alright there you guys go, my new story, tell me if you like it if you don't what ever i really don't care, ill fix it up later.

anyway, i don't own anything except the plot and new people that may come into the story.

Bye! leave a review and please favorite!