Everybody Loves Daisuke
By: JC Maxwell-Yuy
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JC: I'M BACK! Daisuke's next!
Daisuke: NNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
JC: What? I thought you liked me!
Daisuke: I do not like you! You're fanfics scare me!
JC: Come on, Daisuke, I don't bite.
Daisuke: But you torture! Oh, the torture! Pleasedonotdoan'EverybodyLoves'ficforme! PleaseohpleaseI'lldoanything!
JC: … … (scratches head) What'd he say?
Daisuke: JC doesn't own Digimon Adventure 02, thank GOD!
JC: And now, our feature presentation!
Daisuke: I get a towel, don't I? We need feedback!
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'The wonders of indoor plumbing™!' Daisuke threw his head back under the stream of hot water. Steam rose into the air, thickening it. 'This is bliss…' he ran his fingers over his body and…
"DAISUKE!" Jun's annoying shriek came from outside. "HURRY UP! I'VE BEEN WAITING THIRTY MINUTES!"
"All RIGHT ALREADY! DON'T HAVE A COW!" Daisuke shouted back. His sister walked away, mumbling something about 'girls taking longest in the shower'. He shrugged, and pulled back the shower curtain to check on Chibimon, who was bathing in the sink.
"Daisuke! Daisuke!" he giggled and splashed some water at his partner.
The boy laughed, but didn't spray his digimon back, for the last time that happened, there was a massive flood, and he'd been grounded for weeks.
"Chibimon, we have to hurry up, before Jun knocks the door down." Daisuke grinned and finished his shower and dried himself and his digimon off.
"I swear, why do take that stuffed animal with you to the bathroom?" Jun huffed as she went in to the vacated bathroom.
"None of your business. If you tell anyone, it's goodbye to Mr. Fuzzy-Bunny-Lumpkins™!" Daisuke threatened.
"You wouldn't!" Jun glared and slammed the door in her brother's face.
"PBBBBBTTTTT!" Daisuke stuck his tongue out at the closed door.
The next day, Daisuke woke up when a sweet smell came in through the door. Jun was taking her morning-shower-that-smells-sweet-despite-the-person-showering™. Just when he decided to get out of bed, the door flew open and Jun pranced in like a little fairy in her towel.
"OOO! Good morning to you my dearest little brother!" she sang in her not-so-sing-song-voice™.
"What do you want?" Daisuke complained as he shielded his eyes from the 'light'.
"I just wanted to tell you that my newest body wash will make Yama-chan fall in love with me, FOREVER! AND EVER! AND EVER!" the pink haired girl shrieked, all giddy and sugar high. She then left, all flushed and happy, making Daisuke think that showering wasn't the ONLY thing she did in there.
"I was sleeping." Chibimon complained.
"I want to see what she was so hyped up about." Daisuke, his curiosity getting the better of him, like it always did. He entered the bathroom and looked at the body wash label.
'Lovely Smells™! Make ANYONE fall in love with you! Apply lather and rinse. No maiming involved!' the label declared.
"Anyone?" Daisuke asked to no one in particular, thinking of that certain someone he'd been dying to get to notice him. (Hikari, Takeru, Ken, who could it be?) The boy also noted in the directions said:
'This product will not work on obsessed fan girls with pink hair that are trying to enslave hot, blonde, irresistible singers.'
"Boy, she wasted her money." Daisuke laughed and jumped into the shower, and squeezed a whole bunch of the liquid on a wash cloth. Unfortunately, he didn't see the warning on the bottle.
'Beware. This product has unmentionable-side-effects™ on kawaii little goggle boys!' it said in big, red-ominous-letters™.
After washing himself and his unmentionables, which are mentioned quite often, Daisuke went to his room and changed into his best outfit, and of course, the goggles.
"Daisuke! You smell good!" Chibimon snuggled his partner.
"Thanks! I'm hoping that…" Daisuke was cut off when Jun screamed from the bathroom.
"YOU USED MY BODY WASH! I'M GONNA… OOO! YAMATO'S HERE!" the girl's voice echoed through the house. A few seconds later, her head poked in. "I'll forgive you if you keep him entertained while I finish getting ready." And she was gone.
Daisuke opened the door to reveal a tired looking Yamato.
"Oi… Daisuke?" the blonde's eyes opened wider. Yamato rubbed his eyes and looked harder at Daisuke. "You look different."
"Ah, er… um… that is… uh…" Daisuke suddenly found himself blushing and sweating.
"You look uncomfortable." Yamato slipped inside the apartment and closed the door. "Maybe I can help you." He said in a seductive voice.
"What?" goggle boy's eyes went wide as Yamato slowly slid a hand under his shirt. "EEP!"
"Mmm…" Yamato smiled a creepy smile. "Maybe we should go someplace more… private."
"Ahhhhh… chotto!" Daisuke moaned as Yamato slowly sucked on his neck.
"YAMATO!" Jun screeched as she took in the scene. After seeing the two together, she tore past them and out the door screaming 'Oh GOD! HEARTBREAKER YOU GOT THE BEST OF ME!'
"Yamato! Cut it out!" Daisuke pulled free. "Man, what has come over you?"
"My true feelings for you, love! Now come and give me a big kiss!" Yamato leaned forward, arms outstretched.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Daisuke ran as fast as his legs could carry him to the Yagami apartment.
'Hopefully, Hikari can help me out. Speaking of hope…' he stopped when he saw Takeru. 'Takeru's reasonable. He can figure out…'
"DAISUKE-CHAN!" Takeru turned and gave the boy a big smile.
"Takeru! I need… Hey, when did you start calling me 'chan'?" Daisuke backed away suspiciously when he saw Takeru's eyes glowing.
"Oh Dai-chan! I want you now!" Takeru's grin got wider, and he nearly pounced on the poor, poor, goggle boy.
"AAAACCCCKKK!" Daisuke dodged the 'Gilligan Hat™' boy and ran for all he was worth, which led him straight into Miyako and Ken.
"Daisuke-kun! I was just talking about you… Wow, you look sexy today." Miyako's voice suddenly slurred, and a happy, happy, not-a-good-sign-look™ appeared on her face.
"Oh no." Daisuke paled when he saw Ken drooling.
"Daisuke… let me tutor you forever and ever and ever!" the purple haired boy's face had a big toothy smile, unusual and abnormal for Ken.
"Not you too." Daisuke moaned and took off in the other direction, only to run into Iori, who also chased after him.
"I CAN SHOW YOU MY KENDO STICK MOVES!" the small boy called after him.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!" Daisuke ran even faster to Hikari's.
On the way, he passed Koushiro and Jyou, who were making out one minute, and then chasing him the next. He jumped over trashcans and ran past ramen stands, even swiped a toy ambulance and took off toward that apartment. Along the way, he spotted Jun, who was being chased by big, ugly, hairy women and fat bulldogs that had fleas.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!" Jun screeched as she swiped the ambulance from Daisuke and took off to Walla Walla Washington.
"COME BACK DAISUKE! I WANNA SHOW YOU WHAT I LEARNED HOW TO DO OVER THE INTERNET!" Koushiro yelled after him.
"DAISUKE! YOU NEED A CHECK-UP! I CAN 'DOCTOR' YOU INTO PLEASURE!" Jyou called.
"No thank you!" Daisuke ran even faster away from those offers.
"DAISUKE!" The huge stampede followed him all the way to Hikari's apartment.
"HIKARI! I NEED HEEEELLLLLLPPPPPPPPP!" Daisuke pounded on the door, but instead of Hikari, Taichi answered instead.
"Daisuke…" a really seductive smile curled over Taichi's lips as he pulled Daisuke into the apartment.
"Taichi wait a minute!" the shorter boy protested.
"The number of fics with us as a couple are pitiful." He whispered into goggle boy's ear. "Let's increase that number tenfold!" Taichi started to strip but…
"ONIICHAN! HOW DARE YOU!" Hikari screamed as she pulled Daisuke away from her brother.
"Hikari-chan! I need help! You see…" Daisuke trailed off when he saw Hikari's eyes flash green.
"What's the matter Daisuke? Aren't I who you want?" the girl nipped his ear.
"EEEEEEEPPPPPPPP!!!" Daisuke pulled free and slammed right into Taichi.
"How sweet, I knew you'd choose me!" the former leader of the chosen children smiled.
"FORGET IT!" Daisuke turned and opened the door. 'Big mistake!' he thought when he saw all the other kids outside, drooling and lust shining in their not-so-normal eyes.
"MINE!" the whole gang charged.
"EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!!!" and one goggle boy cried out.
Four hours later, Daisuke lay in his bed, tired, naked, 'And hopefully, this was all a dream.' He groaned as he stretched his aching arms. They wouldn't stop pulling and tugging at him so he literally jumped out of his clothes and made a break for it.
Yawn -Chibimon
'Of course… this was all probably just a bad dream… I mean, I sleep naked sometimes and I was probably sleep walking in my room again and…' Daisuke's eyes went wide when he saw hands reaching in through the window blinds.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
The End™? Well, not quite yet…
"Welcome to McDonalds, can I take your order?" Jun sighed and flipped another hamburger. "One coke and a french fries, that'll be… EEEEPPPP!!!" she turned and ran when she saw the fat scary hairy woman and a bulldog next in line.
The End of the Show™? Well… maybe…
"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Finale? I don't think so.
"COME BACK HERE MY PRETTY LITTLE MISSY!" the fat scary hairy lady and her ugly cheeky bulldog chased after Jun through the Mississippi River in a paddleboat-for-fat-scary-hairy-women-and-bulldogs™.
Done? Hardly.
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
Intermission? I've only just begun.
"GET ME OUT OF HERE!" Jun screamed as the fat, scary, hairy lady and fifteen ugly, cheeky, smelly bulldogs chased her in a shopping cart from Safeway™.
Break already? Take five.
"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"
All right already, here we go.
"YOU!" Daisuke cried as the person crawled in through the window.
"Yes, it's me again. Do you want to be normal?"
"YES! OH YES! PLEASE! PLEASE!" Daisuke bowed his head.
"I love it when they grovel. OK, just shower with this tealeaf under your tongue and everything will go back to the way it was… more or less." And the mysterious person that only Daisuke knows was gone.
"All this time, the cure was this?!" Daisuke grumbled and went into the shower with the tealeaf under his tongue. "I thought it would be lizard tails or something."
And things went back to the way they were… almost. Except for the fact that Daisuke had to sing in the choir, everything was just peachy.
The End, Finally!
Daisuke: YES! I SURVIVED! I'M ALLLIIIIIIVVVVVVVVEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!