Dear Reader: this is a Misadventure of the Avengers. This means that it is one of many random stories for entertainment value only. This Misadventure will include my Original Character, Naomi Carson. You don't necessarily have to read my fan fiction starring her… just know that she, in the fan fiction, is an Avenger and Loki's love interest. This story is from her point of view. Keep in mind that the Misadventures are purely entertainment, and don't necessarily have anything to do with the actual Avengers storyline. The Misadventures are meant purely to entertain the insanely bored Avengers fans, like myself. Guess that's all… continue… at your own risk. O.O
Operation: Avenge our money
"So remind me again why we're going to the most expensive restaurant in, like, the history of the Earth?" I asked Tony, looking out the window of the limo we were all in.
"Because the fancy struck me to go to the restaurant, and I didn't feel like going alone," tony shrugged, leaned back in the leather of the limo seat.
"I know sometimes it's hard for you to remember, but you do have a girlfriend," I rolled my eyes. "I should not have to remind you about this."
"Pepper refuses to go to that restaurant with me." Tony shook his head.
"And why's that?" I asked.
"She thinks I go there whenever I feel like blowing a bunch of money for no reason. But who needs her? Besides I can spend more money by bringing all of you guys with me rather than it just being me and her. Also, she says I take the high prices as a challenge to spend even more."
"Which is true," Natasha cut in.
"Well, yes, it's true, but what are you guys complaining about?" Tony asked, glaring around.
"Couldn't your money be put to better use than going out to the most expensive restaurant in town just because you feel like it?" Rogers asked.
"I am putting it to good use! I'm going to buy a very expensive dinner for all my best friends," Tony protested.
"Darn it, now he thinks we're his friends," I muttered to Loki.
"Not only that, but he thinks we're his best friends," he murmured back.
"I never asked to be on that list," I smirked. "Who would want to be best friends with Tony Stark?"
"Hey, don't complain, he's buying us a very expensive dinner, remember?" Loki whispered, glancing at Stark.
"And it's called The Black hole?" Banner asked distastefully, referring to the restaurant we were headed for.
"Why is it called The Black Hole?" Thor asked.
"Because large quantities of money are sucked out of your wallet when you go in there, never to be seen again," Tony smiled.
I sighed. "Thank God we have a friend like Stark. We'd never be able to get within a ten yard radius of that place without him," I sighed.
Okay, The Black Hole. A very good name. As soon as you walk in, you're expected to pay fifty dollars per person. That's just to sit down. Tony kept on telling us not to worry, he was a billionaire and he could afford to blow this money for fun. Great. Because the rest of us couldn't afford to blow this money for necessity, let alone fun. So we relaxed, had a great time, ate some good food, drank some good wine, and had some good dessert. Well, we thought it was good. It may have been horrible, but the fact that it was gourmet made the most disgusting food taste heavenly. It wouldn't have tasted as good if it were served in a fast-food restaurant.
Shortly after dessert was served, tony got a phone call and left to take it. "Be right back," he told us, holding up his phone to indicate where he was going.
The rest of us finished dessert and waited for Tony to come back and pay the bill. We waited a while. And then a while longer. Tony still wasn't back. We were starting to get nervous. The happy conversation at our table had stopped. Now we were muttering uneasily. Loki and I played footsie under the table, banner, Thor, and Steve kept on whispering, "Where is he?" and Natasha and Clint kept looking at their watches.
"Alright, I'm going to call him," I announced, looking nervously at the waiter who had been hovering menacingly nearby since he had brought the check.
Tony's cell went to voicemail twice. The third time I called, he answered.
"Tony, where are you?" I demanded.
"Buying iron ore at an auction. Why, where are you?" he asked casually.
"At The Black Hole, waiting for you to pay the bill!" I shouted. "You're buying iron ore at an auction?!"
"Oh, yeah…" Tony muttered. "I forgot about you guys. Yeah, I got a call saying that some really good quality iron ore was being auctioned off, so I couldn't miss the opportunity. You guys can cover the bill, right?" he asked brightly.
I stared around the table at the rest of the group. "No. no, Tony, we can't. You have got to come here and pay the bill for us. Like you said you would."
"I can't, Naomi, I'm in the middle of this right now. You guys will think of something," with that, stark hung up, and the line went dead.
I stared at the phone in my hand.
"Well?" Bruce asked. "Where is he? When's he gonna come pay?"
"He's not. The smeghead left," I said, furious. "He says we'll think of something. We have to pay."
Everyone looked horrified. Tentatively, as if he was picking up a bomb, Steve picked up the bill and scanned down to the bottom. His jaw dropped. He looked up at us.
"Are you ready to pay your bill, sirs and madams?" the waiter asked, looking at us like a vulture looks at a dying rabbit.
We cowered. "Just a moment, please," I said in a quavering voice. "How are we going to afford this?" I hissed to the rest of them.
"Take all the cash out of our wallets and hope it's enough?" Clint suggested.
"I have a diamond necklace," Natasha said doubtfully, fingering the jewel on her neck.
"I have ruby earrings," I said hopefully.
"My shoes were pretty expensive," Steve suggested faintly.
"I have a nice watch…." Banner said weakly
Two hours later (because it takes that long to walk to my house from the Black Hole, and Tony took the limo, and we didn't have any money to call a cab), we all sank down into the couches and chairs of my living room.
"I hate Tony Stark," Steve said from his place sprawled on the couch.
"Agreed," everyone else murmured.
"he is the biggest jerk on the planet," Clint said.
"Agreed," everyone else murmured.
"I don't know why we're friends with him," Natasha sighed.
"Agreed," everyone else murmured.
"He should pay for this," Banner sighed.
"Agreed," everyone else murmured.
"Pay as in literal, or not very literal?" I asked slowly. "Pay, as in, we get revenge, or pay, as in, he gives us the money we spent?"
"Doesn't matter to me," Banner shrugged.
An idea struck me. "We should kill him."
Everyone else was silent.
"All those in favor?" I asked.
"Aye!" everyone else said forcefully.
"That guy has so got to die," Natasha nodded determinedly.
"Let's make it slow and painful, too," Bruce suggested.
"lots of slowness and lots of pain," Loki agreed.
"Wait, we can't kill Stark," Thor protested.
"No?" I asked. "why not?"
"Because he is our friend and ally!" Thor said.
"He's also a jerk, a selfish smeghead, an egotistical maniac, and the list could go on," I pointed out.
"But we still cannot murder him," Thor said obstinately.
The rest of us glanced darkly at each other. "Are you going to try to stop us?" Steve asked.
"Of course I will," Thor said. "He is a friend, ally, and he buys us expensive things. I will not allow you to kill him."
Five minutes later, Thor had duct tape over his mouth, his hands and feet were bound together, and we were shoving him into a hall closet. I ignored the muffled protests coming from inside as I slammed the door and locked it.
"Okay, now that we have no opposition in our team, what's the plan for killing Stark?" I asked.
"I have a plan," Loki said, looking seriously at us. "Step one, we kill him. Step two, we bury him. Step three, we dance on his grave. Step four—"
"Hang on," I interrupted. "We need a plan of how we're going to kill him."
Loki considered for a moment. "Yeah, good point."
"Also, I think we're going to need to get Pepper Potts out of the picture," Banner said thoughtfully. "She probably won't take kindly to us murdering her boyfriend."
I raised my eyebrows. "Heck, she would probably help us if we asked. If I had a jerk like him for a boyfriend, I would want to kill him."
"Hey!" Loki protested, jabbing me in the ribs with his elbow.
"Oh, yeah, good point," I grinned. "You're probably next. And Thor would most likely help with that, too."
"Stay on target, guys," Steve reminded us.
"Yeah, back to Stark," I said in a very business-like tone. "We can murder Loki later. In the meantime, I think we need a code name for our mission to kill Stark."
"Operation: tony Must Die?" Bruce suggested.
"Too obvious," I dismissed. "Something that doesn't automatically give away the motive."
"Operation: avenge our Money," Clint said maliciously.
"Excellent," I grinned savagely. "Our money will be avenged."
"Good morning, Tony," I gave him a genuine smile, feeling happy, genuinely happy.
"So how did last night go?" he asked. "You guys managed, right?"
"Of course we did," I said, still smiling. "I'm sure you wouldn't leave unless you were sure we could manage ourselves."
"Actually, I kind of just forgot about you," he confessed.
"Still, no harm done," I shrugged carelessly.
Tony went rigid and looked at me suspiciously. "Okay, who are you and what have you done to Naomi?"
I laughed. "I'm just saying nothing actually went wrong. We managed."
"What's going on here?" Tony repeated. "You would never say that under normal circumstances."
"Oh, nothing's going on," I waved my hand.
"And stop smiling. It's kind of creepy to see you smiling that much," Tony ordered.
I laughed again. Oh, you silly man, I thought. You have no idea that you will soon be dead, do you?
We had put together a sloppy plan last night. I would get Tony to come up to the roof, where the rest of the group was waiting to ambush him and push him off the side of the building. If it was a no-go on getting him to the roof, then we would simply take turns beating him to death. Loki was hoping desperately that we couldn't get him to the roof, but everyone else said tony appearing to jump off the side of the building was less suspicious than his dead body beaten to death in the middle of the living room.
"So where's everyone else?" Tony asked.
"Oh, they're around, I said vaguely. "I don't know. So I have something to show you."
"Oh, yeah? What?" Tony asked, still suspicious.
"We were working on it all night. It's up on the roof," I gestured vaguely upward.
"Uh huh…" tony looked at me critically. "You sure you're not mad about last night?"
"Yeah, we're all okay with it," I said breezily.
"Good. I thought you guys were going to kill me," tony laughed.
I laughed along with him, hoping it didn't sound too fake. Okay, maybe not fake. I was hoping it didn't sound too maniacal. Oh, yes. We are going to kill you, I thought. And then we're going to dance on your grave.
"So what's this surprise up on the roof?" Stark asked as we got into the elevator.
"If I told you, it wouldn't be a surprise," I said simply.
Stark stared at me suspiciously. "is it just me, or is this starting to sound more and more like the Lion King when Scar is setting Simba up to be killed by the rampaging herd of wildebeests?"
I looked at him in surprise. "I thought you'd never seen any Disney movies?"
"I was bored after the auction last night, so I had Jarvis play it for me," Tony shrugged. "But really, it does sound kind of weird."
"You're just being silly," I shook my head.
"Hey, Naomi, will I like the surprise?" Stark asked in a slightly high pitched and excited voice.
I gave him a look that said 'really?' I shook my head. "Please don't make me finish that."
"Come on, you know what I'm aiming for here," Tony prompted.
I grinned as the elevator stopped at the roof and slowly started to slide open. "Tony, it's to die for."
We stepped out onto the roof. A large group was standing not far from us.
"Why, hello, Stark," Steve smiled.
"Hello…" tony said slowly, looking around. "What's up?"
"Not much," Natasha said. "So, are you going to apologize for leaving us to fend for ourselves last night?"
"No, why should I?" tony asked. "I thought you were all okay."
"We will be," Loki nodded. "But we're not just yet."
"What are you talking about?" Tony asked, slowly backing away.
"We're going to do the world a favor," banner said simply. "We think the world will be better off if you decided to kill yourself because you couldn't live with being such a jerk."
"What?" Tony asked, sounding afraid now. "I'm not going to kill myself."
"Well, of course not," Steve sighed. "We know that. We decided to do it for you."
"You're going to kill me?!" tony asked, shocked.
"Look who just caught up," I rolled my eyes. "Certainly took you long enough."
"So, anyways, are you going to apologize?" Natasha asked again.
"Yes, yes, I'm sorry! I'm not worthy! I'm not worthy!" Tony got down on his knees. "I'm sorry!"
"Good," Clint nodded. "And now we're going to kill you."
"What? But I apologized!" Tony shouted, backing away as fast as he could.
"We didn't say we wouldn't kill you after you apologized, did we?" Steve asked. "We just thought you might want to go out with a somewhat cleaner conscience."
"Alright, can we kill him now?" I asked hopefully.
"And do we have to simply push him off the roof? I'm sure no one would notice if he had a couple of broken ribs after falling thirty stories to his death. We can give him a few good kicks, can't we?" Loki asked.
"Loki, we already told you, it's suspicious if he has excess wounds," Natasha glared at him.
"Guys, he's getting away," I snapped, running after tony, who had started backing away when they had gotten distracted. "Get him!" I shouted, running after our victim.
"And that right there was the moment when the hyenas notice that Simba and nala are running away! This is such a Lion King cliché!" tony shouted over his shoulder at the mob running after him.
We all tackled him, with Tony on the bottom of the pile, Natasha, then Clint, then me, then Steve, then Loki.
"Guys, get offa me!" Tony shouted, his voice muffled.
"Now what?" I asked everyone else. "And where'd Banner go?"
"Now, we throw him off the roof!" Clint said, trying to grab at Tony. "And I have no idea where Banner—"
There was a roar behind us as the Hulk jumped onto the top of the pile. "Hulk pile!" he shouted and he landed on top of the pile.
The roof gave way and we fell to the floor below. We all screamed as we continued falling through several successive floors.
When we stopped in the basement, we were all bruised, breathless, and groaning.
Stunned, we all lay there for a moment.
"is everyone still alive?" Steve asked from on top of me.
"yeah," we all groaned.
"Darn," I muttered. "Tony's still alive, too."
"or we're all dead," Tony added.
"nah, the Hulk's still here," I said breathlessly. "We're still alive."
"Are you people satisfied now?" Stark asked. "now that the tower has a gigantic hole in all the floors?"
"I'm not satisfied until I get to beat you up!" Loki said angrily.
"Because apparently falling through thirty floors isn't good enough," Clint sighed.
"I think it would be thirty two floors, actually," I mused. "We fell through the roof and the first floor into the basement."
"No, it'd only be thirty one," Tony corrected me. "The first floor would still be included in the thirty, but the roof adds an extra one."
"And you wonder why we want to kill you," I rolled my eyes.
"No one cares, Naomi," Clint said. "What matters is that Tony's still alive—"
"Is that what you call this?" Tony asked. "Certainly doesn't feel like life."
"And we don't know what our plan is from here. We didn't really plan this part," Clint finished.
"Hulk smash?" the Hulk asked hopefully.
"I don't know about you guys, but I'm starting to lose my bloodthirstiness," Steve sighed. "I think I'd rather take a nap."
"Agreed," Natasha, Clint, and tony said.
I glanced up at Loki. "Personally, I'd still like to kill him," I put in.
"Yeah, me, too," Loki said.
"Hulk smash," the Hulk said sadly.
"smash Loki," tony ordered. "If you have to smash someone, smash Loki."
"Hopefully that will satisfy all your bloodthirstiness," Natasha added.
"Yeah, I'm starting to agree with Rogers," Loki said quickly. "Naptime it is."
So we all decided we might as well call a truce. No killing each other, no backstabbing, no betrayals.
"Which reminds me," I said uncomfortably. "I think Thor's still bound and gagged in my hall closet."
Note from LoquaciousQuibbler: XD Ah, I always thought the Avengers should try to kill Tony… Honestly, he is my favorite "real" Avenger (since Naomi isn't "real" :P), but he is so irritating. So… yeah. Please review and let me know if I'm beyond insane, or if you found this as funny as I did.