WADDAAAAAP! Hanna Cabrodi here, folks! Well, I know it's been well over a month since I've actually updated "Romance Languages" but one change HAS been made, which was the ending of chapter 8. If you haven't read it, go check it out. I don't know when I'll get to work on chapter 9 but I will do my best to see it gets done SOON! Meaning BEFORE Christmas HAHA!
Anyways, I wrote this little ditty because this song was stuck in my head this afternoon and I finally felt an ITCH of inspiration to write SOMETHING. So here it is.
I feel, however, I MUST make something ABSOLUTELY clear. I, in absolutely, NO WAY, SHAPE OR FORM, condone or glamorize suicide nor have I ever had the displeasure of planning to carry out said act. If you are suffering from depression, I encourage you to get help and seek God most importantly. I've been there and it hurts so bad but it was God alone who freed me from depression and I CANNOT make this up!
The topic of suicide and pregnancy has been pretty popular lately in these here parts. This story doesn't encompass the latter but, you get the point. I'm just following the trend w/ my own little twist.
That being said, I leave you with "Pass This Test."
DISCLAIMER: Hey Arnold AIN'T MINE! Neither is "Russian Roulette" by Rihanna. Don't you go on suing me, it's a free damn country, I do as I PLEASE, YA DIG!? :) (To God be the glory for any writing talent I may have.)
This was it.
Helga had enough of life.
Enough of the pain.
Enough of the heartache.
Enough of the suffering.
Enough of the unrequited love.
She'd had enough of coming home for the holidays from college only to be greeted by the Olga devotees known as her parents frowning in disappointment at not seeing their prized firstborn walk through the door.
She'd had enough of being the third wheel while her lifelong best friend and her boyfriend, now fiance, lived the relationship everyone dreamed of.
Most of all... she'd had enough of waiting for Arnold to love her. For years she'd continued to torment herself with loving a man who put others before himself but could never seem to feast his eyes on the girl who put HIM before herself.
Before her desires, before her happiness, before her life.
She'd always try to tell herself that she was truly worthy of being loved and that one day Arnold would finally realize that she was the only one who could truly love him the way he deserved... but to no avail.
All those wasted years, dreaming of being in the arms of the oblong headed boy who sheltered her with his green umbrella on the first day of preschool. Of the boy who saw goodness in her when all everyone else saw was a stone cold bully. Of the boy who always did the right thing.
The last she heard of him was that he and Lila Sawyer were very much involved in a committed relationship. Engaged, in fact. Of COURSE, they'd be together. Lila's pretty, perfect and has the personality any man would DREAM of in a woman. Polite, lady-like, courteous and respectful. She's, therefore, in Helga's book, the perfect match for Arnold. And Helga truly believed that she could never live up to those standards. She was never good enough for Arnold.
Helga graduated summa cum laude from the University of Hillwood with a bachelor's degree in English literature. Her parents never showed up to graduation. Olga did, however. And although she held slight resentment for her older sister after years of living in her shadow, Olga's presence at her graduation allowed Helga to want to construct a relationship with her.
Helga's life had begun to slightly turn around after college, what with her success as an English lit professor at her alma mater and the publication of two New York best seller novels, but her home life just didn't allow her to enjoy life. All of her old friends were either getting engaged, married or bearing children. And where was she?
Still living with her parents and as single as she's ever been. Soon enough, Phoebe's relationship with Gerald had caused their lifelong friendship to slip through her fingers and Olga was still the apple of her parents' eye. And she still had her heart clinging onto her Football Head.
She'd slipped into depression and slowly began to give up on life. She'd begun to immerse herself in a world of misery she'd constructed on her own and wanted out of this despicable life.
On this sunny day, Helga pulled up to a building altered by urban decay in the bowels of downtown Hillwood. She'd entered the abandoned edifice known as The RuRo Shack and approached the white table, the revolver and die in the hands of the one they call "RuRo Kavorkian."
"Come, sit," beckoned RuRo as Helga slowly took a seat.
She stared at the firearm in his hand and began to sweat, her hands shaking.
"Calm down, baby. Just breathe and relax, it'll be ova' before you know it."
Helga nodded and grabbed the die.
Take a breath, take it deep
"Calm yourself," he says to me
If you play, you play for keeps
Take the gun and count to three
I'm sweatin' now
Movin' slow
No time to think
My turn to go
Helga's heart began to pump at speeds that went past the sound barrier.
"What's the matter, girl? You scared?"
She nodded. "Y-yeah... But I have to do this... Life just wasn't made for everyone... Not for me..."
And you can see my heart beating
You can it through my chest
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
...
Arnold hadn't seen Helga in years. In fact, after having called off the wedding with Lila because they realized their love was more friendly than romantic, he hadn't really seen anyone from his elementary school days. He was in Hillwood visiting his grandparents and wanted to pay a visit to his old friends and Helga had crossed his mind. He'd been thinking about her a lot, lately and, quite frankly, he couldn't get to the root of the matter.
They were rather close in high school, especially after their best friends became an item but after he and Lila got together, Helga avoided him completely. It'd been years since then. I wonder if she's changed.
He knocked on the door of the Pataki household and stood there waiting for someone to answer it. No one answered. He suddenly had a pang in his chest like something very wrong was itching to occur.
Following his instincts, which are often correct, he climbed the fire escape beside the house and entered Helga's room, like he used to back in high school. The room was empty.
As he stepped into her bedroom, he noticed a letter was left on her bed, written out to her parents. Arnold wasn't usually one to intrude on other people's business... On second thought, it was his nature...
To Bob and Miriam,
It's been a displeasure... I'm gonna go pay a visit to RuRo. See you, well... Ha! I won't!
It's been real.
-Helga (See the "H" and the "E" in the beginning of my name, Bob? THAT'S how you spell it.)
"OH MY GOD!" Arnold grabbed the letter and dashed out of the room. He ran to his car and frantically turned on the ignition, slammed his foot onto the gas pedal and made his way to the infamous RuRo Shack.
...
RuRo continued to notice Helga's nervousness and unwillingness to grab the die.
"You know, if you want, you could say a prayer. It's a little awkward to be talkin' to God when you're about to leave but some people do it... It's s'posed to make it easier to deal with. Takes the guilt out..."
Helga nodded silently and began to say a prayer in her head.
Father, please forgive me.
I know that this is a sin but You left me behind... You abandoned me and now I feel I must take matters into my own hands. I can't keep pretending it's gonna be okay and that I'll be happy. Please forgive me. Please watch over my family and watch over Arnold and Lila. Bless them and keep them in Your love... Don't let them end up like me. Bless Phoebe and Gerald and their upcoming marriage. Let them know I love them. In Jesus' name... Amen.
A Voice began to make its way into her heart.
Helga, I never left... I've always been here and always will be. I gave you life to live it and only I can take it away... You are My child...
She shook it off. She won't be held back from doing this.
As Helga opened her eyes, she had this strange feeling as if someone was going to try and stop her from committing the deed. No, I'm just being crazy. Besides, Bob and Miriam probably won't see that note until next week, if I'm lucky.
Say prayer to yourself
He says "close your eyes, sometimes it helps"
But then I get a scary thought
That he's here
Means he's never lost
...
Just his luck. Arnold HAD to be stuck in a traffic jam in the middle of Hillwood's busiest avenue. The only one that was the fastest way to RuRo's Shack. As he sat there honking his horn to death, his mind began racing with questions. Why is she doing this? Why does she want to end her life? Who's responsible for this?
He began to think back to his grade school days... He remembered Helga's confession atop the FTi building, silently finding her reciting soliloquies in his honor though he brushed off the idea of Helga EVER loving Arnold. It was preposterous! How could Helga G. Pataki EVER love him?
But the more he thought about it, the more he realized he was only kidding himself. While with Lila, he had slowly begun to realize things that Helga had done for him. Sacrificing her snowboots, thanks to a less than anonymous tip from Mr. Hyunh's once long-lost daughter, dressing up as Cecile in order to date him on Valentine's Day in the fourth grade, sacrificing financial pleasure to save his neighborhood, stepping in to stop her father from destroying Mighty Pete and the list goes on.
It couldn't have been more obvious. Surely he knew that one factor couldn't have caused her to go off the deep end and choose suicide over life but it was definitely a cause.
I rejected her... I chose Lila over the one girl who wanted me to be happy despite herself...
As the epiphany made its way into the nooks and crannies of his conscious mind, Arnold, in desperation of the ridiculous traffic jam, stepped out of his car and ran to RuRo's Shack.
"I've gotta STOP HER!"
...
Helga grabbed the die and began to shake it, her heart pounding like a drumline.
And you can see my heart beating
You can it through my chest
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving
I know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
As she shook the die, she began having mental flashbacks on the good and bad of her life. Moments when her father, despite his usual ways, and her spent true quality time together, times where her mother was sober and shared laughs with her, times where she and Phoebe stayed up at all hours of the night talking on the phone laughing at grade school whathaveyous... those small but precious moments with Arnold. What'll they all say? What'll they think?
NO, NO! Stop it! Helga, ol' girl, you can't keep doing this! MAN UP! Errr... TOUGHEN UP! No one cares anyway!
As my life flashes before my eyes
I'm wondering will I ever see another sunrise
So many won't get the chance to say goodbye
But it's too late to think of the value of my life
She remembered how the game went as the die was released from her hand. "3" was the number on the die. Six chambers, one bullet, three spins. Sweat became tears as her hand slowly reached for the colt revolver, quivering.
And you can see my heart beating
You can it through my chest
Said I'm terrified but I'm not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test
...
Arnold reached the building and ran up the stairs to the infamous "RuRo Shack." He saw a defeated Helga reach for the revolver and spin the cylinder three times.
"NO! HELGA, STOP!" pleaded Arnold as he dashed in the room, his green eyes puddled with fear.
You can see my heart beating
Oh, you can see it through my chest
I'm terrified, but I'm not leaving, no
Know that I must pass this test
So just pull the trigger
Helga saw him and dropped the revolver in shock. RuRo remained silent then jumped up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold up, my nigga. You 5-0?"
Arnold shook his head in negation and looked back at Helga.
"Helga, please. Don't do this." he implored as he slowly stepped towards her.
Helga grabbed the revolver from the floor and aimed it at her head. "Arnold, back up."
"Homeboy, she ALREADY paid me for the bullet. Let her finish the job. Ain't no refunds in this." spat RuRo.
Arnold ignored RuRo's comment and began to step closer to Helga.
"Helga, please!" His green eyes began to flood with tears, his voice cracking.
"Arnold. GO. AWAY. Stay out of this!" She put her finger on the trigger, her eyes, too, watering up.
"Helga just hear me out for a second, PLEASE! Don't do this! I love you! PLEASE don't do this!"
She pulled the trigger.
Nothing came out.
Arnold began sobbing.
"You know what, this white people drama is too much crap for me. I ain't about to sit up here and watch this." RuRo stepped out of the room and waited outside.
Helga, in the meanwhile, just stood there, the revolver still in her hand. Her heart was still pounding. Not only because of the adrenaline rush of the sin she was about to commit against her life but because of the words that just crammed their way into her ears from her beloved's mouth. She began to lower the hand with the gun and stared into Arnold's eyes as she stepped closer.
"What did you say to me?" she asked, her voice whispering.
Arnold's mind began to race. Did I just say I love her? Was I lying?
The reminiscent thoughts that immersed themselves in his brain while on his way here slowly flooded their way back. After a few brief moments, he smiled. I'm not lying...
Arnold wiped his eyes and stepped closer to the suicidal blonde and took her empty hand. "I said... I love you." He looked deep into her sapphire eyes.
Helga remained frozen in her tracks. No, he has to be lying. He's just doing it so I don't kill myself and he can waltz back to Lila with a clear conscience. Sick bastard.
She took the revolver and pointed it at his head. "Of all the times to play with my heart, you pick NOW. Way to go, you STUPID Football Head. ALWAYS have to be the FRICKEN hero, huh?" She scoffed. "Does Lila even know you're here? I might as well call the little frou frou red-head and tell her!"
Arnold began to panic at the sight of a gun pointed at his head. "Helga, me and Lila called off the wedding months ago. We decided to be friends! A-and, I would NEVER make something like this up!"
"YES YOU WOULD, ARNOLD!" she shouted angrily. "You WOULD try to tell me you love me so you can be a hero and save my life! How COULD YOU!?"
Before Arnold could get a word in edgewise, Helga spun the cylinder once more and pulled the trigger.
Once again, nothing happened.
She screamed in anger as she threw the revolver to the other side of the room and stepped to Arnold and punched him square in the jaw. He fell backwards and hit a few cardboard boxes behind him.
"YOU SICK BASTARD!"
Helga ran to the gun to check which chamber had the bullet so she could finally finish herself off. She couldn't handle the idea of Arnold pulling such a cruel prank to her heart. That, to her, was the icing on the miserable cake that is her life.
She grabbed the gun and opened the cylinder only to find that there was not ONE bullet in any of the six chambers.
"RUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" she screamed as she once again threw the revolver. She finally broke down and sobbed. "DAMN YOUUUU!"
Arnold composed himself after Helga's blow and stood up. He kneeled down next to her and pulled her into a tight embrace as tears began to flow freely from his eyes.
Helga was too wound up in anger and confusion while sobbing at her unsuccessful suicide attempt that she barely noticed when Arnold wrapped his arms around her.
She opened her sapphire pools and noticed Arnold crying as well. Her body felt too weak for her to break loose from his grip on her.
"Why're you crying, you stupid Football Head?" she asked, her voice muffled into his chest.
He pulled her face up, lifted her chin with his finger and looked into her eyes. "Helga, I couldn't stand to lose you... especially that way." He began to explain to her that he'd gone to her house to catch up on lost time when he'd found the letter on her bed.
"Helga, today I realized that while I had my eyes set on a seemingly perfect match for me, I had the woman of my life in my face the whole time without realizing it. She threw spit balls at me, called me names and threw feathers on my glue-covered butt."
She chuckled at the memory. Her facial expression then dropped.
"Arnold, I... I didn't wanna live anymore. I... Everyone's life was developing, getting married, making babies. My parents didn't care... No one did..."
He cupped her cheeks and kissed her forehead. "Helga, I do... I think I always did but it didn't take me until this exact day to realize it. If I hadn't gone to your house today, chances are I would have only been able to tell you in a graveyard... I meant every word I said... I love you."
Helga's eyes once again began to water. Criminy, this keeps up, I'm gonna develop dry eye...
Her voice cracked as she spoke. "Arnold, you don't know how long I've been waiting for you to say those words to me..."
He stroked her tears away with his thumb. "Preschool, huh?"
They laughed amidst their tears.
It slowly died down as they found themselves lost in each other's eyes, their faces coming closer and closer. Their lips made contact, and it took that first moment to conduct electricity through their veins. They kissed almost as if it were their last. Helga locked her hands around Arnold's neck while he stroked her blonde hair affectionately.
As they pulled apart, Helga spoke as a smile made its way across her face. "I passed."
"Passed what?" Arnold asked quizzically as he stood and pulled her up.
"The test of my life."
WELLLLLLLLLL! What'd you THIIIIIINK!? Good? Bad? Weird? Awkward? WHAT!? R&R, PLEAAAAAAASE! I beg of you!
God bless you all. And I hope you grasp the true message of this one-shot: No matter what has happened, no matter who's done your wrong and what you've faced, YOU ARE LOVED. Life is beautiful and it is a gift from God.
-Hanna Cabrodi :D