1/21/10
This story is something I'm working on until my writer's block goes away, because it's simple to write I shouldn't have much trouble with it. To those of you who are reading A Man and His Boy and Bent and Broken, I'm sorry. Hopefully I'll be able to continue those stories soon, as well as my other less prominent fics.
Disclaimer: I do not own the legal rights to Harry Potter.
WARNING!: This story contains scenes of rape and abuse which are rated NC-17. If you are not of legal age, do not read.
*I do NOT, in any way shape or form, condone the abuse of children. All characters are fictitious.
Grammatical errors made in the journal entries are intentional, made to be appropriate for the journal writer's age.
XxXxX
Severus Snape, Potions Master and professor at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry was in a foul mood. Once again, Harry Potter had eluded him. He knew the boy was sneaking out of his dorm after hours and he also knew that unless he was caught, the Headmaster would not allow punishment. The man was almost certain there would be no punishment even if he did manage to catch him. It was infuriating.
He sighed, not bothering to hide his frustration whilst no one was around. There was no need for masks in the darkness of night. As he walked, he thought of ways to get even with Potter. Taking house points and giving detentions only went so far.
'What I wouldn't give for one hour alone with the brat,' he thought. 'I'd show him what Slytherin punishment i-'
Clap.
Snape looked down at his feet. He had stepped on something. Under his right shoe, he saw a book. Sighing again, he bent down and picked it up to examine it. It was thin, with a black leather cover and white paper pages. It was muggle. He noticed strong locking charms placed on it, making it impossible to open. Whoever owned this didn't want its contents read.
Deciding it might be a dangerous artifact, he made his way quickly back to his rooms and began using his Dark Arts expertise to counteract the locking charms. After an hour of trying with no success he was beginning to get annoyed. In a moment of pure frustration, he shouted out, "Confringo!"
He felt as his core poured all his magic into the curse and watched, wide eyed, as the book snapped open with a loud crack. He panted, magically exhausted, and walked over on shaky legs to pick up the book. Gently, he opened it, careful of possible curses within. But when he saw what it was, he relaxed a bit.
It was a diary. Just a simple, albeit heavily locked, diary. He let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding. It was a relief, and at the same time, a disappointment. He had spent an hour trying to open a diary?
"What a waste of time," he growled, tossing the thing on his desk and moving to sit in his favorite armchair by the couch. He sighed as the warmth of the flames embraced his tired body and soon found himself relaxing. He stared into the fire, trying not to think of the diary, and failing.
An uncharacteristic curiosity was flowing through him, and before he knew it he was opening the sleek leather cover and reading the first page.
XxXxX
March 4th, 19XX
Dear diary,
I found you today. You were in the garbage can at the park. I don't know why you were thrown out. Maybe it is because your cover is all torn up but it does not matter to me. I will give you a job. I will right down my life and you will keep it safe. OK? I will not right my name in you because my family will get mad if they find you are mine. I do not want uncle mad at me. He scares me. I will take you home now. Bye.
X
March 7th, 19XX
Dear diary,
I hid you real good. uncle has not found you and I am glad. I think he will hit me if he thinks I stole you. He always thinks I am being bad. I do not think I am bad. I try to be a good boy and not make them mad. I clean and I cook and I stay quiet. I hope they love me soon. I want them to love me. I hear some one coming. Bye.
X
March 8th 19XX
Dear diary,
uncle got mad at me today. He said I did not cook right and started yelling real loud. He hit my head and it hurt. He made me stay in my cupboard all day. I feel bad. I will try to cook good next time. Bye.
XxXxX
Severus was in awe. This boy was young if the writing was anything to go by, and he talked about being hit by his uncle, about living in a cupboard. What kind of person could be raised like this? He knew of many children in Slytherin house who were abused, could it be one of them? Was this that student's childhood diary?
He skipped through the pages, looking for more information. Most of the entries talked about "being a good boy" and getting love from his relatives. The boy longed for their care, to be treated in a way he should have been treated his whole life. By the time he reached the winter entries, he was seething.
XxXxX
December 24rd, 19XX
Dear diary,
My family went out with Piers family tonight. Uncle locked me in my cupboard and told me to be quiet. My stomach hurts. I need food. I snuck out of the cupboard and into the kitchen. Auntys chicken leg had meat still on it. I'm glad. I picked the bad stuff off and ate the chicken. There was half a roll. I ate that two. I do not like the taste of this food but I am glad to eat. I need to go back to my cupboard befour they get back. Bye.
X
December 25th, 19XX
Merry Crismas diary,
Today is Crismas and I am in my cupboard again. I can see my family in the living room opening presents from the tiny openings. Dudley got lots of stuff again. Some times I wish I could have stuff too but I can't because I am a freak. I do bad things. I do not mean to. They just happen. I hope the bad things will stop so they will love me. I want them to love me for Crismas. Happy holiday.
X
January 15th, 19XX
Dear diary,
School was fun today. Miss Pince told me I was a good writer. She asked me what kinder garden I went to to be so good and I told her I did not go to kinder garden. She frowned and I said sorry. She smiled and I was happy again. She said she would help me with spelling so I can be a better writer. I hope I can make uncle and aunty happy. Bye.
X
January 25th, 19XX
Dear Diary,
Miss Pinces tutoring is helping me. I can write better and articilate my sentences. She said that if I practice hard I can be in the spelling bee. I'm excited. I hope I can win. Bye.
XxXxX
'A spelling bee,' Snape thought, flipping through the pages to find the entry.
XxXxX
May 13th, 19XX
The spelling bee is tomorrow and I am very excited. I want to win the pretty blue ribbon. Uncle has been staring at me angrily and I want him to stop. I don't like it when he's angry. I hope the ribbon makes him happy. Bye.
X
May 14th, 19XX
Dear Diary,
I won! I won the blue ribbon! I can't believe I won. This is the first time I have ever won anything. I'm so happy. I'll run home and show uncle. Then he'll be happy too. Bye!
Same Day
Uncle hurt me. He took off his belt when I showed him the ribbon. I didn't understand until he started hitting me with the belt. It hurt. It hurt worse than his fists do. When he stopped he took my ribbon and threw it in the fire. I cried and he kicked my stomach. I almost threw up. I'm locked in my cupboard now. It's so dark. It hurts.
XxXxX
Snape's fingers tightened around the covers as he read the entries. The man had used a belt against a child, against his own family. Severus felt sick, forced to remember when his father had done the same thing to him. Remembering the pain, far more emotional than physical, that had come with the blows, and the scars that remained years after.
He couldn't stop now. He had to read on, to try and figure out whom the child was and to help him, if he wasn't too late.
X
The next morning, Severus ate his breakfast quickly. He wanted to get to his classroom and set up for his first class early. That way he could read before the little miscreants got there. Swallowing his last bite, he made his way down into the dungeons. Using his magical skills, he was able to set up while remaining at his desk. He thanked Merlin he was good at charms as well as potions. Placing a locking charm on the door, he removed the diary from his robes and began reading where he had left off.
The date was smudged as though it had been erased.
XxXxX
Dear Diary,
I turned eight today. My uncle gave me a pair of his old socks and my aunt gave me a coat hanger. I thanked them, even though I don't like the gifts. Hand-me-down socks and a coat hanger from my cupboard aren't presents. Not really. I have a bad feeling about today, Something bad is going to happen to me. I hope I'm wrong, but my feelings usually aren't. Maybe something will happen at tonight's dinner… Mum, please protect me.
X
August 2, 19XX
It hurts. It hurts. Uncle brought a man from his work over to the house for dinner on my birthday. He looked like an ordinary business man, important in this suit. I had seen him over at the house before. He had stared at me strangely. I didn't understand… I didn't understand until now. Uncle took me to Dudley's second bedroom. He told me to sit on the bed and be quiet. I stayed there and waited for uncle to come and get me so I could go back in my cupboard. I heard footsteps and stood up. Then uncle's business friend came in. Uncle told him to lock the door and handed him a sock. I was confused. Why would he need to lock the door? Why did he need a sock? The man grabbed my arm. I asked him what he was doing. He smiled and I got scared. I tried to cry out, but the man shoved the sock in my mouth and I couldn't get my screams out. He touched me. He… It hurt. It hurt so bad. I needed to tell someone it hurt. Thank you, diary.
XxXxX
Severus' heart nearly stopped. The child had been raped… Before he could even begin to try and comprehend this horrible fact, his alarm went off. It was time for class to begin. With a shaking hand, he placed the diary in one of his desk drawers and undid the locking charm on the door. As his students filed into the room, taking their seats, he wondered how he was going to make it through the day normally.
XxXxX
Well, there's chapter one. Hope you enjoyed.