I AM YOUR FATHER

by xdiamondsxarexshinyx

At the Final Battle, something very different takes place... A crackfic, inspired by my dad. Written by my sister and I. Not slash.

It was the Final Battle. The air was thick with the scent of death. Bodies lay strewn across the Hogwarts grounds (and in one case, on the rooftop of the astronomy tower). Curses volleyed back and forth between the two sides. Even the giant squid was shooting laser beams out of its tentacles. Chaos reigned.

Suddenly, a voice called, "HALT."

Voldemort stepped forward. "Thou art clearly losing, Pottah. But because I am merciful if thou shalt step forth, Pottah, I shall stop the siege."

Harry stepped forth. They circled each other, sizing the other up.

Harry spoke. "Dude, what you be trippin' on? I WON'T KILL YOU…TOM."

Voldemort's flat slits of nostrils flared and he sneered. "Why? Is it because of the old fool's talk of love?"

Harry shook his head slowly. Dramatically, he said, "No, Voldemort. It is because, Tom, I…AM YOUR FATHER!

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"