Star Fox Commando: The Sexiest Story Ever
One day, it was a really nice day, in the Lylat System. All was well cuz Star Fox defeated the Anglars and made sure they didn't do nothing to corneria. Actually, they did, and at the same time, didn't, because of a groundhog day loop that introduced multiple realities and endings. What I'm saying is some douchebag with an emulator abused save states so Fox and his friends would be happy, suffer, be happy, and suffer all over again.
Anyway, Fox McCloud, the dude who's currently leader of Star Fox, was strolling around the Great Fox II. Fox thought, "Boy, today feels like a good day for fucking like an animal!" And so Fox dashed to Krystal's room, kicked open the door, and screamed, "IT'S YIFFIN' TIME"
Krystal screamed. "NO FOX NO. SWIPER NO SWIPING." Fox also shrieked, "AWWW MAN!", dashed around the hallways 18 times, did 55 pushups and then screamed at Krystal for intense yiffing. Krystal was in the middle of meditating while Fox engaged in a screaming match with the air. After she was done, Krystal then said, "stop fucking the air you memelord"
Fox was anger. Fox was not a memelord, and he was mad, because he hates memes. "stop fucking going to reddit you memefucker" he replied. "you know what you trash king" said Krystal, "memes are the best because they are creative and expressive. I like memes because they help me express myself. When does the narwhal bacon? LOL!"
"pls Krystal I am so horngry and I wanna yiff. it is every mans dream to yiff the fuck out of a pretty blue lady whose entire family and planet is dead," sadly said Fox. Fox was sad.
Krystal thought to herself for a moment as she browsed Reddit on her Windows 2000 Dell computer. She completely ignored Fox's whining as she browsed the /memes subreddit. Meanwhile, Slippy and Falco were playing chess in the hangar because they had nothing to do and they were completely irrelevant characters. Peppy also did the same thing since he was irrelevant and a crotchety old man.
Krystal sighed and shut down her computer. She then had a devious grin on her face. "hey Fooooooooox. I'll fuck you if you say you like memes."
"You did not," Fox said and was anger. "I will never like memes. I will never give in to memes."
"GESS U AINT GEDDIN DIS PUSSAY" screamed Krystal, who proceeded to soumersalt over Fox and run 13 laps laughing like a maniac. Krystal had previously chugged down 44 cups of coffee because she was amazed at coffee, which she never had, because she's a foreign girl who doesn't know how to technology, and thats why she's running Windows 2000.
Fox caught up to her and pleaded with her. "Plelleeleleaaaase yiff with me, Krystal. Ur all I want in life." "Say you're a memelord. Fuckin say it you trash baby. Say you're a memelord," deviously said Krystal, looking very evil and sexy?
Fox gulped and had to swallow down his pride. "I'm a memelord," he whispered. "Louder." said Krystal. "I'm a MEMELORD." "LOUDER!" "I'M A FUCKING MEMELORD!"
Krystal then cackled as Fox cried, continuously shouting that he was a fucking memelord. Then Krystal suddenly somersaulted over Fox again, grabbed his hand, and jogged him all the way to her bedroom, and locked the door.
"WELL NOW MY PRECIOUS MEMELORD, WE SHALL FUCK. But on one condition!" she said in a sing-song voice. "oh god what is it" replied Fox.
"You have to browse Reddit. Every day. You have to come with me, and look at the /memes subreddit, every day. You will fucking lveo memes or you're tfw no gf."
Fox grabbed his head in agony. All for the price of fucking, he had to become the biggest Memelord to ever exist, all to fuck the biggest Memequeen. But Fox had to do it. Fox wanted the pussy. Fox wanted to fuck the memequeen. So Fox said yes, and Krystal began to extravagantly strip.
Suddenly, a ship crashed into the hanger. Actualy it was three. It was STAR WOLF!
"NOT SO FAST, FOX," yelled Wolf. "CANT LET YA FUCK THAT, STAR FOX," he screamed. Peppy, Falco, and Slippy did not give a single fuck.
Wolf, Leon and Panther dramatically lept out of the Wolfen IIs they drove and dashed all over the Great Fox. Leon went to the kitchen and drizzled coffee all over himself while murmuring "hungananananana squash banana". Meanwhile, Panther was busy looking at Wolf's butt while Wolf ran 15 laps around Krystal's door. Eventually Panther went away to look for panties to sniff. Wolf kicked down the door, and Fox and Krystal gasped.
"WOLF!" Fox shrieked. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"
"CANT LET YE FUCK THAT, STAR FOX," Wolf repeated. "CANT LET YE FUCK THAT, STAR FOX."
"I HAVE WORKED SO HARD, AND RENOUNCED MY STATUS AS A MEME HATER," angrily screamed Fox. "ALL SO I CAN GET A YIFFING IN. YOU CANNOT DO THIS!"
"Actually, I meant that we should fuck her together," suddenly calmly said Wolf.
"get your own memequeen you pisswanker," angrily said Fox. But Wolf did not listen. Wolf stripped down, stripped Fox, and stripped Krystal. Panther took the door, fixed it, and closed it. Then he planted his face on it, and giggled, because he felt like listening in instead of watching. Leon continued pouring scalding hot coffee over himself in the kitchen and more loudly screaming "hunganananana squash banana".
Fox screamed. Fox loudly screamed at Wolf's dong, then Krystal's titties, then Wolf's dong again, then Krystal's massive titties again. "OH MY GOD," Fox shrieked. "WOLF'S TINKYWINKERTON IS SO BIG, AND KRYSTAL'S TITTEROONIES ARE SO LARGE."
"CANT LET YA FUCK THAT STAR FOX," Wolf screamed. Wolf then started vigorously fucking Krystal. "OH MY GOD THATS MY MEMEQUEEN" screamed Fox, and he also vigorously fucked Krystal.
"holy shit lol this is going on reddit" Krystal said, and she took out her Android Samsung Galaxy and took a selfie with Fox and Wolf. Then they continued violently fucking. They kept fucking for about 5 hours straight. Even Panther got tired, took a spare of Krystal and Fox's underwear, got in his Wolfen II, and flew away. "Fuckin' boring," he said.
Leon got tired of drizzling coffee all over himself, and flew away too, absconding with 100 bags of coffee beans for himself.
"Did you take the caramel macchiato roast?" asked Peppy. "No." replied Leon. "K, we cool." said Peppy, and he returned to playing chess with ROB, who was not mentioned previously.
After the final hour passed, Fox, Wolf, and Krystal stopped fucking vigorously. "That was a hell of a sex," said Krystal. "I like you both you fuckin' memelords. Be my memelords forever." "WHY THE MEEEEEMMMMEEESSSS!" shouted Fox. Fox slapped his dingy angrily. He did this for 30 minutes while Wolf discussed his favorite memes with Krystal.
"Well i better go. And don't forget, my username is StarWolf10000 on Reddit," said Wolf. "K, see ya," said Krystal. Wolf then dressed back up, punched Fox's peepee, and board his Wolfen II and departed.
"GODDD! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME KRYSTAL," Fox said in caps lock. "I CANT BELIEVE IM A MEMELORD NOW"
"Suck it up and deal with it, Fox. If you want more bonies, you gotta love memes, bro. M'Fox." Krystal tipped her fedora, which was previously not there until now.
Fox sighed, stopped slapping his weenie angrily, and got dressed. He stepped out of Krystal's room, and Falco was outside waiting for him.
"God daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn," was all he said. It was all he said for 30 minutes. Falco then left, drank coffee, spat it in Fox's face, and skedaddled off to have some solo adventures with Katt and Dash. Fox sighed.
"I am a goddamn memelord."