Actually, i don't really mind of my purpose of life, for what i live, or the people around me.
Not because i'm a heartless jerk who never cares about people's existence, but i'm not even knowing the purpose of my life. -I mean not knowing yet.
I just life for my interests and obsessions. I just fight for what i want.
Is it wrong?
Sometimes, although there's so many people around me, i feel like i'm alone.
Well,i don't really care about people, and i don't really respect people around me.
I don't really wish of something. I seldom hoping for something. I never getting my hopes too high.
Until the most important day is coming soon, i still feel my life is empty. I still haven't find "my real purpose of life" yet.
Sometimes i have my own goals or purposes, I've ever have it.
But they're always not eternal. Nothing eternal in this world.
So,for what i live?
Why i have been born?
Is it because i'm needed by the world, so God gave births to me?
I wonder what God thinks about me, am i a bad person,or otherwise.
I know that people can't be always good, and can't be always bad too.
That i don't really care about the world, that my indifference against people, that i don't really care about my own goals like others.
Is it wrong?
I'm just trying to not being a worldly person.
I know that we should not too depends on the world, so i try to stop being a dreamer.
I think i've already lost my wish and my desire since that time.
Wishes,hopes and wonders...I don't assume it as a lies...
But what is a meaning behind our wishes?
I'm not a person who commits suicide easily just because my wish can't be granted once.
But i'm sick with the reality,and the lives.
So i've decided to throw all of my wish, my desire...
Without cares i will regret or not in the future.
If i never wanted something, i have nothing to regret then.
I'd rather perceiving than complaining about life recklessly because i know that is useless.
Although actually i want to live with my interests and what i want without any disturbance.
Actually i still keeping my wish and my desire in the deepest depths of my heart.
Actually i still harbored my biggest purpose of my life
I still want to being a dreamer...like before.
Where are my wishes?
Where?
I lost it, i lost all of it..
Why...Why this happened to me?
If i 'm just an interference, why am i here?
If i were not important, where should i be?
Why the world...always assuming me as the wrong one?
Why am i always wrong?
If all the truth that i say is right, why i assumed to be wrong?
My wish,
My desire,
My purpose.
Is just life happily, with my interests, my obsessions,what i want, and the people i love.
Until the end of my life, i will keep this purpose...
For my life.
-FIN-