The Decision
By Rono Nathaniel Sair
Disclaimer: I own these characters. They are original, at least in the story they are. To me, they are all very real. I know many of you are going to say that this is not fanfiction and it belongs on FictionPress, however, there are several references to various anime situations (and a video game or two), just simply reflected through my characters. Just because I don't come out and use direct names from the anime doesn't mean I'm not taking themes and events from them and incorporating them into my story, thus creating a story inspired by some other work of which I am a fan, a.k.a. "fanfiction". One reference is to Trigun, but I'll let you figure the rest out on your own.
Rating: K+
Summary: This is coming off of the top of my head; simply it is an issue that I've been going through that I can only express through my own fictional characters and writing. There is also a trace of emotion taken from certain animes, though I can't really give specific titles. This is simply just part of my writing style that I have developed from watching anime that exhibited alot of emotion, as well as through the same type of music. Anyway, this is the story of the young man, Rono, who, in the past, has suffered many let-downs, tragedies, and otherwise. He now finds himself in a situation in which he must make a decision that will guide his outlook on life and how he holds the ones that he cares about the most. Please enjoy.
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The rain was falling lightly on the window, creating a peaceful ambience that could put one to sleep if given the attention. Because of the clouds overhead, little light was allowed in through the window through which Rono was now staring. A dim grayness seemed to cover the room, the lamps being turned off. Through his mind, he tried to make sense of things: the world... life... love... Being the intellectual type, Rono would spend hours at times thriving on unanswered questions, sometimes to the extent of making himself mentally exhausted and ill. With his past, however, who could blame him?
As a child, memories of happiness and comfort had once existed. Now, these vague tokens of an ideal world were continually fading away. It seemed to him that only the bad memories would remain with him forever. Only pictures were left to show what had once been. Even those around him sometimes worried for his well-being, trying to get him to remember past experiences with the child they had once cherished so much, only to be met with dim and confused amnesia. What did remain, however, were the beatings, the yelling, the pain.
Going through life like this for ten years, he could only focus on the negative aspects of his life. Every battle was a fight for survival, not only physically, academically, and financially, but also mentally. With the death of his father, Rono had been brought up for the first five years of his life by his grandparents and mother. These days were ones that have been cherished. However, all good things must end at some point. Then there was the step-father, abusive and apathetic towards any type of emotional existence, other than his own. For ten years, Rono fought. The battle finally won, all of this was put behind him, or so he thought.
Scars last forever. Do what you might to cover them or get rid of them, they will always be there. They resurface when you least expect it, when they have the least justification to do so. Depending on how you decide to handle them, they will be signs of victory, or they will be the marker for your grave of defeat. Rono's scar was in his trust. Years of lies, false promises, and heartbreak left their mark on his view of the world. Cynical, he turned away everyone that posed as a typical human. Faults became more and more apparent, as he tore apart each person he encountered. With the ability to read others as if their true emotions were scribbled down on a piece of paper and simply handed to him, Rono became more and more like his past enemy. Apathetic towards the human race for their flaws and hypocrisy, he turned his back on everyone and kept to himself, seeking only perfection of the mind and practice.
Something changed, however. Pulled from the battle, with the scars still exercising their power, Rono was cast into a world unlike the one he had spent ten years struggling in. Here there was love, caring faces, and acceptance. At first he dismissed it as entirely fake, only to be further reassured when his heart was struck again by the blows of human hypocrisy, ego, and vanity. However, after recovery, he began to see those around him in a new light. This is because he met with one person whom he could not understand. This person was their own, un-riddled by the conformity and anti-individualistic others in the world around him. With this newfound contradiction to his thinking, Rono was puzzled. He wondered how it could be that through all his life he could not see this perfection in person, shaped by its flaw. He knew that humans were inherently flawed, but his hatred and malice spawned from the fact that they try to hide it and deny their erring characteristics. But now, staring into this person's eyes, he discovered that there is an exception to everything, and that he, himself, had been wrong in his judgment.
This knowledge was not enough to comfort Rono, however, for he still held doubts. His battle with his scars had now begun. It was his time to finally stand up to them and make his decision. Would he give in to his lifelong practice of cynical hatred for the flawed people around him, finding comfort in his own thoughts and idealisms, or would he take in this exception, and use it to cast out all of the thoughts that he had once believed to be true, and find new meaning and happiness in life through it?
Rono continued to stare through the window. The rain had since died off, though the clouds still remained above. He clenched his hand as tight as he could and struck the wooden exterior frame of the window. Dents from his knuckles were left, and a splinter of wood had been lodged into the flesh around his index knuckle, causing a small trickle of blood to flow. He paid no mind, however, as his mind continued to ravage itself for a clear-cut solution to his mental crisis. After calming down, somewhat, he leaned back against the wall and stared out of the window. It was then that the symbol he had needed to provoke new thought in him occurred. Across the sky, a magnificent hybrid rainbow had formed. The first beam held the most glory and radiance. Beneath it was an almost magical semi-circle of red light, which appeared to be contained within the rainbow. Above the first beam, the second shone with a lesser brightness, but in itself, it was equally amazing. Above the second stream of color was darkness - a black-grey ocean that seemed to surround both rainbows, though the red light was un-tainted.
"So I see that there are three parts of me," he said aloud. "The first and strongest is that side of me which tells me to love and to be happy, and to find a new sense of living in her. The second is the median. It tells me to be cautious and wary of what I do. The third, and also powerful division of myself... is to once more turn my back on these people. 'She will only let you down again. It is no use, wasting your life like you do,' it speaks to me. Now the time has come where I must choose. I do not care for the second choice, for I will never fear what is to come. Life is too short to be cautious with your emotions. Then it is between happiness and cynical realism that I do quarrel. Through my life, I have suffered, yet I am always able to recover, no matter how defeating the blow..."
"It is through this then... that I choose... you..."
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Thank you, for helping me to find my way again, even if you can't see that you are, or understand what I mean.
I have chosen to love again, and to find comfort in life.
You know who you are though, so I should have no worries in you not recieving my gratitude.