So, lately the plot bunnies have been attacking me in my sleep and giving me dreams of stories that I should write. Now, don't get me wrong; some of them are pretty dang cool and I really want to write them, but I can't until some of my other stories are finished. But don't despair, they shall come soon!
But last night, the plot bunnies must have discovered crack. Because this is nothing more than a crack-fic. Nonetheless, it made me laugh and I though I'd share it with you guys. Enjoy the OOC'ness.
Haruno Sakura looked up at the massive but tastefully decorated mansion sitting on top of the hill. Red and blue lights flashed all around her and men shouted orders to each other. She tuned them out however, merely focusing on the one lit window on the second floor of the mansion where she knew his study was. But there was no silhouette in the window, which was surprising; she expected him to be standing right there, smirking down at all of them, knowing they couldn't come up and get him.
Orochimaru was the worst of the worst; a mafia mob boss with so many connections in the underworld and a small army at his back. Sakura found it odd that he chose to place his permanent home all the way out here, far out of town, but she supposed he just like his privacy. It had taken her and a team of shinobi detectives months to track him down here and the Hokage swiftly granted a warrant for his arrest or death. She was hoping he would resist so she would have reason to kill him. Especially after all he had done to corrupt her ex-teammate and turn him into the dark villain he is today.
But as it was, when the entire Konoha police force arrived on the scene, Orochimaru was more than ready for them. The mansion was so heavily guarded that they had no chance to even get close. Not only were there guards planted firmly at all entrances, but there was a plethora of snipers hidden all around the mansion, taking out anyone who dared to come close. They had already lost a good five men who barreled right onto the premises. Now they were a standstill, neither side moving.
"Well, if we can't go in, then we'll make damn sure he can't come out," Uchiha Fugaku, the head of the Konoha police force, stated, grimfaced. That had been two days ago, when he barricaded the entire mansion, not allowing any supplies to go inside, determined to draw Orochimaru and his henchmen out. But now, time was running out and they needed to take out Orochimaru as soon as possible.
It was Jiraiya, Orochimaru's old police partner, that came up with this ridiculous idea.
"Sakura, I know Orochimaru the best, and I know exactly what he's willing to risk to get something he wants," he had said, as the entire team stood inside their surveillance van, brainstorming of ways to draw the man out. Jiraiya had a goofy grin on his face.
Uchiha Fugaku frowned back at him, having a very good idea of what was going through the old pervert's mind. "Jiraiya…" he spoke warily," You aren't thinking…"
"Only a woman that catches Orochimaru interest can make him drop everything and walk out here like a lovesick puppy!" Jiraiya shouted, fist pumping the air as if it was the best idea in the world.
"Jiraiya-sama, you are brilliant!" his ever faithful followers, Hatake Kakashi and Uchiha Shisui, cheered right along with him.
All around the table, everyone else smacked their foreheads, ashamed to be associated with these three men.
"Well, Jiraiya-sama does have a point, although a bit far-fetched…" Yamanaka Inoichi mused, lightly rubbing his beard, deep in thought. Sakura gawked at him," Inoichi-sempai, you can't be serious! You really don't think a man like Orochimaru will fall for something like that?"
Inoichi turned his blue eyes towards the pink haired woman, the only female on the Shinobi detective team and a right beautiful one at that. Hmm…
"No, Orochimaru won't just walk out here to certain death just to chase a piece of tail," he reiterated, ignoring Jiraiya's objections," But it isn't a secret that Orochimaru has Jiraiya's tendencies to appreciate the beauty of a woman."
Nara Shikamaru narrowed his eyes, catching along," You don't want Orochimaru to come out; you want someone to get inside. If we can convince him to let a woman in, we would have eyes on the inside. And if that woman happened to be a kunoichi, then she would have the prime chance to take him out."
Inoichi smirked, glad that the young Nara caught on so quick," Right you are, my boy. Now, to just convince Oroch-"
"Captains!" an officer ran into the van, slightly out of breath as if he had been running. Instantly, everyone stopped talking and looked towards the newcomer.
"Report," Fugaku ordered.
After a few deep breaths, the young officer could talk properly and held up a paper airplane. On one of the wings, 'Fugaku' had been written in sharpie. "This came from the mansion, Captain," the young man reported," It is a message from Orochimaru."
Everyone exchanged confused glances; did the great and evil Orochimaru really write to them on a paper airplane and shot it out the window?
Itachi, Fugaku's oldest son, sighed and stepped forward to accept the… letter.
"So what does it say?" Sakura pressed, looking over his shoulder as he sat down to unfold the airplane. Everyone followed suit and looked over his shoulder.
Soon, Itachi unfolded the paper and laid it out for everyone to see. He read aloud," Send in Haruno Sakura and we will talk negotiations. Try to send in anyone else, and they won't even make it to the front door."
Almost instantaneously, all eyes turned towards the pinkette. Inoichi got that look in his eyes, and right then and there, Sakura knew he wanted her to be the one to seduce and then kill Orochimaru.
Sakura frowned," Well, fuck my life."