HEART & SOUL

THE RULE OF JEONGJONG.. has been wrought up with violence, and tragedies.

It was hard to breathe…Hae Soo keep clutching at her heart. Her brain wracked with unspoken fears, of this nagging desperation in her subconscious that she is trying to quell lest it totally destroys her.

What is this pain? she wonders …why can't it go away. Is it my heart…missing him…longing for him.

But how can I comfort him now?…she thought tormentedly. What she feels is beyond guilt, beyond helplessness, "What have I done…" as another wave of pain seem to cruelly jab at her heart, making her catch her breath.

"Do not cry…do not cry.." she tells herself… "you will see him again…he just needs time…"

It had been some days since she last saw him, but if felt years…she flinched in remembering it all…his tormented face, the raw, unspeakable disbelief on what he had to do and that pain in his eyes on that fateful day … she shivered.

Sitting despondently by the lake, she feels her heart is torn in half, and the person who took it with him must hate her so much by now. With unshed tears, her eyes looked up on the heavens… trying to search for the meaning to all of this… "Why? ..why?" she blurted out loud.

Then in the stillness of the midnight air….. she felt it….she knew… his presence.

Without turning around…she knows it's him…quietly behind her.

All of her being is attuned to him, but she cannot move, cannot face him, lest she would drive him away again. She wanted to run into his arms, hold him forever… but all she did was mutely sit there, looking at the lake immobilized.

Then she felt him approaching…. sitting down gently by the lake beside her.
She feels his eyes are on her…but she's too afraid to turn and look at him. For some few moments they sat there side by side in silence.

Her heart is racing, now with this joy that finally.. So is back, and he seems to still care? She dares hope for that ? Then the tears kept so long, came rushing down her face.

Tenderly, So raised his finger to dry a tear on her cheek.

"Do not cry …Soo-yah.. I am here now.." his voice gentle.

Hearing again his voice like that, made her cry even more, sobbing desperately.

He then held out his hand and placed it on the small of her back, caressing her, then holding her closer to him.

His touch seems to calm her, console her soul, although she knows she doesn't deserve that.

The tears began to subside.

"Look at me…" he whispered at her.

She cannot look at him…. "Please forgive me.." is all that she can say in a small voice.

So gently cupped her face towards him… "Look at me…." he said once more " I missed you..", I couldn't stay away anymore.."his voice pained with longing.

Then she sees his face, his eyes desperately searching her, with glimmer of tears he is bravely holding back himself. God she missed him ..this man that owns her heart and soul, her whole being.

She slowly lifted her hands and lovingly touched his face. So closed his eyes , feeling her soft hands.

His scar is visible now, as he did not bother anymore to cover it. And there were dark circles under his eyes due to long nights thinking only of her.

Hae Soo then kissed his face, his scar…wanting to remember his beautiful face forever.

"I love you…" she said with all her heart.

Those words… So opened his eyes, a light seem to spark in them…glimmers of hope, that turned into embers, of raw emotions he still cannot comprehend, but consumes his whole being. This girl that means the whole world to him, even more precious than his own life. He looked at her longingly…he wanted to be certain he heard her right?

"I love you…so much." She said with the light of her love glowing on her face…"I was afraid I would not have the chance anymore to tell you that… I was so afraid…you'd never look or talk to me again." She held on to him desperately."

The mischievous smile that she knows so well lifted his lips, "Not see you? …do you want me to die?" he teased her lovingly.

Hae Soo braved a small smile in response, but seeing the love on his face, seems to make her tear up again..."I'm sorry….I never wanted to hurt you …I never meant to hurt you…you are everything to me….I hope you will always, always remember that…even if …if ever you will not …be able to forgive me…I would understand" she said pleadingly, holding his hands .

"Shhh…I am here…and I should not leave you again…it is going to be the death of me, not seeing you, not holding you…." he told her ardently.

"But where were you… I was so worried…that you were alone…I desperately wanted to look for you…but I was ashamed to face you….after what happened…how could I…." she said crying once more.

"Soo-yah…I can never turn you away…I thought I needed to be away …to take responsibility and deal with what happened on my own, like how I am used to before…" he stopped looking at her lovely eyes, the most beautiful eyes he had ever seen…. " But then I realized …I have you now.. I am not alone anymore," he gently told her.

She wanted to rejoice in his words…she want to promise to stay with him forever….they are together that is what matters most. But what is this apprehension nagging at her…what lies ahead of them…could she promise him anything when he still does not know her real existence, her true-self, who she is and what brought her here to him? And all she ever gives him back is troubles and heartbreak.

What if what brought her here at Goryeo, takes her back just as suddenly too….take her away from Wang So.

With that frightful thought, she gasped "My dear love…." Holding his hands desperately.

He saw it then that fear in her eyes, but was determined as always to drive away whatever frightens her. He feels that as long as she is with him, he can do anything, she has nothing to fear.

"Soo-ya just trust me, tell me everything, what you think, what you feel…please promise me that." he said holding her, embracing her tightly.

He held her for a long time, when she seems to have calmed down… he pulled back a little…and with a mischievous glint in his eyes he whispered " Can I …?" looking intently at her soft, soft lips.

Hae Soo laughed nervously at this… giddy at the passion she sees burning in his eyes as he look at her like that.

She smiled and lifted her face to him. She closed her eyes as their lips touched…softly …tenderly at first…his lips caressing her…as their kiss deepened, she felt all his longing, his love as he kiss her over …and over again….

She wanted to kiss away all his pain, all his fears from those long lonely years, wanting so much a future of them together. She held on to him tightly, as their kiss deepened even more….

Then So slowly lifted his head, not breaking the kiss…he said passionately, breathlessly against her lips, "I love you…" with all his heart and soul.

As she looks at him with all the love in her eyes… .. "I Love You…" she replied fervently, kissing him again. They have this moment, they will always have this moment to keep for all lifetimes.