In England you will realise that our wildlife isn't…. wild.
The foxes would act up now and again but that was only it. There are no animals that would be able to kill a man. No animals with the power to snap a human's neck with one flick of the paw. No massive spiders that catch humans in its web and suck away at the helpless person's life.
Oh no…
Well that was until yesterday's bananas arrived in Asda.
England was on his normal two a.m. food shop in that very same store. It wasn't the best place to shop nor was it the best time, but it was a good way to stop the pet talk with the grannies.
A massive sign with green writing flashed in front of the store. 'Half price bananas' it read.
Chuffed he was about to find himself a bargain he entered.
He whizzed around the empty store while swinging his basket around every corner he turned, getting a few funny looks from the hoodies he pasted.
When he reached the fruit section he grabbed the first batch that was wrapped in a plastic bag. He didn't bother that there was an extra lump inside.
After he grabbed the normal tea, milk and bread he set of to the counter only to be served by an old lad that should have retired long ago.
So after getting up early to beat the crowds he still had to stand about for the elderly male to finish his job.
He arrived home at half five in the morning and decided to head to work in the never ending job called… being a country. He worked at home mostly, in the old office he more or less lived in.
But before he started entering hell he popped a few slices of toast into the toaster and flicked the switch of the kettle.
The toast took longer than normal and his belly didn't like the wait, so to keep it occupied he opened the plastic seal on the banana package.
At that moment the toast pooped up and surprised England slightly. He turned his head the second it happened and sighed when he realized it was just his toast. Not a ghost…
That was when he felt a tickling sensation.
He through his sight down to his hand and let his brain click.
It took a while for him to realise that bananas shouldn't be black, nor should they crawl up your hand.
After a while staring, it clicked.
Both the kettle and his brain.
He screeched louder than the kettle had just done and through both arms in the air.
" FUCKING HOLLY SHIT"
The spider took this chance to escape under the fridge.
"OH NO YOU DON'T YOU LITTLE BASTARD!"
He went to dive under the fridge to grasp the little monster, but his body didn't move.
It wouldn't move. Instead it insisted that England ran and left that room forever.
So what did he do… He done just that.
He turned around and slammed the door, leaving his tea and toast to live with the tiny beast.
Two hours of work pasted and England was STARVING!
He was thirsty and felt as if he was going to pass out any second. The weather didn't help either. Thanks to global warming he had been getting a little too hot for comfort lately.
'BANG BANG BANG'
"YO IGGY!"
Oh just great…
England slammed his head against the desk and sighed loudly till it turned into a loud moan.
A certain over excited American was standing at the door. The type of person who knew when you were pretending to not be home.
After several more, loud knock and calls of his disliked name he finally gave in to his former colony.
He dragged his body lazily down the old stair case and over to the oversized door. He stood still for a while and took a glance to the kitchen door as if something had called him to stare.
He wished he hadn't looked, but he had. He had seen the spider outsmart god's gift, the door.
The creepy little bastard was half way under the door.
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH NOT AGAIN!"
His legs gave in and he collapsed against the door still screaming like a girl. The knocks on the door became louder and more violent.
"IGGY, what's happening! Open this door now ! IGGY!"
England realized that if he sat on the floor the spider would only be less challenged to attack him so he decided to get to higher ground.
He through his body in the air and sprinted to the stairs with his jelly like legs.
"IGGGGGY?"
America sounded panicked and in hopes to save England he smashed down the door. He stood there as if he was about to be greeted with a massive enemy, but when nothing screamed at him he only became more worried.
England had managed to find safety in his bedroom, under the covers, and was unaware of the door breaking down and the fact America was now in his home.
To be honest, he didn't care. Not when that thing was mastering the ability to walk through walls.
Meanwhile downstairs America was searching the house for the missing Englishman.
His first place to search was the kitchen. When he opened the door he noticed he had freed a spider and without hesitation picked it up.
"AH, can't have you running about little dude. You'll only get stabbed by England."
The sentence must have triggered some image in his head as he then started laughing like a maniac.
He grabbed the nearest cup that was actually the mug England left out to make a cup of tea with.
He couldn't find any books to cover the bottom of the mug so instead he covered it with his hand.
His next mission, if he chose to accept it, was to find England.
It wasn't hard as he soon heard a loud thump.
England had rolled off his bed after suffocating himself under the covers.
"ahhh so bloody hot!~"
"ENGLAND~"
America burst through the door and made England shoot up of the floor.
"ARGH AMERICA YOU DICK!"
"good to see ya to dude!"
"wa..what it that?"
"hnn?"
America looked down to see he still had the mug in his hand and his other hand still covering the bottom, just about.
England could clearly see a long thick black leg was flickering about in multi directions.
"oh, this … I saw this cute little guy under your kitchen door, neat huh?"
He took his hand of the base and showed his new found prize, the spider.
Like before, England froze and stared, for a while.
Until it clicked…
"WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH AMERICA GET THAT BLOODY THING AWAY FROM ME DO YOU WANT ME TO DIE? WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT THE FUCCCCCCK YOU BASTARD KYAAAAAAAAAAAA~!"
America stood there dumbfound as England freaked out completely.
England finally calmed down slightly and stared as Americas face turned from confused to somewhat evil.
"hehehe sooooo Mr gentlemen-England doesn't like spiders huh~?
England stared blankly as he saw the evil plan plot out in America's eyes.
"America?"
America took a few steps forward.
"wanna pet it?"
And with that America leaped onto England with the spider held tightly in his hand.
England as always screamed his head off and punched America in the face, he managed to escape from under the larger male and ran out of the room.
"FUCK OF AMERICA!"
"NAA COME ON IGGY PET MR SPIDER!"
It was going to be a very, very long night.
Cheers for reading mate ! Please review as this is my first fan fic !~ ta x
Isle of Wight!