Cease Fire

It's funny how easy it can be to avoid something even when it's staring you right in face all day every day. I've been putting this off for days now, ignoring it while I handle the Vulcans and the Humans in organising the Cease Fire. But now that's well underway and we're on our way home to Andoria (where I'm facing a hell of a homecoming if I know my sister and her opinions on Vulcans) to continue the work we started on Enterprise -I hope this isn't going to become a regular thing, all this talking is beginning to make me hate the sound of my own voice. Now I have to face it. I can't ignore it anymore. I can't pretend it didn't happen, I can't act like she'll be on the bridge at her station, in the mess making fun of Thon as he goes through his daily rituals that I've become so used to that it doesn't even occur to me that most people don't spend ten minutes getting the food on their plates perfectly aligned and completely separate. I have to face this. I have to face Tarah.

Walking into the brig I'm struck by the tension in the air. She looks at me with those smouldering eyes and I feel a slight tug of the original attraction I had to her still there. Funny, after ten years you'd think I'd have gotten past that. Oh well, not like anything ever came of it.

"Commander." she greets in that equally smouldering voice. Now I know why I didn't want to do this. I knew what I was going to do, and I knew I wasn't going to enjoy it, but I also knew how she would behave. I was right and for once I wish I wasn't. She's acting like she doesn't care. Worse I can't tell if it's an act or not. Time was I could read her like a book, I knew her well, I knew when she was bluffing and when to sit up straight and watch my back. Now I feel like I'm looking at a stranger.

"Lieutenant." How can I sound so cold? I'm angry but… I realise now that I'm hurt a lot more than I had thought before. She gives me a look over and I stare right back.

"I was wondering if you'd ever come to berate me."

"I'm not." I'm not? I'd planned to, planned to give her a proper dressing down, but suddenly I know that isn't the way to go. Maybe for an officer I don't know as well or for as long, like Lieutenant Talas. But not Tarah.

She seems as surprised as me, although I'm hiding it.

"Then what did you come here for?" There's genuine curiosity in her voice now. I guess we're both surprising the other these days. I sigh and then, not entirely sure this is the smartest thing I've ever done, I lower the forcefield and step inside the cell. "Are you sure you want to take this risk." She's almost smiling,

"I'm sure I can handle myself if you feel the need to attack me." I tell her a very slight smirk on my face as I speak. I stand with my back to the wall and she's opposite me, also standing. We regard each other carefully and then I ask the only question I can. "Why?" She looks at the ground but doesn't lower her head a fraction.

"What else did you expect me to do?" She asked me that on Weytahn and I give her the same answer, although my voice isn't as tight as it was then,

"Follow my orders."

"And let you sell us out to the Vulcans?" She spits before she can catch herself. I raise my eyebrows and say,

"This is all off the record Tarah. You can say whatever you want." She raises an eyebrow slightly at me and I meet her gaze steadily, making it clear I'm not lying. She draws herself up and she looks even taller. Keep reminding me that I'm short, go on! It's not like I don't get reminded enough back home with my siblings.

"Alright Shran. I did what I did for the good of Andoria."

"How is starting a war in Andoria's best interest?" I already know the answer but I want her to say it.

"It'll finally settle all of this!"

"Or it could cause heavy casualties on both sides, and nothing will be resolved."

"You're only going to talk away everything that belongs to us."

"I have no intention of doing that."

"Oh please!" she scoffs and begins to pace, her hands on her narrow hips. How does she always maintain that swagger? What the hell am I saying? "You've turned into a coward! Only cowards try to talk through things."

"I am not a coward!"

"Then why have you suddenly turned your back on all you have ever said to me?" she demanded and I see a flash of frustration and confusion. And I know. I know what I suspected all along. This is all my fault. "You spent the past ten years telling me how the Vulcans are liars, you were the one to lead some of the most effective covert missions. You were the one who swore that every single Vulcan should die. And now! Now you're suddenly ready to be their friend? That is a coward's way of behaving."

"Enough Tarah!" I snap, I've heard enough, "I've no intention of being the Vulcan's friend, or anything even remotely like that. But you forget one crucial thing in all your ranting about all I have said."

"And what's that?"

"That this has nothing to do with me." I say it softly so that she has to pay attention properly to listen to me. She looks at me as if I've gone mad. "And don't say it does! If I had my way, I'd kill every single Vulcan for taking my brother away from me, for taking away five years of my life and giving me nothing but pain. But this isn't about me. We don't serve the Imperial Guard for ourselves. We do it to serve Andoria. And there is nothing in Andoria's interest to be gotten through war with the Vulcans." I can see I'm beginning to reach her, because her eyes have softened very, very slightly. "Andoria has had to deal with the Orions, the Tellerites, the Vulcans… Andoria needs peace."

"The soldiers I've spoken with, they're prepared to fight for what's ours!" She steps towards me, but it's not threatening, it's eagerness. She's always wanted to prove herself to me. I don't know why, she doesn't need to. I see the depth of my poisoning. I realise that I've let that which nearly destroyed me infect her instead and it's eaten her away, taking advantage of her desire to prove herself as a solider.

"Andoria does not want to fight Tarah. We've fought for nearly five hundred years since the Orions invaded our home. Andoria wants to rest."

"If you don't want to do this-"

"I've told you already, this isn't about me. It isn't about you, or anyone on this ship individually, this is about our people. Is it in our people's best interest for more children to loose parents? Or for parents to loose children?" She doesn't answer. She knows I'm right. I walk past her and I sit down heavily, resting my elbows on my knees. I look up at her and she stares at me as if she's seeing me for the first time. Good. Maybe she'll stop seeing some kind of ridiculous legend that survived the Vulcan demons we both grew up hearing about and see a man whose first priority is his planet. "Tarah, what is the reason for war?"

"For honour."

"Maybe for a Klingon that would be the right answer. But you're an Andorian. Think carefully before you answer again." She does and then says,

"We fight for what's ours."

"What's ours?" I ask her, she's still not there yet. "Come on Tarah, we're taught this from the time we're born." How can she not know this? Did I poison her this much? Oh spirits Tarah I'm sorry. She shakes her head, her antennas rearing back.

"What is there to fight for but 'Honour' and for 'What's Ours'?"

I sigh and stand up. I wonder how she doesn't know this but it suddenly occurs to me that we've become so absorbed in the battle itself that we've forgotten the point of it. We've become so defensive, so afraid ever since the Orions invaded our homeworld, before we even had space capabilities. I think back to when I was younger. I was a self-destructive man, hoping that each mission would get me killed. Not now. But why, I don't know.

I look at Tarah. She's been a solider since she finished school. So have I. I realise that each solider has to find his or her own way through the confusion of war and politics. I sigh again and I realise that I can't help her. I've done too much damage. I look at her remorsefully and she seems to understand what I'm thinking.

"I'm going to tell the Imperial Guard that it was my influence that led you to do what you did."

"That would mean that you would be punished as well." I shrug carelessly,

"Ah, so I get passed for promotion again. I can handle that. But I don't want you kicked out of the military."

"I led a renegade group and tried to cause a war."

"Granted, they won't like that, I know, but I'll use my pull to try to keep you in. You're a brilliant solider Tarah. You just need to learn why we fight. And you'll never learn that in a penal colony."

"I'd rather accept my punishment."

"Tarah-"

"I know what this means but I don't care. I'm prepared to accept the consequences of my actions." I look at her and realise that I shouldn't be surprised by this. She's always been independent, and she thinks for herself, even if poisonous words flow through her mind, it was still her decision to try and kill Soval. I sigh and nod, knowing that if I did try and she found out she'd come after me and rip me into pieces and then sew me back together the wrong way.

We regard each other and I feel like we've achieved… something. I walk out of the brig and regretfully reactivate the forcefield. She doesn't blink. She just smirks at me. I'm not entirely sure… but I think we've reached a cease fire.

Reviews would be greatly appreciated.

Night's Darkness