The elevator was still broken so Dean took the familiar stairs, keeping his eyes down until he got to the apartment he was looking for. He knocked on the door and waited.
Castiel opened the door and stared at him. He was wearing one of his oversized sweaters, so Dean guessed that his heat was out again.
"What are you doing here?"
"Can we talk?" Cas stepped aside and Dean walked in. It was freezing, just as Dean suspected.
"What do you want?" The other man asked.
"I want to apologize—"
"Apologize? You promised me," Castiel's voice cracked. "You promised me a date, a normal date, in public, then never showed up. I sat in that awful restaurant for hours waiting for you. I had to walk home alone in the rain because by the time I figured out you weren't coming, no buses were running."
"Something came up."
"What? Lisa wanted to go to movie?" Dean opened his mouth but Castiel cut him off. "I'm not stupid, Dean. I've seen you out with her."
"Cas—"
"I know what I am to you, Dean. I always knew. I just hoped that after all this time, things would be different."
"I'm sorry, Cas," Dean said. He pulled the man against him and Castiel melted into his arms.
He couldn't help that he loved Dean. He always had, ever since they met in high school. The sex started in their junior year of college around the same time Dean met Lisa. Castiel had became Dean's dirty secret, unable to turn him away even though he knew he was being used.
"I really am sorry," Dean whispered. "I love you, Cas."
"I love–" Dean's phone cut him off. Castiel's heart dropped when Dean let him go to answer it.
"Hey, Lis." Castiel sighed. Dean would be leaving soon, then. "No, I'm just leaving the office. I'll see you soon. I love you, too."
He hung up and looked at Castiel.
"I have to go. I'm sorry." He leaned in to kiss him and Castiel looked away. He felt Dean sigh against his skin and the gentle press of lips against his cheek.
"I'll come by–"
"If you walk out that door don't come back." Dean paused, staring at Castiel.
"What?"
"I won't do this anymore. I can't. It hurts too much."
"Cas, can we talk about this later?"
"No. You have to choose right now. Her or me. I'm done being the one you come to when you need to get off then never talk to. I'm not your mistress, Dean."
"Cas–" Dean started. "I have to go. I'll see you tomorrow. I'm sorry." Dean left, leaving Castiel alone in the small, cold room.
Cas stood there for a long time, staring at the place where Dean had just been. The first sob that left his throat physically hurt him. He stumbled back and collapsed onto the couch, tears pouring down his face. He felt worthless and used and utterly destroyed.
When he finally calmed down enough to breathe, Castiel stood up and walked to his bedroom. He took the envelope that he had been planning to give Dean on their first date. He tore it open and dumped the key to his new apartment out into his palm.
He had been so excited to tell Dean about the place. It was more expensive and a little further, but he'd worked so hard to get it. Was so proud of himself. He had finally done something for himself and now he had no one to share it with.
He hurled the key across the room and fell onto his bed, crying again.
"Don't cry over him," Castiel whispered to himself. "He's not worth it. He never was."
Castiel tried to cheer himself by thinking of the look on Dean's face when he showed up again and found the apartment empty.
Dean walked up the stairs to Cas's apartment, trying to think of something to say.
Lisa had dumped him. She had met someone else and had been seeing him for a while. Dean was surprised that it didn't hurt more, but he had been planning to end things with her, too.
He knocked on the door. After a few minutes without an answer, Dean knocked on the door again, calling Cas's name. When no one answered again, Dean reached for the extra key hidden above the door.
It was gone.
He went back down the stairs and to the landlord's office.
"Can I help you?" The guy asked.
"Yeah, I'm here to visit Castiel Novak. He lives in 401. He isn't opening the door and I'm worried that–"
"Novak moved out two days ago."
"What?"
"Did I stutter? He's gone."
"Did he leave an address or something?"
"You Dean?"
"Yeah."
"Then no. Have a nice day." He picked up his newspaper and held it over his face. With nothing left to do, Dean left.
He had lost both of the people he loved because he had been using them both. Especially Cas. Cas, who had been there for him for years, never turning him away or asking for more. And Dean had ripped him apart. Just like everyone else in his life. Dean deserved this.
He got into his car and drove back to his apartment, getting ready to face his first night alone in years.