Disclaimer: All X-files characters belong to Chris Carter, 1013 Productions, etc. They're not mine... ^_^ All song lyrics came from Tal Bachman's "If You Sleep" and "She's So High". This story is PG for minor cursing.
Spoilers: A few touches on Redux II and Scully cancer episodes.
Author's Notes: I wrote this one a while back… maybe a year ago. It was inspired by Tal Bachman's song, "If You Sleep." Good song! ^_^ Enjoy the story!
Jagged Thorns
And if you sleep, you sleep with God
And if I cry it's for my heart
Why should I hope to make it through?
Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep too.
It was an early Monday morning at the FBI. Fox Mulder was sitting in his office, deep in the basement of the FBI building. He was going through old case files while munching on a bag of sunflower seeds and drinking coffee. The door opened, and Mulder looked up to see his partner, Dana Scully practically stumble through the door. A very un-Scullylike thing for her to do. She looked as she always did: professional suit, auburn hair in place… Mulder smiled. "Morning Scully." Scully yawned. "Morning Mulder…what are you doing?" Mulder tossed the files across the desk. "Just looking through old case files." Scully looked at the pile of sunflower seed shells. "And let me guess…eating breakfast?" "But of course." "Mulder…" "Oh come on Scully. Sunflower seeds and coffee make a very nutritious breakfast." Mulder went back to looking at one of the files. Scully rolled her eyes. "Yeah. Whatever you say Mulder…" She pulled out a chair and sat down with a sigh. Mulder looked over the top of the folder. "You ok?" Scully nodded. "I'm just tired. Come to think of it…I've been really tired lately." Mulder laid the folder down and looked her in the eye. "Have you been getting enough sleep? Going to bed early." Scully cracked a rare smile. "Yes mother. I've been going to bed." Mulder put his feet up on the desk. "Have you been sleeping soundly?" Scully pushed his feet off the desk. "What is this? Interrogation? Yes I've been fine." Mulder picked up the case file and began to read it again. Scully stood and walked around the office. "Mulder." "Yeah?" "How long have we been working together?" "Seven years now." "Seven?" "Why do you sound so surprised." "I don't know. It's just been such a long time I guess." She looked across the office at Mulder's 'I want to believe' poster. "You know…I can still remember the first time I met you. And the first time I saw that poster. I thought you were absolutely crazy." "Really? And what do you think now?" Scully gave him a look. "You're crazy." "That's nice to know." "Really, Mulder… You know that I do appreciate you. Even if you make me go out alien hunting. Even if you mess up the office with your sunflower seeds. When I first met you I thought that you were a real challenge…" "Oh thanks a lot." "Not like that! I mean that you made me think." "Oh." Scully leaned against a filing cabinet. Mulder crunched on a sunflower seed. "Are you sure that you're ok? First you come in dead tired. Now you suddenly start bringing up the past. Is there something I should know about?" "Nope. I'm fine Mulder. You know that I can take care of myself." Mulder nodded. "She is so stubborn…so independent. She's obviously thinking of something. Why won't she ever let anyone help her…" he muttered. "Mulder, did you say something?" "No…nothing at all." "Oh…all right." Scully opened the filing cabinet and pulled out some more files. And they both sat in the office for the rest of the day pouring over the files. Scully talked about their past experiences. Mulder listened…and if he had any questions…he didn't bring them up.
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The next morning Scully woke up feeling even more tired then she had the day before. She also had a slight headache. She decided that she was going to take a day off from work. She picked up the phone to call Mulder…
Mulder was in the office early. He had his sunflower seeds and coffee. He was ready to do more boring work…organizing case files. He was just sitting down when the phone rang. He picked up the phone. "Mulder." "Mulder, it's me…" Mulder sat down. "Scully? What's wrong?" "Oh it's nothing bad. I just have a really bad headache. I think I could be coming down with something." "The flu's going around…" "That's what I was thinking. Anyway, can you manage without me today?" "What? Me manage without you? Never!" "Mulder…" "I was kidding you know." "I figured as much. Listen, I've gotta go. I'm going to take an aspirin and lie down." "All right. Just feel better soon ok?" "Yes mother." Mulder laughed. "I call you later." "Ok. Bye." Mulder hung up the phone. Poor Scully. She really was a strong person. He could tell by the sound of her voice that she really didn't want to be at home. He leaned back in his chair. Scully would be ok…he knew that. She had seemed lethargic and sick for the past few days. Would it get worse? 'No' he thought. 'Scully's a fighter. Give her two days…she'll be back soon.'
Meanwhile Scully had been sleeping for most of the morning. She had never felt so horrible. Her head still hurt. Sunlight streamed through the windows. Scully opened her eyes and glanced at the clock. It was noon already. She sat up and stretched. She clumsily swung her feet out of bed, and headed towards the bathroom. Perhaps splashing herself with some cold water would make her feel better. Scully turned on the water and began to wash her face. Coincidentally, she looked down…and gasped. The water was red. Blood. The worst thought came to her mind. She looked into the mirror. Sure enough…blood was dripping from her nose. It was a nosebleed…like the one's she had had a few years ago. The ones…when she found out about her cancer. Scully blinked for a minute. She wiped the blood away and ran to the phone to call her mother. As she dialed the number, she whispered faintly… "Shit…this is not happening."
It was 8:00 p.m. Mulder was still at work. He was snoring at his desk. Going over all of the case files without Scully had put him to sleep. There was no fun…no joking around. Without Scully the work was just boring. The phone rang loudly in Mulder's ear. He almost fell out of his chair. He fumbled sleepily for the phone. "Mulder," he said and yawned. The voice on the other end belonged to Skinner. Mulder was suddenly alert, and he sat up straight. "Sir. What can I do for you?" He listened…and could not believe what he was hearing. "Scully's in the hospital!?" He then listened to what Skinner had to tell him. Then he slammed the phone down. Mulder jumped up, walked out of the office and slammed the door shut. As he walked down the hall to the elevator, he muttered under his breath, "Shit…this is not happening."
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Figure of divine perfection
No one's loved with more affection
Soul to soul we've breathed…
Oh I won't let the Fates succeed.
Worried eyes of contemplation
Whispered bits of conversation
Unaffected orderlies
Disinfected rooms and hallways…
Mulder banged through the doors of the hospital and ran to the receptionist's desk. "Is she ok? Where is she?" "Sir…please calm down. Who are you looking for?" "Dana Scully." The receptionist checked the computer. "Third floor." "Thank you." Mulder went to the elevator. He nervously shifted from side to side as he waited. The elevator came, and he went to the third floor. When he got there he found Skinner and Mrs. Scully in the hallway. "Mrs. Scully. Skinner. Where is she?" Skinner nodded to a room. "She's in there with the doctor." "But what's wrong? What happened?" Mrs. Scully took Mulder by the sleeve. "Fox, come with me." She led him to a bench. "Dana is sick…very sick." "When did she come to the hospital?" "She called me today around noon. She was in a panic. She said that she was bleeding…" Mulder jumped up. "Fox, sit." Mulder sat back down, clearly frustrated. "What happened then?" "Well she told me to come over right away. I did, of course. She was all dressed. I asked her what was going on. She said to take her to the hospital right away… Fox, she had a nosebleed." Mulder looked at Mrs. Scully with wide eyes. "No…" "I brought her here. She immediately went to see a doctor. Fox, her cancer is back…and it's bad." Mulder jumped up and stomped down the hall. "This can't be happening! The last time it happened she put the chip back in. It was supposed to get rid of the cancer. Where is that cigarette bastard? He gave me the chip for her. He did this to her." Mulder was furious. Skinner restrained him. "Mulder, you know as well as I do that you won't find him. In the meantime the doctors are doing all they can. She will be monitored around the clock. Yes, the doctors said that it was bad, but it could get better. Right now we just don't know." Mulder twisted away from him and leaned against the wall. "Can I see her?" "When the doctor is finished." And so Mulder waited with Skinner and Mrs. Scully. The wait seemed like hours. Finally the doctor came out. Mrs. Scully went to talk with him. Mulder slid in past the doctor. Scully was lying down, propped up on some pillows. "Mulder…" she whispered. "I'm here Scully." She smiled weakly. "I guess I was more than tired." "How can this happen Scully?" "I don't know…I thought that new chip was supposed to prevent this…I just don't know…" Mulder took her hand. "You will get better Scully. That is an order." "Yes mother." They both laughed. Then Mulder got serious. "How bad is it?" "I don't know yet. The doctors should be getting the rest of the tests soon." "I'm still wondering about that chip…" Scully looked away for a minute. "What is it? Is it bad?" "In a way…yes. About the chip. I had a test done in that area to see if the chip was causing this. The results of that test were very shocking to me." "What happened?" "The chip was gone…" "What!" "It didn't show up. It was almost like it was never put in. Of course my scar is the proof that it was there. It's almost as if the chip just disintegrated or something like that." "That can't be…" "But it could be that the test just didn't pick it up. That is why I am going to have an operation tomorrow to see if it is still there." "An operation already?" "Yes. It could be crucial to all of this." "I see…" Scully yawned. "You're tired, Scully. Get some rest. I'll be back tomorrow. I promise." He leaned over and kissed her cheek. Scully smiled faintly. "Thanks Mulder." She closed her eyes. Mulder got up, took one more look at her, and walked out." His eyes met with Skinner's. Mrs. Scully was sitting on the bench, her arms folded. "What?" Skinner took a deep breath. "We talked to the doctor while you were in there with Scully. He wasn't very happy about what he saw…" "Did the test results come back?" "Yes. They didn't look too promising according to the doctor." Mulder glanced at Mrs. Scully. He saw a tear slip down her cheek. She looked at him. "Fox…there's a chance that we…could lose her."
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Jagged thorns and pretty petals
Butterflies and stinging nettles
Sunny days and nights of blackness
But where's the joy to cure my sadness?
Mulder had gone to work that day until noon. He was very worried for Scully, and it preoccupied his thoughts. Finally Skinner just told him to go see her and that he wouldn't have to stay for the day. Mulder was glad that Skinner could see his point of view for once. He reached the hospital in no time. In one arm he carried a bouquet of bright red roses. He tapped on the door and walked in. Scully was talking with her mother. Mulder stepped back. "Did I come at the wrong time?" Mrs. Scully stood. "No, Fox. It's all right. I was just going to go get something for lunch. I'll be back. Is that ok with you, Dana?" "That's fine mom." Mrs. Scully left. Mulder walked over to Scully's bedside. "I…um got these for you. I…ah…hope they help you feel a bit better." Scully took the roses. "Thanks Mulder…I really like them a lot. You didn't have to…" Mulder quickly interrupted her. "No I wanted to." Scully laid the flowers beside her, and Mulder sat down. "So…how was the operation?" Scully looked a bit serious. "Not good. They couldn't find the chip." "But it was put in. We all know that." "Something must have happened…it might have dissolved like I said before." "But a metal chip just can't dissolve like that!" "One from the cigarette bastard could." Mulder held his head in his hands. "I should have never trusted him…" Scully touched his shoulder gently. "It's not your fault. We had to take the chance. We had no other choice." "I guess you're right. So now what?" "We wait. The doctors told me that they weren't too happy with my condition… I can't let that defeat me. I'm not going down without a fight." "Scully do you realize what you're saying?" "That I might die? Mulder, I knew that." "But Scully you can't. I couldn't go on." Scully gave him a firm look. "You'd have to. You'd have to do it for me. That is an order." Mulder sighed. "Yes mother." Scully laughed. "What is it with this lately? I think we've been ordering each other around too much." "It's funny though. It keeps us away from the bad thoughts…" Scully nodded, then sighed. "I didn't think that this could happen to me again…" Mulder jumped up. "No, Scully. You are not going to feel bad. I will make you feel better! I'll sing for you." Scully gave him a weird look. "Mulder…?" Mulder cleared his throat. "Ahem. Testing…warming up…" "Mulder…" "Ok here we go! She's so hiiiiiiigh! High above me! She's so lovely! She's so hiiiiiiigh! Like Cleopatra, Joan of Arc, or Aphrodiiiiiite! She's so hiiiiiiigh! High above me!!!" Scully almost put her hands over her ears. Mulder grinned. "So? What do you think?" "Do you really want to know? Well Mulder…it was a good effort. I'll give you that much. Um stick to the roses only next time." Mulder laughed. "I'll never be a singer like you Scully. Jeremiah was a bullfrog…" Scully rolled her eyes. "Funny. So funny I forgot to laugh." Then they both cracked up. The doctor entered, and the tone turned serious again. He told them about more test results. Things were not looking good. After he left, Scully was silent. Mulder looked at her. She was crying. Tears were falling down her cheeks. "Scully…" Scully turned her head. "I'm fine Mulder." Mulder turned her head back towards him. "No…no you're not. Let me help you. That's what I'm here for. I want you to feel better again. I want you to come back to work again. I want…you to be happy again." Scully looked at him through teary eyes. He handed her a tissue. "Scully, you know I would give up anything to see you happy… just tell me how you feel." Scully wiped her eyes. "Mulder…I…I'm scared. I'm really scared. What if I die? What then? What's going to happen to me?" She burst into tears. Mulder looked at her and awkwardly put his arms around her. "Come on Scully. It'll be ok. Everything will be fine. In a few days this'll all be over. We'll be back in the basement arguing over coffee and sunflower seeds…" "You really think so?" Mulder sighed heavily. "Yeah…" He closed his eyes for a moment. Would everything really be ok? What if she didn't make it? He shook those thoughts from his head. "Scully?" "Yeah?" "Are you ok?" Scully leaned back. "Yes. I just scared myself I suppose. I'm sure that I'll get through this." Mulder nodded. "I agree. Hey I know! Let's relive our 'adventures'. It'll make you feel better I bet." Scully smiled. "All right." "I remember the first time I saw your face…" began Mulder…
And so Mulder and Scully relived almost the whole seven years that they had know each other. From their very first case to when they had worked with cops from L.A. Occasionally a doctor interrupted for a test or just to check on Scully. Mrs. Scully had returned to say that she was going to take a short rest and that she would be back. Finally it had gotten late. It was about 9:00 when Mulder stood up to leave. "I'll see you tomorrow Scully." "Yeah." "Get some rest." "Yes…" "Don't even say it." They laughed. Mulder took her face into his hands. "Really though. You better rest up." He kissed her forehead. "I'd be lost without you." "Me too Mulder. See you tomorrow." "See you." He walked out of the room and closed the door. Scully stared at where he had left, and whispered, "Thank you. I love you Fox Mulder…"
It was a little past midnight. Mulder was sleeping on his couch. He was snoring lightly. The phone rang. Mulder fell off of the couch. "Shit! Why the hell do I always do that? Stupid phone…" He grumbled in the darkness as he went to the phone. "Mulder," he said, and stifled a yawn. "Sir? Oh Shit. I'll be right there…"
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Gleaming cars and covered faces
Teary eyes in hollow places
Grass and granite stone
No one's been more all alone…
The cold wind bit right through Mulder's heavy coat. The sun was shining brightly. The sky was clear and blue. Then only thing was…the wind. It whipped around the others who had come to watch. Mulder was numb and void of emotion for the time being. It all seemed like a dream to him. Unfortunately it was reality. Special Agent Dana Scully had died two nights before at 12:34 a.m. The cancer had flared up. She was too weak to overcome it. The doctors had done all they could. The phone call that Mulder had gotten was from Skinner. Mulder looked around. Scully's family was close to where she would be buried shortly. Skinner was there as well as a few other close friends. The funeral was, as Scully wanted it…short with the love of close family and friends. Mulder felt for Mrs. Scully. She had lost so much in the past seven years. First her husband…then Melissa…now Scully. Mulder watched as the casket was brought out. He was still in a state of disbelief. Inside that casket was the person that he had cared for most. They had been through so much together. Though her scientific answers sometimes got to him, only now did he realize how much they had helped him. Scully had kept him sane. She had saved him a thousand times. Mulder snapped back into reality. Scully's casket was about to be lowered into the ground. He watched blankly as the casket was lowered, and covered with dirt. Mrs. Scully cried, as did Scully's brothers. Skinner looked distant. Mulder felt tears in his eyes. This was the ultimate pain to him. Finally people began drifting back to their cars. Mulder went to Mrs. Scully. She hugged him. "Fox…" "I'm so sorry. I knew what she meant to you." Mrs. Scully nodded. "I knew what she meant to you too." Then she left with Scully's brothers. Mulder was the last person left. He stood in front of Scully's grave. Once again he relived seven years in his mind. He drew from his coat a single red rose and set it down on Scully's grave. He stepped back and whispered, "I love you Dana Scully…" He wiped away a few tears that had escaped his eyes. Then he drew his coat around him more tightly. He turned and started walking to his car. Never could he imagine life without Scully. What would it be like? Could he really pick up and go on? He knew that he would find out shortly. And for the first moment in his life, Mulder felt that there was nobody left for him. He was truly alone…
And if you sleep, you sleep with God
And if I cry it's for my heart
Why should I hope to make it through?
Cause if you sleep, I'll sleep too.