Side A: Mania
I'm sick and tired of bursts of manic confidence. The sudden feeling that you can do anything no matter how crazy it seems…you say, "I'm finally going to get things right." Wasting time and money planning to do things you'll never finish. You feel like you've finally found your calling, your real friends, the love of your life, your identity…your place in the world. You blindly make moves and take risks without thinking about the consequences. To you, the consequences don't matter anyways, because you've finally got this whole "life" thing figured out.
You laugh too much, you don't sleep enough.
Your hopes, dreams, self-esteem…it all builds, and builds, and builds.. This is when you realize, "This is the happiest I've been in a long, long time. Your thoughts continue to flit around. All those hopes and dreams keep building, but it's getting dangerous now.
Through all of this, there has been the small, ghost of a voice, trying and trying to get your attention; but it can't, because it's suffocating beneath all of your racing thoughts. But now that you've reached the top, it finally is able to take in enough oxygen to warn you,
"Stop," it whispers, "You know this won't last much longer…this distorted reality that you've been thrown into. None of it will last, and you know that. You know."
Though the voice is right, you're so caught up in all of it, that you can't quit. You're like a junkie; reckless and dependent on this false reality that's been created for you.
And then…one day, without warning…all those hopes and dreams and self-esteem…they've built up too much, and they overflow. They come crashing down to earth, taking you with them. It's a sickening feeling…like you've just been dropped, your organs shifting around. That's what actually happens, really…just in an emotional sense. When you finally realize what's happened, it's too late. You've suddenly hit absolute bottom and you know that you can't climb back to the top.
This cycle will start again in a few weeks; but not before a period of unbelievable depression.
But, for now, you're left alone, crying, wondering why all that happiness and strength had to go away. And all the while, that voice, louder, now that you've come down from your high, just keeps saying in your ear,
"I told you so."