Open Your Eyes

One-Shot

Author's Notes :
- Disclaimer : I don't own Stargate Atlantis or any of its characters or plots. I mean no infringement, this is for personal benefit only.
- The title is from the Snow Patrol song, "Open Your Eyes".
- This is very mild SLASH, that means guy/guy love.

Rodney McKay had never been a patient person. He knew that waiting only really resulted in disappointment. When he was twelve he had waited for a chemistry kit in the mail and when it arrived, half the beakers had been broken. When he was seventeen he had waited for his diploma, but when he walked across the stage all he got was an empty placeholder and had to wait another two months for his degree to be mailed to him. When he was thirty he had to wait in fucking Russia before the SGC realized he could help at the Antarctica base.

So when, at thirty-four, he fell in love with his best friend, Rodney knew that waiting wasn't going to get him what he wanted. Except that John Sheppard was military and not just any military, he was United States military. They had rules about this sort of thing that Rodney didn't think even Sheppard would break.

So then he waited. Sheppard's country couldn't stay behind everyone else's forever. Or maybe even eventually Sheppard wouldn't care.

Rodney tried to gauge how receptive Sheppard would be to his proclamation of love, but really, he couldn't picture Sheppard being receptive to any proclamations of love, especially Rodney's. So he bided his time. Waiting for a moment when he could tell Sheppard that he was stupidly in love with the other man and that they should have amazing gay sex now.

Sheppard was already basically Rodney's boyfriend, just minus the sex. He remembered Rodney's birthday, his favorite color, favorite movie and favorite mathematician. He brought Rodney food when Rodney was too absorbed in his work to remember it was dinner time. He coaxed Rodney away from the lab for some sleep or to play a game of golf. He saved all of his chocolate PowerBars for Rodney, and that, to Rodney, was worth its weight in gold.

Yes, Sheppard already did boyfriendedly things for Rodney, so why shouldn't Rodney get some sex out of it as well?

And it's not like it was one-sided. Rodney made sure to let Sheppard talk about football and action movies and golf clubs. He let Sheppard hang around his lab. Hell, Rodney even shares his coffee with the other man. Occasionally.

Rodney figured it was just like dating, only it was spread out over a few years and it never ended with them in bed together.

He didn't figure it out in the beginning. He and Sheppard had been happily non-dating for a couple years before Rodney had his Eureka moment. By then, at least he knew they would work well as a couple.

But now, three years later, Rodney had finally gotten tired of waiting and had spent the last month trying to tell Sheppard that they should get on with the awesome gay sex already. But every time he tried to do so, they'd been interrupted.

"Look, Sheppard… John…"

Sheppard faced Rodney with a questioning gaze, "Yeah?"

"We've been together for a whi--"

"Colonel Sheppard?"

Rodney scowled at the person who had interrupted him; some scientist that Rodney didn't recognize.

"Hey, Carey," Sheppard greeted. He turned back to Rodney, "Rodney, do you know Dr. Carey Bryce?"

"No," Rodney answered with a glare.

Bryce offered Rodney a smile and held out his hand, "Please to meet you, Dr. McKay."

Rodney waved the hand away, "I'm sure, whatever. Look, Sheppard and I are a little busy right now--"

"Did you need something, Carey?" Sheppard asked, interrupting Rodney.

"You said to come find you when I finished my tests with the Marines…"

Sheppard flashed a smile towards Rodney and offered him a pat on the back, "Hey, let's talk tomorrow okay?"

"What? No, Sheppard--"

"See ya later, McKay."

And then the week after that…

"Sheppard!" Rodney called after his teammate.

Sheppard was heading away from the infirmary at a rapid pace, "Sorry, Rodney, I have somewhere I have to be!"

"It's three o'clock in the morning!" Rodney answered, chasing after the other man.

"Sleep calls."

"Look, Sheppard, I really need to talk to you."

"Can't it wait, McKay?"

"Well, actually I already…" he trailed off as Sheppard stepped into a transported. Rodney hastily followed him in. "I tried to talk to you last week…"

"Oh, yeah, sorry I didn't get back to you." Sheppard ran a hand through his hair.

"Whatever." Rodney dismissed. "Can we talk now?"

"I'm a little busy now," Sheppard said as he stepped out of the transporter. Rodney followed him.

"It's just that… wait a second, where are we? This isn't the level with your quarters."

Sheppard flashed him a grin, "You're too smart for your own good, McKay."

Rodney rolled his eyes, "Whatever, look, the thing is… we've been out here together for a while, and--"

"Colonel Sheppard!" A voice interrupted him. Rodney's eyes narrowed at the intruder. He looked familiar. "How was your mission, sir?"

"Great, Carey."

"Find anything exciting?"

Rodney looked around and had no idea where he was. It was obviously someone's office, and by the looks of it that person was the one standing and talking to Sheppard.

"A bunch of purple giraffes."

"Seriously?"

"Got pictures to prove it," Sheppard said with a grin. He turned back to Rodney, "Look, Rodney, can I talk to you another time?"

"That's what you said last time, Sheppard," Rodney grumbled. "But, fine. I'm holding you to it, though."

"Wouldn't expect anything less from you, Rodney." Sheppard smiled again and Rodney felt weak at the knees.

And the week after that…

"Sheppard!"

Sheppard turned to look at him, P-90 pointing towards the ground. They were on yet another planet in the Pegasus Galaxy looking for something that Rodney was sure he should have known about, but was too busy deciding if he should move into Sheppard's quarters or if Sheppard should move into his.

Sheppard lowered his sunglasses just a notch to look at Rodney over them. "Yes, Rodney?"

"I've been trying to talk to you for weeks…" Rodney said, hurrying to catch up with the other man. Ronon was in front of them about ten yards and Teyla was behind them. Rodney wasn't too worried about being overheard, they'd know sometime anyways.

"Oh, yeah, sorry about that," Sheppard offered, pushing his glasses back up. When Rodney reached his side they started walking again. "What was it you wanted to say?"

"I know that we've been friends for a long time, but I think it's time to acknowle--"

"Rodney, stop!" Sheppard yelled.

"What?! I'm not going to stop! I've been trying to tell you something for weeks, Sheppard, so don't tell me to st--"

"Rodney!" Sheppard hissed, holding up a hand. "Stop moving."

"What?" Rodney looked down to find a snake, on steroids, in front of him, tongue hanging out into the air. It eyed Rodney with a suspiciously hungry gaze… "Oh my God! Shoot it!"

"You want me to shoot it?" Sheppard asked. "What if it's got poison in it or something and it explodes all over you?"

"Oh… good point… stab it!"

"I'm not going to stab it." Sheppard turned his head to yell, "Ronon!"

It only took a minute for the Satedan to run over to their position. Rodney's teammate took one look at the thing and grinned, "Found yourself a pet, McKay?"

"Ugh! Just get rid of it!"

Ronon bent down and picked it up, "They taste like chicken."

"I'm sure they do! Everything tastes like chicken."

Ronon laughed as he threw the snake away from them. "I think it liked you, McKay. Don't know why though."

Rodney glowered at him, "It just wanted to eat me."

Sheppard laughed as he patted Ronon on the shoulders, "So what was that thing?" He asked, walking away, leaving Rodney behind.

Rodney sighed. This was getting ridiculous.

And then yesterday he'd actually tried to track Sheppard down at his quarters only to find him watching a movie… with someone else…

"Hey, McKay," Sheppard greeted quietly.

Rodney peered over Sheppard's shoulder to see his room was dark, with light coming from a laptop screen. There was another person in the room but Rodney couldn't make out who it was. "I thought we could talk."

"Oh, I'm sorry, buddy. It keeps slipping my mind," Sheppard said, sounding genuinely sorry. "I'm busy right now, I'll come find you later, though, okay?"

"You can't talk for just a minute?"

Sheppard looked behind him into the room and then back at Rodney, "Not really. Is it important?"

Rodney huffed. It was only the most important thing to happen to Rodney besides getting a ZPM and discovering that stable wormholes really did exist. He sighed, "No, not really."

"Look, how about we have breakfast in the morning and we can talk then, okay?"

"Breakfast?" Rodney repeated. "Yeah, okay."

"Great," Sheppard said with a smile. "I'll come pick you up, say… 0800?"

"Sounds great."

"Okay, see you then." Sheppard stepped backwards and his door closed.

And it would have been great, if Sheppard hadn't been called off-world in the middle of the night to help track down SGA-5 who had missed their last two check-ins. The man still wasn't back from his rescue mission.

Rodney sighed and went to get lunch. He fixed up his tray with food and sat down at an empty table in the mess hall. He looked around and the ache in his chest started to grow. Rodney was the only one sitting by himself. He knew he had somewhat of an… acquired personality, but after three years in the Pegasus Galaxy, Rodney had thought maybe someone else would have warmed up to him by now.

He'd tried to change, when he was younger. Rodney had wanted to get along with people, have a girlfriend--or a boyfriend--and hang out with people at parties. None of it ever seemed to work though. After a while he just decided that people couldn't handle his brilliance and didn't like to be around someone so obviously smarter than they were.

So Rodney had lived his life alone, and he didn't need friends, he didn't. He had his work and it was sure to gain him a Nobel, so he couldn't really complain.

And then John Sheppard had stumbled into his life. Suddenly there was an Air Force pilot who thought Rodney was funny, not rude and who took everything Rodney said in stride and still came back for more. John Sheppard didn't seem to care that Rodney had no people skills and thought everyone was stupid. He still wanted to hang around Rodney. Still wanted to play golf with him or watch movies with him or even play prime/not prime with him.

Rodney had never had another best friend to compare John Sheppard to, but he was sure that Sheppard was a better best friend then everyone else's. Rodney didn't think many people were willing to risk their life for their best friend like John Sheppard had. Military or not.

He sighed again. The faster he ate, the faster he could be back in the safety of his lab.

"Is this seat taken?"

Rodney looked up. The man looked familiar and Rodney squinted at him. "Yes."

"Oh, sorry." He started to walk away and Rodney rolled hi eyes.

"Of course it's not taken. Does it look like it's occupied?!"

The man turned around and smiled at Rodney. "Well, I wasn't sure if maybe you had an invisible friend or were waiting for someone else." He smoothly claimed the seat, sitting across from Rodney.

"Invisible friend?!" Rodney sputtered. "What am I, twelve?!"

The other man shrugged, "John says if I treat you like you're twelve, nothing you do will bother me."

"What?! John who?! I am not twelve!"

The stranger chuckled, "See… that right there? A twelve year-old would probably get pretty mad at me suggesting the wrong age."

"Well, I'm obviously not twelve," Rodney grumbled.

"And they're pretty petulant, too," he said with an easy smile.

"I am not petulant," Rodney huffed.

The man looked up an smiled, "Of course not, my mistake, Doctor."

Rodney tucked back into his meatloaf before he remembered… "John who?"

The other man looked at him in surprise, "John Sheppard."

"Sheppard?" Rodney asked. "Tall, skinny guy with hair like a fourteen year old boy?"

His table guest smiled, "That's him."

Rodney stared at him before remembering where he'd seen the other man. He snapped his fingers, "Oh you're that Dr…. Blye… Blythe… Rice…"

"Bryce," the man across from him confirmed. "Carey Bryce."

"And you know Sheppard… how?"

"We're friends," Bryce offered. "And I'm one of the new base psychologists for the military."

"Well, you've got your hands full with Sheppard," Rodney offered.

Bryce smiled again. Rodney was beginning to think the man was on uppers or something. No one smiled that much. "Actually, Colonel Sheppard sees Dr. Wilson."

"There's more than one of you?" Rodney shoved some meatloaf covered in mashed potatoes into his mouth.

"There are three base psychologists. One for the military, one for the civilians, and one for the command team."

"Which one do I fall under?" Rodney asked.

"Command team. Sherrie has been complaining that she hasn't managed to get you into her office yet."

"Like I need more psycho babble," Rodney stated. "Please. Nothing good ever comes from poking around someone's head."

"I'm sure several people will agree with you, Dr. McKay," Bryce said with a smile.

"Will you stop smiling already!? What is there to be happy about?!"

Bryce set down his fork with a concerned expression, "Are you not happy, Dr. McKay?"

"I'm perfectly happy," Rodney countered. "I just don't think I need to smile all the time so everyone knows it."

"Ah."

Bryce was still studying him and Rodney tried his best to stare the other man down. He'd been intimidating psychologists since he was thirteen.

Bryce smiled again and picked up his fork, "You know John speaks very highly of you."

"Who? Sheppard?"

"Yes. Why do you call him that?" Bryce asked, reaching for his glass of water.

Rodney shrugged. "It's his name."

"He calls you by your first name, does he not?"

"He uses both."

"Hmm."

Rodney scowled, "Stop analyzing me! I'm not some test subject!"

"My apologies, Dr. McKay. John speaks of you quite often and I find myself intrigued by your character."

"Intrigued by my character?" Rodney asked, shoveling some more mashed potatoes. "Who says things like that?"

Bryce shrugged, "I've been told I have a very formal way of speaking."

"That's one way of putting it." Rodney thought it sounded more like the man had a permanent stick up his ass. Except that Bryce kept smiling. Rodney didn't think he would be doing that if he had a stick up his ass. "So how well do you know Sheppard?"

Bryce smiled, "How well can anyone really know Colonel Sheppard?"

Rodney swallowed his potatoes, "You're right. He's pretty slippery. Trying to get anything personal out of him is like pulling teeth."

"John does tend to keep to himself," Bryce allowed. "Do you know him well?"

"I'm his best friend, of course I know him well," Rodney answered easily. "Why?"

"I was just pondering your acquaintance."

Rodney rolled his eyes, "Do you talk like that with Sheppard?"

Bryce nodded. "With John and everyone else."

"Were you picked on as a kid?"

Rodney sighed. Sheppard had been back in Atlantis for over twenty-four hours, but Rodney still hadn't managed to find the man. He decided then and there that trying to track down a previous black ops operative was sorta like trying to nail jell-o to the wall and all those other impossibly cliché things.

And also, he owed Sheppard big time for introducing him to Blthye… Rice… Bithe… whatever it was. The man was so annoying! And not only had he had lunch with Rodney yesterday, he'd invited himself to breakfast today. So it was Rodney, Rodney's omelet, Blythe, and Blythe's weird diction.

Rodney had been avoiding the mess hall since then.

"Rodney."

Rodney jerked back from his computer and turned to glare at Sheppard, who was standing behind him grinning. "Are you trying to kill me?!"

Sheppard shrugged, "You wanted to talk?"

"Now you want to talk? While I'm in the middle of a huge project that could potentially save--"

"So?"

Rodney sighed and looked around. His lab was empty. It was the middle of the night. "Listen, Sheppard--"

Sheppard held up his hands, "Wait, there's something I need to say first."

Rodney stared at him. Rodney had been trying to track Sheppard down for weeks and now the man had something to say? "Ugh, fine, whatever. What is it?" He crossed his arms over his chest and looked at Sheppard expectantly.

Sheppard ran a hand through his hair, a sure sign he was nervous. "I, uh, I've been avoiding you."

Rodney just stared. "You have." Not a question.

"Yeah, look… I know you think… I'm with somebody, Rodney."

"Of course you ar--wait, what?" Rodney frowned. "With somebody?"

Sheppard nodded, "Yeah."

"For how long?" Rodney demanded.

"Six months or so. Look, I've been… I've been meaning to tell you, I just… forgot."

"You've had a girlfriend for six months and forgot to tell me?! I thought we were friends, Sheppard!" He exploded.

Sheppard winced a little. "We are, Rodney--best friends."

"I'm pretty sure best friends tell each other when they've found someone," Rodney huffed.

"Look, Rodney, it's more than that…" he drifted off and held a hand up towards Rodney before tapping his radio on. "…Carey, yeah… no I'm still with him… yeah, okay. Sheppard out."

Rodney's eyes widened. Sheppard winced again at the look and refused to meet Rodney's eyes. "You… you!" Rodney said, pointing a finger at Sheppard. "You're gay!"

"Just a little," Sheppard admitted.

"How can you be just a little gay?"

Sheppard sighed, "Fine, I'm completely gay. Happy now?"

"No!"

"I'm sorry, Rodney," Sheppard said softly. He reached a hand out to Rodney's arm and Rodney flinched away. "I didn't want to hurt you."

"But I thought…" Rodney gaped.

"I know, and I'm sorry," Sheppard repeated. "You're a great guy, McKay, someone would be lucky to have you."

"Just not you?" Rodney whispered.

Sheppard looked away again, "Maybe. In another place, another time."

"Just not this one."

"Will you be…? Are you okay with this, Rodney?" Sheppard finally met his eyes.

"Okay with having my heart broken in a million ways?!" Rodney asked, waving his hands. "Why wouldn't I be?"

"I…" Sheppard swallowed. "I thought maybe if I didn't say anything, you'd lose interest; find someone else."

Rodney snorted and this time he was the one who looked away. "Please, Sheppard. We both know how I am."

Sheppard frowned and this time his hand reached Rodney's arm. "Rodney, who do you think I'm with?"

"Blythe… Blye… whatever."

"Carey?" Sheppard asked with surprise in his voice. "Carey's only been here for a couple of months, McKay."

"Oh." Rodney frowned, "Then who…"

"Cam. Mitchell. I've been with him since we went back to Earth."

"Is that why…?"

"He's coming to Atlantis in a few months?" Sheppard offered him a half smile. "Yeah."

"Oh. I thought that was weird," Rodney said, deflated.

"Rodney," Sheppard said gently.

"Yeah?" Rodney was already envisioning himself growing old alone. If Sheppard didn't want him, he couldn't imagine anyone else would. Sheppard was the only one who could stand him for any length of time. The ache in his chest began to grow again. Even Sheppard, the quintessential bachelor, was settling down. Rodney would be alone.

"Rodney, about Carey…"

"I can't believe I thought you'd be with someone like that," Rodney said with a small laugh. "He's like your polar opposite."

Sheppard quirked a smile, "Yeah, but he's a good guy."

Rodney snorted, "I'm sure."

"He is," Sheppard said. "And I think you'd really like him if you gave him a chance."

"A chance to what?"

"Rodney," Sheppard said fondly. "He's like head over heels for you."

Rodney blinked in shock, "Wait--he's what? I barely know him!"

"I spend a few hours a day with the man, all he ever asks about is you," Sheppard said kindly. "He likes you, Rodney. You can at least give him a chance."

"He's… he's… weird!"

"Because you're so normal, McKay," Sheppard replied dryly.

"He's a shrink!"

"I'm sure he doesn't hold your profession against you," his friend replied with a shrug. "He's a good man, wicked sense of humor and he can probably drink you under the table."

Rodney's brain finally caught up to the oddity of the situation. "I need… I need a few days, John," he said quietly, turning away slightly.

A hand rested lightly on his shoulder. "Take all the time you need, Rodney. I'm--I'm sorry that I couldn't give you what you wanted. I wish…I wish I could."

"I wish you could too," Rodney answered softly. The hand squeezed his shoulder and Rodney felt his heart breaking. Then Sheppard pulled his hand back and Rodney heard him walk away. "John."

"Yeah?"

"He makes you happy?" Rodney asked, without turning around.

"He makes me really happy," Sheppard whispered, loud enough for Rodney to hear.

"Oh, well, that's good then." Rodney swallowed the lump in his stomach. The door opened and Rodney heard Sheppard leave, the door closing behind him. "At least someone can."