FRANKENFOXFACE

There was an unusually festive atmosphere in the Cheat Commandos Headquarters Playset, for the place was decorated with bundles of autumn leaves, hay bales, pumpkins, and dried corn stalks.

"Enjoy your Halloween party, men. You've earned it," Gunhaver declared. "We'll kick things off with the chili cook-off."

All the Commandos were sitting at a table with the chili they'd prepared, except for Foxface, who was the judge. First up was Reynold. Ignoring the ladle provided, Foxface dipped her paw into Reynold's chili and sampled it.

"Oh, blecch!" she groaned. "It tastes like...cat food or something!"

"Um, well, actually, it is cat food," Reynold conceded.

"That's just nasty," Foxface grimaced, taking a big swig of water to wash the taste out. Up next was Silent Rip. His chili had big chunks of meat, so Foxface used the ladle provided, and in doing so, got chili on her snout.

"This is really good, I can tell you used some oregano..." Foxface's voice trailed off when she heard the other commandos snickering. "What? What is it?" Silent Rip pointed to his own snout and Foxface took out a compact and saw the chili. Laughing, she stuck out her tongue really far and comically licked the chili off her snout, causing all the Commandos to laugh even harder. Now it was Fightgar's turn. Foxface tasted his chili and instantly her face lit up.

"Wow! Fightgar, this is fantastic! There's something in there that I can't quite place. What's your secret ingredient?"

"Well, if I told you, it wouldn't be a secret, now would it?" Fightgar countered.

"Just whisper it," Foxface answered, leaning close. Fightgar did so.

"GUNPOWDER?!" Foxface exclaimed.

"Foxface!" whined Fightgar indignantly. Foxface suddenly began to inflate, as though someone were blowing up a balloon. With each inflation, Foxface gave out a little cry, as she got bigger and bigger. Her belt snapped from the tension as she continued to expand.

"Quick! Someone get her to the juicing room!" Gunhaver ordered.

The other Commandos stared at him in confusion.

"Oh, um, never mind."

By now Foxface had ballooned out to fill the entire room. She finally stopped expanding, and now a low rumbling was heard as she trembled with a force that shook the room.

"Take cover! She's gonna BLOOOOOOWWW!" yelled Silent Rip as he dove under a table.

And blow she did. When everything had settled, the Commandos crawled out of their hiding spots to survey the damage.

"Where's Foxface?" Reynold was anxious to know.

"There she is," Fightgar said nauseously. "An' there, an' there, an' there, an' over there too."

Gunhaver took off his hat out of respect. "Whatever she did around here," he intoned solemnly, "she was the best at it." Just then the Blue Las-Alert went off and everyone (including Reynold this time) went to save the world from Blue Laser mowing his lawn or something equally evil.

When they returned, all were tired and in a foul mood from what had happened.

"Blue Laser sent us on another wild goose chase!" Gunhaver exclaimed, a statement that would have been painfully obvious to the other Commandos, but hey, the viewers at home had to know somehow.

"Hey, what happened? The mess made by Foxface's explosion has been all cleaned up!" said Silent Rip.

"IT WAS ALL WE HAD LEFT OF HER!" wailed Reynold.

"Knock, knock, Cheat Commandos!" screeched an all-too-familiar voice. The door swung open, and there stood...

"BLUE LASER!" they all chorused as one.

"I have a surprise for you!" sneered Blue Laser. "Your precious Foxface lives once again...but not as you knew her!"

In came Foxface, her fur a sickly green, crude stitches all over her body, her eyes empty and devoid of any emotion. She walked with mechanical movements, seemingly unaware of her fellow Commandos' horrified reaction to her.

Then, she turned on them.

"RRRAAUGH!"

"Open fire! Fire at will! Just...fire!" Gunhaver ordered.

But nobody would.

"This isn't the Foxface we all knew and admired from afar! This is a creation of Blue Laser!" Gunhaver tried again. This time, it worked. Well, it worked in that he got the men to fire. However, the bullets only ricocheted off of her.

"The bullets seem to have no effect!" said Gunhaver, with his penchant for stating the obvious. "Try the lasers!"

This, too, proved fruitless.

"Nothing is working!" yelled Gunhaver, ensuring that this year his nomination for the "Duh" award would not be overlooked. It was just then that Foxface decided to start breathing fire, setting the Headquarters Playset ablaze.

"RREEEHHH!" she groaned in a deranged if not exactly frightening voice.

"Everyone out of the building!" said Gunhaver too late, for everyone already was out of the building, except for Reynold, who was running around on fire.

"Oooh! Ow! Hot, hot, hot!" he yelped. Gunhaver ignored him and met up with everyone outside.

"How are we gonna put this out? Maybe if we dumped some water on it from above! Where's Crackotage?"

"He left a long time ago. Said something about meeting an online girlfriend or something," Reinforcements informed Gunhaver. Just then Foxface lumbered outside, advancing toward them.

"I know!" said Gunhaver. "We can throw her into the Deus Ex Machiner!"

"Are you sure? That's awfully risky," Silent Rip hedged.

"It's the only way," Gunhaver replied. "Grab her, Fightgar! We're throwing her into the Deus Ex Machiner!"

Fightgar snatched her up and with a grunt tossed her into the Deus Ex Machiner. A few seconds later, she popped out, looking like her old self again.

"Hey, everyone! Foxface is back to normal again!" Fightgar announced.

"And so is the Headquarters Playset!" Reinforcements added. Sure enough, not only was it not on fire anymore, but it looked as though it had never been.

"OH, CURSES!" yelled Blue Laser, who apparently had just been standing there or something the whole time. He simply walked off, grumbling to himself (for once, he had actually come alone, which is a good thing, because then We the People didn't have to listen to those dumb henchmen be idiots this time).

"Did I miss something?" Foxface asked. When no one answered, she just shrugged and smiled.

"Whatever!"

"Buy all our playsets and toys!" the announcers sang.

The Cheat Commandos were walking around the Headquarters Playset on some other day.

"We sure have had some weird stuff going on lately," Gunhaver remarked. "I'm just glad it's all over." As they walked into the next room they stopped cold. In a giant web in the corner sat two big, hairy, multi-eyed, fanged, drooling radioactive spiders. One of them was clearly Crackotage.

"This is my new girlfriend, Deb," he said in a warped voice. "We met each other..."

"...ON THE WEB!" they both finished. "Hoo hoo HA HA!"

THE END