Moments That Matter

I want to go to him after we lose Mabel, but am afraid that he'll be even angrier with me than he already is. I don't know how to make things right between the two of us. Maybe it's not even possible to make things right anymore. I don't even know how to classify our relationship. Can you be friends with someone who doesn't wholly trust you? I believe I was right to shut down the capacitor, but maybe the cost of my decision was too high this time. Baird tried to tell me that it's okay to lose sometimes, but I'm not sure my relationship with Jake can take much more strain.

Jones and I decide to go out for a drink. We invited Jake, but he said he had something to do. I'm just hoping that he didn't decide not to come because of me. We were sitting at the bar and I couldn't seem to find comfort even in the beer in my hand. I had been hoping going out tonight would help me cope with today's events, but all I can do is think about Jake. My frustration must be showing because Jones is looking at me with concern in those mischievous eyes of his.

"He'll be okay," Jones assured me.

"How am I supposed to regain his trust when all I ever seem to do is hurt him?" I questioned keeping my eyes on my drink.

"Why is it so important that he trust you?" he asked in return.

"I don't think I can really explain it. When he knew what to do to help me during my hallucination when we were looking for the crown I felt something. It was one of those moments that matter." I look at him hoping my explanation is enough for him.

"I think I understand. You do realize that it's all just an act right? He does trust you." He has a sly smile as he says this.

"How do you know?"

"Do you think that he would have let Mabel shut down the capacitor if he didn't trust your judgment and skills? Do you think he would always be there to catch you when you fall; talking you through your episodes if he didn't feel something for you?" I know that I will be rolling those questions over in my head until I can answer them with some certainty.

"I don't know. I don't exactly have the best people reading skills. I do best with my numbers," I muttered looking back down to the drink in my hand.

"I know you do. I just think you bring out some feelings in Stone that scare him, so he tries to keep you at arm's length," he answered before finishing off his beer.

"When did you get so wise?" I inquired.

"What can I say, I'm just awesome like that," his exuberance make me smile for the first time since I realized I had failed today.

"Thanks Ezekiel," I said hugging him, "even if it's not true I needed to hear it."

"Come on, let's get out of here," he exclaimed grabbing my hand while dragging me out of the bar.

We kept the conversation lighter as we walked back to the annex. I am always surprised by the many facets of Ezekiel. He liked to keep his façade of the thief always out for himself, but he can be open and sweet when he wants to. Like when he stole me a science fair trophy because he thought I deserved one. However, he also has the bad habit of eavesdropping so he always knows more than he should about what's going on with everyone else and his self-confidence is annoying and yet endearing at the same time. I am glad to have him as a friend. And he's always the gentleman lending me his arm to hold as we walk.

I'm still smiling as we walk back into the annex, but lose it when I see Stone sitting on the stairs staring at what looks like photographs. I stop so suddenly that Ezekiel almost trips. When he gets his balance back he starts pushing me in the direction of the stairs.

"Go talk to him. This is your moment, it's your turn to catch him," he whispers in my ear before sauntering off in the direction of the kitchen.

Emboldened by his words I slowly set myself down on the stair below Stone.

"I'm sorry we couldn't save her," I confessed not knowing what else I should be saying, "I know you had a connection with her."

"It's not your fault Cassie. Some things just aren't meant to be," he replied his voice gravelly and tight.

"But she was special, you let her see you." My voice is more tremulous than I expect it to be.

"How do you know that?" he asked finally taking his eyes off the photos in hand to look at me.

"I know how to pay attention too you know," I revealed.

"I felt connected to her, we were similar in some ways. And she made me see some things about myself that maybe I'm not too happy about."

"Like what?"

"The missed chances that I've had. I've always had the ability to leave and go see the world, but I let hiding my intellect dictate my life until Eve came to find me in that bar. I could have let myself have this amazing life, but I decided to hide away instead. Mabel she wanted to see the world, but she didn't get the chance to do that. I guess it all made me realize that I don't want to hide from life any longer."

"Were you happy before? I mean even though you were hiding who you really are."

"I don't know, it's kind of hard to remember what I had there when I'm traveling the world on the hunt for magical artifacts now. I'm not sure there's much that could make me happier than I am here."

"Here with a thief and crazy girl you don't trust."

"Cassie…"

"Sorry," I apologized knowing I'd said exactly the wrong thing, yet again. "You know I wasn't living before either, and I of all people really should have been. I've been living with a death sentence trailing behind me since I was fifteen, but until I met Flynn, Baird, Jones, and you," I look up to his light blue eyes looking for something, anything to give me hope, "I didn't know how to live until you, all of you," I stammered out that last bit so he wouldn't know I had slipped up.

"I'm glad you're getting your chance to live now Cassie."

"Could I have been like Mabel if I hadn't betrayed you all before?"

"What do you mean?"

"Would you have let me see the real you?"

"Cassie, you see the real me every day. You know me better than anyone else I know."

"The answer is no then. I was never going to be anything more than your friend, if that's even what we are."

"Maybe this isn't the best time for this conversation."

"You're right. I'm sorry. I don't understand why I can never do anything right when it comes to you."

"What do you mean by that?"

"It's just I've always believed that there are some moments that matter, really matter. Yet, when it comes to you I somehow seem to always do or say the wrong thing. So that the one moment that I feel could have mattered the most, which could have led to something special, is now just a tarnished memory that I end up playing over and over in my head."

"I still don't know if I understand what you're trying to tell me."

"You are the first person who has ever really tried to help me. That first day when you caught me and walked me through my hallucination you held my hand and listened. You made everything right in my world even if only for a moment. It was the first time since I was diagnosed that I felt special because of who I am instead of the abilities that come with my tumor. You are the only person that sees me and understands me, but I ruined it that day because I never wanted it to end."

"I don't know what to say."

"It's okay, you don't have to say anything. Even though you don't trust me, you're always there to catch me, to save me. I guess I just wanted to believe there could have been something there if I hadn't tried to help the Serpent Brotherhood. I was wrong, but that's okay," I said finally getting up from the stairs. I look down and smooth out my skirt in an attempt to hide the silent tears running down my face.

I want to run, but make sure I descend the stairs at a casual pace in hopes that Stone doesn't realize that my world is crashing down on me. Why did I listen to Jones? Why did his self-assured personality give me the hope that maybe he knew something that I didn't? I don't think I've ever been as heartbroken as I am right now. I almost fall down the last two steps when Jake startles me by grabbing my hand. Like always he's there keeping me steady and on my feet; catching me when I fall.

"Cassie. Look at me please."

Despite my better judgment I turn to face him, letting him see my tear stained face. I know he doesn't mean to hurt me, but I want him to understand for just one moment what I feel.

"I wanted to come over here and help you the way you always help me, but it's hard when I know you don't trust me and you won't let me in." In that moment I decide I want to know if Jones was right when he told me that it was all an act. "If you don't trust me why do you pay enough attention to help me, to know and see the real me? I never know where I stand with you and I need to understand."

"Can we talk about this somewhere other than here?"

"I guess so. Where do you want to go?"

"How do you feel about a café in Paris?" he asked with a slight smile on his face, and I couldn't help but to reciprocate with one of my own.

"I'd love that."

I have a few more chapters coming so I hope you all enjoy and follow along. Thanks for reading.